POV Willow
I love him. I didn't at first. As I look back at it our relationship is a lot like theirs. I used him at first, well actually we used each other, I didn't have feelings for him but now I do just like her. The only difference the biggest difference is he doesn't love me. I get his body but his heart his soul his mind everything that makes him who he is belongs to her and I HATE her for it. Don't get me wrong I never would have done this if I had known what would happen if I knew what it led to but now I am in to deep to stop to turn away from it. I am killing my friend and I hate myself for it but I can't give him up. He consumes me and when I'm with him and most of the time I am away from him he is all that there is. Everything my life consists of is directly connected to him. Maybe that's why I started putting that spell on him the one that keeps him coming back to me. I know that if he saw what he was doing to buffy he'd stop being with me he'd end "US" and in doing that he would be ending me. I know I am hurting my friend but my concern for myself over shadows my concern for buffy. One day she'll confront us. She'll lay it all bear and my world will be over but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I have come to find that it's easier to ignore reality if you don't think about it. I know I can't make him love me but I can make him want me and that's enough for me for now. I've never had sex like he gives me before don't get me wrong I've never had bad sex but his is different. Oz was so gentle and it was great, it was the same with Tara Kennedy's was a mixture of lust and depression. Which made it good but spike he takes me over he sets me on fire from the inside out. He makes me feel that I could die with him and I would be ok. Every now and then I come to my sense and am determined that I am going to be strong and do the right thing for ma and my best friend. I am going to let him go. But as soon as I see him all my resolve my determination goes away and all I feel is my obsession. I can't let go. I won't let go all though I know I hurting everyone around me including my best friend I keep holding on to him because his all I have. I'll keep casting my spell I'll keep letting him light me on fire but soon I'll burn beyond repair but I'll deal with that when I come to it. Sometimes I think about what my life would be like if I hadn't done this. If this man. , I can call him that now, hadn't take over all my senses. All I can see without him is darkness pain and loneliness. I don't ever want to feel lonley again. Loneliness is the most empty feeling I've ever felt and I don't ever want to feel it again. So I'll cling to him for confort though I know his conforet isn't really mine it's hers but she'll just have to share for now.
I love him. I didn't at first. As I look back at it our relationship is a lot like theirs. I used him at first, well actually we used each other, I didn't have feelings for him but now I do just like her. The only difference the biggest difference is he doesn't love me. I get his body but his heart his soul his mind everything that makes him who he is belongs to her and I HATE her for it. Don't get me wrong I never would have done this if I had known what would happen if I knew what it led to but now I am in to deep to stop to turn away from it. I am killing my friend and I hate myself for it but I can't give him up. He consumes me and when I'm with him and most of the time I am away from him he is all that there is. Everything my life consists of is directly connected to him. Maybe that's why I started putting that spell on him the one that keeps him coming back to me. I know that if he saw what he was doing to buffy he'd stop being with me he'd end "US" and in doing that he would be ending me. I know I am hurting my friend but my concern for myself over shadows my concern for buffy. One day she'll confront us. She'll lay it all bear and my world will be over but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I have come to find that it's easier to ignore reality if you don't think about it. I know I can't make him love me but I can make him want me and that's enough for me for now. I've never had sex like he gives me before don't get me wrong I've never had bad sex but his is different. Oz was so gentle and it was great, it was the same with Tara Kennedy's was a mixture of lust and depression. Which made it good but spike he takes me over he sets me on fire from the inside out. He makes me feel that I could die with him and I would be ok. Every now and then I come to my sense and am determined that I am going to be strong and do the right thing for ma and my best friend. I am going to let him go. But as soon as I see him all my resolve my determination goes away and all I feel is my obsession. I can't let go. I won't let go all though I know I hurting everyone around me including my best friend I keep holding on to him because his all I have. I'll keep casting my spell I'll keep letting him light me on fire but soon I'll burn beyond repair but I'll deal with that when I come to it. Sometimes I think about what my life would be like if I hadn't done this. If this man. , I can call him that now, hadn't take over all my senses. All I can see without him is darkness pain and loneliness. I don't ever want to feel lonley again. Loneliness is the most empty feeling I've ever felt and I don't ever want to feel it again. So I'll cling to him for confort though I know his conforet isn't really mine it's hers but she'll just have to share for now.