May 20th
This is the last week of school. It's been hard to face everyone since prom. They all try to act sympathetic. I'm too hurt and too embarrassed to deal with it though. I thought about not going back. But then I'd be stuck in Southglen another year. That would be worse then walking around with no pride.
At lunch period I was sitting alone on the bleachers. I brought my guitar, but felt no real inspiration to play. So it just laid across my lap silently. Then Aldys came over and sat next to me.
"Guy, do you miss her?" she asked.
I just stared at her, ready to tell her to leave. But then it clicked in my head. She was hurt just as much as I was. She had also let Josie into her life in a special way, and been dropped like yesterdays news for a cover story. Instead of hurting her again I just turned away.
"I don't want to talk about it." was all I get out of my mouth. I totally felt a loss of words.
But Aldys didn't leave. She just quietly sat there.
"She was my best friend. I don't care what happened it the end. I'm not mad at you because she ditched me for you-"
"Shut up! I never told her to ditch you for me. And I sure as hell never told her to ditch me like that either. Face it she's a bitch. Josie doesn't care about who we are, she just wanted a story."
I instantly felt bad for yelling at Aldys. She looked ready to cry. Suddenly I felt rage running through my body. It scared me and I just got up and ran off.
May 21st
I woke up late and decided to not go to school. My body felt empty inside. Expecting my father to be at work I went into the kitchen and opened the fridge. But he was sitting at the table drinking a beer.
"Guy why aren't you at school?" His voice showed no emotion as he spoke.
"Why are you drinking a beer at 10 am?" I shot right back.
The beer can flew out of his hand as he jumped up. Before I knew it I was pinned to the fridge feeling his rancid breath on my cheek.
"Get your act together now. I'm sick of dealing with your shit kid. Your momma couldn't do it either could she?"
"Leave my mother out of this. Maybe she couldn't deal with your shit." Right after I blurted that out I flinched. I knew what was coming.
His fist his my cheek hard then met up with my side. He shoved me to the floor and opened the fridge to retrieve another beer. I ran out of the house not carrying where I went.
I started to drive around. For the second day in a row I found myself sitting in the park by the creek. I lit up another cigarette and thought about Josie. She didn't like it when I smoked, and would take the cigarette from my mouth and stomp on it.
But Josie sure wasn't here now. I sighed and took a deep drag off the Marlboro. My side really hurt but I didn't care. I just leaned back and enjoyed the calmness surrounding me.
May 23rd
I skipped school again yesterday, but decided to go back for the last day. When I got there I saw everyone reading the newspaper. Josie's story must have came out. But I didn't want to read it or even guess what it had to say.
Then Tommy came over to me and shoved a paper in my face.
"Look at this man! She loves up!" He laughed. Everyone around me was soaking up the joy of being featured in the paper. A line near the end caught my attention.
"And there's still that one guy, the one who is so perfect in every way. The guy you get up and go to school for in the morning. Southglen would not have been the same without him. High school would not be the same without him. I would not have been the same without him."
Josie Gellar wouldn't have been the same without me. And I have to admit I wouldn't have been the same without her. I guess I don't know what to think about anything now. I never trusted anyone as much as I trusted her. We would just sit in my car outside her house and talk. I miss that. Even it was real to me, it wasn't real to her. But I don't know.
I feel so angry, but then I feel like she's still a friend.
This is the last week of school. It's been hard to face everyone since prom. They all try to act sympathetic. I'm too hurt and too embarrassed to deal with it though. I thought about not going back. But then I'd be stuck in Southglen another year. That would be worse then walking around with no pride.
At lunch period I was sitting alone on the bleachers. I brought my guitar, but felt no real inspiration to play. So it just laid across my lap silently. Then Aldys came over and sat next to me.
"Guy, do you miss her?" she asked.
I just stared at her, ready to tell her to leave. But then it clicked in my head. She was hurt just as much as I was. She had also let Josie into her life in a special way, and been dropped like yesterdays news for a cover story. Instead of hurting her again I just turned away.
"I don't want to talk about it." was all I get out of my mouth. I totally felt a loss of words.
But Aldys didn't leave. She just quietly sat there.
"She was my best friend. I don't care what happened it the end. I'm not mad at you because she ditched me for you-"
"Shut up! I never told her to ditch you for me. And I sure as hell never told her to ditch me like that either. Face it she's a bitch. Josie doesn't care about who we are, she just wanted a story."
I instantly felt bad for yelling at Aldys. She looked ready to cry. Suddenly I felt rage running through my body. It scared me and I just got up and ran off.
May 21st
I woke up late and decided to not go to school. My body felt empty inside. Expecting my father to be at work I went into the kitchen and opened the fridge. But he was sitting at the table drinking a beer.
"Guy why aren't you at school?" His voice showed no emotion as he spoke.
"Why are you drinking a beer at 10 am?" I shot right back.
The beer can flew out of his hand as he jumped up. Before I knew it I was pinned to the fridge feeling his rancid breath on my cheek.
"Get your act together now. I'm sick of dealing with your shit kid. Your momma couldn't do it either could she?"
"Leave my mother out of this. Maybe she couldn't deal with your shit." Right after I blurted that out I flinched. I knew what was coming.
His fist his my cheek hard then met up with my side. He shoved me to the floor and opened the fridge to retrieve another beer. I ran out of the house not carrying where I went.
I started to drive around. For the second day in a row I found myself sitting in the park by the creek. I lit up another cigarette and thought about Josie. She didn't like it when I smoked, and would take the cigarette from my mouth and stomp on it.
But Josie sure wasn't here now. I sighed and took a deep drag off the Marlboro. My side really hurt but I didn't care. I just leaned back and enjoyed the calmness surrounding me.
May 23rd
I skipped school again yesterday, but decided to go back for the last day. When I got there I saw everyone reading the newspaper. Josie's story must have came out. But I didn't want to read it or even guess what it had to say.
Then Tommy came over to me and shoved a paper in my face.
"Look at this man! She loves up!" He laughed. Everyone around me was soaking up the joy of being featured in the paper. A line near the end caught my attention.
"And there's still that one guy, the one who is so perfect in every way. The guy you get up and go to school for in the morning. Southglen would not have been the same without him. High school would not be the same without him. I would not have been the same without him."
Josie Gellar wouldn't have been the same without me. And I have to admit I wouldn't have been the same without her. I guess I don't know what to think about anything now. I never trusted anyone as much as I trusted her. We would just sit in my car outside her house and talk. I miss that. Even it was real to me, it wasn't real to her. But I don't know.
I feel so angry, but then I feel like she's still a friend.