A/N-I am eating bean sprouts.
Fred woke up in the Hospital Wing. It was a very "in" thing to do these days. After all, Harry Potter did it all the time and he was an international best seller (his books, not him literally). Actually, because of this trend Dumblydorr was forced to rehire Madam Pomfrey, who had been doing very well in the singing business after abandoning the whole worm theme. You might have heard of her. Her stage name is Jennifer Lopez. Shudder.
Harry, Ronaldo, Hermione (we will pronounce it HER-MOIN), and several other unimportant and unloved characters walked into the Potions Dungeon. They looked around.
Snape was nowhere to be seen. Hermione began to sniffle tragically. She was going through an HG/SS phase.
They looked around again.
And again.
And again.
Hermione began to wail. Harry ate a cinnamon roll.
"I will find him for you, Hermione, my sweet potato, my dearest, my honey bee, my teddy bear, my love, my shnugglebunnyslippers, my bean sprout, my glitter mascara, my wadowadowado, my killer whale, my coffee mug, my wristwatch, my nabis (group of Frech artists), my microbe, my marine fishy, my chemical compound, my cremation, my nonpareil, my irrelevant proverb, my great shiny prefect badge, my Mozart fan, my giant sneer-"
"Ron?"
"My. . .huh? What?" Ron asked, thrown off by the interruption.
"NOODLE!" Hermione screamed. Harry began to eat the wall. They forgot all about Snape and began to walk down a hall.
They passed Fred on the stairs. He was wearing a coconut bra over his school uniform and singing an awful song with no tune and unintelligible lyrics.
"Hi Freddy!" they all said in unison, before skipping off in search of a white rabbit, pigtails flying behind them.
"I AM A CONVULSIVE LIAR!" said Fred. He began to convulse in time to the sweet tones of the Drunken Lady's ukulele.
Snape walked by at that moment and glared jealously at Fred's coconut bra. You, the Lovely Reader, may have noticed that he did not appear in the last chapter. This is possibly because he was hiding his head over an embarrassing incident involving him in women's clothes singing, "You're The One That I Want" from Greece and dancing like Shakira.
Anyhow. . .he was jealous of Fred's bra. He began to scream, yell, and lecture at the top of his lungs about how only peeeeerty professors are entitled to peeeeerty coconut bras. However, no noise came out of his mouth. Fred tried to read his lips and even the Drunken Ukulele Lady, who turned out to be Trelawney, stopped ukuleleing, but all they could hear was a loud whistle that sounded very much like it was saying: "There are several rodents in your ear canal and a rubber duckie in your Achilles tendon."
Pansy Parkinson's diary:
I'm pregnant. I saw a very odd thing today. It was Professor Snape looking at one of the Weasleys and just opening and closing his mouth. It was just open, close, open, and close. I'm pregnant. Perhaps he thinks he's a goldfish. Draco does stuff like that all the time. Just yesterday, he thought he was a blast-ended screwt and he wouldn't stop roaring and burping fire at me. It was very rude. Today was much nicer; he thought he was a rabid squirrel. I'm pregnant. I have lost my feet.
~*~*~*~
It was the middle of an excruciatingly tough Transfiguration test that the whole Forbidden Forest was moved to tears. No one had a chance to figure out why, because the school began to flood. There would have been panic, but no one noticed, so they continued on with life as usual.
Fred was swimming through the hall to the bathroom when he saw a wild, crazy sight. The portrait was moving! In retaliation, he stabbed it gently, yelling "FIENDS!" He continued down the hall. He was happy.
Hermione, however, was sad. Malfoy had bit her three and a half times and Snape, her lover, had not done anything to save her.
"I like your hair RON!!!!!!!!!!" she said pleasantly and then killed the Bloody Baron, who died in agony. But nobody cared. They were all too overcome with shock at Snape's horrific hairstyle, which I will leave up to the imagination.
That morning, Dumbledore felt like a woman.
That morning, nobody ate their cereal with green chopsticks, like they usually did, and Malfoy was running around on all fours yelling "MALEFACTOR!" and biting random spectators. It was then that Voldemort walked in, wearing a tube top that said "Jersey Girl". . .I mean, wearing a tube top that said "Antagonist," to help the Slow Readers.
"WHERE IS HARRY POTTER?" he boomed in his squeaky, feminine, high- pitched voice. The whole Great Hall pointed at poor little Harry, who was asleep, face-first into his eggs.
Voldemort walked over to him and poked him. Twice.
Harry's head shot up, "Huh? What? What?"
Voldemort batted his eyelashes and fell over.
A/N-Even if you've reviewed before, REVIEW AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN!!!!!!! AND THEN GO EAT MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP ICE CREAM (I'm so addicted to the stuff)!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fred woke up in the Hospital Wing. It was a very "in" thing to do these days. After all, Harry Potter did it all the time and he was an international best seller (his books, not him literally). Actually, because of this trend Dumblydorr was forced to rehire Madam Pomfrey, who had been doing very well in the singing business after abandoning the whole worm theme. You might have heard of her. Her stage name is Jennifer Lopez. Shudder.
Harry, Ronaldo, Hermione (we will pronounce it HER-MOIN), and several other unimportant and unloved characters walked into the Potions Dungeon. They looked around.
Snape was nowhere to be seen. Hermione began to sniffle tragically. She was going through an HG/SS phase.
They looked around again.
And again.
And again.
Hermione began to wail. Harry ate a cinnamon roll.
"I will find him for you, Hermione, my sweet potato, my dearest, my honey bee, my teddy bear, my love, my shnugglebunnyslippers, my bean sprout, my glitter mascara, my wadowadowado, my killer whale, my coffee mug, my wristwatch, my nabis (group of Frech artists), my microbe, my marine fishy, my chemical compound, my cremation, my nonpareil, my irrelevant proverb, my great shiny prefect badge, my Mozart fan, my giant sneer-"
"Ron?"
"My. . .huh? What?" Ron asked, thrown off by the interruption.
"NOODLE!" Hermione screamed. Harry began to eat the wall. They forgot all about Snape and began to walk down a hall.
They passed Fred on the stairs. He was wearing a coconut bra over his school uniform and singing an awful song with no tune and unintelligible lyrics.
"Hi Freddy!" they all said in unison, before skipping off in search of a white rabbit, pigtails flying behind them.
"I AM A CONVULSIVE LIAR!" said Fred. He began to convulse in time to the sweet tones of the Drunken Lady's ukulele.
Snape walked by at that moment and glared jealously at Fred's coconut bra. You, the Lovely Reader, may have noticed that he did not appear in the last chapter. This is possibly because he was hiding his head over an embarrassing incident involving him in women's clothes singing, "You're The One That I Want" from Greece and dancing like Shakira.
Anyhow. . .he was jealous of Fred's bra. He began to scream, yell, and lecture at the top of his lungs about how only peeeeerty professors are entitled to peeeeerty coconut bras. However, no noise came out of his mouth. Fred tried to read his lips and even the Drunken Ukulele Lady, who turned out to be Trelawney, stopped ukuleleing, but all they could hear was a loud whistle that sounded very much like it was saying: "There are several rodents in your ear canal and a rubber duckie in your Achilles tendon."
Pansy Parkinson's diary:
I'm pregnant. I saw a very odd thing today. It was Professor Snape looking at one of the Weasleys and just opening and closing his mouth. It was just open, close, open, and close. I'm pregnant. Perhaps he thinks he's a goldfish. Draco does stuff like that all the time. Just yesterday, he thought he was a blast-ended screwt and he wouldn't stop roaring and burping fire at me. It was very rude. Today was much nicer; he thought he was a rabid squirrel. I'm pregnant. I have lost my feet.
~*~*~*~
It was the middle of an excruciatingly tough Transfiguration test that the whole Forbidden Forest was moved to tears. No one had a chance to figure out why, because the school began to flood. There would have been panic, but no one noticed, so they continued on with life as usual.
Fred was swimming through the hall to the bathroom when he saw a wild, crazy sight. The portrait was moving! In retaliation, he stabbed it gently, yelling "FIENDS!" He continued down the hall. He was happy.
Hermione, however, was sad. Malfoy had bit her three and a half times and Snape, her lover, had not done anything to save her.
"I like your hair RON!!!!!!!!!!" she said pleasantly and then killed the Bloody Baron, who died in agony. But nobody cared. They were all too overcome with shock at Snape's horrific hairstyle, which I will leave up to the imagination.
That morning, Dumbledore felt like a woman.
That morning, nobody ate their cereal with green chopsticks, like they usually did, and Malfoy was running around on all fours yelling "MALEFACTOR!" and biting random spectators. It was then that Voldemort walked in, wearing a tube top that said "Jersey Girl". . .I mean, wearing a tube top that said "Antagonist," to help the Slow Readers.
"WHERE IS HARRY POTTER?" he boomed in his squeaky, feminine, high- pitched voice. The whole Great Hall pointed at poor little Harry, who was asleep, face-first into his eggs.
Voldemort walked over to him and poked him. Twice.
Harry's head shot up, "Huh? What? What?"
Voldemort batted his eyelashes and fell over.
A/N-Even if you've reviewed before, REVIEW AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN!!!!!!! AND THEN GO EAT MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP ICE CREAM (I'm so addicted to the stuff)!!!!!!!!!!!!!