In a dark tower, there stood a dark man, with his dark staff, thinking dark thoughts, about his old dark robe. The dark man stared hard at his robe's arm, now a Pepto-Bismol pink. Sourman sighed and collapsed into his Lazy-Boy arm throne, "Jeeves! Jeeves, I need you?!"
Immediately from the doorway to the dungeon a small man dressed in a black suit appeared. "You called Sir?" Jeeves asked through a puckered mouth. The butler always wore the look as though he were biting into a lemon.
"Yes I did. Would you look at this."
"Look at what, Sir?"
"This!" Sourman waved his arms causing his neon robes to shake around him, "what in the name of Melkor happened to my clothes?"
"Ah yes, I believe it was your daughter Mistress Amy. She tossed one of her red shirts into the load of your white robes."
Sourman sighed and rolled his eyes. "Go and fetch my daughter," he said through clenched teeth. Jeeves vanished from the room, "This is worse than the time she got it in her head to tie dye my robes. Gandalf's never going to let me live that down."
At that moment a small orb flew in through the window and landed in front of Sourman. The orb grew until it was six feet tall, then a young woman stepped out. Her hands smoothed down her walnut hair that was streaked with blue and green splots. She shook her head and uncrossed her eyes, "I don't care what they say, Orb is not the best way to travel." The woman looked up at Sourman, "You called for me father?"
Sourman stared Amy in the eye, his voice dropping down into its hypnotizing tone. He started to speak then sighed. He wished his powers would work on that girl, "Amy, what have you done to my robes?"
The woman looked at the old man and thought about turning him into a poison arrow dart frog but changed her mind, "Ah Dad, it's after Labor Day, white is so out."
"But why pink?"
"This place needs a little color. All this black is depressing."
Sourman stuck his lip out and shifted his tongue around while he thought, "That reminds me, what did you do to my Orc army?"
"Oh, now what's got your knickers in a twist?"
Sourman summoned, "Blorg, Scurg, get in here."
A small trap door in the floor popped open and two blood thirsty Orcs crawled up into the room. Their armor clanked and their skin cracked as they walked forward. The two stopped in front of their Lord and wished he couldn't really see them.
"Why, oh why did you have to do that?" Sourman asked.
"Oh okay fine, so I gave all of the Orcs a shower in perfume. Now they won't smell like death. You know that smell was really putting a damper on my keggers."
Sourman took a deep breath and steadied his anger, "No, I'm not talking about the smell."
"The hair?" Amy asked.
"Yes, the hair."
"Oh come on, you can't tell me they don't look so darling in their golden curls and look at Blorg here, he's got these killer tresses that anyone would die for all topped off with an impish little purple bow."
"At least it's not pink," Sourman grumbled.
"Pink, of course. Why didn't I think of that!" Amy raised her arms, preparing to cast a spell.
"Stop!" Sourman commanded. He gave the two Orcs a withering glance and they retreated immediately, "I want you to change my army back now, Amy."
"Oh," Amy whined, "but I don't wanna." Sourman was about to order again when Amy suddenly changed her mind, "All right, but I want them to take over Rohan. If you do that, then I'll remove the bows."
"They are not ready. Our Uruk-Hai only number half the size that would be needed to defeat the Horse warriors of Rohan."
"Ah come on, that Éomer is soooo cute. I want to overthrow his country! Please!!"
Sourman rubbed his temple with his two forefingers. He stood up from his throne and walked over to the window. Isengard stretched out far, but the old Wizard could make out the circular wall. He then looked down into one of the gashes in the Earth and spotted an Orc curled up in one of the cauldrons sleeping. "Get to work you lazy bum!" Sourman yelled out, "You're supposed to attack Amon Hen tomorrow!" It was enough to startle the Orc causing the cauldron to tip and throw him thirty feet to the ground.
"It is so hard breeding good help these days," Sourman turned and caught sight of his daughter who was now sitting crossways in his throne, a phone to her ear. "Sometimes I wonder why I was foolish enough to believe your mother. How could you be an Istari? You're not an old wrinkly man the Valar decided to punish by forcing us Maiar to Middle Earth. I'd remember seeing you at the meetings. But then why do you have so many powers if you are not my daughter? Oh I just wish someone would give me a sign."
"Hey Dad," Amy called out, "I need ten bucks for a pizza."
"That is not what I meant."