No Need for Words
What is love? What defines a relationship? Is it love when care immensely for the life and welfare of another? Is a relationship simply the coexistence of two individuals? Or is it something more? When does the simply act of caring and fondness become something as complicated and powerful as love? What defines the transition from fondness to love? Despite all of the explanations and definitions I have been handed, I do not know if I will ever truly know the answer.
I have known Kevin Mask for a long time, much longer than even he believes. I took my place at his side as his coach not with the intentions of helping him to strengthen his physical prowess, despite what I had told him. No…he does not need a trainer, he trains himself hard enough already. Too hard, even. What he needs a friend, a comrade. During the course of a surprisingly large portion of his life I had watched him. Throughout perceiving his interactions with others I discovered that he is, literally, incapable of interpreting a friendship as genuine. The combination of brutally unhealthy previous relationships, and his lack of social interaction during his childhood due to his father's influence compels him to this mindset. He can only understand the purpose of relationships as being how he can use it to manipulate others, or how others would use it to manipulate him. So I offered my services to him as a coach, with the hopes of earning his trust and teaching him the true meaning of friendship.
Over the course of a few months, our companionship has become increasingly intimate. Slowly he has begun to reveal more of himself to me, some good and some not so good. Yet…it has only served to increase my genuine fondness for him. Kevin, despite the mistakes he has made and what others would believe, is a good person. There are so many little things that he does that show his gentle and compassionate nature. From placing his jacket over my shoulders during a cold winter day to rushing to the store to buy medicine whenever I was sick, his small gestures were always so very thoughtful and sincere.
Although he would never admit to it, I can see that deep inside Kevin is very lonely. I can see his despair in his golden eyes, I can feel it about him like a fog. Others can feel it too, I see, but they disregard it as something else. Arrogance, petulance… I can understand their misjudgments. They only see what he presents to the public eye. They do not see him sitting in the locker room with his head in his hands, even after a victorious match. They do not hear him cry out at night. As much as I yearn to comfort him, if I were to try, he would dismiss my efforts as having ulterior intentions. He simply cannot see it as anything else. So with a heavy heart, I retained a certain amount of aloofness even as we grew increasingly close.
It was a few months after the initiation of our relationship that I discovered how his deep-rooted loneliness and anguish had taken a physical toll. He had trained himself so severely that he completely neglected the nutritional aspect, leaving his body extremely undernourished. I tried valiantly to find a way to increase his food intake, from reminding him when to eat, to cooking only meals he had a liking for. Nothing worked. At one point, I wondered if somehow he suffered from one of those dietary ailments, such as anorexia or bulimia. However, after much research into the matter I came to the conclusion that that is not the case. Not once had Kevin ever expressed concern over his weight or physical appearance, which is a major symptom in those illnesses. With those other options nullified, I finally figured that his lack of dietary sustenance was due to his extreme overexertion. As a result, I tried to find a way to decrease the amount and severity of his training, but Kevin would hear none of it. Stubbornness has always been a Mask family trait. I eventually backed off on the matter, with the purpose that time would increase our closeness and ease his loneliness, and his masochistic style of training along with it. Never had I fancied that it would take the extreme turn it did before his first match in the chojin crown tournament.
Kevin strived to master his dormant powers, so when he said that he was going to train 'just a little bit more', I had allowed him to go off without me. Truly I should have known better. Looking upon his shriveled body, hearing the horrified gasps of the audience and feeling his ribs pressing against my side as I half-carried him to the ring, I knew something had to be done. Fortunately, he managed to call on his Maelstrom ability and save his match, giving me a chance to reverse the terrible effects of his over exertion.
I had precious little time to work with before his next match against Black Number 5 and continuously wracked my mind with possible solutions. How does one help someone who does not see a problem? A favorable resolution seemed impossible. Finally, one evening, it came to me.
I had just cooked a large meal, and Kevin had just finished a day of excessive training. After eating a very small portion, he began to excuse himself from the table when I noticed that he looked very, very sore. Apparently he had pulled his back during his exercise but was too proud to stop or say anything about it. Acting quickly, I offered to rub his back if he were to finish a larger portion of the meal. At first he looked at me as if he fancied me insane, but apparently realizing that I was serious, agreed. Thus began an almost daily ritual. He would train during most of the day, eat one (sometimes two!) relatively large meals, then I would rub his back in the evening. Not only did it help to increase his nutritional intake and decrease the overall amount of overexertion (as his nightly exercises were shortened dramatically), but also elevated the intimacy between us. It did not work all the time, but it was enough to make a change.
Still, that alone could not relieve him of his loneliness and, as much as I wanted to, I was afraid to do anything more. If I were to get too close to him, my efforts may become counterproductive and scare him away. That was a risk I could not afford to take.
Yet now, watching him look into the blaze of my fireplace with such a lonely, desolate look in his golden eyes, I am compelled to take action. Tomorrow would be his second match against an unknown opponent. Whether he won or lost did not matter to me, I would be proud of him either way. However, despite my efforts to prove to him otherwise, Kevin had been taught to believe that his own worth was measured only by his physical attributes. As a result, a loss of such magnitude would be devastating. With this in mind, I cannot allow him to go into that match with such a depressing attitude. As his coach, as his comrade, I cannot allow it.
Telling him any of this would be futile. Long winded declarations of affection are nothing but empty promises that cannot be depended on. The only way to truly prove one's sincerity is by clarity of action. So, with the knowledge of the immense risk I am undertaking, I take my place behind Kevin and place my hand on his back. As he turns his head to look at me, I embrace him. I feel him stiffen in my grasp, and worry that I might have made the wrong choice. However, I do not regret my decision. If he were to be scared away from my act of affection, at the very least he will know for absolutely certainty that I do care about him. That his feelings and thoughts matter to me, and that if he needed me I would be here.
Suddenly, I feel him rest his head on my shoulder, and his hand lightly pressing against mine. I tighten my grip ever so slightly and to my amazement, I feel… something wonderful…like what people describe as a 'fluttering in their chest'. I am not entirely sure what it represents, as it is not a feeling that I am familiar with…yet I must admit, it was one that was becoming more recurrent. Is this indescribable emotion the identity of love? Does it even matter? The only thing I know for sure is that, no matter what, life will always go on…as a living being, both he and I will continue to grow, to achieve as well as to fall…and that, no matter what, whenever he falls I will be there to catch him.
Author's Notes: The bug hath bitten me and I was compelled to write Croe's POV of this story. Overall, I am proud of how it came out, even if it is short. Just incase you couldn't tell from the story itself, it's supposed to take place the day before Kevin's match against Blocks. So fluffy…makes me wanna hug people. =D Any further chapters are highly unlikely, but you never know! ;) Hope you enjoyed the story!