Starting Over 7 - Unwilling Bridges
"You killed him."
Xander's heart missed a beat as he recognised the small figure approaching him. He was dead, Buffy, for all her so-called morals, was going to kill him. He smiled inwardly, but Faith was still alive, that was a trade he was willing to make. He'd had an extra week with the woman he loved.
The youth dropped the shopping bag he'd been carrying and pushed it away with his feet to give himself some fighting space. His eyes still on the advancing woman he pulled off his trenchcoat and draped it across some near- by trashcans.
He was under no illusions. Thanks to the memories of Joe Dawson and Angel's training, he doubted there were more than a handful of ordinary mortals in the entire state who could take him in a fair fight. Against a Slayer, he wouldn't last more than a minute. He was probably the better technical fighter but Buffy's strength, speed, durability, and agility were too much for any normal human to overcome.
"What are you doing?" the blonde facing him raised an eyebrow.
"I hope you weren't seriously expecting me to present my head on a platter?" he replied, already his blood was pounding. God, he wished he'd told Faith he loved her before leaving this morning.
"I'm not going to kill you, not yet anyway. I want to know why first," the blonde replied softly. "I need to understand."
Xander glanced at the golden-haired Slayer before nodding. She wasn't lying; he could see the sincerity in her eyes, eyes he'd spent many hours staring into. Grabbing his coat and shopping, he nodded at the Slayer. "Okay Summers, there's a place a few streets away where we can get a little privacy." Turning, he headed back out of the alley.
* * *
Summers. Buffy felt a wave of pain run through her at the cold way one of her oldest friends had spoken her name. Realising he was getting away from her, she rushed to catch up.
"So Xander does Faith know about this cutie?" asked the balding black man stood behind the café counter.
Her companion let out a harsh laugh that cut right through her. "Trust me; Faith doesn't have to worry about that one little bit." Xander shook his head. "No this is strictly business, room in the back free, Smokes?"
"For you Xander always." The man lifted the counter top and led them through to the back. After taking their order the man disappeared.
"So how come we're getting the red carpet Xander?"
Xander stared blankly at her for a few seconds before replying. "Three weeks ago, Faith and I were coming back from a date when we saw half a dozen vampires about to chow down on this place's staff and customers, so we stopped them." Her former friend's eyes were filled with anger. "They were grateful to us for saving their lives. Some people are funny like that."
They were dating? Buffy glanced away to keep him from seeing her shock. "So why did you kill Riley?" she was surprised at how steady her voice sounded.
"He kidnapped Faith with a dozen strong Special Forces team and took her to the Initiative HQ for testing. When she woke up your boyfriend and his two cronies touched her and threatened to rape her." Rage filled the young man's voice and face, shocking her with the intensity. "Nobody lays a hand on my girl without her say-so. And if you've got a problem with me killing that piece of crap, than that's fine. Only let's take it outside, I don't want to wreck Smokes' place."
"I'm not going to start anything," Buffy whispered. Her entire world had tilted on its axis, she'd suspected there was something wrong with Riley - there'd been too many muttered conversations, unexplained disappearances. She knew Xander too well to suspect him of lying. "Where are you going?"
Xander paused in standing. "I'm leaving. If you've decided not to kill me we've nothing else to talk about."
"Please, wait."
"What for?"
"Please, Xand. I've missed you, Willow misses you." Buffy felt her eyes began to water. "Can't we just talk?"
"I don't see what we've got to talk about," Xander growled before sitting back down. "So talk."
"D..do you love her?"
"Faith?" the stern look on Xander's face softened. "Love her? She's like my oxygen. When she smiles at me it my heart beat faster, I'm never happier than when I'm holding her in my arms."
"I'm happy for you." Xander chuckled. "Such sincerity, I'm touched no really."
Buffy felt her temper flare. "What do you expect Xander? She tried to kill me, and you, one of my best friends."
"You still don't get it do you Buff.? You don't get to choose for me, we're not friends anymore and even if we were it's my choice!" Xander retorted angrily. "Angelus butchered plenty and in ways that Faith couldn't even dream of but that was okay by your double standards."
Not friends anymore. Buffy felt her heart break at the words. "What happened to us?" she muttered.
"You don't want to know."
She wanted so much for him to hold her, tell her that they were friends again. Instead she reached tentatively across the table and squeezed the man's hand. "Yes I do," she insisted.
For a few seconds the man didn't answer. Then he let out a long rattling sigh and nodded. "That first day I saw you I fell for you. Still loved you when you dated Angel. Loved you right up until that night you danced with me, used me to make Angel jealous."
Buffy's cheeks burned, it was one of her most shameful memories. "That night you broke my heart, humiliated me. But still you and Willow, whatever you'd done were still my friends. So I stayed by your side fighting the good fight. After all there were innocents to save." A note of bitterness entered the man's voice. "But whatever I did wasn't good enough. No matter how many lives I help save or demons I killed I was still useless, a burden. Well I had my parents to tell me I was worthless I didn't need you, my so-called friends, to tell me I was too!"
"Xander, I..I."
"Save it Buffy. I don't want to hear it."
The young man tried to rise but she pulled him back down. "We were trying to protect you."
Xander shook his head. "You still don't get it do you? My decision to make. My decision, if I wanted to, I could have walked away at any point. You don't dictate what I do, not anymore, you lost that power years ago."
"Xander, come home."
The young man lifted his head back and laughed harshly. "This is my home now. Here I have a boss who I respect and respects me, a gorgeous girl who loves me and I'm crazy about, a worthwhile job, and friends who actually give a shit about me. What would I have in Sunnydale?"
"You'd have us!"
Her friend grinned. "You know who I miss from Sunnydale? Your mom, the rest of you can go to hell for all I care."
"We need you," by now Buffy was close to tears.
"Flutter those big eyes, you'll soon get some idiot kid to get the donut run." Xander threw a card onto the table. "That's our business number, ring us if the demons get out of hand. But don't ring for everyday shit, I'm not interested."
Tears blinding her, the Slayer grabbed the card and stumbled to her feet. "How's Angel?"
"Not bad. He's got himself a girl-friend, Kate Lockley, a cop who gets us a load of occult cases. She's cool, knows enough not to treat people like shit."
* * *
Xander gazed down into his cooling cup of coffee. He knew he'd been harsh on Buffy but he couldn't find it in himself to care. That part of his life, Sunnydale, was dead. And unlike vampires hopefully it would never rise again.
"You can be a real bastard sometimes."
He turned to see Smokes stood in the doorway, a disapproving expression on his face. "You don't think you learn to fight how I do by being a boy scout? Besides you don't know the whole story."
The black man walked in and put a bottle of Jack Daniels on the table between them before sitting down in the seat Buffy had just vacated. "So talk." Forty minutes later, the African-American was sat with a bemused expression spread across his face. "Well shit," Smokes took a swig of the bottle before shaking his head. "If I hadn't seen those bloodsuckers with my own eyes I'd say lock you up."
"But-."
"I saw 'em." Smokes shook his head again. "Look Xander, this Buffy and Willow made mistakes sure, but way I see it they weren't malicious. Not the way you talked to her before. That wasn't cool."
The young man felt his shoulders slump. "Maybe you're right, but I can't go back. My life's here, Faith's happier than she's ever been. And truth is, so am I."
Smokes nodded. "The Hellmouth sounds like a dangerous place, especially if you're the Slayer. Isn't there anybody you could send?"
Xander nodded slowly. "Maybe."
* * *
"Giles, can I have a word?"
The Watcher looked up at the youth, noting his unusually serious expression. "Certainly Xander."
"In private?"
"Oh," this was serious. The Watcher nodded before turning to an observing Wesley. "We'll finish this translation later?" Wesley nodded. Giles smiled and led the youth into his room. "So what is so important we couldn't discuss it in front of the others?"
"How is Wesley's training going?"
Giles' eyes narrowed. He didn't particularly enjoy discussing other people behind their back but judging from the look on Xander's face this was important. "His research skills have always been exemplary, training with you and Angel have improved his fighting skills considerably, and as for him being a Watcher," he smiled wryly, "well Faith listens to him about as much as she does to anybody who isn't you. Xander, what is this all about?"
"Yeah, boytoy spill."
Giles glanced towards the open doorway where Faith stood and back at Xander. Judging from the look on his son's face he'd definitely not wanted this conversation to over-heard. "I saw Buffy today."
"What!" in an instant the brunette was by Xander's side, a look of worry on her face. "What the fuck did she do? If she hurt you.."
"Relax," Xander placed his hands on the slight girl's shoulders. "She didn't lay a finger on me. We just talked."
"About what?" Faith demanded.
"About what happened with Riley and," the youth hesitated, "she's scared, asked me to go back to Sunnydale."
Now the Slayer looked heart-broken. "You're going to leave me," she whispered, Giles saw the tears welling in the girl's eyes and felt a stab of anger at Xander's thoughtlessness. It was so hard for Faith to trust anybody and for Xander to just throw away that precious gift she'd given him. Why if there was a horsewhip handy.
"Hey," Xander placed a light kiss on the girl's forehead. "I'm not going anywhere. But," the young man looked towards him, "I was wondering if Giles would go back to Sunnydale."
The librarian's eyes widened in surprise. He was tempted, but.. He looked towards Faith. "I have responsibilities here," he nodded at the Slayer.
"Faith's got Wesley to act as her Watcher, you already said he was up to the job, Angel and Spike to act as muscle, Cordy as her best pal, and me to hold her coat in a throw-down. All Buffy's got is," Xander shrugged, "is Willow."
"You do a damn sight more than that babe," Faith hugged her boyfriend, her eyes shining with happiness now that Xander had reaffirmed his commitment to her.
"Yes true enough, but I'm not sure how much use I would be in Sunnydale, Buffy hardly listened to me before I left."
"Yeah, but that was down to Cornfed and Walsh," Xander shrugged, "she knows she made a mistake, she'll listen to you now."
Again Giles looked at the Slayer. "And how would you feel about me leaving Faith? I wouldn't want to desert you-."
His speech was cut off by a bone-crushing hug from the brunette. "I'd miss you like crazy G, you're like the dad I always wanted, but as long as you're on the other end of the phone, Sunnyd's only two hours away. Like Xand says, I've got the others, B's got shit."
"Once again, you make me inordinately proud of you."
Faith blushed. "Inordinately proud? That's a good thing right?"
"Look it up," he grinned at the Slayer before turning to Xander. "I'll phone Buffy tonight, if she's agreeable to me returning and willing to modify her attitude, I'll leave in a couple of days. Oh, and Xander?" he allowed a little bit of Ripper out.
"Yeah G-Man?"
"You hurt Faith, and you'll find out how just quickly I can be here."
The youth swallowed. "Yes Giles." The Librarian hid a grin; he still had it.
"You killed him."
Xander's heart missed a beat as he recognised the small figure approaching him. He was dead, Buffy, for all her so-called morals, was going to kill him. He smiled inwardly, but Faith was still alive, that was a trade he was willing to make. He'd had an extra week with the woman he loved.
The youth dropped the shopping bag he'd been carrying and pushed it away with his feet to give himself some fighting space. His eyes still on the advancing woman he pulled off his trenchcoat and draped it across some near- by trashcans.
He was under no illusions. Thanks to the memories of Joe Dawson and Angel's training, he doubted there were more than a handful of ordinary mortals in the entire state who could take him in a fair fight. Against a Slayer, he wouldn't last more than a minute. He was probably the better technical fighter but Buffy's strength, speed, durability, and agility were too much for any normal human to overcome.
"What are you doing?" the blonde facing him raised an eyebrow.
"I hope you weren't seriously expecting me to present my head on a platter?" he replied, already his blood was pounding. God, he wished he'd told Faith he loved her before leaving this morning.
"I'm not going to kill you, not yet anyway. I want to know why first," the blonde replied softly. "I need to understand."
Xander glanced at the golden-haired Slayer before nodding. She wasn't lying; he could see the sincerity in her eyes, eyes he'd spent many hours staring into. Grabbing his coat and shopping, he nodded at the Slayer. "Okay Summers, there's a place a few streets away where we can get a little privacy." Turning, he headed back out of the alley.
* * *
Summers. Buffy felt a wave of pain run through her at the cold way one of her oldest friends had spoken her name. Realising he was getting away from her, she rushed to catch up.
"So Xander does Faith know about this cutie?" asked the balding black man stood behind the café counter.
Her companion let out a harsh laugh that cut right through her. "Trust me; Faith doesn't have to worry about that one little bit." Xander shook his head. "No this is strictly business, room in the back free, Smokes?"
"For you Xander always." The man lifted the counter top and led them through to the back. After taking their order the man disappeared.
"So how come we're getting the red carpet Xander?"
Xander stared blankly at her for a few seconds before replying. "Three weeks ago, Faith and I were coming back from a date when we saw half a dozen vampires about to chow down on this place's staff and customers, so we stopped them." Her former friend's eyes were filled with anger. "They were grateful to us for saving their lives. Some people are funny like that."
They were dating? Buffy glanced away to keep him from seeing her shock. "So why did you kill Riley?" she was surprised at how steady her voice sounded.
"He kidnapped Faith with a dozen strong Special Forces team and took her to the Initiative HQ for testing. When she woke up your boyfriend and his two cronies touched her and threatened to rape her." Rage filled the young man's voice and face, shocking her with the intensity. "Nobody lays a hand on my girl without her say-so. And if you've got a problem with me killing that piece of crap, than that's fine. Only let's take it outside, I don't want to wreck Smokes' place."
"I'm not going to start anything," Buffy whispered. Her entire world had tilted on its axis, she'd suspected there was something wrong with Riley - there'd been too many muttered conversations, unexplained disappearances. She knew Xander too well to suspect him of lying. "Where are you going?"
Xander paused in standing. "I'm leaving. If you've decided not to kill me we've nothing else to talk about."
"Please, wait."
"What for?"
"Please, Xand. I've missed you, Willow misses you." Buffy felt her eyes began to water. "Can't we just talk?"
"I don't see what we've got to talk about," Xander growled before sitting back down. "So talk."
"D..do you love her?"
"Faith?" the stern look on Xander's face softened. "Love her? She's like my oxygen. When she smiles at me it my heart beat faster, I'm never happier than when I'm holding her in my arms."
"I'm happy for you." Xander chuckled. "Such sincerity, I'm touched no really."
Buffy felt her temper flare. "What do you expect Xander? She tried to kill me, and you, one of my best friends."
"You still don't get it do you Buff.? You don't get to choose for me, we're not friends anymore and even if we were it's my choice!" Xander retorted angrily. "Angelus butchered plenty and in ways that Faith couldn't even dream of but that was okay by your double standards."
Not friends anymore. Buffy felt her heart break at the words. "What happened to us?" she muttered.
"You don't want to know."
She wanted so much for him to hold her, tell her that they were friends again. Instead she reached tentatively across the table and squeezed the man's hand. "Yes I do," she insisted.
For a few seconds the man didn't answer. Then he let out a long rattling sigh and nodded. "That first day I saw you I fell for you. Still loved you when you dated Angel. Loved you right up until that night you danced with me, used me to make Angel jealous."
Buffy's cheeks burned, it was one of her most shameful memories. "That night you broke my heart, humiliated me. But still you and Willow, whatever you'd done were still my friends. So I stayed by your side fighting the good fight. After all there were innocents to save." A note of bitterness entered the man's voice. "But whatever I did wasn't good enough. No matter how many lives I help save or demons I killed I was still useless, a burden. Well I had my parents to tell me I was worthless I didn't need you, my so-called friends, to tell me I was too!"
"Xander, I..I."
"Save it Buffy. I don't want to hear it."
The young man tried to rise but she pulled him back down. "We were trying to protect you."
Xander shook his head. "You still don't get it do you? My decision to make. My decision, if I wanted to, I could have walked away at any point. You don't dictate what I do, not anymore, you lost that power years ago."
"Xander, come home."
The young man lifted his head back and laughed harshly. "This is my home now. Here I have a boss who I respect and respects me, a gorgeous girl who loves me and I'm crazy about, a worthwhile job, and friends who actually give a shit about me. What would I have in Sunnydale?"
"You'd have us!"
Her friend grinned. "You know who I miss from Sunnydale? Your mom, the rest of you can go to hell for all I care."
"We need you," by now Buffy was close to tears.
"Flutter those big eyes, you'll soon get some idiot kid to get the donut run." Xander threw a card onto the table. "That's our business number, ring us if the demons get out of hand. But don't ring for everyday shit, I'm not interested."
Tears blinding her, the Slayer grabbed the card and stumbled to her feet. "How's Angel?"
"Not bad. He's got himself a girl-friend, Kate Lockley, a cop who gets us a load of occult cases. She's cool, knows enough not to treat people like shit."
* * *
Xander gazed down into his cooling cup of coffee. He knew he'd been harsh on Buffy but he couldn't find it in himself to care. That part of his life, Sunnydale, was dead. And unlike vampires hopefully it would never rise again.
"You can be a real bastard sometimes."
He turned to see Smokes stood in the doorway, a disapproving expression on his face. "You don't think you learn to fight how I do by being a boy scout? Besides you don't know the whole story."
The black man walked in and put a bottle of Jack Daniels on the table between them before sitting down in the seat Buffy had just vacated. "So talk." Forty minutes later, the African-American was sat with a bemused expression spread across his face. "Well shit," Smokes took a swig of the bottle before shaking his head. "If I hadn't seen those bloodsuckers with my own eyes I'd say lock you up."
"But-."
"I saw 'em." Smokes shook his head again. "Look Xander, this Buffy and Willow made mistakes sure, but way I see it they weren't malicious. Not the way you talked to her before. That wasn't cool."
The young man felt his shoulders slump. "Maybe you're right, but I can't go back. My life's here, Faith's happier than she's ever been. And truth is, so am I."
Smokes nodded. "The Hellmouth sounds like a dangerous place, especially if you're the Slayer. Isn't there anybody you could send?"
Xander nodded slowly. "Maybe."
* * *
"Giles, can I have a word?"
The Watcher looked up at the youth, noting his unusually serious expression. "Certainly Xander."
"In private?"
"Oh," this was serious. The Watcher nodded before turning to an observing Wesley. "We'll finish this translation later?" Wesley nodded. Giles smiled and led the youth into his room. "So what is so important we couldn't discuss it in front of the others?"
"How is Wesley's training going?"
Giles' eyes narrowed. He didn't particularly enjoy discussing other people behind their back but judging from the look on Xander's face this was important. "His research skills have always been exemplary, training with you and Angel have improved his fighting skills considerably, and as for him being a Watcher," he smiled wryly, "well Faith listens to him about as much as she does to anybody who isn't you. Xander, what is this all about?"
"Yeah, boytoy spill."
Giles glanced towards the open doorway where Faith stood and back at Xander. Judging from the look on his son's face he'd definitely not wanted this conversation to over-heard. "I saw Buffy today."
"What!" in an instant the brunette was by Xander's side, a look of worry on her face. "What the fuck did she do? If she hurt you.."
"Relax," Xander placed his hands on the slight girl's shoulders. "She didn't lay a finger on me. We just talked."
"About what?" Faith demanded.
"About what happened with Riley and," the youth hesitated, "she's scared, asked me to go back to Sunnydale."
Now the Slayer looked heart-broken. "You're going to leave me," she whispered, Giles saw the tears welling in the girl's eyes and felt a stab of anger at Xander's thoughtlessness. It was so hard for Faith to trust anybody and for Xander to just throw away that precious gift she'd given him. Why if there was a horsewhip handy.
"Hey," Xander placed a light kiss on the girl's forehead. "I'm not going anywhere. But," the young man looked towards him, "I was wondering if Giles would go back to Sunnydale."
The librarian's eyes widened in surprise. He was tempted, but.. He looked towards Faith. "I have responsibilities here," he nodded at the Slayer.
"Faith's got Wesley to act as her Watcher, you already said he was up to the job, Angel and Spike to act as muscle, Cordy as her best pal, and me to hold her coat in a throw-down. All Buffy's got is," Xander shrugged, "is Willow."
"You do a damn sight more than that babe," Faith hugged her boyfriend, her eyes shining with happiness now that Xander had reaffirmed his commitment to her.
"Yes true enough, but I'm not sure how much use I would be in Sunnydale, Buffy hardly listened to me before I left."
"Yeah, but that was down to Cornfed and Walsh," Xander shrugged, "she knows she made a mistake, she'll listen to you now."
Again Giles looked at the Slayer. "And how would you feel about me leaving Faith? I wouldn't want to desert you-."
His speech was cut off by a bone-crushing hug from the brunette. "I'd miss you like crazy G, you're like the dad I always wanted, but as long as you're on the other end of the phone, Sunnyd's only two hours away. Like Xand says, I've got the others, B's got shit."
"Once again, you make me inordinately proud of you."
Faith blushed. "Inordinately proud? That's a good thing right?"
"Look it up," he grinned at the Slayer before turning to Xander. "I'll phone Buffy tonight, if she's agreeable to me returning and willing to modify her attitude, I'll leave in a couple of days. Oh, and Xander?" he allowed a little bit of Ripper out.
"Yeah G-Man?"
"You hurt Faith, and you'll find out how just quickly I can be here."
The youth swallowed. "Yes Giles." The Librarian hid a grin; he still had it.