Author's Notes:
I wrote this ages ago, but it still makes me grin. This was on ff.net before under my old account name, and I've since deleted it from my old account and bumped it over here for kicks. It's a Team Rocket/Sailor Moon crossover with an emphasis on the villains (because we all know villains are the coolest characters). It's mostly weird for weirdness' sake, but I hope other people find it as amusing as I do.
~*~*~*~*~*~
BISHOUJO SENSHI SAILOR PURPLE BUTTERFLY
Trouble at Abercrombie! A new senshi warrior appears!
© rikachu (lady bundtcake), 10/2000
~*~*~*~*~*~
"Make the torture stop..." a weak voice gasped faintly.
A tall, red-haired beauty narrowed her gaze and kicked the source of the voice, which happened to be Meowth. "Shut up!"
"Yeah," a blue-haired bishounen glowered, poking his head out from behind a dressing room curtain. "We're not done with our shopping yet!"
It was an atypical day in the Pokémon world. For once, Team Rocket had actually managed to get a day off, and Jessie and James were taking advantage of it by dragging Meowth along in a shop-till-you-drop marathon.
James stepped out of the dressing room wearing a stunning silk royal purple prom dress. "How do I look??" he gushed happily.
Jessie raised an eyebrow and Meowth made little puking noises.
"James, sweetie," Jessie said, "I thought we talked about this..."
Her partner pouted. "But Jessieeee," he whined pathetically, "I look so good in this color!"
The redhead had to admit it did look rather striking. But she quickly shook her head to clear it and said, "Your cross dressing is getting out of hand. What would the boss think if he saw you like this?"
James's eyes brightened. "That I make a gorgeous woman?"
"Umm...well yeah, you do, James, but that's not the point."
"Okay," he sighed heavily, slipping back behind the curtain. He emerged a few seconds later clad in khaki pants and a white t-shirt. "I guess I'm not buying anything here, then," he said sadly.
"Let's go," Jessie said. "Meowth, get the bags."
"But," the cat started.
Jessie became super deformed and flames shot out her ears. "QUIT WHINING AND CARRY THE STUPID BAGS!"
Meowth scurried underneath the fifteen bags from various stores and heaved them onto his back, wincing only slightly.
The trio headed out into the main portion of the mall. "Where to?" Meowth said weakly from beneath his burden.
"Abercrombie!"
"Victoria's Secret!"
"NO, James!!"
"Sigh..."
Jessie grabbed her partner by the wrist and forcefully dragged him behind her to Abercrombie & Fitch, where they came face-to-face with a superfly pimp wannabe boy sporting cargo pants and bleach-blonde highlights.
"Like, hi."
"Do you have anything suitable for my friend here, preferably something not black, scanty, and lacy?"
The guy pointed to a rack. Jessie hauled James over to it.
"Look!" she squeaked. "This shirt is guaranteed to assert your individuality!!"
"By turning him into a walking advertisement..."
"Shut up, Meowth! Since when do cats know anything about fashion?"
"I know better than to spend $35 on a shirt that looks like it's falling apart already!"
"It's stylish!"
"Right..."
Meanwhile, unbeknownst to our troublesome trio, a dark figure lurked in the shadows of the cash register. It giggled maniacally.
James sighed and leaned against a stack of pants. He was still depressed about not getting that prom dress. 'I guess Jessie will never understand me' he thought sadly. 'But these corduroy pants *are* kinda cool'...
Suddenly, he was hit with a blast of energy, driving his body across the store and slamming him into the back wall. He landed in a box of layaway swimsuits and lay there momentarily, dazed.
"What the heck..." he muttered, pulling a thong out of his hair.
"James?" Jessie gasped, whirling around.
She was interrupted by a swirling flurry of pink cherry blossoms. Her mouth gaped open as a slim, blonde figure with rather pretty (yet somewhat androgynous) features materialized before her and levitated a good six inches off the ground.
Jessie's face went red. "Hey, you!" she growled. "Leave my friend alone!"
The blonde person narrowed hard emerald eyes at Jessie and threw its hand out, hitting her with a pink blast of energy. Jessie was tossed against the wall. Meowth yelped and dove underneath a bag of clothes.
Jessie's assailant turned to James and smiled wickedly. "At last, I've found you," it muttered, raising the lethal hand. Out of nowhere, an ice dagger appeared and levitated off the person's index finger.
James's eyes widened in fright. "Who?? Me?? You've got the wrong guy!"
The attacker was about to hurl the dagger at him when the store's lighting changed completely and dramatic music filled the air.
"Stop it, you witch!"
James peered nervously around the blonde and saw three girls in rather sexy sailor suits standing in the entrance.
"I'm Sailor Jupiter, leave that guy alone!"
"I'm Sailor Venus, back away from him!"
"I'm the one who's gonna make you pay for this! I'm Sailor Moon!"
The blonde glowered at them. "So, the Scummy Scouts decided to show up after all."
Venus glared. "That's SAILOR Scouts to you, Zoisite!"
Sailor Moon pulled her tiara off her head and went through a series of seemingly random poses. "You're gonna be moon dust, Negacreep! Moon...tiara..."
"ZOI!!"
"Eeep!!"
A blast of energy knocked the tiara across the room, where it exploded in a pretty pink mushroom cloud. Sailor Moon gasped.
"My...my tiara! WAAAAAHHHHH!!!"
Venus and Jupiter clapped their hands over their ears. "Shut up!"
A purple cat appeared and glared at the crying Scout. "Sailor Moon, would you do your job??"
Moon's eyes were all big and watery and kawaii. "But Luna, she blew up my tiara!"
"Fine!" Jupiter yelled. "I'll handle this old witch! Jupiter Supreme...uh...Jupiter Thundershock...erm...what's my attack's dub name again?"
Venus shrugged. "Beats me. They change it like every other episode."
Zoisite sneered. "You're all so pathetic."
Venus glared menacingly at the copper-haired woman. "Crescent Beam!" she yelled, pointing her finger at Zoisite.
But she was too slow. Zoisite vanished in a cloud of petals.
"Nuts," Venus muttered.
Jessie crawled over to her traumatized partner and stroked the side of his face. "Are you all right?" she asked worriedly.
Luna suddenly seemed to take notice of the people they'd been trying to save and gasped. She rushed over to the pair.
"It's you," she said in wonder.
"Huh?" Jessie replied, confused.
"The final Sailor Scout! Oh, we've found you at last!"
Jessie's jaw hung open as she looked first at Luna, then at the three Sailor Scouts, then back at the cat. "I...I'm a Sailor Scout? A defender of love and justice? And all this time I thought I was just another villain!"
"Not you," Luna muttered. "Him!"
"ME??" James squeaked.
"Yes! It is you, the mighty Sailor Purple Butterfly!"
"Purple Butterfly? That's not a planet."
"It's a fanfic, go with it."
"Oh."
"Here," Luna said, handing him a cute little pink transformation wand. It had a planetary symbol on it, a large pink...butterfly.
"Cool!" James said, turning the wand over in his hands.
"Now all you have to do is click your heels together three times and say, 'There's no place like home, there's no place like home...'"
"Wrong movie," Venus whispered.
"Umm...I mean, say 'Purple Butterfly Prism Power'!"
James shakily rose to his feet and threw the hand clutching the transformation wand dramatically into the air. "PURPLE BUTTERFLY PRISM POWER!" he yelled.
Suddenly, James was surrounded by pretty purple and pink light. Ribbons and butterflies seemed to shoot out his fingertips and encircle his body. Cool violin music played in the background and he spun around a few times before striking a cool pose.
"Oh...my...god..." Jessie gasped.
James was wearing a pretty little sailor fuku, with a purple skirt and pink ribbons. His blue hair was done up in odango, and he was sporting purple sparkly high heels and pink knee-highs. His upper thighs appeared to be waxed, and in one ear he wore a cute purple butterfly-shaped earring.
James giggled happily. "It's purple!! EEEEE!!"
"James, take that off, now!!" Jessie commanded.
Sailor Moon poked her fingers in her ears. "EEEW!! No hentai!"
"Maximo Grosso!" shouted Sailor Venus, tying Jessie up with a Venus Love-Me Chain.
"Hey!" Jessie yelled, struggling to break free from the chain of golden hearts. "Let me out of here!!"
"Not until you stop being such a pervert!" Sailor Jupiter said.
"Oh, please. This coming from the 'talented' one."
"Can it, Venus!"
"Make me!"
The two went at each other and began clawing and tearing at each other's uniforms.
"Bitch!"
"Slut!"
Sailor Moon started chanting, "Jerry, Jerry!"
Luna screeched. "SHUT UP!! ALL OF YOU!"
Sailor Moon's eyes began to water. "You're so mean to meeee!! WAAAHHHH!!"
Luna rolled her eyes. "Oh, god."
~*~*~*~*~*~
Will Jupiter and Venus ever stop fighting? Will Jessie ever learn to accept James's habitual cross-dressing? Will Meowth ever come out from under the bags of shopping? Will rikki-chan continue to gratuitously insert Zoisite into this series simply because she is obsessed with our androgynous Negaverse warrior? Find out in the next installment of...
BISHOUJO SENSHI SAILOR PURPLE BUTTERFLY!!
I wrote this ages ago, but it still makes me grin. This was on ff.net before under my old account name, and I've since deleted it from my old account and bumped it over here for kicks. It's a Team Rocket/Sailor Moon crossover with an emphasis on the villains (because we all know villains are the coolest characters). It's mostly weird for weirdness' sake, but I hope other people find it as amusing as I do.
~*~*~*~*~*~
BISHOUJO SENSHI SAILOR PURPLE BUTTERFLY
Trouble at Abercrombie! A new senshi warrior appears!
© rikachu (lady bundtcake), 10/2000
~*~*~*~*~*~
"Make the torture stop..." a weak voice gasped faintly.
A tall, red-haired beauty narrowed her gaze and kicked the source of the voice, which happened to be Meowth. "Shut up!"
"Yeah," a blue-haired bishounen glowered, poking his head out from behind a dressing room curtain. "We're not done with our shopping yet!"
It was an atypical day in the Pokémon world. For once, Team Rocket had actually managed to get a day off, and Jessie and James were taking advantage of it by dragging Meowth along in a shop-till-you-drop marathon.
James stepped out of the dressing room wearing a stunning silk royal purple prom dress. "How do I look??" he gushed happily.
Jessie raised an eyebrow and Meowth made little puking noises.
"James, sweetie," Jessie said, "I thought we talked about this..."
Her partner pouted. "But Jessieeee," he whined pathetically, "I look so good in this color!"
The redhead had to admit it did look rather striking. But she quickly shook her head to clear it and said, "Your cross dressing is getting out of hand. What would the boss think if he saw you like this?"
James's eyes brightened. "That I make a gorgeous woman?"
"Umm...well yeah, you do, James, but that's not the point."
"Okay," he sighed heavily, slipping back behind the curtain. He emerged a few seconds later clad in khaki pants and a white t-shirt. "I guess I'm not buying anything here, then," he said sadly.
"Let's go," Jessie said. "Meowth, get the bags."
"But," the cat started.
Jessie became super deformed and flames shot out her ears. "QUIT WHINING AND CARRY THE STUPID BAGS!"
Meowth scurried underneath the fifteen bags from various stores and heaved them onto his back, wincing only slightly.
The trio headed out into the main portion of the mall. "Where to?" Meowth said weakly from beneath his burden.
"Abercrombie!"
"Victoria's Secret!"
"NO, James!!"
"Sigh..."
Jessie grabbed her partner by the wrist and forcefully dragged him behind her to Abercrombie & Fitch, where they came face-to-face with a superfly pimp wannabe boy sporting cargo pants and bleach-blonde highlights.
"Like, hi."
"Do you have anything suitable for my friend here, preferably something not black, scanty, and lacy?"
The guy pointed to a rack. Jessie hauled James over to it.
"Look!" she squeaked. "This shirt is guaranteed to assert your individuality!!"
"By turning him into a walking advertisement..."
"Shut up, Meowth! Since when do cats know anything about fashion?"
"I know better than to spend $35 on a shirt that looks like it's falling apart already!"
"It's stylish!"
"Right..."
Meanwhile, unbeknownst to our troublesome trio, a dark figure lurked in the shadows of the cash register. It giggled maniacally.
James sighed and leaned against a stack of pants. He was still depressed about not getting that prom dress. 'I guess Jessie will never understand me' he thought sadly. 'But these corduroy pants *are* kinda cool'...
Suddenly, he was hit with a blast of energy, driving his body across the store and slamming him into the back wall. He landed in a box of layaway swimsuits and lay there momentarily, dazed.
"What the heck..." he muttered, pulling a thong out of his hair.
"James?" Jessie gasped, whirling around.
She was interrupted by a swirling flurry of pink cherry blossoms. Her mouth gaped open as a slim, blonde figure with rather pretty (yet somewhat androgynous) features materialized before her and levitated a good six inches off the ground.
Jessie's face went red. "Hey, you!" she growled. "Leave my friend alone!"
The blonde person narrowed hard emerald eyes at Jessie and threw its hand out, hitting her with a pink blast of energy. Jessie was tossed against the wall. Meowth yelped and dove underneath a bag of clothes.
Jessie's assailant turned to James and smiled wickedly. "At last, I've found you," it muttered, raising the lethal hand. Out of nowhere, an ice dagger appeared and levitated off the person's index finger.
James's eyes widened in fright. "Who?? Me?? You've got the wrong guy!"
The attacker was about to hurl the dagger at him when the store's lighting changed completely and dramatic music filled the air.
"Stop it, you witch!"
James peered nervously around the blonde and saw three girls in rather sexy sailor suits standing in the entrance.
"I'm Sailor Jupiter, leave that guy alone!"
"I'm Sailor Venus, back away from him!"
"I'm the one who's gonna make you pay for this! I'm Sailor Moon!"
The blonde glowered at them. "So, the Scummy Scouts decided to show up after all."
Venus glared. "That's SAILOR Scouts to you, Zoisite!"
Sailor Moon pulled her tiara off her head and went through a series of seemingly random poses. "You're gonna be moon dust, Negacreep! Moon...tiara..."
"ZOI!!"
"Eeep!!"
A blast of energy knocked the tiara across the room, where it exploded in a pretty pink mushroom cloud. Sailor Moon gasped.
"My...my tiara! WAAAAAHHHHH!!!"
Venus and Jupiter clapped their hands over their ears. "Shut up!"
A purple cat appeared and glared at the crying Scout. "Sailor Moon, would you do your job??"
Moon's eyes were all big and watery and kawaii. "But Luna, she blew up my tiara!"
"Fine!" Jupiter yelled. "I'll handle this old witch! Jupiter Supreme...uh...Jupiter Thundershock...erm...what's my attack's dub name again?"
Venus shrugged. "Beats me. They change it like every other episode."
Zoisite sneered. "You're all so pathetic."
Venus glared menacingly at the copper-haired woman. "Crescent Beam!" she yelled, pointing her finger at Zoisite.
But she was too slow. Zoisite vanished in a cloud of petals.
"Nuts," Venus muttered.
Jessie crawled over to her traumatized partner and stroked the side of his face. "Are you all right?" she asked worriedly.
Luna suddenly seemed to take notice of the people they'd been trying to save and gasped. She rushed over to the pair.
"It's you," she said in wonder.
"Huh?" Jessie replied, confused.
"The final Sailor Scout! Oh, we've found you at last!"
Jessie's jaw hung open as she looked first at Luna, then at the three Sailor Scouts, then back at the cat. "I...I'm a Sailor Scout? A defender of love and justice? And all this time I thought I was just another villain!"
"Not you," Luna muttered. "Him!"
"ME??" James squeaked.
"Yes! It is you, the mighty Sailor Purple Butterfly!"
"Purple Butterfly? That's not a planet."
"It's a fanfic, go with it."
"Oh."
"Here," Luna said, handing him a cute little pink transformation wand. It had a planetary symbol on it, a large pink...butterfly.
"Cool!" James said, turning the wand over in his hands.
"Now all you have to do is click your heels together three times and say, 'There's no place like home, there's no place like home...'"
"Wrong movie," Venus whispered.
"Umm...I mean, say 'Purple Butterfly Prism Power'!"
James shakily rose to his feet and threw the hand clutching the transformation wand dramatically into the air. "PURPLE BUTTERFLY PRISM POWER!" he yelled.
Suddenly, James was surrounded by pretty purple and pink light. Ribbons and butterflies seemed to shoot out his fingertips and encircle his body. Cool violin music played in the background and he spun around a few times before striking a cool pose.
"Oh...my...god..." Jessie gasped.
James was wearing a pretty little sailor fuku, with a purple skirt and pink ribbons. His blue hair was done up in odango, and he was sporting purple sparkly high heels and pink knee-highs. His upper thighs appeared to be waxed, and in one ear he wore a cute purple butterfly-shaped earring.
James giggled happily. "It's purple!! EEEEE!!"
"James, take that off, now!!" Jessie commanded.
Sailor Moon poked her fingers in her ears. "EEEW!! No hentai!"
"Maximo Grosso!" shouted Sailor Venus, tying Jessie up with a Venus Love-Me Chain.
"Hey!" Jessie yelled, struggling to break free from the chain of golden hearts. "Let me out of here!!"
"Not until you stop being such a pervert!" Sailor Jupiter said.
"Oh, please. This coming from the 'talented' one."
"Can it, Venus!"
"Make me!"
The two went at each other and began clawing and tearing at each other's uniforms.
"Bitch!"
"Slut!"
Sailor Moon started chanting, "Jerry, Jerry!"
Luna screeched. "SHUT UP!! ALL OF YOU!"
Sailor Moon's eyes began to water. "You're so mean to meeee!! WAAAHHHH!!"
Luna rolled her eyes. "Oh, god."
~*~*~*~*~*~
Will Jupiter and Venus ever stop fighting? Will Jessie ever learn to accept James's habitual cross-dressing? Will Meowth ever come out from under the bags of shopping? Will rikki-chan continue to gratuitously insert Zoisite into this series simply because she is obsessed with our androgynous Negaverse warrior? Find out in the next installment of...
BISHOUJO SENSHI SAILOR PURPLE BUTTERFLY!!