♀ Segment Three
I fell to the floor in a dazed stupor, and
with the bitten apple piece still in my mouth, slumped down unconscious,
although some part of me was still acutely aware of my surroundings. How can I
explain this to one who has not a notion of what it is like? A queer feeling of
floating made me gasp, but if I made a sound I did not hear it. I had been
robbed of my senses by some phantasmal entity! I do not know how much time
passed until the dwarves returned to find me, but upon finding my body they
lamented, cursing the Queen. They decided to encase me in a glass coffin and
place me on the mountainside. Idiots and fools! Did they not know my rosy
cheeks and radiant beauty would be marred by the glare of the mountain sun?
That animals would creep through the seams of the glass and devour me, eating
and gnawing at my unblemished ivory skin? Idiots, careless, stupid half-humans!
And so I lay undisturbed upon
the abandoned mountainside for many days and nights, unchanging. My only
visitors were my despised companions, and although I loathed them, even their
ceremonious visits were comfort, and cleared the monotony nicely.
One day as I lay, still
impaired of my sense, I became aware of a presence above me, staring. I was
filled apprehension and many thoughts came to my unconscious mind - who was
there? Was something coming to eat me? What was happening? But despite my
futile attempts at gathering the information useful to me with my newly
acquired sense of direction and slight premonition-like abilities, I still had
to wait, wrought with anxiety, for my fate. The next day, (or was it week? I
may never know.) I subconsciously felt that my glass prison was being lifted
from its foundation onto the shoulders of slaves. It made me mentally chuckle
at the thought of those slaves, straining underneath the weight of my
sarcophagus. If only I had been sighted, that I might have seen the pain of the
slaves at their work! But the disappointing aspect of my conundrum was thrown
out of my mind as a jolt of the coffin jerked open my slack jaw and let the
apple fall onto my chest.
I shot up at once, eager to
experience sight and hearing again, only to see a handsome prince leaning over
my face and staring into my eyes. I was helped out of the open glass door, and
carried off to his castle, where we were soon married. The wedding was held in
a beautiful hall, full of attendants and servants and noblemen and women. My
stepmother came to my wedding, and, greener than the darkest green with envy,
she danced until her feet turned red and she fell to the floor dead. I laughed
at her. As soon as I could, I slipped away from my new husband and sneaked into
the kitchens quietly. I still had my old stopper of rat poison with me; it is
always handy to carry such things with one, you never know when you might need
it. I slipped it into the food of the guests and watched with pleasure as they
sporadically fell into their plates of elegant food, dead. There was a great
uproar about it, and I ended up sentencing 13 of the kitchen maids to execution
hall, where I held an hour-long course on the proper execution of perpetrators
to the gunmen, explaining to them carefully the different styles of torture and
the twisting techniques that I had perfected since childhood on small squirrels
and other rodents.
Although most tales such as
mine are expected to end happily ever after, as the old cliché foretells, I
shall gladly enlighten you in the knowledge that my tale ended with a
grievously death-filled conclusion. The prince was a joyous fool, and his
happiness vexed me, so I tied him up and tortured him until he died. It was
really quite fun; I would be lying if I told you different. The dwarves were
slain as well, only in a more humane fashion... I had them tied to a road and
trampled by horses. What a parade it was! Anyway, I had to leave that early,
for I had started a Torture Class, and needed to be there early to plan my
lessons.
And so ends the story of
Snow-White, the ebony-haired, red-lipped, ivory-skinned beauty. All in all, my
dears, I'd just have to say that my life was just.... too amusing.
Author's Note: Three incredibly short chapters equal one surprisingly long remake of a classical Brothers Grimm fairy tale enhanced into a horrific rendition in the style of a certain Mr. E. A. Poe.
That is all.
*bows*