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The fellowship was ferried through the woods of Lórinand fully blindfolded, under Haldir's orders. There really wasn't any reason, he was just sick and tired of being looked at. Frodo managed to keep his footing along a surprisingly smooth path but the others seemed to be having troubles. Mar kept tripping up, causing her to crash into Frodo's back. After the fifth time, the Hobbit grew weary and asked Haldir for some assistance. The Elf pushed the girl to the back towards Gimli and Legolas and Frodo up near Merry and Pippin who were now playing another game sure to get on Haldir's nerves.

"Okay Pip, I spy with my little eye something that starts with the letter . . . D."

"Um, oh oh I know it's darkness!" Pippin exclaimed.

"Right, your turn," Merry said.

Aragorn walked stiffly next to Haldir and conversed in some form of Elvish. "¿Tan cómo está colgando?"1

Haldir responded with, "Me pregunto a veces porqué incluso rodé fuera de cama."2

"Sí, el despertar con nada pero las ramitas alrededor puede ser un dolor verdadero en el asno,"3 Aragorn said.

Sam was helping Boromir, who was nursing a wound from a digging accident where trowel hit flesh instead of dirt. The fact that he could clean and re-bandage the wound all while blind was a real testament to the Hobbit's medical training. Oh course where he got that training in the first place is the 64,000-dollar question.

At the back, Gimli and Legolas were getting on each other's nerves. "Haldir, Gimli is peaking!"

"Oh really," Gimli responded, "and how could you tell?"

"Well I uh um used my magic elf powers to see through the blindfold," Legolas said.

"And where exactly did you pull that answer out of," Gimli said while crossing his arms.

"Why, you you're a stinky head!"

Just when Haldir's last nerve was about to be spent, the blinded company came upon the heart of Elvendom on Earth. (They really needed a shorter name. It could barely fit on the city limit's sign) Even though Haldir wished he could keep everyone blindfolded and lead them off a cliff, he followed the Lady's orders and removed the constraints. The leg shackles had been a bit much.

As the darkness slipped, Frodo gasped, seeing gigantic mallorn trees. The golden leaves caught the dying sunlight creating a magical glow all around the company. Never before had Frodo seen such beauty in the world.

"Hey Merry," Pippin called out, "I'll bet you you can't climb that tree!"

"Oh yeah, just watch me," Merry ran towards the closest mallorn tree which made an ant out of the Hobbit, but was stopped by the quick hand of Haldir.

"Sometimes I wish the trees would grow legs and squish you like bugs," Haldir said. "All right, I have finally brought you to the Lady's land. She wishes to see you in her council. So, keep following me exactly like you have for the past couple of hours." He led the group rather quickly up the stairs built around the tree's trunk. The Hobbit's had the worst time of it, needing to stretch their legs to the furthest reach to make it up a single stair. Legolas offered help, but a glare from Gimli stopped the elf and he joined the men high up the top of the stairs.

The taller members of the fellowship passed through a hole dug into a large stand on the branches. Mar was the only non-Hobbit who did not have time to have a quick bite to eat and a short nap before the entire fellowship was gathered in the Lord and Lady's room (Currently home to the traveling Middle Earth Museum's collection of Ancient Valar artifacts. Be the first to view a timber from Earendil's boat). Frodo was the last to climb through the hole and was amazed at the large house hiding in the trees. At this height, he could make out numerous rooms speckled throughout the tree's branches. To the entire right side of him though, he saw a large white tarp draped over roofs.

"It figures," Pippin said noticing Frodo's focus, "we finally come to the Golden Wood and over half of it is under construction."

The last glows of the sun passed beyond the horizon and the Elves pulled out tubes the length of a man's arm. They flipped the black switch on the tubes and as light poured forth they hung the tubes in the trees. Haldir had a bit of trouble and needed to whack the back of his flashlight a few times before it finally worked.

A small hand waved forth from behind the curtains hanging behind the two large chairs at the back of the room. (Did I forget to mention those, well they're back there) Haldir saw the signal and called out, "May I present to you the Lord and Lady. That's it, I'm outta here." With that, Haldir descended the stairs and was NEVER seen by the fellowship again.

From behind the curtain a tall man with silver hair solemnly walked the length of the room. His face held the look of youth, but his eyes were clear and sharp as a newly forged sword in its first battle. The man paused a few feet in front of the fellowship and peered at everyone, "My name is Celeborn . . ."

"No one cares," came a cry from behind the curtain. The voice's owner was known as a woman hobbled out, her back bent at a low angle. She pointed a knotted finger at Celeborn as she made her way forward. Her face, with its golden ring of hair, had the same youth as Celeborn; but in her eyes was a blank stare as though she had not a thought in her head.

"My Lady, I," Celeborn looked first at his wife then back at the fellowship, "This is the Lady Galadriel."

"Yes, and I want to know why there are nine of you here. Last time I read the script it was eight. There better not have been another bloody script change," Galadriel glared into Aragorn's eyes.

"Yes milady," Aragorn said, "you see we discovered the young girl just before Gandalf fell."

Galadriel looked around, her eyes settling on Mar.

"You see, uh," Legolas piped up, "Gandalf came up against a er Balrog of, um. . ."

Galadriel waved her hands, "Ah it doesn't matter. Who are you?"

"Me?" Mar answered, "My name is Maralyn but most people call me Mar."

"Please tell me your entire life history," Galadriel said, her voice becoming soft and light.

Mar launched back into that confusing mess that Frodo was forced to suffer through. It took so long Celeborn and the others nipped out for a glass of mead and ale, and were back before she was half finished. This included Merry getting it in his head to try and ride the mechanical bull and a trip to the emergency room.

When she finished, Galadriel smiled then said, "You're a stinking liar." She started to rub circles into her temple, "I am picking something up. Something about your past. Something shocking that will make all the readers drop their jaws. Ah, you are not human." Galadriel smiled brightly at that news, "No, you are an elf. Your parents just thought you had goofy ears and looked into plastic surgery."

"Really? Cool."

"There is more. Your mother is dead."

"Ah these things happen," Mar answered.

"But before she died," Galadriel continued, "she gave a little squirming bundle to me, and said that I should protect it because she was really busy with yoga and stuff. Oh remember that Celeborn, you said she was pure evil or something and sent her off to Mordor where she belonged."

The male Elf sighed and said, "I suppose those morons got mixed up and sent you to the real world huh?"

Mar, who was always a bit confused and now was no different, answered, "Yeah?"

"It's not the first time we've had this problem. See I told you my dear we need to hire some better help."

Galadriel ignored her husband and continued, "Oh and if I remember right your real elvish name is Culeregdôr. Or something like that. Your mother had terrible handwriting."

Frodo's vague haze from the immensely stupid conversation before him was broken at the mention of that elvish name, "That means that your name means 'golden-red thorny land?'"

"Yeah, your Mum wasn't very good at naming things too," Galadriel answered.

"If I had it my way I would have named her Mythomaniac (n. A compulsion to embroider the truth, engage in exaggeration, or tell lies)," Frodo said under his breath but it was enough for Sam to hear.

"Frodo, do you care about anyone but yourself?!" Sam turned and walked towards Merry and Pippin, who were trying to pry up the floor boards (searching for Lorien's lost gold), away from Frodo.

"Well," Galadriel said, "Now that we've got that taken care of, I'm off to my bridge game."

"Wait my dear," Celeborn said, his hand reaching up to stop his wife, "we must still deal with the doom that has been brought into our land."

"What?"

Celeborn sighed, "You know, what the Hobbit carries."

She turned at looked blankly at Frodo, then her husband, "We never talked about that!" Galadriel turned to walk away again.

"The ring, the bloody ring," Celeborn yelled.

"The what?" Galadriel asked again.

"Just read their minds, so I can go have some tea and a scone."

Galadriel stood up straight and looked her husband in the eye, "You want me to what? Do you have any idea what's going on in their perverted little brains? Oh no, I ain't going there. That one," she pointed over at Aragorn, "has got his mind always set on my granddaughter. And that other man is thinking so much about peace I want to order his long and painful death on principal. Not that the elf is much better, all he's focusing on is a traumatic moment in his childhood where he was supposed to give a speech and was so scared he passed out on stage. Don't even get me started on the halflings," after that tirade, Galadriel turned from the gathered group and fled back to whatever lay behind the curtains.

Celeborn shook his head sadly then looked up at the two elf guards who had been flanking the group for quite a while, "Look, just get them a place to stay, we'll deal with this later."

One of the elf guards spoke up, "Um sir, due to our reconstruction we currently don't have any open rooms."

"Then put them down on the ground," with that Celeborn stalked off to go and convince his wife that she needed to take her medicine again.

1. "So, how's it hanging?"
2. "Sometime's it not even worth rolling out of bed."
3. "Yeah, waking up on nothing but small branches can be quite a pain in the ass."