*continues hugging Harker* Poor man.. You just keep being tricked by those
vampire women. But here's one to think about dear readers. . . .do you
remember the first chapter of Disgrace? Integral was tricked into being
bedded by Alucard. Could it be something about the vampire/human
relationship that makes the mortal so incredibly weak willed when set next
to a vampire and his or her desires?
And since I've decided he's been looked upon so negatively as of late, here's Harker!
~*~*~*~*~
November 18
Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been three years since my last confession, and I wish to find the absolution that comes with your love, no matter the penance required for this tired soul.
First, there is what my vampires have called the blending of the churches. If this is a sin, I will offer myself in the service of you in the church that you will choose for me, and I will never proceed to do anything with the other affiliation, whether it is Anglican or Catholic. I just want to be your humble servant, no matter the area.
Next, I ask for the strength to admit to my eldest daughter the truth about her mother instead of denying who and what Argetni is to Devries. She has grown up ignorant, as per my wishes, but now, as she has found the joys of working alongside the vampires, for even though Anika has not told me, nor have her new instructors, I know that Argetni has pulled our daughter from her mortal-taught classes to train the girl in the presence of immortals.
I cannot deny that the vampires of my Organization will be far better instructors in the dark realm than any person alive, as even I do not know enough to be running Hellsing. That is why the vampires enjoy so much freedom on my watch, as they have said before, not because I am easily fooled by their hellish games.
I am just afraid that dear Devries will be as gullible as her mother before her, and will allow the vampires to make her in to one of their ranks. Devries is too much like her mother, and it frightens me, O Lord. This is why Anika must suffer along with her sister in training, for I hoped that her jovial nature would allow Devries to learn to be more personable and knowledgeable about the world around her, not just the world of the undead.
Please God, help me tell my daughter to be more human and less of a machine.
Finally, I ask your guidance and strength in the quest to be a good husband and father, even when the vampire women work their black magic on me. I know that they do something to me when they visit certain times, because there are days when I cannot resist touching these women, then there are other days when they come, and I want absolutely nothing to do with them. I have heard the rule about never looking a vampire in the eyes, and I do not ever look at the eyes of the monsters on my own free will, but I still feel as if they are meddling with my mind, drawing me closer and closer when it suits their mood.
I used to try to resist the come-ons of both Argetni when we were first married, and of Seras before the affair started, for Argetni used to like to play with me when I first announced my impending marriage to Lillith, and though she would touch my mind and caress my skin, I could repel her and not allow her to take me so she could do what she pleased. I believed that she just wanted to test my loyalty to the family, and I thought I was doing the right thing by refusing her.
Years passed, and then Seras Victoria came to my office. She was never the prettiest of women, but she sat on my desk, and stared deep in to my soul as she held my chin and forced me to open my eyes- yes, she did have her other hand prying my eyelids open, and to my chagrin, I wanted nothing more than Seras.
Lillith or Argetni did not even compare to the strawberry blond vampire that day. So I was led, nay, forced, in to believing that Seras Victoria was the most wonderful and perfect creature I could ever have wanted.
That was the day the affair started, and that was also the day I began receiving blood transfusions on a weekly basis. I could not allow for the pure blood of Hellsing to be tainted by such monsters as my predecessor had allowed.
The loss of blood, even though it was for science, weakened me, making me even more susceptible to the whims of the vampire, for I was not strong enough to defend my mind against their attacks.
And this is when Argetni came back to me for just a day. God, you know I did not want her, and you know I tried to justify this lust that I felt because of the influence of her mind upon my fragile mortal one by the bonds of our former marriage, but it was as if I was watching someone else control my body as I reached out for her, watched her take my hands and kiss my body, then all of the sudden I was pulled back in to my mortal form to feel the most incredible amount of pain one can imagine.
Argetni ripped flesh from my cheek with just her fangs. It was pure unadultered pain and horror as I watched helplessly, for even my strength is no match compared to a vampire's. I still wear the scar where my flesh will never tan or take much color where she pulled it from my face as a symbol of my stupidity when it comes to the undead armies that plague the night.
Please God, tell me what Your plan is for my daughter and for me. I want to place her on the correct path in life, and I pray that it is with Hellsing.
Your humble servant, H.M.v.Hellsing
And since I've decided he's been looked upon so negatively as of late, here's Harker!
~*~*~*~*~
November 18
Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been three years since my last confession, and I wish to find the absolution that comes with your love, no matter the penance required for this tired soul.
First, there is what my vampires have called the blending of the churches. If this is a sin, I will offer myself in the service of you in the church that you will choose for me, and I will never proceed to do anything with the other affiliation, whether it is Anglican or Catholic. I just want to be your humble servant, no matter the area.
Next, I ask for the strength to admit to my eldest daughter the truth about her mother instead of denying who and what Argetni is to Devries. She has grown up ignorant, as per my wishes, but now, as she has found the joys of working alongside the vampires, for even though Anika has not told me, nor have her new instructors, I know that Argetni has pulled our daughter from her mortal-taught classes to train the girl in the presence of immortals.
I cannot deny that the vampires of my Organization will be far better instructors in the dark realm than any person alive, as even I do not know enough to be running Hellsing. That is why the vampires enjoy so much freedom on my watch, as they have said before, not because I am easily fooled by their hellish games.
I am just afraid that dear Devries will be as gullible as her mother before her, and will allow the vampires to make her in to one of their ranks. Devries is too much like her mother, and it frightens me, O Lord. This is why Anika must suffer along with her sister in training, for I hoped that her jovial nature would allow Devries to learn to be more personable and knowledgeable about the world around her, not just the world of the undead.
Please God, help me tell my daughter to be more human and less of a machine.
Finally, I ask your guidance and strength in the quest to be a good husband and father, even when the vampire women work their black magic on me. I know that they do something to me when they visit certain times, because there are days when I cannot resist touching these women, then there are other days when they come, and I want absolutely nothing to do with them. I have heard the rule about never looking a vampire in the eyes, and I do not ever look at the eyes of the monsters on my own free will, but I still feel as if they are meddling with my mind, drawing me closer and closer when it suits their mood.
I used to try to resist the come-ons of both Argetni when we were first married, and of Seras before the affair started, for Argetni used to like to play with me when I first announced my impending marriage to Lillith, and though she would touch my mind and caress my skin, I could repel her and not allow her to take me so she could do what she pleased. I believed that she just wanted to test my loyalty to the family, and I thought I was doing the right thing by refusing her.
Years passed, and then Seras Victoria came to my office. She was never the prettiest of women, but she sat on my desk, and stared deep in to my soul as she held my chin and forced me to open my eyes- yes, she did have her other hand prying my eyelids open, and to my chagrin, I wanted nothing more than Seras.
Lillith or Argetni did not even compare to the strawberry blond vampire that day. So I was led, nay, forced, in to believing that Seras Victoria was the most wonderful and perfect creature I could ever have wanted.
That was the day the affair started, and that was also the day I began receiving blood transfusions on a weekly basis. I could not allow for the pure blood of Hellsing to be tainted by such monsters as my predecessor had allowed.
The loss of blood, even though it was for science, weakened me, making me even more susceptible to the whims of the vampire, for I was not strong enough to defend my mind against their attacks.
And this is when Argetni came back to me for just a day. God, you know I did not want her, and you know I tried to justify this lust that I felt because of the influence of her mind upon my fragile mortal one by the bonds of our former marriage, but it was as if I was watching someone else control my body as I reached out for her, watched her take my hands and kiss my body, then all of the sudden I was pulled back in to my mortal form to feel the most incredible amount of pain one can imagine.
Argetni ripped flesh from my cheek with just her fangs. It was pure unadultered pain and horror as I watched helplessly, for even my strength is no match compared to a vampire's. I still wear the scar where my flesh will never tan or take much color where she pulled it from my face as a symbol of my stupidity when it comes to the undead armies that plague the night.
Please God, tell me what Your plan is for my daughter and for me. I want to place her on the correct path in life, and I pray that it is with Hellsing.
Your humble servant, H.M.v.Hellsing