Title: Language Barriers

Author: Daeleniel Shadowphyre

Feedback: darkone2813 (at) mindspring (dot) com

Fandom: Gundam Wing

Genre: Humour/Romance

Rating: G

Pairing: 1+2+5?

Summary: Slight AU. What If. Heero, Duo, and Wufei are trapped in an OZ cell with no one to talk to but each other. However, there seems to be a slight communication problem...

Warnings: Silliness.

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing characters belong to a whole bunch of people, none of whom are me. This is a non-profit work of fiction.

Notes: Inspired by a short comedy sketch I scrawled off in response to a rant on fic clichés by FractalForge. The section of the rant in question that sparked this little sketch was the "'Aishiteru' 'Um, okay, that's nice'" cliché, wherein the person being told "Ai shiteru" reacts in a very let-downing way to this emotion-charged confession. This also partially addresses the issue of random Japanese usage in fics (which I try to have make sense in my own). Needless to say, my mind tends to work harder than I want it to. And yes, I do know that this situation would be HIGHLY unlikely to ever happen.

Special Thanks: To those of you who took the time to correct my (very ancient) attempts at these languages back when I was still struggling to teach myself, you have my thanks. However, this was written back in 1996, and I have since learned a lot more of the languages in question. Even then, I knew far more Japanese than I did Chinese, and the words were chosen deliberately. Enough already!

Dedication: To FractalForge—This is all Fractal's fault; blame Fractal, not me! ^_~

Distribution: Ask, and ye shall receive.

THERE WASN'T A whole lot to do in an enemy prison cell when you knew your captors were eavesdropping on your every word. By mutual agreement, Heero, Duo, and Wufei had determined not to say anything to each other in the Universal tongue, in case of accidental information divulgence, but even with that restriction there was little the three of them had to talk about.

They had all three retreated to separate sides of the cell so as not to give their guards any impression that one of them could be used against another. With the separation of distance, each had fallen individually into their own brooding silences. Wufei had finally given up and settled in to meditate, though he kept his ears tuned in to external sounds. Duo had taken to lounging on his back and looking up at the ceiling – which was a depressing uniform grey like the rest of the cell.

It was ultimately Heero who broke the silence, though it was unintentional. On the end of a sigh, he said softly, "Ai shiteru, Duo, to Wufei mo. Demo, ore wa tówaku shitá."

Duo blinked. He'd heard his name in that sentence, as well as Wufei's name, but the rest of it... He looked over at Heero in some confusion.

"Heero, I can't speak Japanese," he said. Heero's eyes snapped open to look at Duo, but the other boy had already turned his eyes back to the ceiling. With a faint smile on his lips, he added almost wistfully, "But as long as we're talking and in case I never get another chance to say it, I want you to know I'm in love with you. But I think I'm in love with Wufei, too. How weird is that?"

Heero grimaced. "K'so! Eigo wa hanase-masen."

Wufei had by then opened his eyes, having heard first Heero and then Duo say his name. Were they talking about him? He looked back and forth between the two, noting the wistful look on Duo's face and the frustrated scowl on Heero's.

"Wo bu dong ni men shuo shen me," he said at last, drawing startled glances from both of his companions. Wufei rolled his eyes, muttering under his breath, "Danshi wo ai nimen."

Clearly, this was a difficulty that none of them had counted on.

Outside the cell, with their ears pressed to the door, a pair of OZ soldiers looked at each other in complete bewilderment.

"Was sagen sie?" one hissed to his companion, who shrugged helplessly.

"Ich weiß nicht," he whispered back.

Colonel Une was not going to be happy about this...

- Owari/End/Moduan -

- Translations -

Japanese:

Ai shiteru, Duo, to Wufei mo. – I love you, Duo, and Wufei also.

Demo, ore wa tówaku shitá. – But, I'm confused.

K'so! Eigo wa hanase-masen. – Shit! I can't speak English.

Chinese:

Wo bu dong ni men shuo shen me. – I don't know what you guys said.

Danshi wo ai nimen. – But I love you [both].

German:

Was sagen sie? – What do they say?

Ich weiß nicht. – I do not know.