~Chapter 10
Max had watched Michael and Victoria from out of the doorway. He took another look at them and then went into the living room again. He had no idea that Michael had been suffering so, or Victoria for that matter. Neither had really let on, but it was obvious now that they had been traumatized by what happened. He had never seen Michael cry, ever. And the shock of seeing it had affected Max - actually he hadn't seen Victoria cry either. And the shock of that as well, affected him more than he would care to admit. Max remembered back to that day. He had been so angry at Winthrop and Victoria as well for being involved with it. And then later, in the hotel room with Michael and Victoria - he had refused, absolutely refused to heal Victoria. He had seen her as an enemy and he wanted to protect the people he cared about. But because he wouldn't heal *her*, an innocent baby had died. And he hadn't really thought about it, he hadn't wanted to, maybe because as he had just realized now- it had been wrong of him. So wrong. He had been so furious with Michael at the time as well, because he had gone against Max's orders and been with Victoria behind all their backs. He had thought it had been stupid, foolish, rebellious. But what he had witnessed in that room between the two, made him realize something else - they really loved each other. Despite it all, they did. And then Max put himself in Michael's place and wondered how he would have felt had his and Tess' baby died. He wouldn't have allowed it - he would have healed Tess, even as an enemy.
Not once had Victoria mentioned it to him, she hadn't blamed him. But it was obvious now to himself, *he* was to blame. And all this while he was angry at Victoria and Michael, essentially - as well, when he was the cause of their pain. Max almost couldn't fathom what he had done. He just couldn't.
Max was still brooding on this when just a little while later they came out of the room and into the living room. Max cleared his throat and the both of them noticed him sitting there on the couch.
"I would like to speak with you, Michael" And then he added, "alone."
Victoria looked at Max and then up at Michael. She nodded and said, "I. I'll be back later." She took a light jacket and left the apartment.
Michael watched her go and then he looked to Max. "I'm sorry about all the yelling and-"
Max interrupted. "Don't apologize Michael, please. I should be doing that."
Michael just looked at him, not understanding.
"I didn't really realize - didn't want to realize, that I did something I'm not proud of. Something bad. I meant well, but it hurt people. It hurt you and Victoria and I know you're not the only one's exactly." Max. "Maxwell, what are you talking about?" -Michael.
"Michael I'm talking about that day that you turned to me for help and I didn't help you. That day in the hotel, you wanted me to heal Victoria. She is an enemy. She is cruel and a manipulator. She reminds me of Tess-" -Max.
"You don't know. It's not really like that-" -Michael.
"---that's what I thought then. That's how I felt then." -Max continued.
"What are you trying to say?" -Michael.
"I'm trying to say I was wrong. There Michael, you have it. I --..was.-- wrong." Max said, exaggerating the last bit slowly. "I was wrong not to heal her. And I was wrong about her."
Michael ran a hand through his hair, surprised. "Wow." He looked back at Max, inquiringly. "What made you come to this 'realization' ?"
"Just things that's happened lately - and today. And getting to know her, you know. It's hard for me to admit I was wrong. I'm sorry I caused so much pain for you." -Max.
Sincerely, Max continued, "It was my fault that your child died."
Michael felt like gaping open-mouthed at Max. "First you admit you were wrong, and now you admit it was your fault?"
Max nodded seriously. "I am asking for your forgiveness. You may not be able to give it now, but-"
Michael interrupted. "Max. Don't. I felt it was my fault. And all along Victoria felt it was her fault. And now you think it's your fault. When is this going to end? We can't keep blaming each other. I'm through with the blame game. The real blame went with Winthrop to his grave. Valenti was right when he said that."
"But don't you realize your child would probably have lived if I had healed Victoria when you needed me to. How can you not hate me for that?" -Max.
"Maybe she would have, maybe not. You know I did want to hate you for a long time because of it. But then, I blamed myself and didn't want to admit that to myself. Maybe some things aren't meant to be after all. And as much as it hurts like hell, and no matter what happens - it won't work out. Well maybe that's how this situation was. I don't know." Michael raked a hand through his hair again. "I just don't know. And I don't want to talk about this anymore."
Max nodded. "If you ever need to talk about it, you know I'm here right?" -Max.
Michael took a long look at Max and then said, "Yeah. Yeah I do. But-" He glanced ruefully, with the slightest smile, at where Victoria had walked out. "I think I've already got that position filled."
Max looked to where Michael was looking. Michael was ever so slightly smiling in consternation and ruefulness like Victoria was still standing there.
Michael snapped out of it and walked to the door. "Well, I guess I should go to work."
"You're going today?" -Max.
"Yeah, she kind of talked me into it. After missing 3 days, I figure if I don't go I won't have a job and the three of us will be on the streets." -Michael.
". I'll see you later." Max called as Michael continued out.
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Victoria came in the apartment a couple hours later. When she saw Max there, she said, "Oh. You're here. Saelar wants to see us again." She was about to go to the door again, but Max didn't move.
"No. Wait. There's something I need to say to you." -Max.
"Um.okay.'' Victoria said, turning back to look at him. "How did it go with you and Michael and whatever you wanted to talk about?"
"It went alright. But this isn't about Michael." -Max.
"Whatever it is, I didn't do it Max Evans." -Victoria said, perhaps more serious than anything else.
"No. I know. I did it." -Max.
She looked at him with a bit of a frown, not knowing what he was trying to get at.
"I sort of heard - and saw some of that earlier." Max admitted, although he had seen and heard most of it, not some -of what had transpired between Michael and Victoria.
"Oh." Victoria said in understanding, but Max knew she didn't understand.
"Why don't you despise me? I mean, I don't know if you are aware of this or not - although I know you know I can heal, but that day-" Max stopped and looked at her seriously. "I refused to heal you. Michael turned to me for my help, and I refused him."
Victoria turned away. "I know."
"You know?! Then why don't you hate me for it???" -Max asked.
"I don't hate you - because I don't think I can hate you, Maxwell Evans." She turned around and faced him, looking at his eyes, seriously. "I think that it's because of-" Victoria stopped, because she didn't want to mention their past or 'destiny' or whatever.
Max, however, wanted - and needed to know the answer, so he came over to her and turned her to face him again and demanded to know, "Why? Because of why?" because he wanted her to say something different than what he thought she was going to say - to hear her say something else, some other reason - maybe it would make it true. But he knew for certain when she looked at him. He didn't need to hear the rest.
"-because of our past, our connection." She said, and then, simply, as a statement of fact - "I must have loved you well for some of the feeling still lingers in my soul." And when Victoria said it, she did not mean it as a come on or to have Max, for that was the last thing she wanted. She said it because it was the truth and there was no shame or denial in the truth of it.
Max blinked and nodded as he looked down. He couldn't meet her eyes again just yet. "I am sorry. I am sorry for your pain - and for misjudging you. I was wrong." He meant it, Victoria felt it in the space between them. The truth.
When Victoria embraced him in a hug, Max was surprised, but not too surprised - only in the shock as they touched. For the first time in this life, they hugged. And Max wanted to pull away, but he found his resistance was not that strong, that the pull - some cosmic force of energy between them was too great and it felt right and okay and just -right. So he embraced her back and there was nothing of passion in the embrace, as there was warmth and depth that seemed to stretch back to an eternity.
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Max had watched Michael and Victoria from out of the doorway. He took another look at them and then went into the living room again. He had no idea that Michael had been suffering so, or Victoria for that matter. Neither had really let on, but it was obvious now that they had been traumatized by what happened. He had never seen Michael cry, ever. And the shock of seeing it had affected Max - actually he hadn't seen Victoria cry either. And the shock of that as well, affected him more than he would care to admit. Max remembered back to that day. He had been so angry at Winthrop and Victoria as well for being involved with it. And then later, in the hotel room with Michael and Victoria - he had refused, absolutely refused to heal Victoria. He had seen her as an enemy and he wanted to protect the people he cared about. But because he wouldn't heal *her*, an innocent baby had died. And he hadn't really thought about it, he hadn't wanted to, maybe because as he had just realized now- it had been wrong of him. So wrong. He had been so furious with Michael at the time as well, because he had gone against Max's orders and been with Victoria behind all their backs. He had thought it had been stupid, foolish, rebellious. But what he had witnessed in that room between the two, made him realize something else - they really loved each other. Despite it all, they did. And then Max put himself in Michael's place and wondered how he would have felt had his and Tess' baby died. He wouldn't have allowed it - he would have healed Tess, even as an enemy.
Not once had Victoria mentioned it to him, she hadn't blamed him. But it was obvious now to himself, *he* was to blame. And all this while he was angry at Victoria and Michael, essentially - as well, when he was the cause of their pain. Max almost couldn't fathom what he had done. He just couldn't.
Max was still brooding on this when just a little while later they came out of the room and into the living room. Max cleared his throat and the both of them noticed him sitting there on the couch.
"I would like to speak with you, Michael" And then he added, "alone."
Victoria looked at Max and then up at Michael. She nodded and said, "I. I'll be back later." She took a light jacket and left the apartment.
Michael watched her go and then he looked to Max. "I'm sorry about all the yelling and-"
Max interrupted. "Don't apologize Michael, please. I should be doing that."
Michael just looked at him, not understanding.
"I didn't really realize - didn't want to realize, that I did something I'm not proud of. Something bad. I meant well, but it hurt people. It hurt you and Victoria and I know you're not the only one's exactly." Max. "Maxwell, what are you talking about?" -Michael.
"Michael I'm talking about that day that you turned to me for help and I didn't help you. That day in the hotel, you wanted me to heal Victoria. She is an enemy. She is cruel and a manipulator. She reminds me of Tess-" -Max.
"You don't know. It's not really like that-" -Michael.
"---that's what I thought then. That's how I felt then." -Max continued.
"What are you trying to say?" -Michael.
"I'm trying to say I was wrong. There Michael, you have it. I --..was.-- wrong." Max said, exaggerating the last bit slowly. "I was wrong not to heal her. And I was wrong about her."
Michael ran a hand through his hair, surprised. "Wow." He looked back at Max, inquiringly. "What made you come to this 'realization' ?"
"Just things that's happened lately - and today. And getting to know her, you know. It's hard for me to admit I was wrong. I'm sorry I caused so much pain for you." -Max.
Sincerely, Max continued, "It was my fault that your child died."
Michael felt like gaping open-mouthed at Max. "First you admit you were wrong, and now you admit it was your fault?"
Max nodded seriously. "I am asking for your forgiveness. You may not be able to give it now, but-"
Michael interrupted. "Max. Don't. I felt it was my fault. And all along Victoria felt it was her fault. And now you think it's your fault. When is this going to end? We can't keep blaming each other. I'm through with the blame game. The real blame went with Winthrop to his grave. Valenti was right when he said that."
"But don't you realize your child would probably have lived if I had healed Victoria when you needed me to. How can you not hate me for that?" -Max.
"Maybe she would have, maybe not. You know I did want to hate you for a long time because of it. But then, I blamed myself and didn't want to admit that to myself. Maybe some things aren't meant to be after all. And as much as it hurts like hell, and no matter what happens - it won't work out. Well maybe that's how this situation was. I don't know." Michael raked a hand through his hair again. "I just don't know. And I don't want to talk about this anymore."
Max nodded. "If you ever need to talk about it, you know I'm here right?" -Max.
Michael took a long look at Max and then said, "Yeah. Yeah I do. But-" He glanced ruefully, with the slightest smile, at where Victoria had walked out. "I think I've already got that position filled."
Max looked to where Michael was looking. Michael was ever so slightly smiling in consternation and ruefulness like Victoria was still standing there.
Michael snapped out of it and walked to the door. "Well, I guess I should go to work."
"You're going today?" -Max.
"Yeah, she kind of talked me into it. After missing 3 days, I figure if I don't go I won't have a job and the three of us will be on the streets." -Michael.
". I'll see you later." Max called as Michael continued out.
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Victoria came in the apartment a couple hours later. When she saw Max there, she said, "Oh. You're here. Saelar wants to see us again." She was about to go to the door again, but Max didn't move.
"No. Wait. There's something I need to say to you." -Max.
"Um.okay.'' Victoria said, turning back to look at him. "How did it go with you and Michael and whatever you wanted to talk about?"
"It went alright. But this isn't about Michael." -Max.
"Whatever it is, I didn't do it Max Evans." -Victoria said, perhaps more serious than anything else.
"No. I know. I did it." -Max.
She looked at him with a bit of a frown, not knowing what he was trying to get at.
"I sort of heard - and saw some of that earlier." Max admitted, although he had seen and heard most of it, not some -of what had transpired between Michael and Victoria.
"Oh." Victoria said in understanding, but Max knew she didn't understand.
"Why don't you despise me? I mean, I don't know if you are aware of this or not - although I know you know I can heal, but that day-" Max stopped and looked at her seriously. "I refused to heal you. Michael turned to me for my help, and I refused him."
Victoria turned away. "I know."
"You know?! Then why don't you hate me for it???" -Max asked.
"I don't hate you - because I don't think I can hate you, Maxwell Evans." She turned around and faced him, looking at his eyes, seriously. "I think that it's because of-" Victoria stopped, because she didn't want to mention their past or 'destiny' or whatever.
Max, however, wanted - and needed to know the answer, so he came over to her and turned her to face him again and demanded to know, "Why? Because of why?" because he wanted her to say something different than what he thought she was going to say - to hear her say something else, some other reason - maybe it would make it true. But he knew for certain when she looked at him. He didn't need to hear the rest.
"-because of our past, our connection." She said, and then, simply, as a statement of fact - "I must have loved you well for some of the feeling still lingers in my soul." And when Victoria said it, she did not mean it as a come on or to have Max, for that was the last thing she wanted. She said it because it was the truth and there was no shame or denial in the truth of it.
Max blinked and nodded as he looked down. He couldn't meet her eyes again just yet. "I am sorry. I am sorry for your pain - and for misjudging you. I was wrong." He meant it, Victoria felt it in the space between them. The truth.
When Victoria embraced him in a hug, Max was surprised, but not too surprised - only in the shock as they touched. For the first time in this life, they hugged. And Max wanted to pull away, but he found his resistance was not that strong, that the pull - some cosmic force of energy between them was too great and it felt right and okay and just -right. So he embraced her back and there was nothing of passion in the embrace, as there was warmth and depth that seemed to stretch back to an eternity.
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