Perfect days
Part 3
That part of the town was not great all, even though it was the first time I went there. As I continued my way I was still thinking about the aftermath of the Rage party. I was humiliated big time and like it wasn't enough I had the pleasure to show the display of happiness from my so called my friends. They were enjoying what happened to me. Justin was threatening me like a stranger. I was the bad guy for everybody, the evil villain who finally was defeated.
Of course it wasn't the case with Michael. Michael was worried for me. Michael was in full pissy mode and in full protector mode. He was the one to take my side. Well, I was Brian Kinney, those dumbasses who were happy to see me bleeding on the floor, I had to show them and I had to ignore them. I knew who my real friends were now.
So Justin was flying on his own wings, it was his choice but why did he need to be like that with me? He left my loft like a coward. I didn't want that. But well he had his wrong and mine, too.
So free again, the reality hit me hard again when I learned that the professor wasn't planning to go to Tibet anymore, but even worse not even a week after the party, he moved into Michael's flat. Shit, it was like I was missing an episode there. Plus the display from Emmett and Ted as new lovers. I didn't know why but these two, that seemed just wrong, ridiculous, I didn't know. Maybe I was jealous, maybe not. Maybe it was just like a bad episode of the Twilight Zone.
When I resumed the situation, it was bad. My reputation as a stud was destroyed and I had to rebuild it. I found some of my friends and Justin betrayed me, humiliated me or enjoyed my humiliation. Michael and Ben were living together. Most important, now that I didn't have Justin in charge anymore I wanted my Mikey back and Ben was there, a big difficulty, something I underestimated big time. But hey, I was Brian Kinney and Michael belonged to me, no? Always had, always will? I just did the same tactics to get Mikey back. I was acting like I did when the doc was there. But Ben is not the doc. Ben was the perfect housewife Michael needed and he was letting Michael do what he wanted with me. Fucking up their relationship wouldn't be so easy as with David. Ben was safety when I was all the opposite. Michael is not a risky type of man.
What probably will stay in my heart forever will be that punch I gave him. Michael was in his full protecting mode; he was so hurt and angry for me. He was at his limit of tolerance for Justin and he didn't accept that someone could hurt me. Now when I thought of this, even after I punched him, it was so evident. But I was myself at that time at my limit and he was telling the truth I didn't want to hear, didn't want to believe. Justin used me, I just didn't want to listen. I wanted him to shut up and then he was so at his limit he said that horrible thing, and I punched him. I punched him because you don't have the right to say that. I punched him because he pushed me to listen something I didn't want hear. I just couldn't stand it. It wasn't so much because of Justin, it was because of everything Michael was showing to me, something unbearable, even himself. I couldn't bear his voice, that Michael wasn't the Michael I used to know. He was full of hatred, fed by frustration during those two years. And what he said was the cruel truth. It was like Michael was me, expressing all my anger and my hurt, expressing by words all my demons and dirty thoughts I could have because of anger. I punched him because he was like a mirror or what I thought, what I maybe wished myself , and I realised the horror. I punched him for what he said, but I punched him because maybe he was a mirror of my feelings that I couldn't bear. We were in our extreme part, both of us. My act was violent as much as his words were. The result was the hurt for both of us. But we calmed down in our sort of madness just after. At least we didn't wait one week to make up and we needed nobody to do that this time, even after such a violent situation from both of us. When I think of this now, I am proud we just made up simply. It wasn't easy but we got through it like was not such a big deal when we knew what really happened.
I ordered a hustler who had to be close enough to Justin. I wanted to believe it was Justin in front of me. And this time, I was paying him for his service. I was admitting that our relationship was sort of like that. I had to bury Justin, by doing it. He used me and now I was paying him to remind me it was that. I didn't want to see the hustler's face. I wanted to believe it was Justin, and it was. Sad, but it was like before, I fucked him, I paid him. 300 dollars for a goodbye.
I really tried to get Mikey back, I used all that I could. I was monopolizing his time, and I was around to piss off the professor. I showed to Michael I wanted him in a sexual way too, that he could be at the guys place I was holding and I meant it. I tried to bring him back with memories of our young days, and I proposed an escape to New York. But each time the professor was with us. sort of. I had nausea each time Michael was talking about it and found he was the reason why he was rejecting me. Maybe the professor was more important than me. But Mikey was always happy and on my side. I needed a break. I took it and found myself more and more interested in Justin's situation. How was his relationship working? Did he have more luck than me? Was he happier now?
God, Ethan was a living advertisement for a romantic cliché. And believed me, I knew all about advertising. The violinist wasn't a bad guy, he was young and dumb like Justin. The perfect couple. Did you ever see a couple of chickens or whatever completely blind and happy until they hit the wall? Well, that was Justin and the brunette. What I disliked the most was when I learned Justin was about to repeat his same mistake he did with me. I had to be the sacrificial lamb for the name of Vermont and love for Justin and Justin was about to do the same with the guy. I didn't give a shit about Ethan, but I just couldn't let Justin do it again. He had to learn this time. I went to talk to the homeless violinist. Justin was pissed as hell. "What about me?" Geez! What about him? I told him his conception of true love sucks. It's all about him. But love is compromise; love is thinking about the one you love before your own selfishness. Maybe I was hard but I just couldn't let this happen again. Someone had to wake the dreamy Taylor princess from his fake fairy tail. Talking about fairy tale. Ethan, brought the ring. Ethan, the Lord of the Ring.
Wow, the more I was about to arrive at this address, the more I found myself sarcastic as hell. I guessed it's that. sort of unconscious training to be on top in a little while.
Yes, the ring, I didn't know, did I have to laugh my ass off or cry? They really were pathetic. Then they broke up. Justin was looking at me while he fucked that guy in the backroom. It was not a loving look. Yep, I told him, and he just understood.
Then Ben took his ticket to steroid land. I was full of worry for Michael, but even if I tried to be involved like always there were things only Michael could resolve. And it was one of them.
I had the displeasure to see Justin stalking me again. At first I was pissed. So prince charming number 2 didn't work so the solution was to come back to the number one. Great, I wanted to make things difficult and what did he do? He almost gave up, blaming me again for his own choice. I liked Justin. Once again I gave him a little lesson, that you have to fight to have what you want. And he did. He learned damn quickly I stayed stunned.
We came back together, sort of; I mean we began to fuck each other again. I made it clear. And also clear the fact he had to be honest and that what he did hurt me. I was happy. I was feeling so alone, and Justin was back on my conditions, and I missed having someone by my side.
At the same time, I planned to leave Pittsburgh. I was back to my threatened mode, "I'm leaving!" Because I had to face it, Michael was in a committed relationship and Michael was all I had. I was nearly in the same situation as one year and half before when Michael was with David. Stockwell gave me the reason I needed. I could have a great situation in New York and all. I wanted it, because it's the only value I had and I could have. I knew that I was doing the wrong thing. I was uneasy when Stockwell was talking about the baths and all. But at the same time, why give a shit about that town and community? Plus Stockwell was a smart person, so difficult to handle, even with my self-assurance and all. It was like playing with fire. I wasn't saving; playing with Stockwell was a hard game. The man himself was a challenge for me. It's difficult to explain. There was something about that man that attracted me and not sexually and vice and versa. As I thought of it, it even may be a little scary. So when Ted came to me to ask him to help what he fucked up alone, I guessed he didn't have a clue of my situation. I wasn't God manipulating Stockwell. I was far from it. Plus the way he asked me to do it. And why do a favour for someone who was just laughing at me months before? I always helped him and what did I get? And now that? If I took the risk to save his ass, to play my place with Stockwell. It certainly was not for Ted's fucking ass. I did it for Emmett, for what he said to me.
The fact that I was back with Justin had a good impact. I played with Justin at the beginning the return of happy lovers. Michael was pissed. I was smiling at that idea. Justin was always the start bottom and I was glad to see it. So Michael was still jealous, the professor didn't have all his heart yet. But at this time, Michael caught me off guard. He just exploded with his take Justin with you. when we weren't talking about Justin at all. That hit me! He was thinking Justin was more important than him to me, he was jealous, maybe hurt and very sad that I was back with the kid. I had to do something, because he was wrong, because it was always him, since the beginning. I could be with other people, but in my heart he was the only one forever. I could be far from there, and he was still my only love. So no matter where I was and who I was with, I will always love him. I said that to him. That he was my only love and always will be.
He looked at me. It wasn't what he was expecting to hear. And the appearance was against me. I knew the that fact I had just gotten back with Justin, the fact that I wanted to go to New York, the fact that maybe he thought I tried to have him back to replace Justin. He was certainly thinking, if you love me so much so why were you leaving? Why were you talking about leaving me? Because I loved him, because he was my only reason to stay and also my only reason to leave if I wanted a life knowing he already had Ben and was happy with him.
He said bullshit, he didn't believe me, but I wasn't upset. This is one more thing I couldn't do for my Mikey, is having him to believe me when I said I will always love him. He had to realise it by himself, a thing only he can do. I kissed him on the forehead; lips weren't appropriate. He was so confused inside, it could have confused him more, or make him reject me. I said simply, as a matter of fact, it's not bullshit.
I didn't want to let go of my plan to leave, but when Michael learned that I had lost the job, he was so happy. He didn't even try to hide it. I knew that if I had to go, this time Michael's reaction would be different than what it was one year and half before. That Michael was ready to confront me about the option was definitely interesting. After that, I couldn't stop saying good hints about him, implying a sexual meaning, things I didn't have to use before. So maybe that was because my frustration was beginning to rise, maybe because I just wanted to have him think. I could never give up to reach my goal with Michael. He had to see and I was ready to give him a clue.
But my own selfishness was doing something wrong and Debbie pointed the things out to me and Justin did, too. So Debbie came back with her round 3, but this time she didn't bring the bullshit. Like Debbie said, it's always amazing how I can go far but stop at the limits of going too far. It was just because I was a real bad guy. What Debbie said to me when I lost my job touched me in a way she probably ever knew.
The Stockwell fight brought some common points between me and Justin. I was sharing something in common with him and it wasn't the sex. It was something I liked it. I knew after that return of lovers, that Justin would turn back to a dreamy mode and he did. I could have left tricking. I was bored with tricks. Before I was tricking for fun and because it was something pleasant to provoke Michael with the tricking even if I was failing big time each time. Like maybe one day, he will yell "stop" or something. That was my romantic part. After I had to keep tricking also because it's a way to show Michael that nobody can have me, in a way it's proving him he is the one I love, the exception. If I let go the tricking, he wasn't anymore. That's a tricky situation.
So like I bet Justin was back in his full mode dreamy life and he forgot what the deal we made was. I had to remind him the deal. And I did with the 11 o'clock date. It wasn't that I was excited with the trick , I just had to do it, to replace Justin's thoughts in the right way.
And then, we defeated Stockwell. I had to lose everything. It was a real way to pay my price for my own selfishness but I succeeded. And that day I thought would never come, just came. Mikey was standing in front of me. He was risking everything for something he knew was right. He was fucking the goddamn laws he respected so much since captain Astro gave him a lesson.
I was so impressed. He was risking more than I ever did, even when I went into debt to defeat the police chief. He could have serious problems, lose everything in a worse way than I did. I smiled at him, so you took all the risks. Yep, he was ready to take any risk. That was the new Michael, the Michael who grew up since two years ago. I didn't have to think, I gave him my keys. I was taking all this risk with him. I knew it was more dangerous than only losing my car and being in debt in a worse way. I was an accomplice of a crime in the eyes of the law. But I trusted Mikey. And I couldn't let him do it alone. Because it was all about us, since the beginning. He was sort of shocked, and asked me if was sure because he knew the importance of my act and what it was implying. I didn't have any doubt in my mind. Because it's Michael and Brian no matter what until the end of our lives. He went to kiss me, and I was in fucking heaven, because it was all about us and he was confirming it by his kiss. We forgot Justin, everybody. I saw him leave, and I couldn't stop watching in his direction. My heart was beating. A little worried, a little in euphoria. A new day was coming for both of us. We left everything we had behind us and didn't know what could happen. The only thing that was sure was "us."
And here I am. Montgomery's little house. In a minute I will do my best to scare Hunter's bitch mother to death. I have to get her to quit the charges, to have Mikey back and safe. No matter I could risk doing it. Michael was my everything. I lost all material things, I couldn't care less of what could happen to me if I was sure to protect Michael.
I knocked, and she opened the door. I was thinking, "Say hello, to your nightmare."
******
My plan worked perfectly, Hunter's mom backed off and Michael was about to come back.
tbc
Part 3
That part of the town was not great all, even though it was the first time I went there. As I continued my way I was still thinking about the aftermath of the Rage party. I was humiliated big time and like it wasn't enough I had the pleasure to show the display of happiness from my so called my friends. They were enjoying what happened to me. Justin was threatening me like a stranger. I was the bad guy for everybody, the evil villain who finally was defeated.
Of course it wasn't the case with Michael. Michael was worried for me. Michael was in full pissy mode and in full protector mode. He was the one to take my side. Well, I was Brian Kinney, those dumbasses who were happy to see me bleeding on the floor, I had to show them and I had to ignore them. I knew who my real friends were now.
So Justin was flying on his own wings, it was his choice but why did he need to be like that with me? He left my loft like a coward. I didn't want that. But well he had his wrong and mine, too.
So free again, the reality hit me hard again when I learned that the professor wasn't planning to go to Tibet anymore, but even worse not even a week after the party, he moved into Michael's flat. Shit, it was like I was missing an episode there. Plus the display from Emmett and Ted as new lovers. I didn't know why but these two, that seemed just wrong, ridiculous, I didn't know. Maybe I was jealous, maybe not. Maybe it was just like a bad episode of the Twilight Zone.
When I resumed the situation, it was bad. My reputation as a stud was destroyed and I had to rebuild it. I found some of my friends and Justin betrayed me, humiliated me or enjoyed my humiliation. Michael and Ben were living together. Most important, now that I didn't have Justin in charge anymore I wanted my Mikey back and Ben was there, a big difficulty, something I underestimated big time. But hey, I was Brian Kinney and Michael belonged to me, no? Always had, always will? I just did the same tactics to get Mikey back. I was acting like I did when the doc was there. But Ben is not the doc. Ben was the perfect housewife Michael needed and he was letting Michael do what he wanted with me. Fucking up their relationship wouldn't be so easy as with David. Ben was safety when I was all the opposite. Michael is not a risky type of man.
What probably will stay in my heart forever will be that punch I gave him. Michael was in his full protecting mode; he was so hurt and angry for me. He was at his limit of tolerance for Justin and he didn't accept that someone could hurt me. Now when I thought of this, even after I punched him, it was so evident. But I was myself at that time at my limit and he was telling the truth I didn't want to hear, didn't want to believe. Justin used me, I just didn't want to listen. I wanted him to shut up and then he was so at his limit he said that horrible thing, and I punched him. I punched him because you don't have the right to say that. I punched him because he pushed me to listen something I didn't want hear. I just couldn't stand it. It wasn't so much because of Justin, it was because of everything Michael was showing to me, something unbearable, even himself. I couldn't bear his voice, that Michael wasn't the Michael I used to know. He was full of hatred, fed by frustration during those two years. And what he said was the cruel truth. It was like Michael was me, expressing all my anger and my hurt, expressing by words all my demons and dirty thoughts I could have because of anger. I punched him because he was like a mirror or what I thought, what I maybe wished myself , and I realised the horror. I punched him for what he said, but I punched him because maybe he was a mirror of my feelings that I couldn't bear. We were in our extreme part, both of us. My act was violent as much as his words were. The result was the hurt for both of us. But we calmed down in our sort of madness just after. At least we didn't wait one week to make up and we needed nobody to do that this time, even after such a violent situation from both of us. When I think of this now, I am proud we just made up simply. It wasn't easy but we got through it like was not such a big deal when we knew what really happened.
I ordered a hustler who had to be close enough to Justin. I wanted to believe it was Justin in front of me. And this time, I was paying him for his service. I was admitting that our relationship was sort of like that. I had to bury Justin, by doing it. He used me and now I was paying him to remind me it was that. I didn't want to see the hustler's face. I wanted to believe it was Justin, and it was. Sad, but it was like before, I fucked him, I paid him. 300 dollars for a goodbye.
I really tried to get Mikey back, I used all that I could. I was monopolizing his time, and I was around to piss off the professor. I showed to Michael I wanted him in a sexual way too, that he could be at the guys place I was holding and I meant it. I tried to bring him back with memories of our young days, and I proposed an escape to New York. But each time the professor was with us. sort of. I had nausea each time Michael was talking about it and found he was the reason why he was rejecting me. Maybe the professor was more important than me. But Mikey was always happy and on my side. I needed a break. I took it and found myself more and more interested in Justin's situation. How was his relationship working? Did he have more luck than me? Was he happier now?
God, Ethan was a living advertisement for a romantic cliché. And believed me, I knew all about advertising. The violinist wasn't a bad guy, he was young and dumb like Justin. The perfect couple. Did you ever see a couple of chickens or whatever completely blind and happy until they hit the wall? Well, that was Justin and the brunette. What I disliked the most was when I learned Justin was about to repeat his same mistake he did with me. I had to be the sacrificial lamb for the name of Vermont and love for Justin and Justin was about to do the same with the guy. I didn't give a shit about Ethan, but I just couldn't let Justin do it again. He had to learn this time. I went to talk to the homeless violinist. Justin was pissed as hell. "What about me?" Geez! What about him? I told him his conception of true love sucks. It's all about him. But love is compromise; love is thinking about the one you love before your own selfishness. Maybe I was hard but I just couldn't let this happen again. Someone had to wake the dreamy Taylor princess from his fake fairy tail. Talking about fairy tale. Ethan, brought the ring. Ethan, the Lord of the Ring.
Wow, the more I was about to arrive at this address, the more I found myself sarcastic as hell. I guessed it's that. sort of unconscious training to be on top in a little while.
Yes, the ring, I didn't know, did I have to laugh my ass off or cry? They really were pathetic. Then they broke up. Justin was looking at me while he fucked that guy in the backroom. It was not a loving look. Yep, I told him, and he just understood.
Then Ben took his ticket to steroid land. I was full of worry for Michael, but even if I tried to be involved like always there were things only Michael could resolve. And it was one of them.
I had the displeasure to see Justin stalking me again. At first I was pissed. So prince charming number 2 didn't work so the solution was to come back to the number one. Great, I wanted to make things difficult and what did he do? He almost gave up, blaming me again for his own choice. I liked Justin. Once again I gave him a little lesson, that you have to fight to have what you want. And he did. He learned damn quickly I stayed stunned.
We came back together, sort of; I mean we began to fuck each other again. I made it clear. And also clear the fact he had to be honest and that what he did hurt me. I was happy. I was feeling so alone, and Justin was back on my conditions, and I missed having someone by my side.
At the same time, I planned to leave Pittsburgh. I was back to my threatened mode, "I'm leaving!" Because I had to face it, Michael was in a committed relationship and Michael was all I had. I was nearly in the same situation as one year and half before when Michael was with David. Stockwell gave me the reason I needed. I could have a great situation in New York and all. I wanted it, because it's the only value I had and I could have. I knew that I was doing the wrong thing. I was uneasy when Stockwell was talking about the baths and all. But at the same time, why give a shit about that town and community? Plus Stockwell was a smart person, so difficult to handle, even with my self-assurance and all. It was like playing with fire. I wasn't saving; playing with Stockwell was a hard game. The man himself was a challenge for me. It's difficult to explain. There was something about that man that attracted me and not sexually and vice and versa. As I thought of it, it even may be a little scary. So when Ted came to me to ask him to help what he fucked up alone, I guessed he didn't have a clue of my situation. I wasn't God manipulating Stockwell. I was far from it. Plus the way he asked me to do it. And why do a favour for someone who was just laughing at me months before? I always helped him and what did I get? And now that? If I took the risk to save his ass, to play my place with Stockwell. It certainly was not for Ted's fucking ass. I did it for Emmett, for what he said to me.
The fact that I was back with Justin had a good impact. I played with Justin at the beginning the return of happy lovers. Michael was pissed. I was smiling at that idea. Justin was always the start bottom and I was glad to see it. So Michael was still jealous, the professor didn't have all his heart yet. But at this time, Michael caught me off guard. He just exploded with his take Justin with you. when we weren't talking about Justin at all. That hit me! He was thinking Justin was more important than him to me, he was jealous, maybe hurt and very sad that I was back with the kid. I had to do something, because he was wrong, because it was always him, since the beginning. I could be with other people, but in my heart he was the only one forever. I could be far from there, and he was still my only love. So no matter where I was and who I was with, I will always love him. I said that to him. That he was my only love and always will be.
He looked at me. It wasn't what he was expecting to hear. And the appearance was against me. I knew the that fact I had just gotten back with Justin, the fact that I wanted to go to New York, the fact that maybe he thought I tried to have him back to replace Justin. He was certainly thinking, if you love me so much so why were you leaving? Why were you talking about leaving me? Because I loved him, because he was my only reason to stay and also my only reason to leave if I wanted a life knowing he already had Ben and was happy with him.
He said bullshit, he didn't believe me, but I wasn't upset. This is one more thing I couldn't do for my Mikey, is having him to believe me when I said I will always love him. He had to realise it by himself, a thing only he can do. I kissed him on the forehead; lips weren't appropriate. He was so confused inside, it could have confused him more, or make him reject me. I said simply, as a matter of fact, it's not bullshit.
I didn't want to let go of my plan to leave, but when Michael learned that I had lost the job, he was so happy. He didn't even try to hide it. I knew that if I had to go, this time Michael's reaction would be different than what it was one year and half before. That Michael was ready to confront me about the option was definitely interesting. After that, I couldn't stop saying good hints about him, implying a sexual meaning, things I didn't have to use before. So maybe that was because my frustration was beginning to rise, maybe because I just wanted to have him think. I could never give up to reach my goal with Michael. He had to see and I was ready to give him a clue.
But my own selfishness was doing something wrong and Debbie pointed the things out to me and Justin did, too. So Debbie came back with her round 3, but this time she didn't bring the bullshit. Like Debbie said, it's always amazing how I can go far but stop at the limits of going too far. It was just because I was a real bad guy. What Debbie said to me when I lost my job touched me in a way she probably ever knew.
The Stockwell fight brought some common points between me and Justin. I was sharing something in common with him and it wasn't the sex. It was something I liked it. I knew after that return of lovers, that Justin would turn back to a dreamy mode and he did. I could have left tricking. I was bored with tricks. Before I was tricking for fun and because it was something pleasant to provoke Michael with the tricking even if I was failing big time each time. Like maybe one day, he will yell "stop" or something. That was my romantic part. After I had to keep tricking also because it's a way to show Michael that nobody can have me, in a way it's proving him he is the one I love, the exception. If I let go the tricking, he wasn't anymore. That's a tricky situation.
So like I bet Justin was back in his full mode dreamy life and he forgot what the deal we made was. I had to remind him the deal. And I did with the 11 o'clock date. It wasn't that I was excited with the trick , I just had to do it, to replace Justin's thoughts in the right way.
And then, we defeated Stockwell. I had to lose everything. It was a real way to pay my price for my own selfishness but I succeeded. And that day I thought would never come, just came. Mikey was standing in front of me. He was risking everything for something he knew was right. He was fucking the goddamn laws he respected so much since captain Astro gave him a lesson.
I was so impressed. He was risking more than I ever did, even when I went into debt to defeat the police chief. He could have serious problems, lose everything in a worse way than I did. I smiled at him, so you took all the risks. Yep, he was ready to take any risk. That was the new Michael, the Michael who grew up since two years ago. I didn't have to think, I gave him my keys. I was taking all this risk with him. I knew it was more dangerous than only losing my car and being in debt in a worse way. I was an accomplice of a crime in the eyes of the law. But I trusted Mikey. And I couldn't let him do it alone. Because it was all about us, since the beginning. He was sort of shocked, and asked me if was sure because he knew the importance of my act and what it was implying. I didn't have any doubt in my mind. Because it's Michael and Brian no matter what until the end of our lives. He went to kiss me, and I was in fucking heaven, because it was all about us and he was confirming it by his kiss. We forgot Justin, everybody. I saw him leave, and I couldn't stop watching in his direction. My heart was beating. A little worried, a little in euphoria. A new day was coming for both of us. We left everything we had behind us and didn't know what could happen. The only thing that was sure was "us."
And here I am. Montgomery's little house. In a minute I will do my best to scare Hunter's bitch mother to death. I have to get her to quit the charges, to have Mikey back and safe. No matter I could risk doing it. Michael was my everything. I lost all material things, I couldn't care less of what could happen to me if I was sure to protect Michael.
I knocked, and she opened the door. I was thinking, "Say hello, to your nightmare."
******
My plan worked perfectly, Hunter's mom backed off and Michael was about to come back.
tbc