Anyhoo, on with the... um... ficcie....
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The Junkyard
Deme: *absentmindedly singing "I Feel Pretty" (A/N: y'know... from West Side Story?)*
Bomba: *muttering* she wishes!
Deme: And gaaaaaaa-... what was that?
Bomba: Nothing
Deme: *processes this for a minute* Macav-?.... *something clicks* wait a minute... that was an insult!
Tant: Very good Deme!
Bomba: Golf clap!
Tant/Bomba: *golf claps*
Deme: I'm way prettier than you two!
Bomba: As if!
Tant: Not happening!
Bomba: I'm prettier than both of you!
Tant: You are not!
Bomba: Are too!
Tant: Are not!
Bomba: Are too!
Tant: Are not!
Tant: You are not!
Bomba: Are too!
Tant: Are not!
Bomba: Are too!
Tant: Are not!
Tant: You are not!
Bomba: Are too!
Tant: Are not!
Bomba: Are too!
Tant: Are not!
Tant: You are not!
Bomba: Are too!
Tant: Are not!
Bomba: Are too!
Tant: Are not!
Mungo/Teazer (A/N the CATS... not me!): *walk by*
Mungo: Wots gawin on?
Bomba: I'm the prettiest queen in the junkyard, right?
Tant: No, I am!!!
Deme: Macavity!
Everyone else: *stares*
Deme: I mean... "No, I am!!!"
Mungo: Actually, yawr oll wrong...
Teazer: Oi'm tha prettiest!!!
Mungo: Roigh'!
Bomba: No way Jose!
*general arguing breaks out between Deme, Bomba, Tant, Mungo and Teazer*
Alonzo: *walks by*
Deme: Alonzo! I'm the prettiest queen in the junkyard aren't I? *flutters eyelashes a bit*
Alonzo: *monotonous* Yes dear
Deme: HAHA!!!! IN YOUR FACES!!!!!!!!
Teazer: Erm... Deme?...
Tant: Just because Alonzo said so....
Mungo: Doesn' mike eet traw...
Bomba: And this IS the same Alonzo who thinks that popsicles are fruit...
Deme: Well, I'm still the prettiest!!!
*more fighting breaks out between Deme, Bomba, Tant, Mungo, Teazer and Alonzo*
Cori: *walks by*
Tant: *mentally to Cori* Get your arse over here and agree with everything I say!
Cori: *mentally to Tant* Yes dear
*Cori joins in on the arguing*
*A few minutes later...*
Tugger: *walks by*
Bomba: Oh Tugger...
*A few minutes later, Tugger has a black eye and is fighting for Bomba*
Munku: *walks by and sees arguing* What's going on?
Queens: *suddenly forget about their mates and cuddle up to Munku*
Toms: _
Tant: *wheedling* Oh Munku...
Bomba: *wheedling* We were...
Teazer: *wheedling* Jus' wonderin'...
Deme: *really loud and non-wheedly* Who's the prettiest?
Munku: uh.... uh.... *sees that the faces of the queens have turned to death glares* I...uh.... don't know?
Queens: *drop him like a hot potato* Whaddya mean you don't know!?!?!?!?!
Munku: I... uh.... don't.... know?
Queens: *look like they're about to spontaneously combust*
MT: *appears from nowhere* There's only one way to solve this!
Alonzo: Oh Bast
Tugger: Not you again!
MT: *ignoring them* You must have a beauty pageant!!!
CATS: *process this for a moment*
Munku: Considering that was one of your ideas....
Cori: That's not too bad....
MT: *beams* I'm chock full of 'em!
Bomba: All right! We shall have a beauty pageant!
MT: And the judges shall be you guys!!! *points to Alonzo, Mungo, Cori, Tugger and Munku*
Alonzo/Mungo/Cori/Tugger/Munku: *blanche*
Mungo: erm....
Cori: I don't think
Mungo: tho's really a groit oidea...
Munku: Why don't you have Skimble judge???
Alonzo: Or Plato???
Tugger: Or Old Deuteronomy!?!
*all stare at him*
Tugger: Well that's not really fair, you guys took all the good ones...
MT: Nope! You guys are gonna be the judges!!!
Teazer: Yea gois!
Bomba: That's a great idea!!!
Toms: *seem to think otherwise*
MT: And now I must return! To the land of gummi bears and DVDs!!!! *disappears*
Alonzo: She really needs help.
Bomba: Well, I'm going to prepare for the pageant!
Deme: Me too!
Teazer: Moi throi!
Tant: Me four!
*they all leave*
Alonzo: Dear Bast, what are we gonna do???
Tugger: Whatever one wins....
Mungo: Tha res'll 'ave awr 'eads!
Munku: We're doomed.
Cori: Doomed is what we are.
Tugger: Well....
Alonzo: We might as well enjoy our final hours...
*all slowly leave, after saluting each other*
Meanwhile...
Bomba: So, we're going to have a pageant!
Jenny: Are you sure that's a good idea?
Jelly: Pageants cause so much ill-will among the contestants!!!
Jenny: You loose the true spirit!
Bomba: Which is....
Jenny/Jelly: .....
Jenny: uhm....
Jelly: well....
Jenny: So, um... we'll set up the details while you go and prepare!!!
Bomba: Okay! *leaves*
Jelly: It could be fun!
Jenny: Yeah!
Jelly: So, we could have Skimbie act as the host!!!
Jenny: Oh, what a marvelous idea!!!
Jelly: Three competitions.
Jenny: Talent...
Jelly: Questions and answers....
Jenny: And poise!!!
Jelly: The judges, Cori, Alonzo, Tugger, Mungo and Munku will rate them all on a scale of one to ten!!!
Jenny: ... hey, Jelly?
Jelly: Yes?
Jenny: I just realized...
Jelly: Yes?
Jenny: Well, Cori's mates with Tant right? And Alonzo's mates with Deme... and Mungo's mates with Teazer.... and Tugger's afraid of Bomba...
Jelly: Oh dear...
Jenny: Poor Munku...
Jelly: Oh well!!!
*they go about making more preparations for the pageant*
Meanwhile... somewhere else....
Mungo: Naw, oi wos thinkin'... moibe yaw should learn ta spoik... propa-loike....
Teazer: Wot's wrong with tha woi oi speak???
Mungo: Well nufin' ta moi.... but weeth tha pageant....
Teazer: Aow... oi see where yawr gettin at....
Mungo: Well... oi fawnd this book roigh? "Pyg-mal-i-on" 'en eets got this goi tho' teaches thees gehl ta tolk oll propa-loike!!!
Teazer: Well?
Mungo: Repeat ofta moi *manages to sound it out slowly but correctly* "The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain"
Teazer: The rine een Spine stois moinly een tha pline!
Mungo: Thees ees gonna boi a lawng noigh'...
Meanwhile (I love that word!)
Alonzo: Deme?...
Deme: Yes?
Alonzo: Please. Why don't you and the other queens agree that you're all... EQUALLY pretty?
Deme: *glares* Are you saying I'm fat?
Alonzo: What!?! No!!! I just meant
Deme: *sobbing* You think I'm fat don't you? That's why you looked at Bomba the other day!!! I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! *is now bawling hysterically*
Alonzo: I... no!!!! Of course I love you!!!
Deme: *still bawling*
Alonzo: *sighs*
Meanwhile (ok, I dont' have a thesarous ok????)
Cori: Tant? Sweetie? Darling? Love of my life?
Tant: What do you want Cori?
Cori: Well, wouldn't you like to solve this thing with the other queens peacefully?
Tant: *sighs* I told you Cori... we're not going to solve things peacefully! We're going to have a pageant!!!
Cori: Well in that case... we gotta make sure you win!!!
Tant: I thought you'd see it my way... Now, help me pick out something I can do for the talent part!
Cori: Well... couldja dance?
Tant: Dance to what?
Cori: *shrugs* I dunno....
Tant: What about singing?
Cori: Yeah! You could sing!!!... wait a minute... *remembers the last time Tant sang*
~{(*~*)}~Cori's Memory ~{(*~*)}~
Scene: Jellicle karaoke night...
Tant: *singing horribly off-key* SOMEWHEEEEEEEEEEEERE OOOOOVER THE RAAAINBOW WAY UP HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH
*all glass items shatter*
Pounce: IT BURNS IT BURNS!!!!!
Misto: *batting ears*
Everyone else: AAAAAAAAAAAH THE PAIN!!!!!!!!!!
Tant: *oblivious* THEEEEERE'S AAAAA LAND THAT I'VE HEARD OF ONCE IN A LULLABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
CATS: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! *are running around in crazed little patterns and crashing into various objects*
Pipe: *falls right behind Tant because Tumble crashed into it*
Tant: *still oblivious and singing very off-key*
Fire: *spreads because someone spilled gasoline over a decorative candle*
Various objects: *crashing down left and right*
CATS: *still screaming and running*
Tant: WHERE TROUBLES MELT LIKE LEMON DROPS THAT'S WHEEEEEERE YOOOOOOOOOU'LL FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIND MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
~{(*~*)}~Back in reality~{(*~*)}~
Tant: Cori? Cori?
Cori: *snaps out of it* On the other hand... maybe you could recite poetry???
Elsewhere (there, happy now?)
Bomba: *looking herself over in a mirror and spots Tugger*
Tugger: *realizes she spotted him* uh-oh *tries to run away*
Bomba: Oh Tugger?
Tugger: Darnit *slowly turns around*
Bomba: *walks up to him* Ya wanna help me prepare for the paegant?
Tugger: Uh.. it's not until tomorrow Bombi....
Bomba: *eyes glow red*
Tugger: Uh-oh
Bomba: *pins him up against a wall and chokes him* You're gonna help me prepare, and you're gonna like it! Are we clear?
Tugger: *being choked* but *gasp* you're talking in the plural form *gasp*
Bomba: *tightens her hold on Tugger's neck* What was that?
Tugger: *high pitched and breathy* Yes!
Bomba: *tightens her hold on his neck even more* Yes, what?
Tugger: Yes ma'am! *gasp*
Bomba: *drops him and her eyes go back to normal* That's better.
Tugger: *gasping for air*
~
Will Deme ever stop crying? Will Teazer learn to speak without her accent? Will Tant find a talent? Will Tugger regain a normal breathing pattern? Will I ever shut up? Find out on the next installment!!!
Note: We apologize for the corny batman-esque ending. We take no responsibility for anything.