Fear

~*~

You again? Well, I guess I better get used to seeing you since you're becoming a newsie and all. Why aren't you out selling your papes? Ah, well never mind. So you're here again to ask another question? Thought so. But one day you're going to have to drop that to work for money. Forget that… do what you want. So what is it this time?

Fear? What made you pick these questions? Not that I'm saying its bad or anything… I'm going to have to think. So that's what everybody else said? Yeah, well you just love making us think. Lemme see…

Hmm… I think I have it… walls. Yeah. Don't look at me like that. You gotta wait for me to explain. I know… why would I be scared of walls? Those little things made out of brick and plastered with paint? Its scarier than you can imagine. I'm not clostraphebic… oops, I mean claustrophobic. Did I say it right this time? Okay. 'Cause I'm not… I guess these are different kinds of walls for me.

I'll try to make this easier for you. You know how you keep on going around asking newsies questions just for fun and writing about it? You like to do that right? Kind of… an addiction… something that you just can't stop doing. Yeah. Well, the same goes for me. No, I don't write… I'm not that good. I perform. What kind of performing? Umm… singing and dancing, I guess. Its just something that I've been doing since I was little… a way to express myself, you know? I think you'd understand with all that writing you're doing.

Oh yeah, walls. Just imagine yourself stuck in one place… and you can't move or do anything else… the walls are closing in on you and you seem like you can't express yourself… that you don't have a voice in anything. That you feel like you're nothing. Scary, isn't it? It's not exactly the happiest feeling in the world. I guess it won't make sense without me saying this…

Everybody knows about the refuge… even YOU know about it. We've been there once in a while. Who wasn't? I bet you'll get in eventually… nothing drastic about it or anything, just a place where they throw kids in. My point is… I've been there ever since I could remember. I guess I was just a little baby when my parents dropped me off there. I really don't think they were thinking about my safety, because it IS the refuge. What were they going to expect?

At least I had some place to stay… aside from the other kids coming in because of what they did, I was there because I had no place to go. I guess it was 'cause of the owner of the building… Damian Angelis. He was almost like a father to me… and I thank him for that. He managed the place during that time, but he was old and wasn't exactly healthy.

I didn't exactly jump for joy when he was gone and Snyder came in the picture. He wasn't exactly fatherly… or nice either. The words you would use were cruel and insane. He treated me worse than the other kids mainly because I stayed there for no reason at all. That I didn't commit a crime. He kept me locked in a closet, with only a window. I felt like a prisoner… and soon enough the walls were closing in on me.

At least I had a voice before. I could say what I thought. I could express what I felt. But lately I have had to keep it inside. He wouldn't care what I said, he'd look at me with the same look he had everyday, hatred. I was just another kid taking up space in his precious refuge. I didn't need to be here.

I guess he finally took the matters into his own hands and threw me out. Ironic, isn't it? I wanted to get out, and he did it for me. The point is, he didn't know what I wanted. He would've kept me there longer if he would've known. I'm just glad he did.

Do you get it? What my fear is? I want to be able to know that I have a voice in things and that I can express myself. I finally found it through singing and dancing. Who would've thought that I was going to find that at a party at Medda's? Maybe drinking, gambling, and other girls, but singing and dancing? Hah, that was interesting, even for me. But I didn't stop there. I wanted to keep on going with it.

It was my… passion? Is that what you call it? Well, whatever it is, I'm glad that I found it. Just like with your writing and asking, you just can't turn it off. Just wonder what it'll be like if we can never do these things. Right. So you see how walls can get so scary?

-Itey

~*~

i already wrote out all the other newsies' fears. i have ALMOST everyone. then afterwards, i'm going to end with two more chapters, then i'm done! the newsies that i have are (that aren't out already): mush, crutchy, race, specs, david, skittery, bumlets, and jack. i'm going to let you guys choose who's going next since i have NO IDEA what order to do it in. if none of you say anything, then i'm going in that order. okie dokie? okie dokie. ^^

Shout-outs

Sapphy: lol, which reminds me... writing for if they only knew! aahh... i gotta start writing for that again! ^^

Oneconfusednewsie: heheh. isn't he adorable?

Justduck: lmao! awww. heheh. i don't think i've seen that before, but the name sounds really familiar. :P