"Hey Aragorn, you're never gonna believe this huge worm I just found. It has to be almost ten feet long and I'll bet it could take on a whole city with its arms tied behind its back," Boromir called out from deep in one of his holes. Aragorn jumped down into Boromir's hole to inspect his earthworm. Everyone else in the fellowship, aside from Gandalf since he's dead and all, had vanished leaving Boromir and Aragorn alone to dig their holes.
"That could be a were-worm," Aragorn said encouragingly. At that moment, a loud 'Whumf' echoed from above. The two men peeked their heads out of their hole. They found a rather lanky blonde man lying on the ground. The man pushed himself up and started to rub his legs, looking for any pieces of shattered bone.
A voice rumbled from the trees, "Oh various Gods, this has not been my day. I told you guys we shouldn't have brought Jinxy." A pair of arms appeared out of the tree, then slowly another man, much larger than the one who had fallen from the tree, lowered himself to the ground, "Get the hell back to the forest George, you're no good to us here."
George looked over at the two men still in their hole, and for the first time Boromir and Aragorn noticed the rather steep ears. He was either an elf or had gotten himself trapped in a mechanical rice-picker when he was younger. George turned and left the group. The other tree elf raised his bow and pointed an arrow first at Boromir's head then Aragorn's. "Now," he said, "I would love to kill you both right where you stand, but the Lady wishes to know why you have come to Lothlorien. You'd better come up with an answer really soon or you're going to find yourselves stuffed and mounted in my hunting lodge."
Boromir cleared his throat, preparing for a very long-winded answer to the Elf's question when Legolas and his singing troupe appeared over the horizon. Gimli saw the arrow, pulled out his axe, and ran towards the danger. Unfortunately he had been away too long and did not know Aragorn and Boromir had dug up almost the entire area. The dwarf tripped over some piled up dirt and fell face first into one of the deeper holes. He hit squishy mud and, aside from some soft bruising, escaped unscathed. Gimli scrambled to his feet and attempted to climb out of the hole. His size made it impossible for him to walk out and the sides were so smooth he kept falling down. Finally, out of desperation, the dwarf called out for help but everyone else was a little busy.
Legolas, who showed a bit more discretion over Gimli, walked around all of the holes. When he approached Boromir and Aragorn, he held his hands up to show he had no weapons. In doing so, a dagger dropped to the ground. He'd accidentally forgotten that Merry asked him to hold his sword while he went potty. "Legolas," Aragorn said, "where did you get to?"
"I, uh, um was off with Frodo. He needed some cheering up so I sang to him."
"Oh, did it help?" Aragorn asked, completely ignoring the arrow almost shoved up his nose.
Legolas looked over at the other elf, then back at Aragorn, "Well, I er, think it, um, might have helped, but I uh can't really be . . ."
"For Krishna's sake, tell me why you are here or I'll spilt your skulls in half and use your brains to bait my numerous wild animal traps!"
"Well why didn't you say that in the first place?" Aragorn said. The elf almost released his arrow on principle, "We are here because we can't be nowhere."
The elf did not lower his arrow nor show any reaction from Aragorn's response (which was a lot better than what he could have done), "My name is Haldir, and you are Aragorn of the Dúnedain if I am not mistaken."
"Sometimes," Aragorn said.
"And even though I would like to gut you all right now, the Lady wishes me to bring you to her palace for an undetermined amount of time."
Aragorn climbed out of the hole, "Okay," was all he said as he offered a hand to Boromir.
Frodo, who walked cautiously over with Merry and Pippin and regrettably Mar skipped next to him never shutting up, spoke up, "Wait a moment, how do we know we can trust this Elf?"
Haldir, with his arrow still trained on Aragorn, pulled his sword and held it to the halfling's throat, "What makes you think I am untrustworthy?"
Frodo felt the warm blade's point up against his throat and tried to stutter out a response, "We cannot, well, just trust anyone we meet now."
Haldir looked over at Mar, who was now chasing butterflies around the grass, "What about her?"
"Oh, well actually I've wished to be rid of her ever since Moria."
"Ha," Haldir laughed aloud. The Elf sheathed his sword and patted the Hobbit on the shoulder, "You think a lot like me little one, I think I like you."
Frodo, who was very surprised by the sudden turn of events, gulped out a, "Thanks." Then he put a bit of distance between himself and Haldir before he asked, "but could we convene a small conference to decide what choice we should make?"
Haldir glared down at the Hobbit, which made Frodo squirm, then said, "Sure." The elf walked back towards the trees, twirling his sword around himself.
"He seemed nice," Merry said, drawing a glare from Frodo.
"What are we to do now?" The ring-bearer asked.
Boromir, who was now out of the hole but looking at a flat piece of ground longingly, asked, "What's the problem?"
"An unknown elf drops out of a tree and holds the two of you at arrow's point until we agree to follow him deep into the woods?! We could be captured and imprisoned, or worse we could even be killed. I believe that constitutes as a problem!"
Legolas spoke up, "Now Frodo, I uh realize that you've erm had some issues with Elves and all. Considering Bilbo's capture and his problems with my people but that really shouldn't uh make you you know assume that all elves will try and chain you up."
"Yeah really Frodo," Merry chimed in, "You're giving all us Hobbit's a bad name."
"But we do not even know who this Elf is!" Frodo said.
"Ah," Pippin said, "You forget that he knew Strider's name. You know him don't you Aragorn?"
Aragorn shrugged his shoulders and furrowed his brow. "I meet so many people with so many different names. I don't know. Maybe I met this Haldir at a convention once, but I can't really remember. It took me almost three months to remember all of Gandalf's and I think he's only told me half."
At that moment, a huffing Gimli approached the group. Only with a helping hand from Sam could the dwarf get out of the hole, "Why don't we just kill him?"
"Because," Boromir answered, "It would not be nice to try and terminate a man or Elf who is simply trying to offer us a way through the woods. Would you want to try and kill someone who is only trying to help you?"
"If he's as ugly as that guy, yeah."
Haldir, who had chopped down almost ten saplings during their discussion, returned at that moment, "So have you made your decision yet?"
"Yes, we're coming with you," Aragorn answered, eliciting a sigh from Frodo.
"Good," Haldir answered, "come with me." The large Elf led the mostly willing fellowship deep into the forest. Frodo grudgingly followed but he dropped to the back to keep an eye on everyone.
"So," Pippin asked Haldir, "are there going to be any rides or games? I have almost a bag full of tokens."
"What? What are you talking about?"
"Oh oh," Merry chimed in, "Do you know if Mickey Mouse will be there with Daffy Duck. I've always wanted to meet them."
"Look," Haldir answered, "I am sure that I do not want to know what you are talking about. Now if you do not stop talking I will be forced to rip your tongues out and use them to paint my house."
"Hey Haldir," Pippin asked, "are we there yet?"
"Yeah, are we there yet?" Merry asked.
Haldir snarled at the two Hobbits, "What did I just tell you?"
Pippin said, "'Cause I have to go to the bathroom."
"Oh it has not been my day," Haldir rubbed his temples in pain.
"Hey Haldir. . ."
"Look, just shut up!" the old Elf raged.
"Oh Haldir . . ."