Hermione was quiet during Sunday breakfast. She wouldn't look Ron or
Harry in the eye, in case they noticed something different about her. Ron
and Harry were talking about the coming Quidditch season, but Ron kept
looking over at her, like he was searching for something.
But whatever he was looking for, he apparently didn't find it in the Great Hall. He disappeared soon after breakfast, saying he had "stuff to do" and he would see them at lunch.
Harry and Hermione wandered the grounds for most of the morning, finally dropping in on Hagrid.
"So Grawp seems to be doing great," said Harry with a smile. Hermione could feel a blush rising.
"Yeah. Jus' went out ter see 'em this mornin'. 'E's righ' happy, let me tell yeh." Hermione choked on her tea.
"How are your other lessons going?" she asked, desperate for a change of subject.
"Much better now tha' tha' Umbridge woman's gone. Can do much more interestin' creatures."
They talked about their lessons for the rest of the visit. Then Harry and Hermione left at midday to get some lunch. Ron was sitting alone with several plates of food, and several books arranged in front of him. When he saw Harry and Hermione, he hastily put the books away and asked them how their morning was.
"Fine," said Harry. "What are you reading?"
"Oh, just, you know." Ron's ears were reddening and he was clearly casting about for a change of subject. "Is it time for Quidditch practice yet?"
Hermione sighed. They were always talking about Quidditch. Sometimes it was as if they really didn't care how she was feeling. She looked at them and knew this wasn't true, but she was still annoyed. She had been out half the night and Ron didn't seem bothered about where she had been. Harry didn't even stay up. What if her parents didn't get better? Would they still be talking about Quidditch?
She ate in silence while the boys talked half-heartedly about the Quidditch season. Hermione didn't notice, but her mood was distracting them from a normally animated topic.
Near the end of lunch, Ginny plopped down in the seat next to her. "Hey Hermione, how are you doing?" Her voice was light-hearted, but her eyes were concerned.
"All right, I guess."
"Haven't heard yet?" she asked quietly. "I wanted to talk to you about it last night, but they said you'd gone to the library."
Hermione was touched by the concern, but realized suddenly that she really didn't want to talk about it. She looked down at her food and mumbled incoherently about studying.
"Look," said Ginny, dropping her voice so only Hermione could hear. "It's cool if you don't want to talk about it, but I kind of know how you feel if you do. I mean, last year with Dad and all." Hermione looked up at her, her anger rising. Ginny hastily continued. "I mean, I know it's not exactly the same because we were only waiting one night and it's been two weeks for you. but." she glanced over to Ron and Harry and dropped her voice to a whisper. "I can't imagine that lot would be too good to talk to."
Hermione laughed shakily. "No, they're not."
Ginny grinned at her. "I'm about to go to Quidditch practice, but I'll be in the common room all evening, so maybe then?"
"Yeah, maybe," said Hermione, but she rather thought she had other plans.
She spent the next few hours reading ahead in all of her subjects, but her books could only distract her for so long. By the time Ginny, Ron, and Harry made their way into the Gryffindor common room, she was knitting hats and socks for the house elves. They were talking animatedly about their prospects this year, as the team had much better players than it had had by the end of last season.
She continued knitting while they went upstairs to wash up. When they joined her again, it was time for dinner. Hermione waved her wand and all of her knitting supplies leapt into her quilted knitting bag.
She was distant again while they ate. Harry, Ron, and Ginny kept glancing over at her, but it was clear she didn't want to talk. Harry became moody as well, so Ron and Ginny took the clue and hardly talked at all.
Ginny left the table first, telling Hermione she'd be up in her room if she wanted to talk.
As she walked away, Ron turned quickly to Hermione and said in a slightly accusatory tone, "You can talk to us, too, you know."
Hermione rounded on him. "And what do you care about what's going on with me?!"
"I happen to care a great deal," he said, his ears reddening.
"Well you could try showing it!" she snapped.
Ron looked like she had just slapped him in the face. He stood up, shaking slightly, and left the Great Hall. Hermione looked down, angry and satisfied and ashamed.
Harry put his hand on her shoulder. She looked up to see if he was mad, but he looked understanding.
"Harry, I'll-"
"He'll be all right. He's just worried about you."
Hermione nodded. Of course he was. They left the Great Hall and started up toward Gryffindor tower. Ron was at their normal table in the common room, looking as though nothing had happened. Harry sat down with him to finish up his homework, and Hermione began to write Victor a letter.
She found it much easier to talk about her parents on paper. She explained about how the Death Eaters had attacked her and Ron's families, but of course, Ron's family was much better equipped to defend themselves. Harry had been in hiding for the summer (she didn't mention he was staying in Sirius' house with Professor Lupin), so he was all right, but that Voldemort had started psychological warfare by hurting his friends instead. She had been inside studying for the coming school year. Her parents had been outside gardening on their Saturday off. (Two weeks ago yesterday, she thought). They're muggles, so they couldn't defend themselves, but Dumbledore had assigned a guard to their house at the beginning of the summer. Tonks had managed to fight off three Death Eaters before Hermione even got outside so see what was happening. Her parents were collapsed in the garden.
Her eyes were filled with tears. "Don't cry, be strong, don't cry." she thought to herself.
She put the letter away to finish later. She felt like she was suffocating suddenly. She had to get out. And she knew exactly where she was going to go.
"Harry, can I borrow your cloak?" She said it so suddenly and so urgently that Harry and Ron both jumped.
"Yeah, sure," said Harry.
Ron eyed her suspiciously. But she didn't have time for that. She practically ran up to her dorm room and packed her backpack with the clothes she had torn in the brambles the previous night. She would change into them before she went into the forest, and then back into the clothes she was wearing after her bath. No one would know.
Ron had left the common room when she came back down. She sat next to Harry, who slipped her the cloak under the table.
"Thanks," she said, and she left.
She slipped into the prefect girls' bathroom and changed into her tattered robes. Then, carefully covering herself with the invisibility cloak, she made her way out of the castle. Excitement was mounting within her as she looked up at the clear night sky. It was almost bright with the full moon out. Her heart was beating hard in her chest. She had almost reached the Forbidden Forest when she stopped dead in her tracks and looked up again.
It was the first night of the full moon. She looked at the darkness of the forest. Werewolves would be out tonight. She looked back up at the moon, willing it to go away. It stared resolutely back down at her.
Hermione let out a steady stream of curses. She just couldn't risk it, even with the invisibility cloak. She would have to take it off when she was caught in the brambles- fair game for anything- and they would be able to smell her anyway.
She walked around the lake for a while, and then snuck back into the castle. She didn't want to go back to Gryffindor tower yet. She went instead to the prefect girls' bathroom, and ran a bath.
As she slipped into the warm water, she thought about Grawp's size, about his strength. It was all about strength, she realized. Everything in her life right now revolved around strength. She ran her hands over her small frame, and thought about his hands. .
Harry was alone in the common room when she finally decided to return. She sat next to him by the fire, and handed him his invisibility cloak. She looked at him, but he didn't look up at her. She saw suddenly there were tears in his eyes, and realized he was staring into the fire Sirius had risked so much to talk to him through.
A weight sunk into her. She felt like the entire weight of the world was on her chest. They sat in a morbid silence for a long time, staring into the fire.
Finally, Harry said, "I'm sorry about your parents."
"They'll be okay," she said automatically, but again she wondered if they really would be.
"No. I mean, I'm sorry." He looked up at her, oceans of guilt playing in his eyes. Sadness swelled within her as she looked at him, but it quickly turned to anger.
"Damn it, Harry, it's not your fault!" she yelled at him.
He looked taken aback, but said guiltily, "Yes it is! They would never have attacked your or Ron's houses if it wasn't for me!"
"But you didn't do it! They did. They cursed my parents! They attacked the Weasleys! They killed Sirius, Harry, not you!!"
He stood up, knocking his chair over. "YOU LEAVE SIRIUS OUT OF THIS!"
"NO!" she screamed. "You didn't kill him! You didn't make them come after us! Damn it, Harry! We don't blame you! Nobody does!"
Harry stood looking at her, his hands limp at his side. It was only then that Hermione realized she had picked up a vase and thrown it across the room while she was yelling at him.
"I- I'm sorry-" she began.
"No. I'm sorry. I mean," he said hastily, "I didn't. you're right."
They stared at each other for a minute, adrenaline rushes subsiding. Then they walked forward and hugged each other tightly, telling each other it would all be okay.
But whatever he was looking for, he apparently didn't find it in the Great Hall. He disappeared soon after breakfast, saying he had "stuff to do" and he would see them at lunch.
Harry and Hermione wandered the grounds for most of the morning, finally dropping in on Hagrid.
"So Grawp seems to be doing great," said Harry with a smile. Hermione could feel a blush rising.
"Yeah. Jus' went out ter see 'em this mornin'. 'E's righ' happy, let me tell yeh." Hermione choked on her tea.
"How are your other lessons going?" she asked, desperate for a change of subject.
"Much better now tha' tha' Umbridge woman's gone. Can do much more interestin' creatures."
They talked about their lessons for the rest of the visit. Then Harry and Hermione left at midday to get some lunch. Ron was sitting alone with several plates of food, and several books arranged in front of him. When he saw Harry and Hermione, he hastily put the books away and asked them how their morning was.
"Fine," said Harry. "What are you reading?"
"Oh, just, you know." Ron's ears were reddening and he was clearly casting about for a change of subject. "Is it time for Quidditch practice yet?"
Hermione sighed. They were always talking about Quidditch. Sometimes it was as if they really didn't care how she was feeling. She looked at them and knew this wasn't true, but she was still annoyed. She had been out half the night and Ron didn't seem bothered about where she had been. Harry didn't even stay up. What if her parents didn't get better? Would they still be talking about Quidditch?
She ate in silence while the boys talked half-heartedly about the Quidditch season. Hermione didn't notice, but her mood was distracting them from a normally animated topic.
Near the end of lunch, Ginny plopped down in the seat next to her. "Hey Hermione, how are you doing?" Her voice was light-hearted, but her eyes were concerned.
"All right, I guess."
"Haven't heard yet?" she asked quietly. "I wanted to talk to you about it last night, but they said you'd gone to the library."
Hermione was touched by the concern, but realized suddenly that she really didn't want to talk about it. She looked down at her food and mumbled incoherently about studying.
"Look," said Ginny, dropping her voice so only Hermione could hear. "It's cool if you don't want to talk about it, but I kind of know how you feel if you do. I mean, last year with Dad and all." Hermione looked up at her, her anger rising. Ginny hastily continued. "I mean, I know it's not exactly the same because we were only waiting one night and it's been two weeks for you. but." she glanced over to Ron and Harry and dropped her voice to a whisper. "I can't imagine that lot would be too good to talk to."
Hermione laughed shakily. "No, they're not."
Ginny grinned at her. "I'm about to go to Quidditch practice, but I'll be in the common room all evening, so maybe then?"
"Yeah, maybe," said Hermione, but she rather thought she had other plans.
She spent the next few hours reading ahead in all of her subjects, but her books could only distract her for so long. By the time Ginny, Ron, and Harry made their way into the Gryffindor common room, she was knitting hats and socks for the house elves. They were talking animatedly about their prospects this year, as the team had much better players than it had had by the end of last season.
She continued knitting while they went upstairs to wash up. When they joined her again, it was time for dinner. Hermione waved her wand and all of her knitting supplies leapt into her quilted knitting bag.
She was distant again while they ate. Harry, Ron, and Ginny kept glancing over at her, but it was clear she didn't want to talk. Harry became moody as well, so Ron and Ginny took the clue and hardly talked at all.
Ginny left the table first, telling Hermione she'd be up in her room if she wanted to talk.
As she walked away, Ron turned quickly to Hermione and said in a slightly accusatory tone, "You can talk to us, too, you know."
Hermione rounded on him. "And what do you care about what's going on with me?!"
"I happen to care a great deal," he said, his ears reddening.
"Well you could try showing it!" she snapped.
Ron looked like she had just slapped him in the face. He stood up, shaking slightly, and left the Great Hall. Hermione looked down, angry and satisfied and ashamed.
Harry put his hand on her shoulder. She looked up to see if he was mad, but he looked understanding.
"Harry, I'll-"
"He'll be all right. He's just worried about you."
Hermione nodded. Of course he was. They left the Great Hall and started up toward Gryffindor tower. Ron was at their normal table in the common room, looking as though nothing had happened. Harry sat down with him to finish up his homework, and Hermione began to write Victor a letter.
She found it much easier to talk about her parents on paper. She explained about how the Death Eaters had attacked her and Ron's families, but of course, Ron's family was much better equipped to defend themselves. Harry had been in hiding for the summer (she didn't mention he was staying in Sirius' house with Professor Lupin), so he was all right, but that Voldemort had started psychological warfare by hurting his friends instead. She had been inside studying for the coming school year. Her parents had been outside gardening on their Saturday off. (Two weeks ago yesterday, she thought). They're muggles, so they couldn't defend themselves, but Dumbledore had assigned a guard to their house at the beginning of the summer. Tonks had managed to fight off three Death Eaters before Hermione even got outside so see what was happening. Her parents were collapsed in the garden.
Her eyes were filled with tears. "Don't cry, be strong, don't cry." she thought to herself.
She put the letter away to finish later. She felt like she was suffocating suddenly. She had to get out. And she knew exactly where she was going to go.
"Harry, can I borrow your cloak?" She said it so suddenly and so urgently that Harry and Ron both jumped.
"Yeah, sure," said Harry.
Ron eyed her suspiciously. But she didn't have time for that. She practically ran up to her dorm room and packed her backpack with the clothes she had torn in the brambles the previous night. She would change into them before she went into the forest, and then back into the clothes she was wearing after her bath. No one would know.
Ron had left the common room when she came back down. She sat next to Harry, who slipped her the cloak under the table.
"Thanks," she said, and she left.
She slipped into the prefect girls' bathroom and changed into her tattered robes. Then, carefully covering herself with the invisibility cloak, she made her way out of the castle. Excitement was mounting within her as she looked up at the clear night sky. It was almost bright with the full moon out. Her heart was beating hard in her chest. She had almost reached the Forbidden Forest when she stopped dead in her tracks and looked up again.
It was the first night of the full moon. She looked at the darkness of the forest. Werewolves would be out tonight. She looked back up at the moon, willing it to go away. It stared resolutely back down at her.
Hermione let out a steady stream of curses. She just couldn't risk it, even with the invisibility cloak. She would have to take it off when she was caught in the brambles- fair game for anything- and they would be able to smell her anyway.
She walked around the lake for a while, and then snuck back into the castle. She didn't want to go back to Gryffindor tower yet. She went instead to the prefect girls' bathroom, and ran a bath.
As she slipped into the warm water, she thought about Grawp's size, about his strength. It was all about strength, she realized. Everything in her life right now revolved around strength. She ran her hands over her small frame, and thought about his hands. .
Harry was alone in the common room when she finally decided to return. She sat next to him by the fire, and handed him his invisibility cloak. She looked at him, but he didn't look up at her. She saw suddenly there were tears in his eyes, and realized he was staring into the fire Sirius had risked so much to talk to him through.
A weight sunk into her. She felt like the entire weight of the world was on her chest. They sat in a morbid silence for a long time, staring into the fire.
Finally, Harry said, "I'm sorry about your parents."
"They'll be okay," she said automatically, but again she wondered if they really would be.
"No. I mean, I'm sorry." He looked up at her, oceans of guilt playing in his eyes. Sadness swelled within her as she looked at him, but it quickly turned to anger.
"Damn it, Harry, it's not your fault!" she yelled at him.
He looked taken aback, but said guiltily, "Yes it is! They would never have attacked your or Ron's houses if it wasn't for me!"
"But you didn't do it! They did. They cursed my parents! They attacked the Weasleys! They killed Sirius, Harry, not you!!"
He stood up, knocking his chair over. "YOU LEAVE SIRIUS OUT OF THIS!"
"NO!" she screamed. "You didn't kill him! You didn't make them come after us! Damn it, Harry! We don't blame you! Nobody does!"
Harry stood looking at her, his hands limp at his side. It was only then that Hermione realized she had picked up a vase and thrown it across the room while she was yelling at him.
"I- I'm sorry-" she began.
"No. I'm sorry. I mean," he said hastily, "I didn't. you're right."
They stared at each other for a minute, adrenaline rushes subsiding. Then they walked forward and hugged each other tightly, telling each other it would all be okay.