We join Frederick Weasley the Ninety-Eighth in the Hufflepufff Common
Room. The Gryffindors had boycotted their own common room due to the
jigsaw puzzle infestation. The professors decided that the Hufflepuff
Common Room was the place where they were least likely to get brutally
stabbed, hanged, or fed through a paper shredder. They later regretted
this decision when three fourth year Gryffindors and two sixth years were
sacrificed in the Daily Hufflepuff Satanic Rituals. Fred was watching
Harry make a fool of himself. He, Harry, tripped over Hermione and landed
on his head. Hermione was not even there; she was in the library, which
shows how clumsy he was. Frederick began to laugh until his belly button
fell off. It bounced away.
Bounce.
Bounce.
Bounce.
Hermione was not reading peacefully, as one might suspect. She was hiding in a corner with a paper bag in her lap. Every few seconds she glared suspiciously around and popped something from the bag into her mouth. Ron walked by.
"Hiya, Her-My-Nee! Whatcha got there?" he asked jollily (which is a hard word to say, try it, you'll see!). He grabbed the bag and, before she could snatch it back, he pulled out a plastic container labled "Calcium Supplements." Hermione roared as only someone addicted to calcium supplements could and grabbed it back greedily. "MIIIIIIINE!" she said, and then popped a few more of the brown, chewy squares into her mouth. ". . . ." he said, staring at her in amazement.
She began to foam at the mouth, her eyes never leaving the brown bag. When she emptied half the box into her mouth, Ron felt it was time to say something. "Hermione?" asked Ron, "Maybe you should stop it with those. . .I think you've had enough for one day. . ." He then quickly snatched it from his dear friend and ran.
She came after him on all fours, foaming at the mouth and roaring in fury.
At the same time, Snape was having a love affair with somebody else's sheep. He only took his eyes off his precious love once, to watch Fred chase his belly button wildly across the room.
"Malfoy, detention!" said McGonnagall. She didn't like his hair. Peroxide was offensive.
In the detention, McGonagall was lecturing in-depth about the benefits of protection when Malfoy began to purr. She stopped mid-sentence to stare at him and the purring stopped. She began her well-rehearsed lecture on the germination of lettuce, when she heard him purr again. She stopped, but so did the sound. This happened several times more and it drove the poor professor to insanity. She hit him over the head with Dumbledore and jumped out the window while making historically accurate gorilla noises. When she hit the ground, Professor Trelawney's spastic teakettle whistled a merry tune.
This occurrence saved three children in Managua, Nicaragua from starvation. To celebrate, I did a dance, and then went back to typing.
Fred was taking singing lessons from Severus Sebastian Stidolph Snape, the renowned opera star.
"NO!" he said patiently, "There is a fermata there and it's a G sharp! And PLEASE try for a more legato sound; it ruins the tone when it's too choppy. Let's try that again. Ready. . .one, two, three, go!"
"If you need me call me. No matter where you are. No matter how far. Don't worry baby. Just call out my name. I'll be there in a hurry. You DON'T have to worry."
And here Snape took it upon himself to join in with they harmony: "Cause baby there. Aint no mountain high enough. Aint no valley low enough. Aint no river wide enough. To keep me from getting to yo-ou babe. Remember the-"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO," Snape screeched, "LEGATOOOOOO!" He began to beat his head on the wall furiously, in rhythm with the metronome.
Bang.
Bang.
Bang.
Fred made to leave the room, but he tripped on something small, brown and square.
"What's that?" he asked. It was more of a rhetorical question, as Snape seemed in no condition to answer rationally.
"It's one of Hermione's calcium supplements!" said Innocent Bystander #112489.
"Oh-" was all Fred could say before Hermione herself rushed in, looking crazed with wild eyes and untamed hair. She was still foaming at the mouth.
"Did someone say calcium supplement?"
"Uh. . ."
She saw the little brown square and pounced on it, but Ronaldo fell from the ceiling just in time to land on her head.
"No! Bad Hermione!"
"My-my precioussssssssss!" Hermione squealed as Ron dragged her away by her nose.
Meanwhile, Harry was standing on a table in the Great Hall doing a rather provocative dance, which made everyone have the dire need to stand on their head and stick their left hand in their right ear while eating a criminal amount of greenish-blue spaghetti with almonds on top. He stopped suddenly and announced:
"There is a VERY SECRET D.A. meeting going in on today at 26:07 PMS. . .I mean, PM. Don't tell anyone! We don't want Umbridge knowing about it-"
"Uh. . .she got fired a while ago, honey," said Innocent Bystander #2.9.
Harry hissed, grunted, growled, and roared all at the same time, which is not easy to accomplish. He is very talented. Then he ate Innocent Bystander #2.9, whose last word was "WEEEEE!"
And then Hogwarts Castle came to life and began to walk away from the Forbidden Forest and lake. It swam across some water, unbeknownst to the Oblivious Characters. Then it walked across Europe to Mongolia. It liked Mongolia.
A/N-If you got this far, I love you. NOW REVIEW!!!!!! EVEN IF YOU'VE DONE IT BEFORE!!!!!!!! Pwetty pwease? (
Bounce.
Bounce.
Bounce.
Hermione was not reading peacefully, as one might suspect. She was hiding in a corner with a paper bag in her lap. Every few seconds she glared suspiciously around and popped something from the bag into her mouth. Ron walked by.
"Hiya, Her-My-Nee! Whatcha got there?" he asked jollily (which is a hard word to say, try it, you'll see!). He grabbed the bag and, before she could snatch it back, he pulled out a plastic container labled "Calcium Supplements." Hermione roared as only someone addicted to calcium supplements could and grabbed it back greedily. "MIIIIIIINE!" she said, and then popped a few more of the brown, chewy squares into her mouth. ". . . ." he said, staring at her in amazement.
She began to foam at the mouth, her eyes never leaving the brown bag. When she emptied half the box into her mouth, Ron felt it was time to say something. "Hermione?" asked Ron, "Maybe you should stop it with those. . .I think you've had enough for one day. . ." He then quickly snatched it from his dear friend and ran.
She came after him on all fours, foaming at the mouth and roaring in fury.
At the same time, Snape was having a love affair with somebody else's sheep. He only took his eyes off his precious love once, to watch Fred chase his belly button wildly across the room.
"Malfoy, detention!" said McGonnagall. She didn't like his hair. Peroxide was offensive.
In the detention, McGonagall was lecturing in-depth about the benefits of protection when Malfoy began to purr. She stopped mid-sentence to stare at him and the purring stopped. She began her well-rehearsed lecture on the germination of lettuce, when she heard him purr again. She stopped, but so did the sound. This happened several times more and it drove the poor professor to insanity. She hit him over the head with Dumbledore and jumped out the window while making historically accurate gorilla noises. When she hit the ground, Professor Trelawney's spastic teakettle whistled a merry tune.
This occurrence saved three children in Managua, Nicaragua from starvation. To celebrate, I did a dance, and then went back to typing.
Fred was taking singing lessons from Severus Sebastian Stidolph Snape, the renowned opera star.
"NO!" he said patiently, "There is a fermata there and it's a G sharp! And PLEASE try for a more legato sound; it ruins the tone when it's too choppy. Let's try that again. Ready. . .one, two, three, go!"
"If you need me call me. No matter where you are. No matter how far. Don't worry baby. Just call out my name. I'll be there in a hurry. You DON'T have to worry."
And here Snape took it upon himself to join in with they harmony: "Cause baby there. Aint no mountain high enough. Aint no valley low enough. Aint no river wide enough. To keep me from getting to yo-ou babe. Remember the-"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO," Snape screeched, "LEGATOOOOOO!" He began to beat his head on the wall furiously, in rhythm with the metronome.
Bang.
Bang.
Bang.
Fred made to leave the room, but he tripped on something small, brown and square.
"What's that?" he asked. It was more of a rhetorical question, as Snape seemed in no condition to answer rationally.
"It's one of Hermione's calcium supplements!" said Innocent Bystander #112489.
"Oh-" was all Fred could say before Hermione herself rushed in, looking crazed with wild eyes and untamed hair. She was still foaming at the mouth.
"Did someone say calcium supplement?"
"Uh. . ."
She saw the little brown square and pounced on it, but Ronaldo fell from the ceiling just in time to land on her head.
"No! Bad Hermione!"
"My-my precioussssssssss!" Hermione squealed as Ron dragged her away by her nose.
Meanwhile, Harry was standing on a table in the Great Hall doing a rather provocative dance, which made everyone have the dire need to stand on their head and stick their left hand in their right ear while eating a criminal amount of greenish-blue spaghetti with almonds on top. He stopped suddenly and announced:
"There is a VERY SECRET D.A. meeting going in on today at 26:07 PMS. . .I mean, PM. Don't tell anyone! We don't want Umbridge knowing about it-"
"Uh. . .she got fired a while ago, honey," said Innocent Bystander #2.9.
Harry hissed, grunted, growled, and roared all at the same time, which is not easy to accomplish. He is very talented. Then he ate Innocent Bystander #2.9, whose last word was "WEEEEE!"
And then Hogwarts Castle came to life and began to walk away from the Forbidden Forest and lake. It swam across some water, unbeknownst to the Oblivious Characters. Then it walked across Europe to Mongolia. It liked Mongolia.
A/N-If you got this far, I love you. NOW REVIEW!!!!!! EVEN IF YOU'VE DONE IT BEFORE!!!!!!!! Pwetty pwease? (