Okay as you all know the mountain crossing didn't work out so the fellowship had a big meeting and decided to actually listen to Gimli and go through Moria. Well that's all boring so I'm not going to show that. Instead here's where the real story begins right after that squid thing (Watcher if you don't speak idiotic writers language) has trapped 'em in the mine.
`~~`~~`~~`~~`~~`~~`~~`~~`~~`~~`~~`~~`~~`~~`~~`~~`~~`~~`~~`~~`~~`~~`~~`~~`~~`
For the third time Frodo's feet slipped forward while the rest of his body tried to remain standing. The hobbit hit the ground with a thud, scraping his knee on the rock floor. He paused for a moment, wishing he could see in the dark enough to discern if he was bleeding. The lapse went unnoticed by the rest of the company and Boromir tripped over the crouching hobbit and slid across the ground straight into Gandalf, who was none too pleased.
The wizard spun on his heels, the tiny ounce of light from his staff distorting his face into a demon, "What the hell was that for?"
Boromir picked himself up rather quickly, offering immense apologies to Gandalf. The wizard brushed him off and tried to ignore his droning voice. Instead he walked over to the crouching lump of Frodo and shoved his staff in the Hobbit's face. "Well?" he asked.
Frodo looked up and then back at the others. He was surrounded by angry eyes and annoyed sneers, "I can't really see, none of us can really see that well. This is the third time I have fallen. It just happened that Boromir could not stop in time. Perhaps we could all do with a little more light?"
"Oh of course Master Ring-bearer," Gandalf crooned as he leaned against his staff, "Goodness knows we wouldn't want you to be depraved of anything. So sorry for not being considerate to your needs."
"No, that's not what I meant," Frodo tried to stop Gandalf's tirade, but it was no use.
"We'll just have to risk death and destruction from goblins or orcs or whatever else lurks within these depths because Frodo wants a lighted path. Fine," with a bit of strain in his voice, the light from Gandalf's staff increased greatly almost blinding a small creature that was hiding back from the fellowship. "I hope you're happy, baby."
Gandalf turned back and reassumed his position as leader. Everyone started his slow and shuffled walk towards certain doom. On the plus side, Frodo thought, at least my knee isn't bleeding.
After a few agonizing moments, as ears whether pointed or not listened for sounds in the dark, Gandalf came upon a door barely hanging from the wall. "Well this looks like a good place to stop, everyone in," Gandalf said as he pushed every member of the fellowship into the dark place.
Frodo was the first one to enter and he could view his surroundings, as there was actually light. Small areas of the room were illuminated from high windows carved into the mountain wall. Situated in the middle of the room was a large white slab, the likes of which Frodo knew he would never want to move. But that was not the most surprising part. Sitting on the white granite, holding onto his axe and chanting, was Gimli. Frodo did a quick double take looking back at the rest of the fellowship as Gandalf threw them into the room and then at the swaying dwarf.
Frodo was at a loss for words, but his Sam came to the rescue, "Gimli, what are you doing here?"
His bearded face rose for a moment looking at the two hobbits, "I've always been here."
Boromir spoke up, "Well not always. I mean I remember vaguely that you had been somewhere near me a few days ago, but then I lost track and no one else really seemed bothered so I did not say anything. So in a sense we could never really say we have always been somewhere as we are always moving to somewhere else . . ."
Finally Aragorn, with Pippin in tow, hurried into the room. Gandalf, his job finished, joined the rest of the morons. He took a quick survey of the room and silenced Boromir, "Where are we?"
Gimli spoke up, his face still downcast, "My cousin's tomb. He, the great Ba . . ."
"Fine, whatever. Let's make camp," Gandalf interrupted as he threw his hat at Pippin, easily covering the Took's head and shoulders.
Gimli rose quickly from the ossuary, his axe blade shimmering in the weak light, "But this is my kin. How can you desecrate his memory?"
Sam walked over to the dwarf and draped his arm around him, "There there, it will be all right." When he started to pat the dwarf's back, Gimli became subdued (although there still was a bit of grumbling on his part) and joined Gandalf.
Frodo took this moment to speak quietly with his friend, "Sam, I do not mean to sound conspiratorial but it seems as though everyone within this company is acting rather odd. You do not believe that the enemy has something to do with this do you?"
Sam turned his head sharply, his curly hair whipping about his face; "Shut up Frodo, no one cares what you think." Then he stalked over to Merry and turned his back to Frodo.
Frodo simply watched him go, his jaw set in awe. He shook his head in disbelief but this caused dirt and grit to puff out from his hair. Dust entered his nasal cavities, building up to one hell of a huge sneeze.
AAAaaaahhhh-Chhhoooooooooooo!!
Frodo's sneeze rattled through all of Moria, bouncing amiably until it hit an unknown person's ears. A small gasp escaped from the corner directly behind Frodo. Out from behind the rubble tumbled a mass of legs and arms. Frodo's eyes grew exponentially large as a girl beat dust off her legs and looked up at the Hobbit's face.
"Hi," was simply all she said.
Frodo stumbled vaguely for the hilt of Sting, and without dropping it, managed to wave the sword in front of the girl's face. "Who are you?" he asked looking directly into her eyes.
Gandalf stood up almost instantly, "Oh great, just what I thought. I warned you people but would you listen oh no."
"What is that?" Frodo asked his eyes trained on the girl in front of him.
Gandalf did not know what he was referring to, or didn't care, and said, "Orcs are attacking."
"What?" Frodo finally looked down at his dagger and noticed the bright blue flame engulfing the blade.
Gandalf fired orders off left and right, "Boromir, barricade that door."
"But if I do that then we shall be trapped in here . . ."
"I don't have an hour to listen to your ramblings just do it. Aragorn, go guard the east door. Legolas, you're on arrow duty."
Aragorn nodded curtly and removed Anduril flawlessly. Legolas opened his mouth and started to make a few inconceivable sounds but a glare from Gandalf quieted him. Instead he jumped up onto Balin's casket and began to thread his bow. Gandalf herded the Hobbits, who were relatively calm.
"Gandalf," Frodo said, Sting still trained on the intruder, "what about her?"
Gandalf looked up and for the first time noticed whom the blue blade was pointed at, "Oh don't worry about her."
"But, but, I can she be trusted?"
The girl ignored the sword pointed at her throat and stuck out her hand, "Hi my name's Maralyn but most people call me Mar for short."
Frodo stared at her hand, not sure what to do. Gandalf yelled, "Drop the sword, and get the hell over here."
Boromir, who was holding the door with a little help from Gimli, was throbbing as something large rhythmically hit the door. Frodo walked backwards toward Gandalf and the other Hobbits who were now playing Quarters on the floor. He would not let his sword drop but it did not seem to bother the girl too much.
"So, like who are you?"
"That is none of your concern," Frodo answered as he crouched next to Balin's tomb.
WHOMP! WHOMP! WHOMP! The door was beginning to give way. Boromir jumped away from the door, and Gimli tried to follow but a scaly hand wrapped around the back of his shirt.
An arrow flew millimeters from his head and struck the arm. The owner shrieked and yanked it back. Gimli raced back and calmly thanked Legolas to the best of his dwarf abilities.
Legolas looked down for a moment at the dwarf, "Actually I um, I, uh, I was just practicing by aiming at the top of the door. I really kinda didn't mean to hit that poor guys arm, but I I guess you're welcome anyway," then the elf fitted another arrow into his bow and tried to pull the bow string forward as opposed to back towards himself.
The door seized again and for a brief moment no noise could be heard. Then in a gasp, splinters flew toward the group, and a drove of Orcs raided in. Gimli took after the leader, his axe biting into heads and shoulders. Legolas tossed arrows at the charging Orcs, a few feathers hitting them in the eyes. Boromir became entangled in the corner and Aragorn raced to his help.
Frodo gritted his teeth and steadied his arms, waiting for the attack. Mar looked over at him and said, "You know, you're kind of cute."
Frodo looked over at her, his fear turning to anger, "Now is not the time!" And with that, he launched into the melee.
Orcs poured in, despite Gimli's attempt to decapitate them all and Boromir's long talks about peace and prosperity. A rather large one with bad teeth and greasy hair waded his way into the group of Hobbits now enjoying a good game of Scrabble. He raised his scimitar, the black blade aimed at Sam's head, and steadied his aim. Frodo burst through and caught the Orc just below the chest armor. This only wounded the rather mean bad guy who now had an excellent position to gut Frodo. Gandalf noticed and brought the hilt of his sword onto the Orcs head and kicked him in the groin.
This was enough to get the other hobbit's attention, who each looked up. "Frodo," Sam said, "we are trying to play a game. Would you keep it down?"
Frodo found himself subconsciously rolling his eyes as he turned around to face more foes. He came face to face with Maralyn who was now staring closely at his eyes in an inquisitive manner, "Do you like wear contacts or are your eyes really that blue?"
Frodo did not even know how to answer that question. Instead he grabbed onto the girl's shoulders and shook her, "Do you realize that we are in the middle of a fight for our lives?! You could die! We could all die! All you do is ask me the most pointless questions? They could gut us like fish!"
The girl brushed back a lock of her blond, no wait red, hair and stared absently at Frodo, "Oh you mean those guys. Hang on a sec." Mar turned around and raised a piece of metal from her pocket into the air. All of the Orcs stopped whatever they were doing and stared at her. In a voice like an orchestra tuning up he commanded, "All right, now all of you leave and take your icky cave troll with you."
To the shock of everyone there the Orcs actually did in fact turn and leave the room, a few even offering to help Gimli and Boromir off the ground. The final Orc quietly shut the door on the way out.
Mar turned back to Frodo and said, "Okay now
that they're gone can I ask you my questions?"