"Welcome to Beef Barn"

Chapter Three

Disclaimer: I own nothing mentioned in this story.

Warnings: Slash (Skittery/Snitch and Dutchy/Specs), language. Another warning is that this was sort of a rushed chapter. I wanted to get it written and out there, though, so that I could hurry up and get to the good stuff^^

This chapter is being brought to you by the letter 'V'.

Onward!

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Holding the phone to my ear, I paced around my room and chewed on my thumbnail. Pick up, pick up, pick up…

"'lo?"

Thank you!

"Specs? Let me talk to Dutchy." I grinned at the groan on the other line.


"Snitch, you dick, why do you call me if you wanna talk to Dutchy? Call his damn house, man. He doesn't live here, you know. You could call to talk to me every now and then. Just say hi. Dude, at least say hi! You never even do that, you just automatically ask for Dutchy. No, you don't even ask, you demand. Despite the fact that he does have a home and his own phone numb--"

"HELLO, SPECS. How are you, Specs? I hope your morning is going well, Specs!" I said with a bored cheerfulness.

"That's better. Hello to you, too, my friend! My morning is going perfectly, thank you!"

Rolling my eyes, I sighed. "Great, man, great. Now, can I talk to Dutchy?"

"Dude, you suck. How do you even know he's here, anyway? He's not always here."

"Is he?"

"Yeah, hold on." I smiled as I heard the phones switch hands.

"Heya, kid, what's up?"

"Dutchy! Did Specs tell you about Skittery?" I decided to forego the pleasantries and get right to the point of the call.

"He told me about a sexy piece of tall, dark, and flirty. Would that be your Skittery?"

"Sounds about right."

"Then yes, I've heard. How'd it go?"

I sighed again and fell back onto my bed. "He didn't stay too long, just long enough to get a drink and give me his number. Oh, and of course, long enough for me to make an ass out of myself. I don't know how he does that to me. I turn into a bumbling idiot around him. I'm so self-conscious."

"You? Mr. 'I'm so hot I'm jealous of myself'? Andrew Lassek?" he asked with an incredulous tone.

"Yeah, that's me. Nice to meet you. Now can we get back to the subject?"

"What is the subject?"

"Um. Oh, I was telling you how embarrassed I get around him."

"How is that possible? You're the most pompous, self-absorbed, egotistical bastard that I've never known."

"Shyeah, I know! That's why I'm confused, man."

Don't get the wrong idea. Dutchy was just joking. Sort of. Okay, I admit that I can't pass a mirror without looking in it, but it's only because I…I like to look presentable! Stop judging me. The other stuff was just him teasing me. We had only known each other for a couple of years, but I was as close to Dutchy as I was to Specs.

Okay. I'll be honest. I was a little closer to Dutchy than I was to Specs, but that's only because Dutchy and I had an extra layer to our relationship: we dated for three months. Well, if you wanna call it dating. We always referred to it as 'The Experiment', but that's a whole different story, dudes. I might tell you about it sometime, but not right now.

Oh, well I gotta tell you the ending, though, just so you're caught up, so pay attention starting…now.

Ahem.

Specs and Dutchy fell in love.

The end.

Okay, now back to talking about me.

"Maybe it's because you're so stunned by his extreme sexiness that your brain can't form thoughts. And stuff. Or something. Specs, stop it. Sorry, Snitch."

"Whatever, dude, what's he doing?"

"I dunno, something that makes a lot of noise, though. He's—what are you doing? No, don—ugh, hold on, Snitchy."

I smiled as I heard the Dutchy start frantically talking to his boyfriend. Falling back onto my bed, I stared up at my ceiling. After about 30 seconds, I got bored, because let's face it, ceilings aren't interesting. My eyes closed without me even noticing and before I knew it, I drifted off a little. I wasn't even tired until I hit my bed. Dude, that bed rocked. Futon. But not one of those uncomfortable ones, no. This futon was like the king of futons. No one could resist it's comfiness!

"ANDREW!"

"What?! Damn! What?" My eyes flew open and I sat up, clutching the phone to my ear. "What? Who is this?"

"Me, Snitch-man!"

"Specs. I thought I was talking to Dutchy?"

"Yeah, he's in the can." I heard Dutchy call out something to the contrary in the background, but figured I'd let it slide.

"Okay. So what do I do about Skittery?"

"I dunno, you haven't told me what happened."

"Oh, right, right. Well, he ordered a coke and gave me his number. So, what should I say to him?"

"I dunno. Have you called him?"

I rolled my eyes. "Specs, man, try to keep up. He gave me his number, but I have not called him. When I do call him, what do you think I should say? I need advice."

"Say 'Hi, I'm the sexy klepto who gave you a coke. Rowr.'"

"Screw you, dude, put Dutchy back on the phone."

"Can't, he's cooking."

"He's what?"

"Washing the car."

"Specs—"

"He's walking the dog."

"Wh—"

"He's sculpting."

"Spe—"

"He's building a theater."

"SPECS!"

"Hm?"

"You're fucking annoying."

"Hey, did you get his number?"

"Oh my God. Specs."

"Yes, oh Snitchiful one?"

I sighed and started rubbing my temples. It's normal to get headaches when talking to friends, right?

"Maybe he'll call you first."

I shook my head, even though I knew he couldn't see it. "No, man, I didn't give him my number."

"You're in the book."

"He doesn't know my last name."

"Sure he does! I told him."

My eyes went wide and I stood. "You what? When?"

"The other day when he came to the window. I didn't tell you that?"

"No, you didn't tell me that!"

"Oh. Well, the other day when he came to the window, I told him your full name. So maybe he'll look you up and call."

"Oh man. What if he does?" I heard a little 'thud' and walked over to the fish bowl on my dresser. Great. Fillet was apparently trying to commit fishy suicide by repeatedly running into the walls of his glass bowl. I ran a finger down the side of the bowl to distract him and tapped on it softly when he swam over to see what I was doing. "Do you think he will, Specs?"

"He might, you never know," he said in a singsong voice. "Your family is the only Lassek in the phone book."

"True…"

Specs gasped. "Dude, Snitch. Did you hear that? I think that's your call waiting beeping."

I froze and listened. My heart rate skyrocketed all of a sudden and I felt the room heat up. After a few seconds, the only thing I could hear besides my heavy breathing was Specs laughing hysterically. "Man…you're so…put Dutchy back on the damn phone, you freak."

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I had to do it. Hey listen, really, just…just call him up and say hi. Take it from there. I can't like lecture you on Conversation 101 cuz he'd notice if you were reading from notes or something. You know?"

Sitting down on the floor, I thought about that. He was right. I was on my own. Was that really so bad? "You're right. And hey, maybe it'll be easier for me to talk to him over the phone, you think?"

"Definitely, man. You won't have to look into those eyes. Oh, that boy's got some eyes on him…ow! Stop that!"

"What?"

"Dutchy's trying to—OW—pull out my hair in a jealous rage! Help, Snitch! Help!" I blinked and listened as their phone changed hands again and Dutchy started talking to me again.

"Don't listen to him, Ands, I wasn't even touching him. He's just weird." We both chuckled at that. I could still hear Specs screaming out in 'pain' in the background. "So, still need advice?"

"No, I guess not. Specs actually made sense for once." Dutchy gasped playfully. "I know, right? So…I'll wait a bit. I'm not gonna call him right away."

"What? Why?"

"I dunno. Just because. I don't wanna seem too eager, y'know?"

"Whatever…when you do call him, and you shouldn't wait too long, just be yourself. Don't let him get to you, okay? He's just a guy."

"That's what I keep telling myself when I'm trying to calm down around him." I paused. "Fyi: it doesn't work."

"So you really like him, huh?"

I leaned back against the wall. "I wouldn't say that yet. I've definitely got the hots for him."

"Is he into guys?"

Hm. Well, that's something I hadn't thought about. "Sure."

"…"

"What? He is." Okay. I assume. Wouldn't he be? "He…he flirted."

"He flirted or he was friendly? Or maybe he's a chronic flirt? Like Specs. He'll hit on anything with a tongue."

"That's cuz I'm bi!" I heard Specs yell out happily.

"Of course you are, sweetie." Dutchy said to him in a sweet voice before turning his attention back to me. "So yeah, some people flirt. It's what they do."

Okay. "Well, he gave me his number…"

"Friends talk on the phone all the time. In order to do that, one of them has to give the other his number first."

Damn sensible Dutchy. "Well…he, he was all worried about if I would call or not…"

"Then he probably does like you. Look, Snitch, I'm not trying to shit on your birthday cake or anything, I'm just trying to make sure you covered all grounds. I don't want you to get hurt." He sighed. "But you know what? From what you and Specs have told me, it sounds like he really is into you."

"Yeah, well now you've got me all worried. You suck."

"I know. So, you gonna call him?"

"Yeah. Later. Maybe tonight. Or tomorrow. Or y'know, in a couple of months."

"Right, right, man, stop worrying. Just…you should be able to tell where you both stand after a real conversation. So don't stall for too long, okay? Call him by tonight."

"Yes, Dear Abby."

He chuckled. "That's Dear Dutchy to you. Embrace your alliteration skills."

"No. It's summer. I know not of this allitehooey you speak of." I glanced at my alarm clock. "Hey, I gotta go. Dad's coming home for lunch today and I wanna put a can of soup on the stove or something… Oh, hey will you make sure Specs goes into work today?"

"You know I will."

"Cool. Talk to you later?"

"Sure 'nuff, babe. Bye." As I hung up the phone, I couldn't help but look over at the jacket I had dropped onto my floor when I came home from work. The jacket with…dramatic pause…the number in the pocket. I stood up and grabbed it off of the floor. Searching the pockets for a moment, I pulled out the napkin and stuck it into my jeans pocket before I ran downstairs to fix lunch.

Really, I would've called him right then, but y'know, my dad was coming home for lunch and what kind of son would I have been if I didn't have something ready for him to eat? So…yeah, it wasn't that I was stalling. No. I was just doing my soniful duties.

Shut up. If people never made up words, there would be no dictionaries, so yes. Soniful duties come before Skitteryful pleasures.

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"So, what's on the agenda for today? It is your night off, you know."

I shrugged and looked up at my dad as he put his soup bowl in the dishwasher. "I dunno. I made soup. I don't think I could handle much more excitement, to be honest."

He grinned at me. "Yeah, I know. That can opener's a real roller coaster ride, huh? You can have your friends over, if you want. You guys can order a couple of pizzas or something."

"Maybe, thanks." I stood up and followed him to the door. "Are you coming home at five?"

"Nope, I had to call a late meeting, so it'll probably be about seven or so. Get one with double cheese okay?" I nodded and he handed me some pizza money. He held his arms out at his sides and looked down at his shirt. "See any soup anywhere?"

I gave him a quick look over and nodded at the spot the left of his tie. "Better put on the jacket." I opened the door for him.

"Damn. Oh well, I enjoy a good can of soup. Nothing wrong with that." He put on his jacket and walked out to his truck. "Be careful if you leave and don't burn down the house if you stay."

"See ya." I waved him off before shutting the door.

My dad was a pretty cool guy, if you can't tell. He married my mom when I was a little kid and adopted me right before she died. If you wanna get technical, that does mean he's not my 'real' dad, but whatever. We never dwelled on that.

I leaned back against the door and sighed.

What now. Hm hm hm. What to do…I could…I could call someone. Who should I call, though…no, I'll watch tv.

I walked over to the recliner and sat down, grabbing the remote. Turning the television on, I couldn't stop myself from looking over at the phone that sat on the coffee table in front of me. Rolling my eyes, I reached into my pocket and pulled out the napkin with Skittery's number on it.

Okay, so he's just a friend, right? That's all, honestly. All I had to do was pick up the phone, dial his number, and talk to him like I would talk to any other friend. Except Specs, because…well, Specs gets special conversations from everyone.

I took a deep breath and reached for the phone.

Alright. The moment of truth. I dialed the number carefully.

Okay…another deep breath. No turning back now…oh shit, it's ringing…

"Hello?"

Um. Oh God. An answer. It was a real number. Okay, okay, I can do this, I can do this.

"Hello?"

I can do this…oh, right, I should do this now.

"Is um, hi. Is Skittery around?"

"Who?"

Well, hell. He didn't give me the ri—oh! Right, well, yes, he has a real name that his family probably calls him. Now what did he say it was…oh yeah. "Nathan. Is Nathan there? Um. The son. Nathan. Not…not, uh, his dad." I cringed. I'm an idiot.

"Hang on." I heard the woman put down the phone and yell at Skittery to get the phone.

My heart was about to beat out of my chest. I looked down and could actually see it beating. That's not good. How old do you have to be to have a heart attack? I heard about this one kid who had one when he was twelve, but my teacher told me that was because he was sick with other stuff, too. I don't have any illnesses, so I should be safe, right? I have allergies, but do those count? Wait, my cholesterol. What if I have clogged arteries? I need to cut down on my fried foods. Please don't let me have a heart attack now, please please please…

Damn it, Skittery, pick up the phone, I'm about to die over here…pick up before I hang up…

"Hello?"

Oh, God.

End of Chapter Three

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Note: Okay, so this chapter was basically a filler. It didn't really accomplish anything Snitch/Skitts-wise, I know, but I wanted to get Specs out there a little more, plus bring in Dutchy and Snitch's dad. So yes, it did accomplish that much^_^ I've already started on chapter four! Woo!

Shout outs!

Nakaia Aidan-Sun: Thank you so much!! I'm glad you're enjoying it! I hope you keep reading!^^

Artemis-chan of Redwing: I'm not like Snitch or Skitts when I meet someone, usually. I'm just a loud person in general. I did, however, meet someone recently and…ugh, dude, let's just say that Snitch was the picture of grace and wit compared to me at that moment. I'm so glad you like Specs! WOO! I was afraid no one would like him cuz he's so different in this than in most other stories. Thank you SO much for your review!!

Studentnumber24601: Hehe, I dunno if this one was enough to revive you, but I've got my fingers crossed that it was!^^ Thank you so so much for R&R! You rock rock ROCK! I so love that you're reading my stuff, cuz you are so awesome and you were like the very first author I added to my favorites here^_^

Soaker: Snitch IS cute! Woo! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!!

kattabean: Dude. I know a guy that can snort chicken noodle soup up his nose and believe it or not, that's not the grossest part—the grossest part is when he brings it back down…okay, ew. Starbucks! You should come visit me, dude, there's like this unwritten rule around here that no girls apply at Starbucks. It's kind of a fave past time to go watch the hot java guys to do their thing, y'know? Totally great!! Hey, I hope you liked this chapter, since it's got a lot of Specs and Dutchy! They'll be showing up quite a bit more, too, so no worries! Thank you SO much for reviewing!! I hope you keep reading!

Obsessed wit' Aaron Lohr: Dude! Good meh or bad meh? ^_^ I have so many friends just like this Specs, that I couldn't not give him that personality, lol! I'm so glad you liked this and reviewed! Thank you thank you!!

wand: Ah! Dude! HEY! You so need to write more!! You just had like one of the bestestest Snitch/Skitts stories ever! Do more! Woo! I'm thrilled that you liked the last chapter so much and I'm glad I helped make your day a little better! Thank you for reviewing, it means a lot to me!

SpecsGlasses: Duuuuuude! You SO need to update something! Omg! I'm like going through total withdrawals, man! I need some Detention, dude, so yes. I'm so glad you liked that chapter^^ And the Cher thing, I HAD to have that in there, cuz Cher is my queen! *bows to the Cher doll* So yes, Snitch likes her, too. And dude, was that a cliffhanger? Man, that is SO cool. I did a freakin CLIFFhanger!! I've never done one of those before! I didn't even mean to that time, woo!! You are just too too sweet, you know that? YOU are the wonderful author, man!! But thank you^_^ And yeah, I don't like writing 'proper' dialogue that makes all the characters sound like their english teachers or something…I talk bad, funny, and wierd, so they do, too^_^ WOO! Thank you for reviewing, I appreciate it SO much!

kellyanne: Yay! I love you too! Woo! Hey, can we name our babies after cheese? I always thought that would be SO cool! I wanna have a Cheddar, American, Swiss, Monterey & Pepper Jack (the twins)—you get the point. Yay! Cheese babies! Woo! Thank you for reviewing!! I hope you like this chapter! And even if you don't, please keep reading, I'll try to do better^_^

Chrissy Pen: HEY! Duuude dude dude, SO update soon. I'm going crazy without Friday updates! You LOVE this!! That makes me incredibly happy, you just do not know!! I love that you love this!! Thank you SO so so so so much for taking the time to read and review this! I appreciate it so much!

Highland Lassie: Hi! Thank you for the review!! I'm glad you like Snitch/Skitts (dude, have you checked out Thumbsucker Snitch yet? She's like the Goddess of Snitch/Skitts)!! Since you're a Specs/Dutchy fan, I hope you liked this chapter! Like I said to someone else, those two are gonna be all in this story. I love them! Thanks again for the reading and reviewing!

Okay, that's it for tonight! More soon, I promise. Y'all, thank you so much for your support with this. I am just one big ball of self-consciousness when it comes to my writing! Please R&R and have a fabuuulous tomorrow!