Special notie thingies:
Jemi Gr: Thank you! I feel so special now! Sorry, its still in script-format but its just easier for me to do it that way...
Amber: Hehe, thank you!
ShadowJellicle: Darnit! It came out as Tugger/Bomba?!?!?! *bangs head against the wall* I can't stand Tugger/Bomba!!! Almost as much as I can't stand Deme/Munku but that's another story. Sorry it came out Tugger/Bomba... I was aiming for a thing where it was more of that Bomba could very easily cause Tugger pain and he's supporting her 'cos he's afraid of her... Oh well. Sorry, 'bout that. I agree with you about the Tugger/Bomba thing (that's also why I hate Deme/Munku, but once again, that's another story)
Other little notie thingies: BE WARNED!!! This chappie contains some violence towards Munku... if you're a fan who will be offended by this... don't say I didn't warn ya... it's nothing THAT bad or graphic anyways...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Next Day...
Cori: *waking up Tant* TAAAAAAAAAAAANT!!!
Tant: AAAAH I'M AWAKE!!!!!!!!!
Cori: Jenny and Jelly just sent out these forms for the contest!!!
Tant: *blank "I just woke up and now you want me to process information?" look*
Cori: .... which is today...
Tant: *same blank look*
Cori: ... the beauty pageant?...
Tant: *same blank look*
Cori: Deme, Bomba and Teazer.... beauty pageant....ring a bell?
Tant:....... Oh!!!!
Cori: Here, better get ready
Elsewhere (I'll be on an "elsewhere" trip now)
Mungo: Teazah.... wike up lav....
Teazer: mmmmmmmmfh... jus' foive mawr minutes mum...
Mungo: *sighs* Teazah... do oi sawnd like yawr mum?
Teazer: *yawns and wakes up* Wots gawin on?
Mungo: Yaw gotta fill awt these forms far tha contest!
Elsewhere ( ^_^ )
Deme: *cried herself to sleep last night*
Alonzo: Um... Deme?
Deme: *instantly jumps awake* MACAVITY!!!
Alonzo: *sighs* No Deme, I'm Alonzo.
Deme: Oh... hi Alonzo!
Alonzo: So you're not still mad at me?
Deme: Why would I be mad at you?
Alonzo: Uh.... no reason... So... here's some forms for the contest!
Elsewhere (oh don't give me that look)
Bomba: TUGGER!!!!
Tugger: AAAAAAH!!!!!!! BOMBA WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY DEN!?!?!?!
Bomba: You gotta help me fill out these forms!!!
Tugger: *sighs, then remembers his last encounter with Bomba* *jumps out of bed* Let's get to it!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Later:
*Jenny and Jelly have set up a small stage-type thing in the junkyard. The kittens and everyone not involved are sitting in the audience. Skimble is onstage ready to start his announcing duties, Jenny and Jelly are collecting the forms, Tumblebrutus is sitting to the right of the stage with a kazoo, the judges are sitting at their table and Munku is looking sick. The queens in the contest are backstage primping*
Jenny: *comes out onstage* Attention? Attention! ATTENTION!!!!!!!! *everyone shuts up* Now, the contest will begin!
Tumble: *plays out fancy-schmancy theme music on the kazoo*
Skimble: Hello! And welcome to the Miss Junkyard pageant!!! Give a warm welcome to our judges! Coricopat!
Coricopat: *thinking* Tant better win or I'm gonna die....
Skimble: Alonzo!
Alonzo: *thinking* Dear Bast, if you love me you'll let Deme win...
Skimble: Mungojerrie!
Mungo: *thinking* The rain in Spain stays mainly on the plain, the rain in Spain stays mainly on the plain, the rain in Spain-
Skimble: Rum Tum Tugger!
Etccy: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
Tugger: *thinking* Oh Bast, oh Bast, if Bombi doesn't win, I can say goodbye to being the stud cat....
Skimble: Aaaaaaand Munkustrap!
Munkustrap: *looks like he's gonna puke* *thinking* Well Munk, enjoy your last hours....
Skimble: And now, here are the lovely contestants: Demeter, Tantomile, Bombalurina and Rumpleteazer!!!
Deme/Tant/Bomba/Teazer: *walk out onstage*
Bomba: *trips Deme*
Deme: *through gritted teeth as she's smiling* You're gonna pay for that...
Bomba: *through gritted teeth as SHE'S smiling* I'd like to see you try...
Deme: *through gritted teeth, still* you little-
Skimble: The first contest will be poise, then talent, then questions and answers!
Deme/Tant/Bomba/Teazer: *go back offstage*
Skimble: The first contestant is.... Bombalurina!!!
Bomba: *gracefully walks out onstage, turns around*
Audience: *snickergiggle*
Bomba: What? *walks offstage*
Audience: *snickersnort*
Bomba: *storms back onstage* WHAT IN THE NAME OF BAST IS SO FUNNY?!?!
Jenny: Your back dear.
Bomba: What about my back? It's a perfectly great back!!!
Jenny: Um well...
Bomba: *reaches around to her back and pulls off a sign reading "Miss. Junky"* THAT IS SOOOO JUVENILLE DEME!!!!!!!!!! I MEAN REEEEEEEEEEEAL MATURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU COULD AT LEAST THINK OF A CLEVER INSULT!!!!!! *storms offstage*
Skimble: Um.... TANTOMILE!!!!
Tant: *is pushed onstage by Teazer and falls* Teazer! You little-*remembers where she is and gets up and smiles a little bit too big, does her walk and walks off*
Skimble: DEMETER!!!
Deme: *walks out*
Bomba: *shoots spitballs at her through a straw, without her realizing it* (A/N: no I don't know how a cat could make a spitball, cut it out with the nitpicking)
Deme: *turns around and is covered in spitballs*
Audience: *snickergiggle*
Deme: *walks offstage without realizing anything*
Bomba: *behind the scenes* Hey, Deme? You've got a little something on your back right there...
Deme: Huh? *realizes she's covered in spitballs and shoots Bomba a dirty look*
Skimble: RUMPLETEAZER!!!!!!!
Teazer: *walks out and turns around successfully*
Tant: *grabs Bomba's straw that she was using for the spitballs and blows her own spitballs at Teazer, one of which gets her straight in the eye*
Teazer: AH! STUPID-... *walks offstage, a loud bang is heard*
Tant: *pulls her head out of the bucket into which it has been rammed*
Skimble: Um... the queens are going to prepare for the talent portion now so here's Tumble on the kazoo with his lovely rendition of The Entertainer
Tumble: *plays The Entertainer on his kazoo*
Audience: Boooooooooooooo!!!!!
Pouncie: Tomatoes! Get your rotten tomatoes here! Only $3.99!!! Come on who wants a rotten tomato? *is mauled by cats grabbing for rotten tomatoes*
Audience: *throw rotten tomatoes at Tumble*
Tumble: Ahhhhhhhhhhh! *runs offstage*
Pouncie: *dazedly* Thank you, come again!
Asparagus: *mops up the tomatoes from the stage* Why do I always have to be the stupid janitor? *mutterng* Lousy....tomatoes.......janitor.....Oprah.......
Skimble: Riiiiiight... uh... the first erm... contestant... in this next portion will be Demeter! She's gonna sing Someone Like You! From... um... some musical MT likes...
Demeter: *walks onstage* Thank you Skimble *flashes a huge smile at the audience*
Audience: *thinking* uh-oh
Demeter: Ahem *takes a huge breath and motions towards Tumble*
Tumble: *plays the introduction on his kazoo, only to have a remaining tomato thrown at him*
Deme: I peered through windows
Indistinguishable voice from the audience: BO-RING!!!
Deme: Watch life go by
Another indistinguishable voice from the audience: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Deme: Dream of tommorrow
Another indistinguishable voice from the audience: *imitating snoring noises*
Deme: *glares* And wonder why
1st indistinguishable voice from the audience: GET HER OFF THE STAGE!!!
Deme: The past is holding me
2nd indistinguishable voice from the audience: YOU STINK!!!!
Deme: Keeping life at bay
3rd indistinguishable voice from the audience: OI'D ROTHA LISTEN TA BRITNEY SPEARS!!!!!!
Jenny: Wait a minute! That indistinguishable voice from the audience had a Cockney accent! *squints to see audience better* TEAZER!!!
Jelly: Hey! Bomba and Tant are back there too!!
Teazer/Bomba/Tant: ... meep!
Jelly: What're you guys doing in the audience?
Teazer/Bomba/Tant: ....uh...... *run backstage*
Jenny/Jelly: *sigh*
Jenny: Deme, you can go on with your song dearie.
Deme: *fell asleep*
Skimble: ooh... that'll cost her points....
Jelly/Jenny: *drag a still sleeping Deme off the stage*
Skimble: Now, reciting Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening.... Tantomile!!!
Tantomile: Thank you Skimble. Ahem
Whose woods these are I think I know
His house is in the village though
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake
The only other sound's
The sweep of easy wind and downy flake
The woods are lovely dark and deep
But I have promises to keep
And miles to go before I sleep
Audience: *applauds politely*
Alonzo: *to Cori* If she was going to recite a poem, why didn't she choose a slightly... better... one? Not that Robert Frost isn't good but....
Cori: She couldn't help it. This is the only poem the author knows that isn't by T.S. Eliot!
Alonzo: I wonder if the author knows MT....
Cori: Yeah, why'd they make her so.... stupid?
MT: *appears* Idiots!
Cori/Alonzo: ....huh?
MT: *wheeze* Cori and Alonzo... *wheeze* I am the author *wheeze*
Cori/Alonzo: AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
MT: Toodles! *disappears*
Cori: What a strange girl....
Skimble: The next contestant will be Rumpleteazer! Singing and dancing to Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend!
Teazer: *walks onstage and motions to Tumble*
Tumble: *plays the kazoo wearing a football helmet (which isn't easy)*
Teazer: The French were bred to die for love
They delight in fighting duels
But I prefer a man who lives
And gives expensive jewels
A kiss on the hand may be quite continental
But diamonds are a girl's best friend
Tugger: *quietly* What happened to the accent!?!
Mungo: *grinning* *thinking* YES SHE REMEMBERED! THANK YOU GEORGE BERNARD SHAW!!!!!!!
Teazer: A kiss may be grand but it won't pay the rental
On your humble flat, or help you at the automat
Men grow cold as girls grow old
And we all lose our charms in the end
But squeare-cut or pear-shaped
These rocks don't lose their shape
Diamonds are a girl's best friend
Alonzo: Very appropriate for Teazer
Teazer: ... Tiffany's...Cartier...
Talk to me, Harry, Winston, tell me all about it!
Mungo:..*stops grinning for a minute* Woit a tick.. 'oo's 'arry an' Winston? Anywan oi should knaw abawt?
Teazer: *rolls eyes but continues with her song*
There may come a time when a lass needs a lawyer
But diamonds are a girl's best friend
There may come time when a hard-boiled employer
Thinks you're awful nice
But get that ice or else no dice
he's your guy when stocks are high
But beware when they start to descend
It's then that those lousess go back to their spouses
Diamonds are a girl's best friend
Mungo: *has forgotten about Harry and Winston and is drooling*
Teazer: I've heard of affairs that you must keep liaisonic
Are better bets if little pets get big baguettes
Time rolls on and youth is gone
ANd you can't straighten up when you bend
But stiff back or stiff knees
You stand straight at Tiffany's
Diamonds... Diamonds...
-I don't mean rhinestones-
But Diamonds, are a girls best friends
Mungo: *is still drooling*
Teazer: *bows and walks offstage*
Audience: *clapping*
Alonzo: *puts a bucket underneath Mungo*
Skimble: That was lovely Teazer! What an amazing lack of accent! Eh? Our next contestant is Bombalurina! Singing and dancing to All That Jazz!
Bomba: *walks out and motions to Tumble*
Tumble: *starts the introduction on his kazoo*
Audience: *looks ready to break his kazoo over his head*
Bomba: C'mon babe why don't we paint the town?
And all that jazz
I'm gonna rouge my knees
And roll my stockings down
And all that jazz
Toms: *are drooling*
Bomba: Start the car
I know a whoopee spot
Where the gin is cold
But the pianuh's hot
It's just a noisy hall
Where there's a nightly brawl
And all that jazz
Slick your hair and wear your buckle shoes
And all that jazz
I hear that Father Dip is gonna blow the blues
And all that jazz
Come on hun
We're gonna bunny hug
I bought some aspirin down at United Drug
In case ya shake apart
And want a brand new start
To do that jazz
Toms: *still drooling*
Alonzo: *grabs back the bucket he gave to Mungo*
Bomba: Oh you're gonna see your Sheba shimmy shake
Oh she's gonna shimmy till her garters break
Show her where to park her girdle
Oh her mother's blood'd curdle
If she'd hear her baby's wierd
For all that jazz
Find a rug we're gonna cut it loose
And all that jazz
All night long we're gonna loose the blues
And all that jazz
Come on babe we're gonna brush the sky
I betcha Lucky Lindy never flew so high
'Cos in the stratosphere how could he lend an ear
To all that jazz
And all that jazz
And all that jazz!
Toms: *standing ovations*
Queens: *pull the toms back into their seats*
Alonzo/Mungo/Cori: *are smecked by Deme, Teazer and Tant, who come out from backstage, then go back*
Electra: *to Etccy, as she pulls Misto back into his seat* Honestly, half of that didn't even make sense! We're cats! We don't even know who Lucky Lindy is!!!
Etccy: *as she pulls Pouncie back into his seat* I know! Really!
Skimble: Ok that was the talent portion of our show. The next, and final, round will be the question and answers section. Each queen will come out here and answer the questions I ask them. Ok the first queen will be Demeter!
Demeter: *walks onstage and stands next to Skimble*
Skimble: Now Deme, what is-
Deme: Macavity!
Skimble: Um... I didn't ask the question yet...
Alonzo: *looks pained*
Skimble: Now, Deme, what is-
Deme: Macavity!!!
Alonzo: *buries face in his hands*
Skimble: *sighs* Demeter, what is your greatest hope?
Deme: *pauses for a minute*... Macavity?
Skimble: *sighs* Ok Deme, go backstage
Alonzo: *looks like he might be sobbing*
Skimble: The next queen will be... Tantomile!
Tant: *walks out and stands next to Skimble*
Skimble: Tant, what would you most like to achieve in life?
Tant: That's easy! World peace!
Audience: awwwww!
Tant: *goes backstage*
Skimble: Ok now... Rumpleteazer!
Teazer: *walks out*
Skimble: If you were caught in a fire and could only rescue one thing... what would it be?
Teazer: My pearl-... I mean... my dear mate, Mungojerrie! *waves*
Mungo: *waves back*
Audience: Awwwwwwwww!
Alonzo: *banging his head against the table* *muttering* why me? why me? why me?
Teazer: *goes backstage*
Skimble: Now our last contestant... Bombalurina!
Toms: *whistle and applaud*
Queens: *glare*
Skimble: Now Bomba, what do you think is the most important quality in a tom?
Bomba: erm..... well....... I suppose..... no......
Skimble: Um... we need an answer
Bomba:.....errrr......
*buzzer sounds*
Audience: *gasps*
Skimble: I'm sorry Bomba but you're out of time.
Bomba: *goes backstage*
Skimble: We'll announce the winner in a few minutes!
Tumble: *still wearing the football helmet, plays The Entertainer on his kazoo again*
Plato: Who gave him that kazoo anyway?
Judges: *tabulate their votes and hand them to Skimble*
Skimble: Aaaaand we're back!
Tumble: *leaves*
Audience: *breathes a collective sigh of relief*
Tant/Bomba/Teazer/Deme: *walk back out onstage*
Skimble: We have... one vote for Bombalurina!
Bomba: YES!!!!
Skimble: One vote for Demeter!
Deme: HA!!!
Skimble: One vote for Tantomile!
Tant: WHO DA QUEEN!?!
Skimble: One vote for Rumpleteazer!
Teazer:I DA QUEEN!!!!!
Skimble: I... well, actually I DO believe it! We have a four-way tie!! This will be the deciding vote! And the winner of the Miss Junkyard pageant is.....
Suspension: *builds*
Judges: *blanche*
Skimble: GRIZ-... wait a minute? Grizabella?!?! She's not even a contestant!! Heck, she's not even alive! She's in Heavyside!!!! Who voted for her?
Judges: *all point to Munku*
Munku: I uh... hehe... funny story... the thing is....
Tant/Teazer/Bomba/Deme: GET MUNKU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *charge*
Munku: Meep! *is enveloped in a cloud of smoke as the queens attack him*
Other Judges: *look on with mild amusement*
*smoke clears and Teazer has Munku in a headlock*
Teazer: Naw, 'oo'd ya vawte far agen?
Bomba/Tant/Deme: *start attacking him and more smoke appears*
*smoke clears and Bomba has Munku in a full nelson*
Bomba: Repeat after me: Bomba always was, and always will be, Miss Junkyard!
*more smoke occurs as Teazer, Tant and Deme attack him again*
*smoke clears and Tant has his arms pinned behind his back*
Tant: ARE YOU SURE YOU WOULDN'T LIKE TO RE-CAST YOUR VOTE???
*more smoke occurs as Teazer, Deme, and Bomba launch themselves at him again*
*smoke clears and Deme is pulling him by the ear*
Deme: You didn't REALLY vote for Griz! YOU VOTED FOR ME AND YOU KNOW IT!!!!!
*more smoke occurs*
Munku's voice: HELP *gasp* ME!!!!!!!!!!
Alonzo: Should we help him?
Tugger: Eh.. maybe... I feel kinda guilty...
Mungo: LOOK! UP EEN THE AIR!!! EETS A.... EETS A.....
Cori: IT'S A MARY-SUE!!!!!!!
Queens: *immediately stop attacking Munku who now has a black eye, torn out patches of fur and various and cuts*
Bomba: *hiss*
Deme: I thought we finally got rid of those!
Tant: That's not like this author!
Teazer: Yeah! She's usually more into the pointless parody genre of fic!
Tant: *is staring at Teazer* You know, you sound really wierd without the accent....
Teazer: Sorry, ees thees betta?
Tant: Yeah! Thanks!
Bomba: Wait a minute... there's no Mary-Sue up there!
Mungo: Uh....
Alonzo: Gotta run!
*judges run away carrying Munku*
Deme: *shrugs* This whole contest thing was kind of stupid anyway.
Teazer: Well eet wos one of thees awthur's oideas!
Bomba: That's true...
Tant: Why can't we all just get along?
Deme: You know I don't even remember why we HAD this contest!
Bomba: Lets never fight again!
Teazer: Wow, wot a corny way ta end a fic!
Deme: Yep, but it just goes to show...
Tant: Show what?
Deme: I dunno... something about cliches I think....or was it cabbages?....
Teazer: *shrugs*
MT: *appears* Hi kitties!!
CATS: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! RUN AWAY!!!!!! *run away*
MT: *shrugs and opens a box of Tic-Tacs*
The [pointless] End