Half Way There... So there I was in front of mine and Ben's apartment. I had no idea what awaited me on the other side of that door, after having been gone for two whole days, without even a phone call... Well, but there was no point in calling to say 'hi' or whatever. Things were kind of clear when I left. No, not really clear, but Ben was aware of where I was going and knew what I was going to do, sort of. He knew I had gone to see Brian. I told him so, and I also told him that I really needed to talk to Brian. Luckily I didn't have to explain myself too much. He had picked it from the way I had been acting since before I had arrived. After I slowly began to understand Brian's actions during the time I was away, the little I talked to Ben on the phone began to sound superficial. I was always making excuses for not spending much time on the phone with him. All my thoughts were for Brian. He was the last and first image in my head before I sleep and when I woke. He was all I thought about. Of course I felt guilty as hell, after all Ben was my boyfriend and though I hadn't really done anything wrong, my mind was always on another man. my best friend. the man I had always loved. the one I had spent half my life with. the one I was coming back to. When I arrived, Ben noticed I was distant and I figured there must have been this great oblivious-to-the-world look upon my face. When the guys decided to throw me a welcome party I was grateful that I didn't have to spend too much time alone with Ben, though later that night it had been impossible to avoid him. It was good, nevertheless. Sex with Ben has always been good. Besides. I have to admit. I thought about Brian every second of it. So, as I said before, there I was. ready to stab him in the heart. Holding my breath, I put the key in the lock and turned it open. Cautiously I poked my head in. No sign of anybody. Then I saw Ben going from the kitchen to the bedroom and strangely, he had a small pile of folded clothes in his arms. What the fuck? I closed the door behind me and he heard it, stopping dead on his tracks as he saw me. 'Michael... Have you been there for long?' He looked surprised as I'd expected but apart from that, his face was almost unreadable. 'Wha- No, I-I've just arrived.' He contemplated me for a second and I could swear I blushed. 'What are you doing?' 'Packing,' he said and got in the room. 'What? Packing? But. where are you going?' Not Tibet, I thought as I followed him. He put the clothes on the bed and I looked around the room to find it nearly empty. The closet's doors were open and I could only spot my clothes in there, nothing of his. Some of his personal objects on the bedside table were gone too. I really wasn't getting it. 'Ben.' I reached for his arm. He almost imperceptibly jerked me away. 'What, Michael?' he asked in a calm, calculated tone. 'What's going on? Where are you going?' 'I'm leaving. With Hunter.' 'Why? Where are you guys heading?' 'We'll stay in a motel for a week or so 'til I find a place for us.' 'There's no need. You can stay here as much as you want.' He was silent for a while. 'So I take it you're not coming back?' I lowered my head, taking a deep breath. 'No,' was my whisper. 'I figured,' he stated, crossing his arms over his chest, waiting... 'What? What is it that you figured?' I asked, not really knowing what to say or do or even how to react to this new Ben that seemed to appear in front of me out of nowhere. 'That when you left you had left for good.' I stared at him, surprised. 'But... I didn't say anything... about leaving for good.' Ben sighed, and a small fissure opened in his carefully controlled façade. 'Michael, do you really think I'd be here waiting for you to come back and tell me we're through? While you were at Brian's for a whole weekend? I'm not stupid. I knew you weren't going to come back the moment you left. And I just can't be here sitting and waiting at your will. I have a life of my own to lead and a child to support.' My mouth hung opened. I couldn't possibly deny that what he was telling me was true, every word of it. He was right. I had left him there, hanging, no explanations whatsoever. In my head, only my eager to make my dreams come true, not a thought of caring for Ben. Awful as it may sound, that was exactly what I had done. However, hearing it made it almost sickening. As I couldn't come up with any words to refute his, Ben went on. 'You know what, Michael? My days as a substitute are over. Over!' 'What?' I interrupted him, astonished. 'What the fuck are you talking about?' 'What am I talking about? The truth. What else have I been doing in your life but playing substitute for Brian? Try as I might, I could never be anything other than that to you.' 'That's not true and you know it! I really loved you, Ben.' 'Well, did you, Michael? Did you really? And where is all that love now? How can you claim to love someone and simply vanish for two days? TWO days! Going to another man's house! Another man's bed!' he yelled, his temper long lost. 'It's not like you're putting it!' I wasn't much better. 'There were issues between Brian and me. You knew this all the time. I never hid this from you. I never said I didn't love Brian and you were the one who said it was okay to love him.' 'Yeah, I remember that very well. It was the most stupid thing I ever said. I would never say that again if I knew he had feelings for you, too. But at that time, all I could see was you, drooling all over him, ready to trail after him like a puppy, at his beck and call. While he, well, he was Brian Kinney, what is it that you guys say? He doesn't do love. Look at the irony of it all. You were the exception, it seems.' He released a long, tired sigh, trying to control himself. 'I thought it was okay for you to love him. It was unrequited anyway. Eventually you'd give up. And I really believed you were doing that in the beginning. I thought I could, with time, make you forget about him. I can't believe I was so naïve.' 'Oh, so you're telling me you thought Brian could never love me?! And why THE FUCK not?' I yelled at him. 'I didn't say that!' He cut me, but I didn't want to listen to what he was saying. 'Why? Because you don't think Brian would go for a type like me? That I'm not attractive enough for the legendary Brian Kinney? Well, look again. I've been with him for practically twenty years! Tricks came and went away, and he was still with me. And those kisses that you spotted were nothing compared to the ones that happened before you come around. even during,' I added in a lower voice - that had really spilled out of my mouth. I ended up passing him the ball. It was his time to be shocked. 'What? So you're admitting you were fooling around with Brian DURING the time we were together?!' Oh, my God, now he was pissed! But so was I. 'I wasn't fooling around! I've always been faithful to you.' 'Are you saying that kissing Brian more than once, while I wasn't around is not cheating? Ha! You've got to be kidding me! I bet you took advantage of all those times you two were alone, after he and Justin broke up. All those times at Babylon, Woody's and God knows where else! It's not because you didn't fuck that it wasn't cheating. That is, if it is really true you two never fucked.' If he only knew. Oh, no, I can't give the game away. I can't even think of blushing. 'You asshole! You know that's not true! You know I'd never do that behind your back!' 'Yeah, you would tell me first and then leave, like you did. You sure got some balls, Michael. You sure do, to risk being with the biggest whore of Pittsburgh! I hope you're not expecting him to be faithful to you. What am I saying? Of course you're not. I bet you're even used to seeing him getting sucked in the backroom of Babylon. Who knows, you even enjoy watching it? Maybe you find it hot!' 'Oh, shut the fuck up, Ben!! You have no idea what you're talking about! Don't make a fool of yourself!' 'Why, Michael, you really believe him, don't you? Wait until your first trip together to Babylon, as a couple. Wait and you'll see if I'm not right.' 'I don't give a shit about what you think. You don't know what you're talking about. You don't know shit about me and Brian. You've just arrived! Put yourself in your place! How long have we known each other? Two years, if so? Brian and I have known each other for half of our lives. We know what to expect. We know where to go. We know how to deal with each other.' 'Yeah, right, you're just forgetting one very important detail. Things change when love is the issue.' 'That's exactly why I'm confident it'll work out. Because I know he loves me. Always has and always will. Just like me.' 'He said so? My, he's really trying to woo you.' 'No, he never said a word about love, since we got together. He doesn't have to. I know how he feels. And he's not trying to woo me. He doesn't have to, he already got me.' With that, I shut him up. He had no other alternative than to give up. Shaking his head and almost snorting, he sat on the bed, looking through the window. I sat beside him. We stayed like that for a few minutes, neither one wanting to resume the argument. I'd say he was trying hard to regain the serenity he had lost. He was right about one thing in all of his ranting: things do change when love is the issue. He was living proof; I'd never seen him like that. 'Ben,' I tentatively started, 'were you happy with me? I mean really happy?' 'Why that now?' 'Just tell me, was I what you wanted in a partner? Did you have fun, while we were together?' 'Yes.' 'Yes to what? For the fun part or for the partner part?' 'Both. What is it that you want to know, Michael?' 'It's just that. I don't think we ever really clicked. I mean, sure I loved you. still do. But we've always been so different. The things I like and the ones you do are completely opposite. The way you lead your life, even when we're partying, there seems to be something holding you back, you just won't go with it.' 'Because I don't do drugs? I can't afford to waste my body, you know this.' 'It's not that. What I mean is that we're so different.' 'Weren't you happy with me?' 'I was. But, honestly? There was something missing. I don't know. Passion, maybe. And I'm not talking about the sex, which was great, by the way.' He went silent for a minute. I guess he was analyzing what I had said. I myself was still organizing my thoughts. I wanted more from a relationship than what we had. I wanted to feel my heart beating fast whenever I looked at a person. I wanted to feel shivers down my spine when this man got close to me, so much so that he wouldn't even have to touch me, for me to feel that way. I wanted to go dancing with this man and get so horny from just feeling his body pressed against mine, that I could even cum on my pants. I wanted to be swept away. I wanted romantic candlelight dinners and sweet love making on the floor, near a fireplace. I wanted it all! And I wanted it now. No more waiting. No more wasting time. 'You might be right. We skipped the passion phase, going straight to the quiet love relationship.' I nodded to myself. More silence. But it was eventually broken as we still had some business to discuss. 'What about Hunter?' 'What about him?' he asked, glancing at me. 'You're taking him with you.' 'Of course I am, or do you want him to live with you and Brian?' 'I never said I was moving in with Brian.' 'Oh, aren't you? I thought you two were an item, already.' I drew a long, tired sigh out of the sarcasm of his statement. 'Look, can we go back to Hunter? I want to know where you guys are staying. I want to visit him. If that's okay with you.' 'Fine, no problem. I'll let you know.' 'Ben, you really don't have to move out so soon. You can stay here.' 'Thanks, but no thanks,' he said, standing up. 'Stay at least until you find another place. It'll be good for Hunter. He's used to living here.' He thought for a second. 'I'll think about it,' he answered, resuming packing his stuff. I stayed there watching him. Ben zipped up his handbag and looked back at me. 'By the way, where is Hunter?' I asked. 'Asleep. If all this yelling hasn't woken him up. You're going to get your stuff now?' 'Yes.' 'Be sure to lock up the door when you leave. I'm off.' And with that he was out of the room and the apartment in a flash. I barely had time to follow him with my eyes. As soon as he left, I sank to the bed, exhausted. That argument, besides being completely unexpected, had also beaten me to the core. I felt tired and lonely in my own apartment, one I have lived in for so many years. All I wanted was to get out of there ASAP. It was better to start packing. When I was about to leave, I gave one last look in the direction of Hunter's bedroom. He was still sleeping. It took me only a few seconds to make up my mind. I put my bags on the floor and went to talk to him. I quietly opened the door, careful not to wake him up. He was sleeping so peacefully. I sat beside him on the bed, contemplating the possibility of waking him up. Minutes passed without so much as a movement from either one of us, until I reached a hand to caress his hair. 'What?' he mumbled, half-aware of my presence. 'Hey,' I softly whispered. His eyes shut opened to the sound of my voice. 'Michael! You're back!' His voice was filled with excitement, as he sat up in the bed and hugged me. 'Wait,' he said, releasing me and looking me dead in the eye. 'You're REALLY back?' 'Not really.' 'Oh. So you and Brian...' I nodded. He looked a bit disappointed, but maintained his confident attitude. 'I can't believe you're going to leave me with this health freak all by myself.' 'Oh, come on, Hunter,' I said, laughing. 'He's not that bad.' 'Oh, no. He only lectures me about twice a day. There's really no problem. I like to be lectured.' 'I'll be around to protect you with my superpowers, okay?' I fake-punched his chin. 'Yeah, as if you wouldn't be too busy fucking the shit out of Brian.' 'Hunter!' 'Well, it's true, isn't it? By the way, how was it? Is he really that great in bed?' 'That's none of your business!' I said, already blushing, of course. 'Oh, come on, Michael, tell me!' 'No way! Have you ever heard of gay etiquette?' 'Nope.' 'Than learn it: no talk about your current fucks. Not if you want to keep them. And especially if they are more than just a fuck.' 'You mean you two are really... dating?' He made a disgusted face. 'Uhm... yes... I guess.' 'What do you mean you guess? I thought after all those years you've been together...' 'We're together, and that's all that matters, Hunter. If we're boyfriends, lovers, partners, that's really not what I'm worried about. It's just a label. What could it possibly mean when we are so much more than any of these titles?' 'Wow, Michael, you're busted,' he stated, matter of factly. 'You are sooooo busted!' And he just chuckled. 'Fuck off.' I joined the laughter. But it soon died with Hunter's next statement. 'Big Ben won't be a happy camper anymore.' I sighed. 'I know. And I'm so sorry. I really didn't want things ending like that...' 'Shit happens.' 'It's not 'shit'. The thing is Brian and I wasted a whole lot of time. We allowed other people in our lives to take the place that was... ours. And now look where we got.' 'At least you were honest. You came here and told him the truth.' Honest. Have I ever been honest to Ben? 'Yeah. Look, I really got to get going.' 'Where are you staying?' Tough question, but I gave him what I was ninety-nine percent sure was going to happen. 'At Brian's.' I knew Brian was going to kill me if I said I'd be living in any other place. Actually, I didn't want to live in any other place. I wanted to be with him, to sleep with him every night and wake up by his side every day. There was no point in being just boyfriends. We have played the part of boyfriends in each other's life for years. We've been going out dancing, dining, going to the movies, everything a couple does. We've even kissed and hugged like boyfriends, jealous and all. It was only natural to move on to the next level. 'Can I come visit?' Hunter's question drew me back to reality. 'Yes, of course. And I also will be visiting you. We'll always be able to meet and spend time together. I don't want you to think things have changed.' 'But they did, Michael.' 'They did. But it's up to us to keep what we have and to let no one bother it.' Hunter just stared at me, considering my words. 'Well, guess that's it. Just give me a ring if you need anything, right?' 'Right.' 'You take care, kiddo.' I shuffled his hair. 'You, too. Don't forget to buy lots of condoms. Bet you'll need plenty.' Little fucker! 'That goes the same for you, young man.' 'Yes, Ma,' he played, in a bored voice. I had already kissed him goodbye and was just about to close his bedroom door when he said... 'Yo! If you two ever get bored and decide to spice things up, I'm always available for a threesome,' he grinned. I grinned back and just flipped him the bird, before closing the door, and hearing him laughing his ass off. ************* I heard two soft knocks on the windowpane of the door. It was Brian. I jumped off of the bench, and fled to welcome him. 'Hey, dude, do you have any Buttman?' he asked in that goofy dude-where's- my-car voice. I rolled my eyes. 'Still that lame line? You used to do SO much better when we were just friends.' Sighing, I shook my head, feigning disappointment. 'Come back when you pick a better one, ok?' Then I pushed a surprised Brian outside and closed the door on his face. I turned on my heels, trying to hold my laughter. He knocked at the door again, his face very serious. 'What now?' I asked, hand on my hip... That was so like Ma, I know... He grabbed me by the nape of my neck and pulled my hair; my face standing only inches of his. I gasped at both the pain and the surprise. 'This is a rape,' he whispered, looking deep into my eyes. 'Drop your pants, right now,' he continued, closing the door with his foot and leading me inside the store. 'Oh, that's better,' I said, but that only made him pull harder. 'Ouch! A little too rough, but... hmmmm... definitely better. Okay, you may come in... sir.' I played along, trying to take his hand off my hair. He wouldn't let go and just kept on leading me until my back hit the wall. Don't worry, it didn't hurt and besides he made sure to protect my head. One of his hands started to wander downwards, fumbling with my pants. 'I mean it. Drop. Your. Fucking. Pants.' 'What? In here? Just like that?' 'Yeah. You got a problem with that?' 'With what? Getting fucked in the middle of my store, with the door unlocked, so that anyone could barge in? No! Absolutely!' I smiled. 'But why don't we take it to your place...' He knelt down in front of me. 'What are you doing, Brian?' He was undoing my belt and already going for the zipper. Of course he paid no attention to whatever it was that I was saying. Since he seemed so determined to perform his task, I decided to take some measures. I lower myself to face him, kneeling in front of him, as well. He looked at me, nonchalant. 'What are you doing, Mikey? You want to take this to the floor? Fine with me!' He motioned to lay me down, but I stopped him. 'No, Brian, I'm just grading it to your level. It's a good way of drawing children's attention and showing that even though you're the authority they have to respect, you're not some kind of overwhelming presence they ought to fear.' 'Jesus, Mikey! This dad thing is really getting to you, isn't it?' he scoffed, grasping my shirt and pulling me to him in a deep kiss. He finished it just as abruptly as he started, leaving me breathless and still lightheaded. 'So, where were we?' His hands resumed his previous task. 'Seriously, Brian, let's take this to the apartment. This is really not the place.' 'Which gay man would turn down sex at his workplace?' 'The kind that would like to get fucked by his lover at a cozy place like his lover's apartment,' I retorted, nipping at his earlobe. 'Awwww, Mikey! That's sooo romantic...' He singsonged, sarcastically. I didn't mind. I knew what lay beneath; that attitude couldn't fool me anymore. 'Then I can scream at the top of my lungs when I come and nobody would come checking, or call the cops,' I continued, ignoring his comment. 'Oh, how dramatic is that, huh? Cops? Hummm, we could do a threesome!' That shit, again?! In the same day? My eyes were shooting darts at him. 'What? What's the matter? Don't tell me you've never done that before. I KNOW you did.' I stood up and started doing my pants. 'Of course I have! ... Could we at least get bored with each other a little before we start to put people in between us?' 'In between?' he asked, seductively, wrapping his arms around mine, trapping me. 'And who would top the third party? You or me?' 'How was your talk with Justin?' I asked with a big smile on my lips, quickly changing the subject. His face fell. 'Why thanks a lot for asking! I fucked his brains out then we broke up. How was yours, sweetie?' 'Oh, same old, same old, honey. We fucked five or six times, don't remember exactly, then we broke up, too. What a coincidence!' 'Let's get out of here.' I could see he didn't like my answer, but I had finally achieved my goal. Plus, it's such fun seeing Brian's face fall. 'Yeah, let's get out of here.' I echoed him, amused. *************** When we were riding to Brian's apartment, he asked me how my conversation with Ben had turned out. He was dead serious then. You could tell he was worried. Insecure, maybe? Yes, at least a bit, just the tip of the iceberg I could spot above his guarded surface. But, really, I was so not thrilled to tell him about how stressful that had been... I asked him to leave it all aside, at least after we got home... Home. We were getting home, I thought. The words had spilled out of my mouth before I was able to hold them back. Brian glanced at me, out the side of his eyes. It was just a split second but I got his expression. He was gladly surprised at my words and the extension of them. I saw his shoulders release some of the tension as they relaxed a little bit. I bet we would agree on that matter when the issue came to the surface. I bit at my lower lip to repress the small smile that attempted to give me away. Brian unlocked the door and got in, dropping two of the bags I had brought from my apartment on the floor. He turned around, opened his arms to me and chanted, 'Home, sweet home,' smiling. Lousy impersonation of a fake, sarcastic smile, as if he wasn't happy to say that. Ha! I had to laugh at that. Try as he might, I wouldn't buy his act. 'Brian, you're so pathetic,' I said, still giggling and closing the door behind me. 'Am I?' He approached me. I stepped back. 'What is your problem with me and doors or walls, huh?' 'What do you mean, Mikey?' He stepped forward. 'I'll end up at a chiropractor's office! I mean it, Brian!' I hit the wall. Shit! Shit! I know, I know... He stopped dead in his tracks. 'What did you say?' he asked, squinting his eyes I closed mine. 'Nothing.' But when I opened them up again the look on his face was priceless: pure silly teenage jealousy. And there I was chuckling again. 'Okay, I'll never go to a chiropractor in my life again, satisfied? Even if my back gets permanently fucked up. Is that any better?' His left hand went to dig into my pants and roughly pull me to him. 'I guess I can manage that.' His penetrating gaze almost hypnotized me. 'You... can manage... what?' was my distracted question. 'Getting your back permanently fucked,' he answered as his lips planted open kisses on my neck. 'Oh, you could... start showing me how... like right now... in case... you don't have any other... plans.' Damn that tongue... 'Hummmm.' 'Okay.' My breathless reply. Oh, God... 'I do.' Ouch! His teeth! 'What...' Did anybody hear anything? I didn't.... He released his hold on my pants and I swayed, using the handle of the door to steady myself. Then he was gone to the bathroom. Just. Like. That!!! The fucker! 'Mikey, why don't you come take a nice bath while I fix us something to eat?' I heard him speaking from afar. 'You? Fixing us something? Ha! That's got to be a first!' I went after him. 'Brian Kinney in the kitchen, COOKING! You're shitting me, right?' Finding him already at the edge of the bathtub, running off the water from the taps, I added, playfully. 'You're not trying to poison me, are you?' He reached for my jacket, removing it gently. 'I may not know how to cook but I'm not crazy enough to attempt murder against the man I...' his eyes locked on mine and, oh if my heart didn't miss a beat. Is he going to really say it? 'Fuck.' Asshole! He had read me. Damn! He knew what I was expecting him to say. Now it was his turn to be amused. But really, I already knew what his feelings were. He didn't have to say the words. If he ever got to say them, I want it to be special. Meanwhile, I'll take his actions that have always meant much more than any sentence so frequently blurted out without meaning, turning such important words into commonplace. I never wanted that. Brian kept on shedding my clothes, swatting at my hands whenever I tried to do the same to him. 'Come on. Let me help you,' I smiled, seductively. 'Nope. I said YOU are going to take a bath while *I* am going to fix us something to eat,' he repeated, as I stepped out of my jeans and was led into the tub. 'I can't believe this,' I whined to myself. 'What's the point of having a man, an apartment all for you two, time to kill on a fucking Sunday afternoon, if he, this very man, won't join you in the tub?' 'Sit.' 'Are you going to give me a bath, is this it?' I asked, getting in the tub. 'No. You're big enough to do that on your own.' And he splashed some water in my eyes, before leaving the bathroom. 'Brian! You asshole!' I heard his laughter from outside the door. 'This is so suspicious, Kinney!! You're a terrible liar. You don't fool me, you hear me?' That was when I heard a noise of key turning into a lock. 'Brian! Did you just lock me in?!' I yelled from the tub. 'What the fuck did you do that for? Do you think I'm going to run away?' 'Enjoy your bath, Mikey. I'll be back to dry you off.' And he was gone. Kinky, I know, but well, what to do? I relaxed and enjoyed the bath. Some time later he came back into the bathroom. I opened my eyes and Brian was already grabbing a towel to envelope me. That felt so good... We allowed each other to remain like that, for a while. 'Okay, Mikey, step out of the tub.' He dried a bit of my hair, but a few droplets kept on running down the side of my face. Then he put the towel aside. 'Brian, I'm still not dried.' 'Shut up.' Okay, then. There was something he had brought with him, something dark that was now resting near the sink. He grabbed it and jingled it in front of me: a scarf. Jesus, now what? He put it on my eyes and tied it up. Now I had to trust him... I thought it was better not to say anything. He wouldn't answer me anyway, that I knew. So he led me out of the bathroom. I flinched, anticipating the cool air that would hit me the moment I, naked and still wet, stepped out of the warmth of the bathroom. But I was surprised to feel the rest of the place was just as warm. Brian kept on holding both my hands and leading the way. He noticed I was tense, and started talking softly to me. 'We're almost there. Slow down, slow down, let me do this. Relax. Just come along... Okay,' he stopped, 'here we are.' He released my hands. 'Brian. Where are you? Can I take this off?' 'No, I'll do it. Keep your eyes closed.' He came behind me, gently pressing his body on mine, and unfolded the scarf. He wrapped his arms around my chest, and rested his chin on my shoulder. 'There, Mikey. You can open your eyes now.' The living room was almost completely dark. Brian had closed the windows and blocked the outside morning lights with the shades. The fireplace was the only thing to light up the place. He had moved away the coffee table that used to stand in front of the couch, and spread out a duvet on the floor in its place, with lots of pillows and cushions on it. There was a bucket on the floor with a bottle of wine. Two glasses rested beside a plate with some fruit, honey and marshmallows. I turned in his arms and leaned my forehead on his. 'This is beautiful, Brian.' 'I figured you were still not hungry.' 'You figured right,' I said, kissing him, slowly meshing my tongue with his, caressing it softly. He laced his arms around my neck, like he had done so many times at Babylon, and danced us to the duvet and the cushions. He stared at me and I began to undress him. First the shirt, then a kiss, then the buttons of his fly, and another kiss. I pulled down his denim and followed it to the floor, making sure to brush my nose on his hard on. I lifted his foot, then the other; his pants were gone. He lazily laid down on the cushions. I joined him, finding a niche on his side. He encircled my body with his arm and leg, running a hand on my damp hair. 'You cold?' he whispered. 'No. Not with you near me.' He smiled and leaned down to kiss me. My hands searched for his underwear. I wanted him naked. 'Easy. There's no need to rush.' 'Can I at least feel your body on mine, no clothes?' 'Suit yourself.' He lay on his back, allowing me a perfect view of his body. I quickly removed his boxers, and soon he was fully naked, for my eyes only. I never get tired of looking at him. Each time I do this, I find a new spot I hadn't seen before, and that only makes him more beautiful to me. The scars or flaws I find along his body together with his beautiful little details are intriguingly attractive and definitely a turn on. Some of them I knew before, just didn't remember; it's kind of funny to recognize how they got there... made me want to know the story behind the other ones I never noticed... made me want to leave one of my own to brand him... as mine... 'Mikey.' 'Huh?' 'Are we going to do this or not?' I smiled at him. 'Easy, what's the rush?' But he was already pulling me to lay on top of him, kissing me hard. The 'no rush' part soon forgotten... Brian relaxed his back on the sofa, closing his eyes and motioning me to go to him. I crawled on his lap and passed my arms around his neck, leaning my head on his chest. He held my body to his with such love and care, placing sweet kisses on my forehead, while drawing circles on my back. We stayed that way just enjoying each other's warmth, until Brian spoke. 'You know,' he said, reaching for his glass of wine, 'we have to find some room for your stuff in that pseudo-closet I've got.' My heart sped up and I was suddenly thirsty. 'Hum-hum...' I sipped at his glass. 'Maybe we can buy a new one...' 'We'll see about that.' 'Brian,' I said, reaching for his eyes, 'are you sure about this?' 'About what?' 'You know. This. We. Living here, together.' 'Aren't you?' 'I asked first.' And I bet I pouted, because he snorted and smiled. 'Yeah, Mikey, I'm sure. I meant it when I said I didn't want you away from me. I don't. We've done that far too long. I don't want you living in anybody else's place. Besides, you won't be just living here, as if we were roommates... You'll be living here with me... I want to share this... this whatever it is that we have... with you, here.' 'You're dealing with this better than I thought you would,' I teased him, but he was serious about the issue. 'Mikey, I want you here, with me. Every day, every night. For as long as you put up with me. And even after that.' I swallowed a lump in my throat. 'You mean always?' 'Always. You've always had my unconditional love, even if it didn't seem so. I never stopped loving you. Even if I hurt you or pushed you away. Even if I was running scared of it. Even if it wasn't the same kind of love I have for you now... It's... stronger now. All this time we weren't together, it only made the feeling deeper. The more I saw you grow apart from me, loving other people, becoming what you are today, the more I admired you, and the more it frightened me. I realized I couldn't take you for granted, that one day I might just end up losing you. ' 'You could never lose me, Brian. You've always had my heart.' 'You too, Mikey, you too. It's always been yours to keep. Just... be careful with it...' 'I know. I'll be careful. Promise.' I kissed him gently on the lips. He held on to me, as if I was going to escape through his hands, somehow, deepening the kiss. I loved when he did that. I could feel him all over me, he didn't even have to touch me. His tongue caressed mine, very slowly, sending electric charges through my whole body, heating me up, yet he was gentle... I had absolutely no idea how long we'd been just kissing each other. I only came back to Earth when Brian's lips suddenly left mine, and though my lips were swollen, I REALLY didn't want him to stop. But what he said after that quickly had my full attention. 'DEBBIE?!?' tbc.....