Vegeta no Oujisama's Rant on Bad Fiction
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a Goku and Vegeta – DBZ fanfiction
by
mkh2
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Disclaimer: I've been writing to Santa everyday this month that I would like to own DBZ, along with a few select other anime/manga series, not too many, no more than twenty… I think… Unfortunately, since it's not Christmas yet, I still do not own DBZ and all related characters, though I have a rather nice plastic Vegeta keychain somewhere…
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Vegeta sat at the computer, left eyebrow twitching as he stared at the screen. He couldn't believe his eyes – such garbage, such filth! Since when did his beloved website allow such trash to be submitted and posted? Surely, this couldn't be possible – didn't it say under "Create Story: Writer's Etiquette" that everything was supposed to be spell checked first? Didn't every person who came to this site aspire to higher levels of success in their submitted material, didn't they?
Yes, it did, and yes, they should.
Half snarling, Vegeta turned towards the kitchen and yelled for Goku, who was currently emptying out the refrigerator to make a snack for the two of them. "Hey Goku, come here and tell me what you think of this."
Goku nodded and waddled over, arms filled to overflowing, trying to not step on the sausage link that was slapping against his calves. "Ah, just a sec, lemme put this on the kitchen table first." Dropping the small mountain of food on the table, he practically bounced over, arms feeling much lighter without the food, food, glorious food…
"Eh, what is this? Some type of computer code or… *gasp* … a virus?" Goku stared at the screen, a bit awe struck at what appeared to him to be a lot of gibberish or at least some sort of foreign… whatever.
"It's English – a fanfiction about *Meow Meow Space Cadets," Vegeta frowned.
"Meow Meow Space Cadets? My– I mean, yours– I mean, Gohan's favorite TV show? How awful! Is that supposed to be Kylie's name? 'Kighlo?'" Goku gawked at the horrible mess, eyes slowly beginning to interpret some of what was written. "It's a mess: look here, at the top, he hates… wait, is that supposed to mean 'Sandra' or 'Shiva'… and two lines down they're already making out and saying I love you… at least I think that's what that is saying, hard to read… and… gah! Is that supposed to be a naughty-naughty no-no scene?" He half-wailed.
"'Naughty-naughty… no-no?'" Vegeta raised an eyebrow at the larger saiyan, whose head was almost level with his own.
"Um, really graphic, uh, love-making scenes… ya know, they banned those on FF.net a while back…" Goku scratched the bridge of his nose tiredly, his eyes already sore from staring at the black and white blur that was supposed to be writing on the screen.
"This _is_ FF.net," said Vegeta dryly.
"Yeh-you're kidding me," Goku blinked luminous black eyes at Vegeta. "This piece here breaks all the rules! It can't be posted. It's not allowed."
Vegeta nodded. "I know, I know, I'm gonna report it, but first I'm going to yell at the idiot… Honestly, making a mockery of my– I mean, yours– I mean, Gohan's favorite TV show." Turning to the keys, he began typing. "You finish making that snack; I'm gonna be starving by the time I'm done here."
"Right," Goku chirped and returned to the kitchen to finish preparing the sandwiches and other snacks.
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"Heh heh heh heh- hah ha hah hah ha!" Vegeta laughed proudly as he looked at the carefully typed review, so nicely and neatly typed out, basically no flaws in it whatsoever – after all, if he had the whole thing flooded with errors, it would seem as if he had no real right to write such things, and he wasn't about to get it rubbed in his face, oh no, not the saiyajin no ouji. "Goku, come here and read this – tell me what you think before I submit it."
Goku nodded and walked over, pushing a serving cart heavy-laden with the quickly and carefully prepared goodies (he may not be able to work a stove too well, but he's king of the Dagwood sandwiches, so much so that they should be renamed after him), and, pulling up a chair, looked at the "little" review Vegeta had written.
"I quite enjoy the atmosphere created here at FF.net, though I'm afraid I have to frown at the NC-17 restrictions; I was looking at fics here long before they decided to ban such fics and while, yes, I did come across some NC-17 fics here then, at least they weren't masquerading as R as many do these days, and they also gave warnings to younger audiences that it was intended for those 17 and older. These days, you can't always be sure exactly what to expect when you open up an R-rated fic.
"Not that I'm always a patient, peaceful person, but everybody has a right to be annoyed/irritated/infuriated when a person, touting their "amazing author/authoress prowess" and bragging about their 'skills' as a writer happens to post trash that isn't worthy enough to wipe muck off my shoes with and then goes around bagging on other peoples hard work. If you have put forth considerable effort into your work, maybe getting it beta'd or have other people who know what they're doing check it first – you have nothing to be ashamed of then – but when it looks like you just hit a bunch of keys at random and posted it, throwing in what looks like poorly spelled names of familiar characters and a shoddy title, you should be thoroughly and completely kicked.
"With the advances in computers these days, all people should have access to spell and grammar check, even if you have to use a program and do copy and paste. Those who don't have spelling and grammar check still have no excuse concerning spelling (the occasional misspelled word in no big deal, but please – show some effort! [Heck, I was barely educated and I still have better grammar than you.]) There is a very cheap all-purpose spell checker that is available at libraries, bookstores, drugstores, and general stores everywhere: it's called a dictionary. Only people who have English as their second language have an excuse, and the majority of the time they are better with spelling and grammar than many native speakers (look at me.) The only other time it's acceptable is if it is essential to the storyline (such as a character with bad grammar or spelling, or if it is someone speaking… and sometimes it's done to be 'cute' – I do that sometimes.)
"Grammar and spell-checkers are everywhere these days, on the internet, on the computer; book sets including a thesaurus, dictionary and grammar guide are sold at drugstores and other market venues everywhere. A few misspelled words or misused grammar is passable and understandable considering the way people speak in day to day conversation, but when every written word seems reminiscent of the t-shirt logo "Hookt on fonix wurked 4 me" that is going a little to far.
"Showing some effort in your work shows not only respect for your readers and the guidelines set my FF.net, but also for yourself.
"SO… Start writing better and maybe I won't go hunt you down and incinerate your worthless carcass.
"Sincerely,
"Vegeta no Oujisama no Vegeta-sei"
Vegeta grinned proudly and looked at Goku. "Well, what do you think?"
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh…" gaped Goku. He slapped himself in the face. "Uh, oh, good, very well written, it's just, uh, a little much, don'cha think?" he grinned cheesily at Vegeta.
"No, I don't think so," Vegeta clicked the send button.
"Hey, Veg, who wrote that horrible fic, anyway?" Goku frowned thoughtfully.
"Um," Vegeta scrolled up the page. "'VelvyBluJinus3000SuperSx' – what a long name."
Goku turned a light shade of green. "Oh no – oh, oh no, oh no, oh no!"
"What?" Vegeta frowned.
"Veggie!" wailed Goku. "That's Bulma's screenname!"
~Owari~
Deleted blooper:
Vegeta scratched the bridge of his nose. "Hey, you think I shoulda put something in there about plagiarizing?"
Goku sighed.
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*Meow Meow Space Cadets = I made this up, couldn't think of anything else. If somebody made this up before, I'm sorry! Just show me adequate proof that this name was yours and I'll list your name here, but since I think it was an original idea, I'm still going to keep it up.
Oh, and yes, in case you didn't catch Goku's and Vegeta's reactions, this is their favorite TV show – they're just too embarrassed about watching a kiddie's cartoon so they're just blaming their knowledge of it on Gohan, who probably has never seen it before due to all the studying he does…
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Seriously, I was reading fiction here back when NC-17 fics were allowed. The first NC-17 fic I read at a different site I hadn't realized it was rated that until I looked back at the rating again ("Was this a G or PG?"), in fact, it was so clean it could've passed for a PG, and it was only when I was around sixteen that, when I read it again, and having recently seen something about homosexuals, did I realize how why it was given that rating, hadn't realized how "naughty" it really was (it was a small Sailor Moon piece written from the point of view of Fiore thinking about what he'll do when he sees Mamoru again – seriously, when I had read it, there didn't, and still doesn't, seem to be anything bad enough in there to have it filed under that rating.) When I had started reading fiction here, sometimes, in my eagerness to read interesting or amusing fiction, I would click on a NC-17 link; luckily enough, there would then pop up a little box stating that I haven't just tried to access a 17 and over fic and to either click on the "yes, I'm old enough" or "no, I'm underage" box – this box popped up on every single NC-17 link that you clicked on. So I can't see why they decided to stop posting those fics here, some people like them, some don't – I personally, prefer to avoid them, but truthfully, if I want to find one bad enough, I can easily find one, even some on FF.net masquerading as PG-13 or R-rated fics.