Disclaimer:  If I owned Harry Potter, I wouldn't fire the cast and bring in new ppl after PoA.  I mean, come on, we can unage adults, so kids shouldn't be that hard.  We KNOW their voices have changed.  Get over it ppl.  Those kids ARE Harry, Ron, and Hermione.  That's just me though..

A/N:  Sorry for any confusion.  Hopefully it'll be resolved in the next chapter, depending on what you're confused a/b.  I seriously DO know where I'm going with this.  I promise all will make sense in due time.

This is the night.  I probably should get some sleep before then.  Now that the time has come, will I be able to go through with it?  Yes, I must.  I've waited far too long...  Far far far too long……

1977, Treehouse

            "What are YOU doing here?"

            "I had to come, Lily."

            "I told you not to speak to me, now that you're one of THEM.  How COULD you?  You say you love me and want to be with me, and then you join THEM.  They want to KILL ME AND YOU JOIN THEM!??!! HOW COULD YOU!!"  Lily begins pummeling Severus' chest with her balled-up fists.  He tries pull him to her, but she forces him away with a fearsome glare.

            "Lily, please.  I told you I didn't JOIN them.  They forced me into it.  I swear!"

            Lily begins to cry, "FORCED you!  Yeah, ok, they forced you deep into the Forbidden Forest, made you stand there while they tattooed a snake on your arm, and made you bow before Him!  Fat load of crap, that."

            "Lily…  you DO know what the Cruciatus Curse is, right?"

            "Of course I do, but what does that have to do with ANYTHING?!"

            Severus stares at her in the darkness.  The moon is again glowing in those fiery green eyes.  How could he have let this happen?  He was going to lose her forever.

            Realization began to dawn on Lily's face.

            "What…?  No, they didn't…  they couldn't have…  it's forbidden."

            "Of course it is; that's why they use it.  I seriously did not know it had happened until they brought me out of it in the middle of the ceremony.  I just thought I was having the most painful dream of my life.  Then it was too late.  The Dark Mark was already on my arm.  Once that happens, you can never go back…"

            "I want to believe you…  But how could you NOT know!?"

            "Trust me, I wish I had……I couldn't…I don't…sigh…"

            "…What, Severus."

            After what seemed to him to be an excruciatingly long pause, "Simply put, I love you.  The last thing I'd ever want to do would be to jeopardize us being together for the rest of our lives.  I never wanted this to happen.  But, now that it has, I can't…"

            "Be with me."  Tears begin pouring down Lily's face.

            "You have to understand!  If I'm with you, they will kill you.  There's no question about it, they will.  I will NOT be responsible for your death.  ……I love you too much."

            "So what your saying is that because you love me, you're not going to have anything to do with me."

            "Well, put like that, it sounds horrible."

            "It IS horrible!"

            "Lily, your death would be horrible.  We've been friends now seven years, and I've loved you the whole time.  If knowing that you are safe means not ever being with you again, then so be it.  It would be the death of me if knew that I had put you in any type of danger."

            "No, no.  I can't deal with this.  You shouldn't have told me!  I could have hated you the rest of my life.  But now that I know, and that knowing means being apart from you…  IT'S NOT FAIR!  I love you too much for this."

            "What did you say?"

            "I said I love you too much for this."

1996, Snape's Bedroom

            Because of my personal appearance and lack of friends, there had always been a doubt in the back of my mind telling me that she could never truly love me.  Any doubts I had had previously of her true feelings melted away with the tears streaming from her eyes.  I strode over to her and pulled her to me.  If it had been possible, I would have kept her safe in my arms forever.  But with the Dark Mark, I knew the Dark Lord would be able to find me anywhere.  She stayed in my arms, sobbing.  Her face buried into my chest, she asked me why this was happening to us, and I told her honestly that I didn't know. Placing my hand under her chin and lifting her face towards mine, I softly rubbed her tears away with my fingertips, I tried to comfort her, but there were no words that could have helped us that night.  Just as she had done what seemed like ages ago, I tipped her head towards mine and kissed her.  Hungrily, we stayed locked together, attempting to become closer and closer.  But it wasn't close enough and we knew it.  I don't remember how it happened, but we had gone from standing together to kneeling on the floor of the treehouse.  I looked down at her, knowing it was the last time we would ever be this close.  She asked me if I was ready.  Saying yes, I began to weep.  We made love to each that night.  It was the only time and the only woman I have ever made love to.  The fellow Death Eaters used to make fun of me for being a virgin, but I knew better.  Memories of that night have been the only thing I've had to keep me going these last 19 years.  Afterwards, we laid their together, talking about nothing really.  I gazed at her, trying to create a perfect picture in my mind of her laying there resting her head on my chest.  The last thing I can remember before going to sleep was the radiance shining from her eyes.  It was love, simply that.

            That was the last time I ever saw Lily Evans.  By the time I woke up the next morning, she was gone, leaving behind only the ribbon she had been wearing in her hair.  We graduated the next week, but something had happened to her parents and she missed graduation.  I couldn't even risk sending her an owl telling her goodbye for fear the Dark Lord would punish her.

            When I first came back to Hogwarts, I asked Professor Dumbledore if I might build a house in the Forbidden Forest, telling him some cockamamie story about wanting to be closer to the fauna I would need in my potions.  With that look of omniscience Albus always seems to have, he gave me his blessing.  I built the house around the base of the tree housing our treehouse.  Soon after the completion of the house, with the faded ribbon in my hand, I visited the treehouse for the last time. I found a shoebox sitting in the middle of the floor.  On top of the shoebox was an envelope.  Opening it, I pulled out a note which read:

Severus,

            Never forget how much I love you and how special this house was to us.  I doubt that I will be alive when you read this.  Voldemort has killed many of the Order (of which I'm sure you're well aware) and I know that we must be next.  We've devised a plan that will keep us safe, but I have my doubts.  I only worry for the safety of my son.  Please keep what you will find in the box to remind you of our love.  Until I see you again.

With my entire heart,

I love you,

Lily

            Lily's death was still fresh in my mind.  I sat crouched on the floor, sobbing for what seemed like hours.  I stared at the box, terrified about what might happen to me if I opened it.  I finally opened it, and found every note I'd written her, every flower I'd randomly picked her, every picture of her that I'd drawn, a necklace I'd given her for Christmas, and a snapshot of her from our seventh year.  Delicately handling every item in the box, I inhaled its fragrance, hoping for some whiff from the past to comfort me.  All I gleaned was a trace of her perfume, but it was enough.  I sat the rest of the night, watching the picture of her smile and wave at me.  It was nearly more than I could bear.  For the only time in my life, I called in sick at school, but Dumbledore again knew why and understood.  The box is still up there, with everything in it but her picture.  Her picture will forever be housed in the breast pocket of my robes.