Disclaimer: You know how it goes… I don't own the newsies… you don't own the newsies. Even SHE doesn't own the newsies. *shrug* But hey, that's what fanfics are for, right?

~*~

Fear. That one word means so much to different people. We all have our fears and doubts about something in our life. Come on, who doesn't? As for somebody who doesn't fear anything…. I'd say too bad for you. You wouldn't know that adrenaline rush you have when you see what you fear the most. I'm not saying it's a good thing, 'cause really, its not. I guess I'm just saying that without fears, you're not whole. Not human, even. But that's not my point entirely.

I never really knew what I was scared of, until I thought that my life would be taken away from me. No, I'm not talking about dying, geez… I'm not that drastic. Just surviving right now is already too much for me. But that's my life. I can't do anything about it…. Or at least I think so. Kloppman always looks the other way…. Saying that we can always change our paths, our future. But how the hell are we supposed to do that when we have no money in our pockets, when we hardly even have pockets at all?! Damn. This life just ain't easy.

So you're asking me what I fear? I wouldn't exactly say it out loud, but since you treated me like any other person, I'd say having to survive. Really. I know it's not what you expect…. You were probably thinking Snyder, jail, or maybe even death, but nah. Those are nothing to me. I'm scared of what might happen to me when I'm trying to survive. All those things that we have to do just to breathe, to eat, and to sleep. I never really knew it was so hard waking up to see another day where I can just go ahead and say "Yeah, sure, everything's fine." But that's not how it goes.

I think I should be saying that I should know something about surviving with my eye and all. Yeah, there, I said it. I have one eye…. Why'd you think I have this eye patch for? Really, I thought you were smarter. And no, it ain't just so I can sell more papes (it really helps by the way), its something that grew to be a part of me. Now I know what you're asking, was I born this way? Hell no.

Everybody had two eyes. That's the way it was. But I really didn't think that Seammus Reily was going to do that. I guess it was 'cause of the dark and all, but your eyes get used to the dark once in a while don't they? Damn, he was practically blind without light. I never really paid any attention to him, but I guess that's how I got this way.

It was one of those nights when he was in a bad mood again…. And nobody wanted that. Really. It was a good thing that he locked himself in his room or else we would've been all beaten with bruises. That's how it was at the orphanage. It really wasn't easy there either. But stupid me, I snuck out that day…. Come on, Who would want to stay in one place all their life? Anyway, in I go through the closest window I can find (hey, I was tired) and there he was. Seammus Reily, not looking the best with the fire poker in hand. Remember what I told you? That he couldn't really see in the dark? I guess he was one of the stupidest people I met, cause he immediately thought I was a rat. Sure, I was small, but NOT THAT SMALL. I really resent that. So he ran around and chased me with his fire poker like a little kid. You know what happened. I got nearer the fireplace and I guess he saw my face…. That I wasn't a rat at all…. Or maybe I was, in his eyes. He got angrier that he was chasing a different rat entirely, one that was supposed to stay inside. I guess his thick skull got the best of him. I would've ran, really, I would, but there was nowhere to go. It didn't really help either that he was three times larger than me or can squash you in a second if he sat on you. I knew he was aiming somewhere else, but it just went into my eye. Damn.

I can still feel that fire poker in my eye. It was damn hot. I even heard sizzling when he tried to pull it out. What's more, it hurt so much that I could hardly see. But that's what happens when you get poked in the eye, doesn't it? I screamed the hell out of my lungs that I bet the whole orphanage could've heard me. But I didn't care. It hurt so much that I didn't have time to think. The blood from my eye started to run down my face…. I thought it was crying, but no, it was blood. Red blood. My blood. I don't even remember how I got out. I'm just glad I am.

I guess you can say I survived. But that was only one point in my life. I still have to survive my whole life entirely. Whose to say what's going to happen? When I was born I didn't know somebody was going to poke me in the eye with a fire poker. I didn't even know that I was going to be a newsie. But thank God for that. Not knowing what's going to happen. I guess it keeps you sane…. And always guessing. It gives you something to hold on to, not knowing what's going to pop up any second. And I guess that's how fear comes into the story. But fear helps you get over things, doesn't it? Or at least I think so. Sure, I'm still scared not knowing HOW THE HELL I'm going to live, not knowing if I'm going to have another drink, sleep on another bed, talk with my friends, or even have a family. But that's how it goes. We'll just never know.

So there you have it. My fear, in one word. Surviving.

-Kid Blink

~*~

Thought i'd do blink first... haven't done a fic on him yet. :P I have a feeling the next one's going to be Spot...

Argh, ff.net's not being reasonable... i wrote this out on word, with a different font for every newsie, just to make it a bit more interesting... but its obviously not showing up, so if you want to see the one with the font, just leave your email in your review and i'll email it to you. for those in NML and NWA, don't worry, i'll be sending it there. ^^

ershey