Dedication: For Midori Natari Himura, who's sweet, thoughtful and who loves RanKen as much as me. Her stories are some of the best here so go read her stuff because you won't be disappointed. Hope you like this fraff!

~*~Prologue~*~

You know what's weird? Winnie the Pooh is weird.

"And let me tell you, it wasn't an easy situation to navigate around in, what with her sister and her mother wanting me, not that I could blame them, heh heh, especially given my obvious-"

Winnie and Piglet get lost in a snow storm looking for Tiger right? They're shivering it up and pulling their scarves tighter and then they complain that they're cold. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I mean no fucking duh  they're cold!

"I wanted to tell them because you never know if you'll get in shit or if there's a possibility of a threesome or in this case should I say a foursome-"

Picture this: bear and pig trudging through the forest in the middle of winter, clad in scarves and sweaters, colder than a witch's tit. They whimper, they wail, they bemoan the fates.  Are we, the viewer supposed to feel sorry for them? What do they expect? Neither of them are wearing any motherfucking pants !

"Looking back on it all, I can see now that the trouble really started when Erla, that sexy exchange student from Iceland came to stay with Saitcho and she thought-"

I'd be fucking cold too if I was plowing around, hip-deep in winter waste with no goddamn pants on! If you're too much of a dumbfest to put on pants in the middle of winter then you have no right to complain. What bullshit. The stupidity of the whole thing was mind-boggling.

"After a few Martinis she started sliding her hand up my leg, nothing new there, not with all the previous-"

So Pooh and co. wears no pants in winter...or any other time for that matter...and yet when Pooh emerges from the shower, he's got a towel wrapped around his waist. A friggin' towel. How in the love of god does that make any sense? It's all so pointless. I mean shut up Pooh.

"The sex was good but then all the jealously started just because I kissed the-"

We've all seen Pooh's business when he got stuck in the hole from eating too much 'hunny' (dumbass can't spell either) so why cover it up with a towel? I'm not saying that I want to see any Pooh ass or anything but if you're gonna show fur one minute and then next you're gonna cover it up just because-

"Ken?"

...he comes out the shower and then in the middle of winter you give him no pants, well that's just foolishness as far as I can see and while I'm no great scholar, it doesn't take a genius to-

"Ken?"

Yohji poked me in the forehead, rousing me from my stupor. "Well, what do you think?"

My eyes slowly focused, blurred double and triple lines cleaving together to form solid images. I could see Yohji peering intently at me. I wiped at my mouth and was relieved to find no drool. I cleared my throat and stroked my chin for a few moments. "Weigh all options," I finally grunted.

"You mean you think I should tell-"

Was that a ladybug sitting on a rose leaf? I leaned towards the bursting bouquet for a closer look. Sure enough, a tiny little ladybug was skittering up the verdant foliage. How adorably precious. Life was so fragile and yet so magnificent. There was beauty all over the place and if you were keen enough, you could definitely hold witness to it. Good thing I was a keen, astute individual. I'd always prided myself on being constantly alert and on top of any given-

"Ken?" Another poke.

I nodded earnestly. "That's sounds...stellar."

Yohji breathed a huge sigh of relief. "Honest to fuck Ken, I don't know what I'd do without you. Omi keeps telling me that I talk too much about my love life, that I ramble." He chuckled indulgently. "That boy really does have the most outrageous ideas at times. But you, you always know exactly what to tell me. Obviously you appreciate that being a connoisseur of women, such as I am, is no mean feat. Clearly you understand the trials and tribulations I'm forced to endure daily. It's not easy, being able to please all the ladies!"

I peeled my gaze from the ladybug, now scurrying cutely onto the counter. "It's nothing," I answered modestly.

"No seriously Ken!" Yohji seemed roused as he slung one lanky arm around my shoulders. "You give me the best advice, in spite of your meager  romantic experiences and for that I owe you man."

With some panic I tried to shrug Yohji's arm off but he was not to be budged. "You don't have-"

"Oh it's not a question of 'don'ts' and 'shouldn'ts'," Yohji interrupted breezily. "It's the least I could do. Well actually the least I could do is nothing but I figure after all the help you've given me, I need to pay you back some. That's why I've decided to make use of my finest talent and get you into a relationship. I'm gonna find you a girlfriend Ken!" He smirked and paused, as though expecting applause. There was none.

"I hate relationships," I ground out. This was the truth. After Yuriko left to stupid Australia, I had made a pact with myself. I was never going to get involved with a girl again. It was stupid, tutti-frutti and pointless. Who the hell would want her boyfriend to be a damn assassin? I'd just be wasting my time and one thing I did not like was wasting time. I had way more important things to do. "I don't want a girlfriend."

"Now don't be stubborn Ken," Yohji chided. "I've made up my mind."

"But I seriously-"

"Oh gross, a bug." Yohji snatched up the pruning shears and mashed the ladybug flat.