Author's Notes: This chapter is a side story between the time Miyako leaves the dungeon after seeing Ryo the first time and before she goes to see him the next day. It basically reflects upon her thoughts during this time, and gives a little inside information. You don't have to read this chapter if you don't want to, but it's great if you do. ^.-
Death's Angel (side story)
Miyako's Thoughts
By Rekka's Angel
Miyako walked down the dark hallways, lit only by the occasional
candle. She walked into her room and collapsed onto the floor. The door
looked behind her and as if a cruel joke had been played, her eyes became
their natural blue once more. She was now back to being herself again.
She held her head as waves of memories crashed upon her during the time
she was evil. No tears fell down her face this time. She just stared blankly
into space as the darkness that was her life, consumed her.
* "I lie awake on a long, dark night
I can't seem to tame my mind." *
Her eyes flashed red once before settling back on blue. Millions of thoughts ran through her tired mind, but she couldn't find rest. The images felt as if they were hurting her every time she did something bad. She felt like she was being stabbed every time she hurt someone. Every little thing was etched into her mind. It was torture. Still no tears fell as she wrapped her arms around herself, wishing so much that this would all end and that she were dead. At least then no one would have to suffer, right?
* "Slings and arrows are killing me inside
Maybe I can't accept the life that's mine
No I can't accept the life that's mine." *
Miyako hated being used like this, being able to control your
body, but not your mind. It was cruel, sick, and twisted. How could one
call himself a father when they play such nasty tricks on you.
She hated her life. No matter what happened, everything seemed
to go wrong. She laughed bitterly when she thought how even in death things
went all wrong for her, and how she was being manipulated even then. Was
there no peace for her? All she had ever wanted was to be loved and live
a simple, dare she say even, a normal life; surrounded by the ones she
loved. Didn't Meticia tell her emotions would get her into trouble. I guess
she was right about love. It was a complication and something she didn't
need. Loneliness was all she ever felt, and loneliness would be her destruction.
* "Simple living is my desperate cry
Been trading love with indifference, yeah it suits me just fine
I try to hold on, but I'm calloused to the bone
Maybe that's why I feel alone
Maybe that's why I feel so alone.
Cause me... I'm rusted and weathered
Barely holding together
I'm covered with skin that peels and it just won't heal
I'm rusted and weathered
Barely holding together
I'm covered with skin that peels and it just won't heal" *
She looked over to the dresser where a knife was perched on a
stand. It seemed to gleam and wink at her, but how could that be when there
was no light? Was her life really worth anything?
She walked over to the knife and carefully unsheathed it. The
blade gleamed from the light from the only candle in the room. She ran
a finger along the edge and pulled back when it cut her. The thought of
killing herself had crossed her mind a few times, when she was back to
her normal self. Well as normal as she could get. It would be so easy to
give in and give up, but she could still be used against them even when
dead. There was no way out one way or another. Death was something she
longed for, but it would never come easily for her. There was always stipulations.
She wished she could die and rest in peace like all the people she had
delivered to their resting places.
But then the thought of life comes to mind and she put the knife
back. Wasn't a happy life what she always wanted and never had? To live
happily with her new friends and perhaps maybe even be loved by the one
who had given her his strength even when she was evil. He was her light
in the darkness and the only thing that kept her from doing something stupid.
Life is what she wanted, yet she longed for death. She chuckled at the
irony of her present position.
* "The sun shines and I can't avoid the light
I think I'm holding on to life too tight
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust
Sometimes I feel like giving up
Sometimes I feel like giving up.
Cause me... I'm rusted and weathered
Barely holding together
I'm covered with skin that peels and it just won't heal
I'm rusted and weathered
Barely holding together
I'm covered with skin that peels and it just won't heal
It just won't heal" *
She turned towards the one candle in her chamber and was mesmerized by it's light. How could something so small give off so much light. It was like him. He was the light, but she couldn't see it because the darkness shrouded her mind from the truth.
* "The day reminds me of you
The night hides your truth
The earth is a voice
Speaking to you
Take all this pride
And leave it behind" *
He believed in her too much for his own good. She wasn't strong, she wasn't like him or his friends. He believed she could over come the darkness, but she didn't. In fact she welcomed the darkness, for it had been her only comfort for a very long time. It was the only thing that never changed. One day this would all end, but how was still a mystery. That was the only thing she believed in at the moment. That one day it would all end, and she might be free.
* "Because one day it ends
One day we die
Believe what you will
That is your right
But I chose to win
I chose to fight
To fight" *
The only way to achieve what she wanted was to fight. And the only way to fight and achieve what she wanted, was to fight with the Ronins. She had to be strong, she had to win, even if it meant her life, her soul, and her love.
* "Cause me... I'm rusted and weathered
Barely holding together
I'm covered with skin that peels and it just won't heal
I'm rusted and weathered
Barely holding together
I'm covered with skin that peels and it just won't
Covered with skin that peels and it just won't
Covered with skin that peels and it just won't..." *
Searing pain rips through her head and she collapses to the ground. Her eyes flicker between the two colors, sometimes mixing and becoming purple. The pain becomes worse as she fights it. She screams in agony , but continues to fight. Her breathing became labored, but still she continued. It looks as if she'll when, her eyes staying blue, until one last incredible wave hits her and she falls to the ground unconscious. A few minutes later she stands up. Her eyes are as red as ever, and almost glowing with the intensity. All emotion from before is gone. She turns back to the only light in the room. She stares at it for a minute before blowing it out and disappearing into the pitch black of the chamber, waiting patiently for the morning to come.
* "Covered with skin that peels and it just won't heal" *
**********
What did ya think? Interesting , ne. I just did this to give ya
a little insight on what she's feeling at this time. I think I'm going
to do a little thing like this for everyone. They may not all have a song,
but they'll give you some insight on everyone's thoughts and positions
in the story. Ya think I should do it? Well, I'm going to anyway, like
it or not. :-P ^_^ As always, read and review. Hoped you enjoyed
this.
Much love! Rekka's Angel
rekkas_angel@yahoo.com
copyright 2002