A/N: I have noticed that I've never written a Disclaimer so, in order to
avoid many lawsuits here goesssssssss. . .
Disclaimer: I own nothing at all. Not even my flip-flops. It's a sad
world we live in.
A/N continued: I am writing this with a smelly (literally) two-year old on my lap who is saying "Yucky. Yucky. Eeeew. Okay? Dat's better. I'm happy now. Okay?" over and over again. I deserve pity and, most of all REVIEWS!!!!!
"I am Japanese!" said Harry. He began to cry. Nobody loved him. Except Ginny. Who was not there to hear his dark confession. The Japanese Slytherins heard him, however, and considered his weeping to be insulting.
They, thinking they were cats, savagely scratched him and bit him until Hermione ran in with her chainsaw bellowing, "THE EARTH IS ROUND!" tHE POOR jAPANESE sLYTHERINS DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO. . .oops, forgot to un- caps-lock. . .As I was saying, they didn't know what to do. So they hastily invented a new, more accurate calendar, painted their nails, and sang "Run Around Sue".
Hermione was overtaken with a bout of nostalgia, remembering her own calendar-inventing days. She forgave the Japanese Slytherins and allowed them to continue attacking Harry.
"Hey!" said Harry, but it was too late. . .
Fred loved potatoes. He ate them with his potato tea every teatime. The author wishes they had teatime in America. She also wishes they had good, British tea. The author cries at being so deprived.
Then Dean Thomas entered the Great Hall. He had very big, very pink eyes that particular day. So large, in fact, that they took up his entire face. This scared Fred so much that he wet himself and jumped into Dean's arms.
"I do!" he said, before realizing his mistake and correcting himself, "I mean MOOOOOOOOMMYYYYYYYYY!!!!" When he finished, there was complete silence, except for a few picture frames in Phuket, Thailand who were too oblivious to stop talking.
No one knew what to say. Dean's pink eyes blinked and he collapsed under Fred's weight. Silence.
Then Trelawney came to the world's rescue and screamed, "ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH SEVERUS SEBASTIAN STIDOLPH SNAPE?"
Fred began to sing in Latin
"Domine, Domine ad ad ju van dume Ad ad ju van dume Festiiiiiiiiina."
"Can you get off me now?" asked Dean, whose large, pink eyes were bugging out. When Fred saw this he ran off screaming, "Cryptographyyyyyyyyy!" Dean blinked in time to the music that was coming out of Harry's scar. He was a happy kind of guy.
"I like your hair, Ron," was heard from the hallway.
"I love you, Hermione," said Ron.
"I guess I love you AND your hair," she said.
The entire Great Hall had heard this and they began to do a well- choreographed celebration dance, which included people swinging on ropes from the ceiling and Dumbledore discoing. Everyone was delighted (except the unfortunate, delusional, and misinformed H/H shippers). They all knew Ron and Hermione would end up together one day. "Finally," thought Harry. His thought, however, caused him to miss a beat in the dance and he crashed into Colin Creevey who crashed into Susan Bones who crashed into Kendall Watters who crashed into Eleanor Nott who crashed into Gregory Goyle. . .and eventually everyone fell to the ground.
Then Hermione and Ron walked in and looking rather pink and extremely confused as to why everyone was on the ground and why there were a few people swinging from the ceiling. They stared at the people. The people stared back.
Then Professor Sprout walked in yelling, "They lambasted me! Help! They-" but she tripped over Harry and fell flat on top of him. Harry died for the second time.
Hermione got out her dictionary, not caring at all about her poor, dead friend. "To lambaste," she said wisely, "Is to beat severely."
"Shut UP, Hermione!" Someone yelled, "Nobody loves YOU!"
Hermione began to cry. Ron lambasted Someone and then killed him.
Ginny was administering CPR on Harry the Handsome with desperation. She loved him so much. Sob, sob, weep, weep, boo, hoo. This is getting boring.
So Harry lived, but Someone did not. They all went to Someone's funeral the next day. Ronaldo the Sheepish was feeling very sheepish about being Someone's murderer. He almost regretted it, but then he found a green tie in the middle of the hallway which brought out the color of his perty eyeballs. He ate 3.2 maggots in silence.
Meanwhile, Hermione was lambasting the Common Room with her chain saw.
"Wee!" she said, "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
An then Lucius Malfoy assassinated himself while Mrs. Weasley turned Gothic.
A/N continued: I am writing this with a smelly (literally) two-year old on my lap who is saying "Yucky. Yucky. Eeeew. Okay? Dat's better. I'm happy now. Okay?" over and over again. I deserve pity and, most of all REVIEWS!!!!!
"I am Japanese!" said Harry. He began to cry. Nobody loved him. Except Ginny. Who was not there to hear his dark confession. The Japanese Slytherins heard him, however, and considered his weeping to be insulting.
They, thinking they were cats, savagely scratched him and bit him until Hermione ran in with her chainsaw bellowing, "THE EARTH IS ROUND!" tHE POOR jAPANESE sLYTHERINS DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO. . .oops, forgot to un- caps-lock. . .As I was saying, they didn't know what to do. So they hastily invented a new, more accurate calendar, painted their nails, and sang "Run Around Sue".
Hermione was overtaken with a bout of nostalgia, remembering her own calendar-inventing days. She forgave the Japanese Slytherins and allowed them to continue attacking Harry.
"Hey!" said Harry, but it was too late. . .
Fred loved potatoes. He ate them with his potato tea every teatime. The author wishes they had teatime in America. She also wishes they had good, British tea. The author cries at being so deprived.
Then Dean Thomas entered the Great Hall. He had very big, very pink eyes that particular day. So large, in fact, that they took up his entire face. This scared Fred so much that he wet himself and jumped into Dean's arms.
"I do!" he said, before realizing his mistake and correcting himself, "I mean MOOOOOOOOMMYYYYYYYYY!!!!" When he finished, there was complete silence, except for a few picture frames in Phuket, Thailand who were too oblivious to stop talking.
No one knew what to say. Dean's pink eyes blinked and he collapsed under Fred's weight. Silence.
Then Trelawney came to the world's rescue and screamed, "ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH SEVERUS SEBASTIAN STIDOLPH SNAPE?"
Fred began to sing in Latin
"Domine, Domine ad ad ju van dume Ad ad ju van dume Festiiiiiiiiina."
"Can you get off me now?" asked Dean, whose large, pink eyes were bugging out. When Fred saw this he ran off screaming, "Cryptographyyyyyyyyy!" Dean blinked in time to the music that was coming out of Harry's scar. He was a happy kind of guy.
"I like your hair, Ron," was heard from the hallway.
"I love you, Hermione," said Ron.
"I guess I love you AND your hair," she said.
The entire Great Hall had heard this and they began to do a well- choreographed celebration dance, which included people swinging on ropes from the ceiling and Dumbledore discoing. Everyone was delighted (except the unfortunate, delusional, and misinformed H/H shippers). They all knew Ron and Hermione would end up together one day. "Finally," thought Harry. His thought, however, caused him to miss a beat in the dance and he crashed into Colin Creevey who crashed into Susan Bones who crashed into Kendall Watters who crashed into Eleanor Nott who crashed into Gregory Goyle. . .and eventually everyone fell to the ground.
Then Hermione and Ron walked in and looking rather pink and extremely confused as to why everyone was on the ground and why there were a few people swinging from the ceiling. They stared at the people. The people stared back.
Then Professor Sprout walked in yelling, "They lambasted me! Help! They-" but she tripped over Harry and fell flat on top of him. Harry died for the second time.
Hermione got out her dictionary, not caring at all about her poor, dead friend. "To lambaste," she said wisely, "Is to beat severely."
"Shut UP, Hermione!" Someone yelled, "Nobody loves YOU!"
Hermione began to cry. Ron lambasted Someone and then killed him.
Ginny was administering CPR on Harry the Handsome with desperation. She loved him so much. Sob, sob, weep, weep, boo, hoo. This is getting boring.
So Harry lived, but Someone did not. They all went to Someone's funeral the next day. Ronaldo the Sheepish was feeling very sheepish about being Someone's murderer. He almost regretted it, but then he found a green tie in the middle of the hallway which brought out the color of his perty eyeballs. He ate 3.2 maggots in silence.
Meanwhile, Hermione was lambasting the Common Room with her chain saw.
"Wee!" she said, "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
An then Lucius Malfoy assassinated himself while Mrs. Weasley turned Gothic.