October
by Bethe
~*~
Response to Cas' "October" challenge from PC. Sorry it took me so long to get to it, Cas. I just now got the song, and the idea has been a stewin' in my brain for a few days now. I made a few alterations since the chorus is repeated so many times. So the song is not exactly as it is recorded, but imagine this more as a soundtrack piece playing behind the acting.
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from tP at all. Don't even come here looking for them. All you'll find is a messy room and a frazzled college student under duress of finals.
~*~
Miss Parker leaned against her door as she shut it, resting her head against the thick wood. Her eyes moved back and forth, despite the fact that they really weren't seeing much of anything. Her mind was doing the seeing.
She couldn't put up with the Centre for much longer. Her ulcer was back, and with a vengeance. Her brother wasn't helping matters much. If she didn't get out soon, she would die, of that she was certain. The doctors had told her as much years ago, but she remained in a state of arrogant denial. Suddenly, the old That Only Happens To Other People way of thinking was falling a little flat.
Parker moved away from her door, navigating only by instinct. She reached her room, changed out of her work attire and into a pair of black leggings and a black fleece sweater. She pulled her hair back into a ponytail for the first time in years (where she found the hair tie was anyone's guess), slid on some gloves, and pulled her tennis shoes, white as the day they came from the store, out from their place.
I can't run anymore,
I fall before you,
Here I am,
I have nothing left,
As she finished lacing her shoes, she left the house and immediately broke into a jog. She wanted to clear her head, but understanding dawned on her all to quick. Tears began to flood her eyes, blurring her vision. As the first tear hit her cheek, thunder rumbled somewhere in close proximity.
Though I've tried to forget,
You're all that I am,
Take me home,
I'm through fighting it,
The rain began to fall as she let loose a sob. She slowed down, and eventually stopped. She lifted her face to the sky, letting the rain mingle with her tears. Had anyone been driving past her, they would have thought she was having a nervous breakdown. Well, how would you expect one to act when they've found they've been wrong almost all of their life? Yes, Parker had been wrong. About everything.
She sobbed freely now, clenching her hands into unforgiving fists. When she felt the hand on her shoulder, she turned around.
Broken,
Lifeless,
I give up,
You're my only strength,
Without you,
I can't go on,
Anymore,
Ever again.
She looked Jarod in the face unapologetically. She offered no excuse for her red eyes, for her defeated posture. She simply looked into his eyes and shrugged almost imperceptibly.
"What happened?" he asked, his voice almost drowned out by the rain.
Parker smiled a hauntingly sad smile, reached out and lightly fingered his leather jacket. "Thank you," she whispered.
"For what?" Jarod asked, genuinely confused.
"For trying to make me see." She closed her eyes and tilted her head to the left. "I was wrong. About the game. You see, I was the one doing the running, not you."
I can't run anymore,
I give myself to you,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
"Is that so?" Jarod asked softly, moving closer to Parker. She opened her eyes and nodded.
"I ran from everything. I ran from the truth. From trust, Jarod. I ran, and now it's killing me."
"What are you going to do about it?" he asked, realizing this was a decision she could only make herself.
"Give up," she murmured, almost coyly.
In all my bitterness,
I ignored,
All that's real and true,
All I need is you,
Jarod cocked his head and stepped even closer. He took her face in his hands after wiping away the hair that had fallen from her ponytail. "Are you sure?" he whispered, his heart in his throat.
Parker's face crumpled then. She shook her head, but choked out, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Jarod."
When night falls on me,
I'll not close my eyes,
I'm too alive,
And you're too strong,
I can't lie anymore,
I fall down before you,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry.
Jarod took her into his arms then, holding her lightly against him and rubbing one hand up and down her back. She sobbed loud and hard, but she held him right back.
She cried next to his ear, "I can't do it anymore, Jarod. I can't live the lie that was set out for me. I don't want to be wrong anymore. My life's been so dark, but I'm scared I can't find the light anymore." She coughed then: a liquidy, painful sound that caused Jarod to wince. He brought his hand to the back of her head and held her tighter.
"Will you let me help you?" he asked desperately. He felt her shake her head, and began to worry.
"Do it all, Jarod," she pleaded in a throaty rasp. "Just take care of me. I can't do it on my own."
Constantly ignoring,
The pain consuming me,
But this time it's cut too deep,
I'll never stray again.
She coughed again, and a crack of lightning lit up the sky. Jarod felt her legs begin to buckle, so he picked her up and carried her the short distance to her house. He set her down on the sofa and looked for a thick blanket to lay over her. He shortly returned to her side with the item he'd been searching for. He draped the blanket over her and was about to get up again when her hand to his forearm stopped him.
"Jarod," she said quite breathlessly.
"I'll make sure you get better, and then we'll get out of Delaware," he assured warmly, interrupting her. She shook her head and closed her eyes. Her breathing was labored. After a few moments, she opened her eyes again.
My only hope, (All the times I've tried)
My only peace, (To walk away from you)
My only joy,
My only strength, (I fall into your abounding grace)
My only power,
My only life, (And love is where I am)
My only love.
"I love you," she whispered before falling asleep.
~*~
El Fin