Pick a day, any day of the year. On that day Ginny felt that the
atmosphere was not as it should be. In retaliation, she bought a gong on
the black market. It was tough to do, but by consorting with several of
Voldemort's followers and a few HG/SS shippers, she managed to come by one.
She then marched through the hallway very seriously, holding the gong and a mallet.
"BONNNNNNNNNNNNGNGNGNGNGNG," said the gong angrily every time she abused it with the mallet.
Then the author took a pause to laugh at her classmates' sincere and feeble attempts at poetry in the annual literary magazine. Então o autor fêz exame de uma pausa para rir de seus classmates' sincere e de tentativas na poesia no compartimento literário annual. Ha, ha.
"BONNNNNNNNNG! BOOOOOOOOOONNNG! BONGGGGGGGGG! GONNNNNNG!!!!!!!!! AGONG-BONG-MONG-SHMONNNNNNNNNG!" it said in a subdued manner.
Harry was having trouble seeing because a colony of termites named either Cleopatra or Beau refused to get off his head, but that was okay.
"At least I'm not a mouse-rat transvestite named Beethoven the Third!" he said to himself very contently, "Right?" he asked Professor Flitwick.
"Hey!" said the Proffessor, "Don't talk about ma bro', yo!"
Then Harry had to go to the Hospital Wing. He was hearing Cher in his head. Lord save the poor child.
Fred, meanwhile, had nothing to do except watch his brother go through a teenage drama while eating blueberry flavored bananas.
"I love her!" said George, "But I can't get up the courage to say so! Oh, what do I do, what do I DO?"
"Who do you love?" Fred questioned.
"Why, Winky, of course! Who else?" he said flamboyantly before sinking into the floor Wicked-Witch-of-the-West style, "I'm meeeeelting! MEEEEEELTING! Oh, you were such a nice little girl! I'm MEEEELTING!"
Then the room was full of odd, over-large squirrels holding spears, "ALL HAIL DOROTHY!"
The orange question mark above Fred's head had swollen to great proportions, so much that it began to float away with Fred attached to it. While in the sky, he saw several familiar people. The first was Mad Eye Moody with a peg leg and a pirate hat. He was in a floating ship and that famous pirate song could be heard in the background played by oboes (Da-da- dum bum bum ba-da da-da da-da dum!). He also saw McGonagall floating upside-down, inspecting her feet carefully. Then he noticed Cho Chang. She was crying, floating, and holding a duck above her head all at the same time.
"Quack!" said the duck harmoniously. Then it flew out of Cho's hands and straight into Fred's orange question mark. It was a near-sighted duck, the poor thing.
Its beak popped the question mark and Fred fell doooooown into the deep, dark depths of the lake. The mermaids brought him to the surface, while singing "Bippity Boppity Boo" (from Cinderella). He was very grateful.
"Blub glub! Blubble blubby-glub plup!" he said in Mermishese.
"Blubby-gluppy blup bloop," they sang in unison on the chord of D major.
"Glupubble blub. Plump!" said Fred.
"Hey! He just called us plump! ATTAAAAAAAACK!" yelled one merperson.
Nobody except me knows what will happen to the poor boy. And I'm not telling. Ha ha!
Da-da dum bum bum da-da da-da da-da dum!
". . .And therefore," said Dumbledore to Harry, who was in the hospital wing, "You photosynthesize just like plants do!"
"You're telling me my Dad was half cactus from the Chihuahuan Desert?" Harry asked.
"Yes, which technically means you have crassulacean acid metabolism and therefore you take in Carbon Dioxide during the night and photosynthesize during the day. . .Have you ever had trouble exhaling during the night?" the OLD man asked, genuinely interested.
Harry stared at him incredulously for a moment and said, "What else haven't you told me about myself and my parents?"
"No, no Harry! Only one interesting fact about yourself per year! Well. . .I suppose just this once, I should tell you the entire truth," he paused dramatically, to build the readers suspense, "Your name is really Henrietta Harriet Johan Sebastian Bach Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart Pyotr Il'yich Tchaikovsky George Gershwin Riddle Slytherin Hufflepuff Ravenclaw James Evans Potter the Fifth."
"You mean I'm NOT the heir of Gryffindor?" Harry asked, looking like he was about to cry or pee in his pants.
"No! Of course not! That would be silly!" said Dumbledore. He then continued to tell Harry all the dark secrets of his past, "You were stolen as a baby from your parents and you were fed the Food of the Dead! You are now, legally, dead," Harry's question mark was beginning to grow, "Also, you are related to Voldemort. He is your father."
"Voldemort's half cactus?"
"Surely he's not half orchid or tiger lily or daisy!" Dumbledore declared, "And your mother was a Russian convict from India who like to balance apples on her nose! And you have ten twin sisters named after types of cacti! And your mother is a Death Eater! So is your Aunt Petunia! And you are a polyglot! And Umbridge is your Great Uncle! And Snape is your father--!"
"Wait! I thought Voldemort was. . ."
"Both are! And, Harry, I am your father."
Dumbledore then knocked Harry over with a wet noodle that he had been soaking in his pocket for a week.
A/N-Thanks for REVIEWING!!!! Hinty-hint hint! I know the Mermishese thing separated from canon, but, if you think about it, this whole story is separated from canon, so it don't make no difference.
Guess what? I HAVE A TYPEWRITER! YAAAAAY!
Oh, yeah, and if you have any ideas for me, be sure to tell me! I might not use them, but I probably will because I'm running out of my sense of humor. I just had three exams in a row today. THREE! I nearly died. . .
She then marched through the hallway very seriously, holding the gong and a mallet.
"BONNNNNNNNNNNNGNGNGNGNGNG," said the gong angrily every time she abused it with the mallet.
Then the author took a pause to laugh at her classmates' sincere and feeble attempts at poetry in the annual literary magazine. Então o autor fêz exame de uma pausa para rir de seus classmates' sincere e de tentativas na poesia no compartimento literário annual. Ha, ha.
"BONNNNNNNNNG! BOOOOOOOOOONNNG! BONGGGGGGGGG! GONNNNNNG!!!!!!!!! AGONG-BONG-MONG-SHMONNNNNNNNNG!" it said in a subdued manner.
Harry was having trouble seeing because a colony of termites named either Cleopatra or Beau refused to get off his head, but that was okay.
"At least I'm not a mouse-rat transvestite named Beethoven the Third!" he said to himself very contently, "Right?" he asked Professor Flitwick.
"Hey!" said the Proffessor, "Don't talk about ma bro', yo!"
Then Harry had to go to the Hospital Wing. He was hearing Cher in his head. Lord save the poor child.
Fred, meanwhile, had nothing to do except watch his brother go through a teenage drama while eating blueberry flavored bananas.
"I love her!" said George, "But I can't get up the courage to say so! Oh, what do I do, what do I DO?"
"Who do you love?" Fred questioned.
"Why, Winky, of course! Who else?" he said flamboyantly before sinking into the floor Wicked-Witch-of-the-West style, "I'm meeeeelting! MEEEEEELTING! Oh, you were such a nice little girl! I'm MEEEELTING!"
Then the room was full of odd, over-large squirrels holding spears, "ALL HAIL DOROTHY!"
The orange question mark above Fred's head had swollen to great proportions, so much that it began to float away with Fred attached to it. While in the sky, he saw several familiar people. The first was Mad Eye Moody with a peg leg and a pirate hat. He was in a floating ship and that famous pirate song could be heard in the background played by oboes (Da-da- dum bum bum ba-da da-da da-da dum!). He also saw McGonagall floating upside-down, inspecting her feet carefully. Then he noticed Cho Chang. She was crying, floating, and holding a duck above her head all at the same time.
"Quack!" said the duck harmoniously. Then it flew out of Cho's hands and straight into Fred's orange question mark. It was a near-sighted duck, the poor thing.
Its beak popped the question mark and Fred fell doooooown into the deep, dark depths of the lake. The mermaids brought him to the surface, while singing "Bippity Boppity Boo" (from Cinderella). He was very grateful.
"Blub glub! Blubble blubby-glub plup!" he said in Mermishese.
"Blubby-gluppy blup bloop," they sang in unison on the chord of D major.
"Glupubble blub. Plump!" said Fred.
"Hey! He just called us plump! ATTAAAAAAAACK!" yelled one merperson.
Nobody except me knows what will happen to the poor boy. And I'm not telling. Ha ha!
Da-da dum bum bum da-da da-da da-da dum!
". . .And therefore," said Dumbledore to Harry, who was in the hospital wing, "You photosynthesize just like plants do!"
"You're telling me my Dad was half cactus from the Chihuahuan Desert?" Harry asked.
"Yes, which technically means you have crassulacean acid metabolism and therefore you take in Carbon Dioxide during the night and photosynthesize during the day. . .Have you ever had trouble exhaling during the night?" the OLD man asked, genuinely interested.
Harry stared at him incredulously for a moment and said, "What else haven't you told me about myself and my parents?"
"No, no Harry! Only one interesting fact about yourself per year! Well. . .I suppose just this once, I should tell you the entire truth," he paused dramatically, to build the readers suspense, "Your name is really Henrietta Harriet Johan Sebastian Bach Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart Pyotr Il'yich Tchaikovsky George Gershwin Riddle Slytherin Hufflepuff Ravenclaw James Evans Potter the Fifth."
"You mean I'm NOT the heir of Gryffindor?" Harry asked, looking like he was about to cry or pee in his pants.
"No! Of course not! That would be silly!" said Dumbledore. He then continued to tell Harry all the dark secrets of his past, "You were stolen as a baby from your parents and you were fed the Food of the Dead! You are now, legally, dead," Harry's question mark was beginning to grow, "Also, you are related to Voldemort. He is your father."
"Voldemort's half cactus?"
"Surely he's not half orchid or tiger lily or daisy!" Dumbledore declared, "And your mother was a Russian convict from India who like to balance apples on her nose! And you have ten twin sisters named after types of cacti! And your mother is a Death Eater! So is your Aunt Petunia! And you are a polyglot! And Umbridge is your Great Uncle! And Snape is your father--!"
"Wait! I thought Voldemort was. . ."
"Both are! And, Harry, I am your father."
Dumbledore then knocked Harry over with a wet noodle that he had been soaking in his pocket for a week.
A/N-Thanks for REVIEWING!!!! Hinty-hint hint! I know the Mermishese thing separated from canon, but, if you think about it, this whole story is separated from canon, so it don't make no difference.
Guess what? I HAVE A TYPEWRITER! YAAAAAY!
Oh, yeah, and if you have any ideas for me, be sure to tell me! I might not use them, but I probably will because I'm running out of my sense of humor. I just had three exams in a row today. THREE! I nearly died. . .