Aragorn's POV (Point of View)
We couldn't take it anymore. Could you really blame us? One day is fine, two can be livable, but after two weeks of nothing but singing we had to do something! I warned Legolas about letting on that Gandalf had fallen but would he listen, oh no. He had to say something, give the elves just a little opening and it's all over. I mean I knew it would be bad, hours upon hours of constant singing in those high pitched little squeals only elves seem to make, but I thought for sure that after a few days even the Silvan tree huggers would tire of singing. It's now been two weeks and the only people who have been able to get any sleep are the Hobbits. That is only due to Master Samwise and his ability to take on any forehead with his frying pan. Gimli's snoring we could deal with, but . . .
"Hey," the dwarf called out, hanging delicately from a rope and tackle positioned in the tree, "I do not snore. I only make night noises so you won't forget that I am there and step on me. Again." He glared over at Legolas who averted his gaze.
"Aragorn," Boromir, who was directly under Gimli (Not a place anyone wants to ever have to be), spoke up, "Are you sure we really need to be doing this. I mean, it's not very nice. We could always try asking them to be quiet between the hours of dusk until morn. At least while we are trying to rest."
"No, no, no," Legolas answered standing on a branch, "I mean uh I've known elves to you know go on partying for days on end, but even, even their voices are starting to get on my uh nerves. And that um says a lot."
"You know, that doesn't really answer the question I posed," Boromir said.
"Fine you peace loving hippie," Gimli said, "You go off and tell the elves that we don't like their singing. We'll cut your drawn and quartered body down tomorrow."
I raised my arms up to try and quiet the squabbling, but all that did was cause my footing to slip. I grabbed onto the branch quickly. When my heart beat returned to normal I said, "All right, now that is quite enough. Let's just try and get along until one of our bodies is riddled full of arrows. Legolas, can you see either of the Hobbits?"
The elf peered through a narrow hole in the tree branches, "No, uh not really. Wait! I believe I see a furry foot. Either they have returned or the squirrels are fed growth hormones in Lorien."
The branches below the group's feet shook as though the tree were ticklish. Then a small head popped out followed by another face. "The task is done," Merry said, "Now will someone help us out of here. Pippin smells like a dead donkey."
"Oh yeah, well you smell like a vomiting monkey," Pippin said.
"Like you know what a monkey smells like," Merry countered as Gimli pulled the two Hobbits through, almost ripping their arms off.
"Look," I asked, "did you dump it all into the water supply?"
Merry looked at me and said, "Yep three pounds of Gaffer's five-alarm chili powder is circulating through the Elves as we speak. We should sleep well tonight."
Meanwhile in a forest not far far away . . .
~~~
Frodo, who was nursing a rather large bruise on the back of his head, took no part in the fellowship's sabotage. Instead, he chose to take a rather nice walk around the forests of Lothlorien to try and clear his head. He came across rows of blooming elanor and thought to pick some but decided against it. Celeborn had been very specific on not touching any foliage, unless it attacked you first.
When he was coming around a bend in the river, Frodo spotted Sam sitting in the water. The hobbit looked as though he was asleep. For a moment, a fear of attacking willows gripped Frodo, but he shook it off to nonsense. Trees eating people, what a silly notion indeed.
"Sam," Frodo called out and walked towards his friend.
The hobbit did not look up but instead sighed deeply and said, "What is it Frodo? Did you get a splinter or something? Are people ignoring you again?"
Frodo's eyes grew, "No Sam, I was simply wondering what you were doing?"
"Simple, I'm sitting. Am I not allowed to do that anymore? Man Frodo, sometimes I wish you would care about someone else except for yourself just once."
"I, uh, Sam, is there something that I have done to offend you?"
Sam turned his head around and looked at Frodo, "If I have to tell you, you will never know."
At that moment, the Lady of Light came upon the two hobbits with a small girl in her company. "So what you're telling me Galadriel is if I use my magical powers all kept inside this fork I can one day rule all of Middle Earth."
"What?" the lady cupped her hand around her ear and leaned into Mar, "Oh yeah that's right. We're all pretty much screwed and destroying the ring is basically pointless because you have so much more power in that metal object. You could easily destroy us all."
"Cool."
The Lady looked up and saw Frodo, who stared at her with a stricken look on his face. Galadriel smacked herself in the forehead, "I almost forgot. That damn mirror. Frodo, come with me. You too other Hobbit."
"Well I'm off to take over the world and all," Mar skipped away twirling the fork in her hands.
"So," Galadriel looked at Frodo and waved her hands towards herself, "are you coming or not?"
"Sam, I believe we are being called."
"Yeah call yourself," he muttered under his breath, "I think I'll just go back to our camp. I hear we can finally sleep without fear of brain contusions tonight." Sam got up off the ground and walked back towards his gear. As he passed Galadriel he gave a small bow of the head and a, "Ma'am."
"Well, let's go," Galadriel said. Frodo looked around for a rescue but as none was forthcoming he followed the Lady of Light. Galadriel led Frodo to a small grove droning the entire time about her granddaughter. Frodo never wanted to know as much as he now knew about Arwen.
"So potty training was a bit difficult with Arwen, and we had to try different measures . . ." Galadriel paused as she spotted three women dressed from head to toe in black with big ugly warts on their faces. They hovered over her silver mirror that was now bubbling and frothing over.
All three women chanted out, "Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn, and cauldron bubble."
Then the second woman to the left started in with:
"Fillet of a basilisk snake,
In the cauldron boil and bake;
Eye of newt and toenail of Warg,
Wool of bat and tongue of Balrog,
Adder's fork and Wizard's sting,
Dragon's leg and Eagle's wing,
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble."
The three women were going to go another round with the "double, double toil and trouble" but Galadriel ran into their coven waving her arms about, "Get the hell out of here. Shoo, damn witches. I keep telling Celeborn we need to call the exterminator but he won't listen to me." The witches flew from her attack and were not seen again until a man named Will Shakespeare was born.
"Anyway, hang on," Galadriel dumped the bubbling concoctions in her basin onto the ground, then turned to the faucet behind the pedestal. She filled up a silver ewer while speaking to Frodo, "I cannot tell you what you will see when you look into the mirror."
"But I do not want to look into the mirror," Frodo complained.
"Things that were, things that are, and something's that have yet to . . . oh shit!" with Galadriel's attention elsewhere, the ewer had run over. Disgusted she dumped the water into her silver basin and returned the used ewer back to the dishwasher, "I swear we go through like ten of those things a day. I really need to get something disposable. Anyway, Frodo, peer into the water."
"I really don't think that I should," Galadriel gave the hobbit a smothering look so he gave up protesting and glanced in. "All I am seeing are these small wiggling lines in black and white."
"Oh great, reception's out again. Stu, get out here," Galadriel called, "Trust me on this if you're going to live in a forest get cable. Satellite just isn't worth it."
Frodo just nodded his head in agreement; he quit asking for explanation many leagues ago. A man dressed in a beige shirt and pants that were joined together appeared silently standing next to the faucet. The name 'Stu' was stitched across a small patch on the right side of his chest in Elf runes. "Yo," the man said.
"Oh, hi Stu. Yeah it's on the fritz again. Would you mind wiggling the antenna around?" Galadriel asked.
"Sure, no problem," The man walked over towards a large metal object sticking horizontal to the ground out of a tree's trunk. He grasped onto the end and moved it in a 90-degree angle, "This any better?"
Frodo looked back into the mirror, "No. Wait, I think I see something. It looks like a man dressed in white. I, I cannot make out his face. Wait, it is gone again."
Stu made some more adjustments before admitting, "I'm sorry Lady, but I'm afraid there's just too much tree coverage. All these gold leaves throw off the signal. Your reception will probably be down until winter's over."
Galadriel sighed and tossed her head back, "Thanks anyway, Stu. I'll see you at the company picnic next week."
"Bye," and the odd man was gone in a literal flash.
Frodo blinked his eyes trying to rid his sight of some rather large black spots. "Well it's been a full day. Who's hungry?" Galadriel asked.
Frodo spoke up, "My Lady, I shall give you the One ring if you ask it of me."
Galadriel stared at his open palm, the ring complete with chain, shining in the fading light, "Well that'd be nice and all but I really can't. See I've already got one of the other elf rings and that would create a power surge or something like that. Besides, I can't seem to remember where I last left my old elf ring. I'm sure it will pop up eventually."
Frodo closed his fist around the Ring and stuffed it immediately into his pocket, "Yes well, forget that I even asked." Then he turned to join the others making sure not to try the water on the way back.
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Okay Peeps and Cadbury eggs, here's another wondrous chapter for you each to enjoy and review. Yeah you heard me, review. You see that cute little button over there. Yeah? Well you may want to, you know hit it and stuff. It's sure to make me write more and more and more. But don't even think about writing anything even vaguely negative. If you even suggest a single word that has been spelled wrong I shall release wave upon wave of killer bees at you. Bees the size of planets, just you wait and see. Oh yes bees many many bees. Whether your review or not I am going to finish this monster, so just try and stop me! I dare ya.
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