Exceptions It's past midnight, now. Mikey is lying on my chest, asleep, as I watch TV on the couch. I'm not really watching it, just seeing the images dance on the screen. I've got too much in my head to pay attention to whatever could be on. I feel him inhaling and exhaling near my nipple and I wrap my arms around him, gluing him to me, adjusting my body to feel his in every extent. I touch his soft hair, feeling the scent of my own shampoo in it... God, how I've dreamt of this moment where he'd be all mine and I could touch him as more than a friend. I never thought it could be this good to feel a body next to me... not just a body, but the body I've craved for so long and never allowed myself to taste. We've been together for only a day, but it feels like ages. There was no awkward moment between us. It was as if we'd always been this way. I wish I could just lock us in here and throw the goddamn key away, so that it could be the two of us like this, forever. I never thought I'd feel this way about anyone. It frightens me, but I won't run away this time. I can't. I don't have the strength to do it. It'd kill me. I need him. I'm glad no one came knocking on the door, looking for either one of us. Not Justin, not Ben. I asked Mikey what he had told Ben when he left their place to come to me and he said he didn't give Ben too much explanation. He said things were not going very well among them when he got back and that it was even worse after our brief moment alone that night he got home. The next day it was impossible for him to stay there and when the evening came he saw himself telling Ben he had to see me. He said Ben acted as if he knew what was coming, as if he could tell what Mikey had in mind. Then Mikey told him he didn't know when he'd be back, and that he had to deal with his feelings for me once and for all. He said Ben had tears in his eyes when Mikey left. He'd still have to talk to Ben, as we'd still have to talk to Deb and I had to talk to Justin - even if we didn't have any sort of commitment, I still owned him some kind of satisfaction. Justin would be the easy part. Sure he'd be upset, but at the point we were, a relationship with someone else could happen at any time, for either one of us. Deb on the other hand, is whom I fear the most. I wish she could see through Ben and Michael's break up. I wish she could see through Michael and I and realize what lies beneath it all: our love for each other. At this time, I could only wish. Mikey shifted in his sleep, instinctively wrapping his arms around me. It's getting cold and I better take him to bed, under the covers and within my arms, like we'd done so many times when we were only friends. I always found peace in that small body, I hope I find some sleep as well. I sense tomorrow will be a rough day. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I woke up to find Mikey looking at me with those adorable dark eyes and a smile on his lips. We didn't move or say anything; we just sunk in each other's gaze. I loved to do this, loved to look into his eyes and see how they're pouring out with love just now. Were they like this before and I was the one who never saw it? How can anybody deny it? I must have been out of my mind to think that look was brotherly love. He leaned his forehead to mine, sighing and closing his eyes. 'I don't remember coming to bed last night.' 'It's because I carried you here,' I whispered, as if sharing a secret only he should know. He giggled. 'You did not,' was his tease, touching our noses. 'Did to. And I'll tell you.' 'Oh, now you're going to say that I'm heav-' 'You look lovely when you're asleep,' I interrupted him in a low voice. He seemed surprised, but it was the truth, he had the most innocent look. I saw his hand reaching to caress my cheek. 'So do you. Peaceful, you look peaceful.' 'It's because I am at peace when I'm with you.' He hugged me, burying his head on my chest. 'Promise me we'll always have these moments of quietness; that we'll always have time to look at each other. Promise me you'll always let me look into your eyes, Brian and feel my heart beat faster because of what I see in them. Promise me.' I held him by his arms and gently made him meet my eyes. 'Do you need to ask, Mikey? I can't help baring my soul to you. I don't even notice and I'm already doing it.' 'This is going to be good, right? We're going to make it, aren't we?' 'Yes, Mikey, we are. I've never been surer.' Just like I've never been so fucking terrified in my life! And I thought I was afraid before making love to him... That was the easy part, I had it all in me and it was so good. There was no reason to be scared... But this... Our future together would demand much more from me. God, I hoped I was prepared. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ We ate our breakfast in silence, each one absorbed in their thoughts. There was this unspoken deal that today we'd talk with the people who had been by our side for the last year or so. Neither of us said a word; we just knew it. We'd assumed it was time. We wanted to do this right. And we needed to be together as fast as possible. No apologies. There was no point in delaying what had already been delayed for almost two decades. I want Michael and I want him now. Today. Better: yesterday, and for good! So does he. He rose from the couch and went to the kitchen to wash his bowl of cereal - Captain Crunch, of course. Even if he was away, I kept my habit of buying a box for Mikey, in case he wanted some. I know how much he loves it. This way I could remember Mikey... I followed him, adding my dish to the small pile in the sink. Hugging him from behind, I closed the tap. 'Leave it, Mikey. We can do this later.' He squeezed my hands with his wet ones. They were freezing. I immediately tried to dry and heat them between mine. I knew they mirrored his heart now, cold with anticipation and anxiousness for the day ahead. He turned around in my arms, encircling my waist. Like him, I just wanted this day to be over. Though that would be only the beginning. My hand searched for his chin, lifting his face to mine. 'Hey,' I said softly, 'don't worry, it's going to be okay.' 'No, it's not, Brian. I'm about to hurt someone that loves me and it is not fair. Why can't things just be simple? I didn't want us to start like this, hurting the ones that care about us. That we care about.' 'But this is the way it turned out, Mikey. And being a good or a not so good way to start, it'll never be bad, because nobody is playing here. We've been together long before anyone entered our lives. We've always been Brian and Mikey, and we'll always be. It was just a matter of time. Now here we are, at last.' 'At long last.' He smiled sadly. I leaned in to give him the most reassuring kiss I could possibly come up with. One that could express everything I felt for him... One that he wouldn't forget as long as he was away from me. One that would make him come back to me immune to every spiteful word he might hear. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mikey dropped me in front of Daphne and Justin's building. I waved him goodbye and he drove off, to Ben's. I'd meet him at the store when I was done. It was Sunday and we'd be safe and sound there, nobody would think of looking for us there. I took the stairs to their floor and stopped in front of the door. Two knocks. Two minutes later, Daphne's sleepy face opened the door. 'Brian? You here, at' she searched for a watch that wasn't on her wrist. 'Ten-thirty. My, my it's actually before noon!' I feigned surprise. 'Who would have thought I'd be up at this time!' I kissed her cheek and went past her, into the living room. 'Where's Justin?' 'In his room,' She said, closing the door and yawning. Without waiting more, I made my way to his bedroom, quietly opening the door and poking my head in. He was sound asleep, on his stomach, all spread out and. naked. That ass right on my face. Temptation, temptation. I came closer to the bed, sitting on the small space he wasn't occupying. 'Justin.' He didn't even flinch. 'Justin, wake up.' No sign of life whatsoever. Maybe I'd better wait. Maybe that wasn't the right time, after all I was about to wake him up and give him not so good news. I'd better go and come back another time, later that day... who knows... when he'd be up... I was about to get up when he grabbed my wrist. 'Brian, hey, where are you going?' his sleepy voice cut through my thoughts. 'So, you're up now.' 'Oh, yeah!' He stretched in bed, turning on his back. Yes, he was up, definitely, literally. He tried to pull me to lie on top of him but I resisted. He looked at me confused and sat down on the bed. 'What?' He asked. 'What's wrong? ' 'Nothing's wrong.' This was going to be harder than I'd thought. 'Why won't you come to bed with me? And how come you're HERE on a Sunday morning, before noon? Oh, don't tell me. Last night's trick wasn't as good as me and you just couldn't help stop thinking about me.' 'Not even close,' I said looking away and taping my jacket pockets, searching for my cigarettes. He waited for me to pull one and light it up. Then he motioned to the pack in my hand. 'Something tells me I'm going to need one.' I handed him my box and lighter. 'So, you were saying.' he asked, lighting his cigarette. 'I wasn't.' I stood up and walked to the window, suddenly very interested in the view. 'Jesus, this is serious, isn't it?' He waited for my answer. I had my back to him, looking though the window. He had quite a view from his room. There was this beautiful park with kids and. 'Brian.' I turned to him. 'It's over, isn't it?' Shit! That wasn't how I had planned. I bit my lower lip, looking straight into his eyes. What do I say? How can you say something like that even to a person you have no relationship with? Who was I trying to fool? Of course we had a relationship. We are... were. boyfriends. sort of. 'Who is he?' He asked, trying to look nonchalant, taking a long drag on his cigarette. How could I tell him? He kept on staring me. He wanted an answer I was not sure if I wanted to give him. How would he react? How hurt would he be? Fuck, I cared for him more than I thought. 'There is a he, right? Or you wouldn't bother coming here to tell me this. Not that you have spoken a word about it so far. Are you going to leave it to me to do the talking or are you going to be man enough and tell.' 'Michael. It's Michael.' He opened his mouth in shock as his eyes widened. He mouthed a 'what', breathed out and looked away. Shaking his head in disbelief, he put out his recently lit cigarette in an ashtray on his bedside table. Seconds later he started. 'How didn't I see this coming? How could I have been so blind? I mean, it was obvious. Especially after that kiss I saw you giving him when he left with that kid. I knew there was something different about it. But of course this started long before that, I mean, you've always loved him, didn't you? DIDN'T you, Brian?!' I nodded, pulling a long drag of smoke inside my lungs, carefully watching the linen pattern of his bed. 'Fuck! I know we may not have been made for each other, but somehow I thought we got it right this time.' 'Justin, we never got it right, except maybe when you first came living with me at the loft.' 'You loved me, then, didn't you?' 'Yes.' 'But I fucked it up.' 'You didn't do that alone.' 'I did most of it. I never accepted you the way you are.' 'It's not about acceptance. I've never been what you wished for to begin with, Justin. I wasn't ready to be. faithful.' 'Ha! And now, all of a sudden you are?! Do you really think you can do that? That you can be faithful to someone? Anyone? Michael, especially? Brian, I know you. You can't be monogamous. You don't know how to look at a hot guy and not hit on him. It's in your nature!' 'Yeah, what do you know?' I bit back, sarcasm having the best of me. 'I know you need a hot guy who'll let you free to come and go when you please. And Michael is a cross between Mr. Monogamy and Mr. White Picket Fence.' 'What if I don't want to come and go anymore, huh?' I asked, in my best controlled voice. But of course he was not getting it. 'He'll suffocate you. He'll demand fidelity.' 'He won't have to do that,' I interrupted him, softly, putting out my cigarette. 'What?' 'He won't need to demand that from me. *I* want to do that.' 'To be faithful?' A confused, incredible look was upon his face. He sighed, exasperated. 'And just why the fuck would you do that?' 'Because he's Mikey.' His smile slowly faded. I let him process what those words meant. There was no way I would explain myself to him more than I was already doing. If he wanted to understand, fine. If not, fuck it. 'Brian,' he continued his rant in a low voice, trying to convince me. 'Why only now, years after you quasi-fucked him? After years of friendship, after you spent practically half of your life with him. How can you see him as. as. as.' 'As a man?' 'Yes! It'd be as if I fucked Daphne or.' 'You did.' 'It's different! She's like a sister to me.' 'Well, Mikey has never been like a brother to me.' 'Oh, but of course not. I know what's going on!' Now it was his turn to go sarcastic. And here we go again. I sighed, already tired of that shit. 'You've fucked him and, amazing as it can be, Michael ended up being a good fuck.' I felt my jaws clenching. 'Watch it, Justin!' 'But then, even if he were a lousy fuck you'd have liked it. Because I know you have the hots for him. That's why all the kissing and touching. I know you wanted to fuck him and never had the balls to do it. He's your best friend with a huge crush, you'd never want to hurt him. Now that you two have finally fucked you feel like you could indeed give it a try. Why, Brian, aren't you a romantic?' 'I'm out of here.' Grabbing my cigs, I stood up, heading for the door. 'SO, to please Mikey, you come here and drop the fucking bomb on me! Monogamy my ass! You're Brian Kinney, for fuckssake! You don't do monogamy! You don't do boyfriends! You don't do love!' I turned to give him one last look. 'Except for Mikey.' And one more time I've got him stunned. 'Mikey is ALL my exceptions. He always have been and ALWAYS will be.' When I was about to close the door, I heard his last sentence. 'I hope you find what you're looking for, Brian.' Keeping my back to him, I retorted. 'I already did, when I was fourteen.' TBC......