My Boyfriend's Friend
Chapter 10: Accidents Happen
Who's baby? Who's baby? Who's baby? Those words continually rolled in my mind. If my life wasn't messed up enough already, I was carrying the child of one of the two men who were in front of me. My head became dizzy and one thought came to my mind, run. And run I did. I broke away into a run across my parent's backyard. I just knew if I ran hard enough I could get away.
"Usako, come back!", Mamoru screamed from behind me as he took off running behind me. I ran a bit faster, earning curious stares and murmurs from the guests who were celebrating this "joyous" occasion.
"Usagi what's going on?!", I faintly heard my father call out to me.
"Go to hell all of you!", I called out in response, as I ran out of the backyard and headed down the sidewalk trying to escape.
"USAGI!", my mother yelled after me for my rudeness.
"Usako!" Mamoru called from behind gaining ground on me easily, I picked up the pace.
"This engagement is off!!!" I heard Seiya yell in the background and I turned and saw him on hot pursuit of Mamoru who was quickly catching up to me.
"Usa!" , Rei yelled after me. Followed by my other girls trying to catch me. I closed my eyes and wished for wings as I gave all I had into getting away. I felt as if my chest was going to explode.
"Usako wait!", I heard Mamoru scream frantically, but I was not going to hear it. I was not going to face any of them, not today! I heard footsteps close behind me. "Usako NO!" I was pushed forward hard and landed on the ground. I then heard a car skid and hit something. My eyes shot open. It couldn't be..
I turned around slowly and saw Mamoru lying motionless in front of a car that was meant to hit me.
"MAMO-CHAN!!!", I screamed out. "NO, NO, OH GOD NO! MAMO-CHAN." I crawled to him unable to get up on my legs and covered his body with mine. "Mamo-chan, please!", I sobbed uncontrollably. I felt someone rush to my side. I looked over. "Rei! Please! Mamo-chan, please help him! Oh God, please Mamo-chan I love you!"
Mamoru's eyes faintly opened to greet mine. "Usa-", he was cut off by a cough that produced blood, a sign of internal bleeding. I tried to make him stop, but he refused. "Usako, I- I love- I love you-t too." I heard the sirens of an ambulance in the distance coming closer.
"Mamo-chan their coming! Do you hear them?" I stroked his hair as he barely was able to shake his head yes. I sobbed more. "Why baby, why? Don't you leave me OK? Mamo-chan don't leave me!! Oh God baby, please!" I felt someone pull me a way but I swatted the hand back. "STAY BACK!" The paramedic jumped at my outburst.
"I'm sorry ma'am but he needs immediate care or he may not live.", said the frightened paramedic.
"DON'T SAY THAT!" I found my footing and jumped up and stalked towards the medic. "My Mamo-chan is not going to die! You hear me!." He just stared and looked at me. "What the fuck are you waiting for? Get him to a hospital!!!" He obediently moved quickly to scoop up my Mamo-chan. I ran over to him. "See baby, it's all going to be OK." By this time he was unconscious. "Mamo-chan? GOD DAMN YOU MAMO-CHAN ANSWER ME!" I felt someone pull me back. I turned and looked and Seiya straight in the face. "You stay away from me!"
"Usagi? I-" he began.
"NO! NOT WHILE MAMORU NEEDS ME!" I ran to the ambulance.
"I'm sorry ma'am but-", I cut the medic off.
"I dare you to tell me I can't be by his side!", I said in an ice cold voice that made the medic step back. "Besides, I'm his fiancee." I held up the ring Seiya gave me. The medic helped me aboard and once finding everything secure they began to drive expediently to the hospital. I looked out the back window to see Ami, Mako, Rei, and Mina looking at me in disbelief of the situation. Then I saw Seiya, paralyzed in place staring after the ambulance with his mouth slightly open.
**
I paced the emergency room back and forth never sitting to rest. It had been hours since I had arrived. I felt my stomach quiver uneasily. "Not now!" I screamed out, earning stares from the other people waiting. My stomach settled momentarily.
It was a long ride to the hospital. I watched as the cut open his shirt started an oxygen supply and then got the necessary information from me on who he was. I remember his eyes widening at the name "Chiba" and then the comment "The Chiba??" I was too distraught to give it any thought however.
I turned when my named was called. "Usa! Is everything OK?", Mina asked running up to me and pulling me into an embrace.
"I don't know Minako, I don't know..." I told her. I saw the others follow over to hug me. I was surrounded by them and there eternal support. When we broke apart, I caught sight of Seiya standing back a little ways just looking at me. There was no glare, not even an ounce of hate in his eyes, he just stared at me. At that moment, I was reminded of how a pimples form. Underneath the skin all this dirt and oil is forming then eventually it all comes to a head right smack dab on the tip of your nose. It was time for Seiya and I to get the talk that I had been dreading over with.
As if reading my mind he slowly walked over to me. "When did it begin?", he asked calmly.
"Does it matter?", I asked him. I was going to be calm about this. Nothing could get any worse than it already was. It was not going to help to upset myself into a frenzy anymore, not with my Mamo-chan in surgery.
"I guess not."
"I guess I've always had feelings for Mamoru." I said into the air. I finally sat down in a chair, and everyone else followed suit. The girls were listening intently to the conversation, wondering what had and what was going to happen.
"Yeah I guess I should have known. I mean you guys were very close. I was actually surprised that you were a virgin when we took our relationship to that point."
"It was never really sexual with Mamoru, it was just this spiritual connection that made us so close."
"It's not my baby, is it?", he asked as he looked me in the eyes. I heard Ami gasp.
"Baby?!" Makoto exclaimed leaning in to the conversation more.
"Usa, you're pregnant?!", Rei said incredulously. "And you didn't have the decency to tell us!"
"Well apparently she didn't know until right before the accident." I smiled slightly at Seiya for being kind enough to stick up for me.
"Who's is it?" Minako asked me.
"More than likely Mamoru's baby. As a matter of fact, it has to be." I said looking to the ground.
"As I thought." Seiya said. There was a saddening disappointment in his eyes.
"Ladies if you don't mind, I would like to talk to Seiya alone." I requested of my friends. The moved away talking about the baby and the whole fiasco that this day turned out to be. I looked at Mamoru's blood that had spilled to my clothing and sighed.
"I should have known."
"Seiya, I didn't mean to hurt you." I said reaching my hand out to touch his.
"I know you didn't Usagi. I guess I should have seen this coming."
"No, you don't deserve this. Look at the mess I've created! I love you Seiya, but I truly love Mamoru." I started to cry. "And now, look at what I've done." I choked back a sob. "I've caused Mamoru to be like he is. I did this. And I don't know how he's doing, if he'll live and if I can ever live a normal life again because of it. And to top it off, I'm pregnant." Seiya pulled me into an embrace.
"They always say, what goes around comes around. You were gracious enough to overlook my cheating on you. And I guess, I don't know, I'd hate to say this is my punishment, but you are suffering as well." I felt my stomach start to heave.
"How can you be so nice about this Seiya? Why are you so calm and not yelling?!? Do you see what I've done?!", he shh'ed my escalating voice and reminded me of our surroundings. "Seiya, I feel like my heart is being stomped on, I can only imagine how yours feels.."
"I don't know how I feel really. It hurts, but not as much as I think it should you know?"
I sniffled a little. "Yeah I know. So what does it all mean?"
"I don't know. I mean I can't make you mine. I would never force that on you."
I smiled gratefully. "Thank you. Seiya, I wanted to tell you. Really I did."
"I'm sure you did." He pulled me in to hug him.
"Ms. Tsukino?" I turned to find the voice's owner.
"Yes, that's me!" I jumped up to meet the doctor who gave me the once over before speaking.
"As you know for the past few hours Mr. Chiba has been in surgery. He appears to be doing well when we moved him to the Intensive Care Unit. There was of course internal bleeding which we located the source of and was finally able to stop. Fortunately enough and strangely might I add, there was not any broken bones, so he will be able to walk again. He's very fortunate." I just stared at the doctor. I was so happy at that moment that I threw myself into his arms and showered him with kisses. "Ms Tsukino, calm down!" He smiled at me.
"Thank you so much. Thank you! Thank you!. When can I see him?"
"We have not moved him to a regular hospital room, but once we have, you may see him then."
"When will that be, do you know?"
"In about a day or two." I was taken back a bit. I didn't want to wait that long to see him. Seeing the look on my face the doctor continued. "We want to make sure Mr. Chiba is completely stabilized before moving him out of the ICU. This is common after major surgeries"
"Thank you so much doctor!! I am indebted to you!" I ran to tell the others the good news, and they all gave me a hug.
"Usagi, don't you think you should eat. Its not only just you." Rei said.
"Sure.. I guess. You guys aren't going to get weird on me now, are you?" They laughed at me and dragged me to the hospital cafeteria for something to eat.
**
"Wow, a baby Usagi.." Makoto said in wonder. "That's a really big step."
"Yeah this has been quite a day. A graduation, a dis-engagement..is that a word?" Minako thought aloud. "Well whatever, and an announcement of pregnancy. Oh man Usagi! Do your parents know?"
"What the hell do you think Mina? I just learned today myself.", I glared at her for her carefree nature.
"Don't let your PMS get you in a bunch!", Minako said defensively. Once again I glared at her.
"I wish I had PMS."
The conversation died as we continued eating our food. I looked up momentarily to see Seiya walking towards us with a tray of his own.
"He's handling this way to well for me. I wish he would yell or throw something at me, or at least throw me down a flight of steps."
"Usagi that would kill your baby!", Ami exclaimed.
"Yeah Usagi, be careful of the things you say.", Rei cautioned me.
"What did she say?", asked Seiya jumping into the conversation.
"She was just talking about falling down a flight of stairs.", Mina said. Once again she earned a glare from me.
"Yes Usagi, you really have to start taking care of yourself now. You are going to be someone's mother.", Rei said.
"Rei, I don't feel ready for this." I said a little down cast while digging a hole in the ill prepared rice that I picked out.
"There's always abortion..", Seiya said nonchalantly.
"NO WAY!", exclaimed Mina. "She has no reason to do such a thing."
"Does she not?" Seiya question Mina. "She just graduated today and she has to get her career on track. A baby just doesn't fit that well into that type of scheduling. Besides, who's to say Mamoru wants the baby anyway."
I gasped. I had never thought about that. Well I had, but Mamoru told me he loved me.. but does that mean happily ever after with a kid? We're both still relatively young and have so much we could do together.
"Fuck you Seiya!" I heard Rei yell, breaking me out of my thoughts. "I knew you were a little to calm about this. When you thought it was your baby you felt as if it was happily ever after! Forget her career and everything she's worked toward. But since it's not yours, you want to fill her head with this kind of shit."
"No fuck you Rei, I'm being realistic. Usagi was going to be my wife until she messed around with Mamoru. It takes two to raise a child properly! It takes money as well! She's fresh out of college, with no real job, and pregnant! I guess I could ask her back with me and to raise his bastard child, but her heart will never be mine!"
They were both standing now, ready to pounce on the other. "Stop it..." I said gently. "Just stop it." I stood up from the cafeteria table and turned to walk away.
"Usagi, where are you going?", asked Ami.
"To think."
"I'm coming with you, you shouldn't be by yourself." Ami said while gathering her things.
"No, I can manage by myself. I'll call you later." I threw her a half- hearted smile and exited the building.
**
I went straight home and crawled into bed. I wished Mamoru was beside me. Holding me like he had once. However, I had dug myself into a hole, tainted every fiber of my being. And what of my child? Would it- he/she be tainted as well? What if Mamoru didn't want the baby. I could easily get rid of it. Only Mamoru, Seiya, and my friends knew of my condition.
I wanted so badly to be with Mamoru that moment. I needed some type of confirmation from him on what he wanted. However, I could not get that from him. He was lying in a dark cold hospital room. Recovering from the accident my stupidity had caused.
"I'm so stupid!" I said. He couldn't really want this baby. Not with someone like me. I'm not good enough for him, nor for a child. My stomach heaved in protest. I ran to the bathroom and emptied out the nasty lunch I ate at the cafeteria. I then went back to bed and fell into an uneasy sleep.
**
Morning came with me hugging the toilet like it was my best friend. I couldn't take this any longer. I simply couldn't. My dreams last the night before had me shaken up. I dreamed I was rejected my Mamoru, my family, and my friends. I dreamed the baby would be deformed and needed constant care and attention. I dreamed I grew old and gray before my time. Seiya was right I had another option.
After finishing up with the toilet, I dialed Rei's number.
"Hello Rei?" I asked somewhat meekly.
"Usagi?", she asked.
"Yeah, it's me. Listen can you come over?"
"I'll be right there."
Fifteen minutes later she arrived and when she saw the look on my face, she paled slightly.
"Usagi, no, you can't do this to yourself or an innocent life." She began.
"Rei-"
"You can't listen to Seiya!"
"Rei-"
"Usagi, what about Mamoru's choice in this?! You're being WAY too irrational" She yelled out at me.
"REI! Let me speak. Listen, I know how you feel about this. But this is my life. I want you to be by my side when I do this." I said looking into her eyes.
"Usagi, I don't think I can do this. I can't aid you in taking a life. What will you tell Mamoru."
"That when he pushed me, something happened and the baby miscarried."
"You'd put that belief on Mamoru?" She stared at me startled by my response.
"I can make up something better later if it comes to mind. But when shit hits the fan.." I trailed off, becoming uneasy as her stare harden.
"Who are you? You've changed so much over the past few months. Your deceptive ways have eaten at you and what's left is this in front of me."
"Shut up Rei! I've come to you for support. I know I could have asked any of the other girls, but I thought you to be the best to call. Mamoru probably won't be moved to a regular room until tomorrow. I can get an abortion tomorrow and stop by the hospital afterwards to deliver the 'bad news'!" I looked at her hard in the eyes. "I'm not only doing this for me! I'm doing this for Mamoru as well."
"Mamoru should have a say!" She yelled.
"This is my life! This is my choice! Are you going to support me or not?! Not even more than a two months ago I remember us hating each other! How do I go from hate to 'I love you, I'm having your baby?!'" I yelled back. She pulled me into a hug.
"Usa, I love you. I'll be beside you forever, but never expect me to not speak my mind." I felt her start to cry, and I joined in with her. Tomorrow I would have an abortion, and pretend that the pregnancy was never meant to be.
**
I sat in the clinic with Rei next to me wearing loose fit clothing and sunglasses. I didn't know why I felt that I needed to hide from the world. Outside were the damn protesters with pictures of burning babies and signs that said murderer. They did not understand my situation. No one could know how I felt.
The variety of people in the room amazed me. There were young, old, beautiful, and ugly. They had all made the same decision I had. One young woman who looked to be 22 started to cry on her boyfriend's shoulder. I felt a surge of jealously. As I picked up a magazine and waited for my turn.
It had been about 45 minutes of waiting time. Rei was staring at the same magazine. But I knew she wasn't reading. She didn't want to be here with me. Before hand she tried once before to get me to re-think my choice, but I told her all things are final. As I was about to pick up my third magazine I heard my named called.
"Usagi Tsukino" the nurses voice rang out. I felt like I was being called and lead down the halls of death row. I looked over at Rei. She looked at me as if to ask 'Are you sure?'. I patted her hand.
"When I come back out Rei, things will be better I won't be with child, and I can start over again."
"Usagi, your selfish. You never were like this. You should wait for Mamoru. You should be able to talk to him today. How about waiting until tomorrow, you know?" She looked at me with a glint of hope in her eye.
I smiled at her. "I'm doing what I have to do." I disappeared with the nurse into the back area.
She sat me down for a miniature counseling session. She told me about the procedure, the medications I had to take, the importance of following the after procedure guidelines. I zoned out after a while. Everything was so surreal.
"Usagi?" She ask bringing me back out of my thoughts.
"Yes?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Two more things before we start. Firstly , are you being forced to do this against your will?" She asked me seriously.
"No, not at all. I seem to be the only person aside from one other who wants this done."
She began to write out some notes about me, and explain that I needed to come back in three weeks for a check up. Once again I zoned out. I jumped when I saw her hand wave in front of my face.
"Y-Yes?" I stuttered nervously.
"Are you all right?" She asked concerned.
"Yes very." I said, but it was a lie. I wasn't all right. What was I thinking, what was I doing? Was I really going to take out what I've done in my life on an innocent child? Was I really going to let what Seiya said get to me?
"OK, well in order to get started, I need you to sign on the line next to the 'x'." She said holding out the pen for me to take to sign the paper.
I stared at the pen. This was it. Was I making the right choice? It didn't matter really now did it? I'd come so far in this decision. I lifted my hand, took the pen, and looked at where I was to sign.
"You agree you are allowing the on site physician to perform an abortion. You also agree you are of sound mind, and are not forced into this."
X_______________________________________
**
Rei looked up at me about an hour later from the same magazine that she had been 'reading'. I was disoriented. I gazed at her face and broke out in tears. She ran to me.
"Usagi, it's going be OK! I'm here with you." She said seeing the hurt and pain my eyes.
"Take me to Mamoru, please." I sobbed into her shoulder. She guided me out of the building and to her car.
"Usagi, are you in pain? Did they not give you medicine?" She asked me when she entered the car.
"Rei, I couldn't do it. Take me to Mamoru. I have to know what he thinks." I began to cry again. I was losing myself. I was at an all time low.
One more chapter and an epilogue after this. Thank you for your patience. Things have been very crazy for me lately. Review please! ~ Lady Imp
Chapter 10: Accidents Happen
Who's baby? Who's baby? Who's baby? Those words continually rolled in my mind. If my life wasn't messed up enough already, I was carrying the child of one of the two men who were in front of me. My head became dizzy and one thought came to my mind, run. And run I did. I broke away into a run across my parent's backyard. I just knew if I ran hard enough I could get away.
"Usako, come back!", Mamoru screamed from behind me as he took off running behind me. I ran a bit faster, earning curious stares and murmurs from the guests who were celebrating this "joyous" occasion.
"Usagi what's going on?!", I faintly heard my father call out to me.
"Go to hell all of you!", I called out in response, as I ran out of the backyard and headed down the sidewalk trying to escape.
"USAGI!", my mother yelled after me for my rudeness.
"Usako!" Mamoru called from behind gaining ground on me easily, I picked up the pace.
"This engagement is off!!!" I heard Seiya yell in the background and I turned and saw him on hot pursuit of Mamoru who was quickly catching up to me.
"Usa!" , Rei yelled after me. Followed by my other girls trying to catch me. I closed my eyes and wished for wings as I gave all I had into getting away. I felt as if my chest was going to explode.
"Usako wait!", I heard Mamoru scream frantically, but I was not going to hear it. I was not going to face any of them, not today! I heard footsteps close behind me. "Usako NO!" I was pushed forward hard and landed on the ground. I then heard a car skid and hit something. My eyes shot open. It couldn't be..
I turned around slowly and saw Mamoru lying motionless in front of a car that was meant to hit me.
"MAMO-CHAN!!!", I screamed out. "NO, NO, OH GOD NO! MAMO-CHAN." I crawled to him unable to get up on my legs and covered his body with mine. "Mamo-chan, please!", I sobbed uncontrollably. I felt someone rush to my side. I looked over. "Rei! Please! Mamo-chan, please help him! Oh God, please Mamo-chan I love you!"
Mamoru's eyes faintly opened to greet mine. "Usa-", he was cut off by a cough that produced blood, a sign of internal bleeding. I tried to make him stop, but he refused. "Usako, I- I love- I love you-t too." I heard the sirens of an ambulance in the distance coming closer.
"Mamo-chan their coming! Do you hear them?" I stroked his hair as he barely was able to shake his head yes. I sobbed more. "Why baby, why? Don't you leave me OK? Mamo-chan don't leave me!! Oh God baby, please!" I felt someone pull me a way but I swatted the hand back. "STAY BACK!" The paramedic jumped at my outburst.
"I'm sorry ma'am but he needs immediate care or he may not live.", said the frightened paramedic.
"DON'T SAY THAT!" I found my footing and jumped up and stalked towards the medic. "My Mamo-chan is not going to die! You hear me!." He just stared and looked at me. "What the fuck are you waiting for? Get him to a hospital!!!" He obediently moved quickly to scoop up my Mamo-chan. I ran over to him. "See baby, it's all going to be OK." By this time he was unconscious. "Mamo-chan? GOD DAMN YOU MAMO-CHAN ANSWER ME!" I felt someone pull me back. I turned and looked and Seiya straight in the face. "You stay away from me!"
"Usagi? I-" he began.
"NO! NOT WHILE MAMORU NEEDS ME!" I ran to the ambulance.
"I'm sorry ma'am but-", I cut the medic off.
"I dare you to tell me I can't be by his side!", I said in an ice cold voice that made the medic step back. "Besides, I'm his fiancee." I held up the ring Seiya gave me. The medic helped me aboard and once finding everything secure they began to drive expediently to the hospital. I looked out the back window to see Ami, Mako, Rei, and Mina looking at me in disbelief of the situation. Then I saw Seiya, paralyzed in place staring after the ambulance with his mouth slightly open.
**
I paced the emergency room back and forth never sitting to rest. It had been hours since I had arrived. I felt my stomach quiver uneasily. "Not now!" I screamed out, earning stares from the other people waiting. My stomach settled momentarily.
It was a long ride to the hospital. I watched as the cut open his shirt started an oxygen supply and then got the necessary information from me on who he was. I remember his eyes widening at the name "Chiba" and then the comment "The Chiba??" I was too distraught to give it any thought however.
I turned when my named was called. "Usa! Is everything OK?", Mina asked running up to me and pulling me into an embrace.
"I don't know Minako, I don't know..." I told her. I saw the others follow over to hug me. I was surrounded by them and there eternal support. When we broke apart, I caught sight of Seiya standing back a little ways just looking at me. There was no glare, not even an ounce of hate in his eyes, he just stared at me. At that moment, I was reminded of how a pimples form. Underneath the skin all this dirt and oil is forming then eventually it all comes to a head right smack dab on the tip of your nose. It was time for Seiya and I to get the talk that I had been dreading over with.
As if reading my mind he slowly walked over to me. "When did it begin?", he asked calmly.
"Does it matter?", I asked him. I was going to be calm about this. Nothing could get any worse than it already was. It was not going to help to upset myself into a frenzy anymore, not with my Mamo-chan in surgery.
"I guess not."
"I guess I've always had feelings for Mamoru." I said into the air. I finally sat down in a chair, and everyone else followed suit. The girls were listening intently to the conversation, wondering what had and what was going to happen.
"Yeah I guess I should have known. I mean you guys were very close. I was actually surprised that you were a virgin when we took our relationship to that point."
"It was never really sexual with Mamoru, it was just this spiritual connection that made us so close."
"It's not my baby, is it?", he asked as he looked me in the eyes. I heard Ami gasp.
"Baby?!" Makoto exclaimed leaning in to the conversation more.
"Usa, you're pregnant?!", Rei said incredulously. "And you didn't have the decency to tell us!"
"Well apparently she didn't know until right before the accident." I smiled slightly at Seiya for being kind enough to stick up for me.
"Who's is it?" Minako asked me.
"More than likely Mamoru's baby. As a matter of fact, it has to be." I said looking to the ground.
"As I thought." Seiya said. There was a saddening disappointment in his eyes.
"Ladies if you don't mind, I would like to talk to Seiya alone." I requested of my friends. The moved away talking about the baby and the whole fiasco that this day turned out to be. I looked at Mamoru's blood that had spilled to my clothing and sighed.
"I should have known."
"Seiya, I didn't mean to hurt you." I said reaching my hand out to touch his.
"I know you didn't Usagi. I guess I should have seen this coming."
"No, you don't deserve this. Look at the mess I've created! I love you Seiya, but I truly love Mamoru." I started to cry. "And now, look at what I've done." I choked back a sob. "I've caused Mamoru to be like he is. I did this. And I don't know how he's doing, if he'll live and if I can ever live a normal life again because of it. And to top it off, I'm pregnant." Seiya pulled me into an embrace.
"They always say, what goes around comes around. You were gracious enough to overlook my cheating on you. And I guess, I don't know, I'd hate to say this is my punishment, but you are suffering as well." I felt my stomach start to heave.
"How can you be so nice about this Seiya? Why are you so calm and not yelling?!? Do you see what I've done?!", he shh'ed my escalating voice and reminded me of our surroundings. "Seiya, I feel like my heart is being stomped on, I can only imagine how yours feels.."
"I don't know how I feel really. It hurts, but not as much as I think it should you know?"
I sniffled a little. "Yeah I know. So what does it all mean?"
"I don't know. I mean I can't make you mine. I would never force that on you."
I smiled gratefully. "Thank you. Seiya, I wanted to tell you. Really I did."
"I'm sure you did." He pulled me in to hug him.
"Ms. Tsukino?" I turned to find the voice's owner.
"Yes, that's me!" I jumped up to meet the doctor who gave me the once over before speaking.
"As you know for the past few hours Mr. Chiba has been in surgery. He appears to be doing well when we moved him to the Intensive Care Unit. There was of course internal bleeding which we located the source of and was finally able to stop. Fortunately enough and strangely might I add, there was not any broken bones, so he will be able to walk again. He's very fortunate." I just stared at the doctor. I was so happy at that moment that I threw myself into his arms and showered him with kisses. "Ms Tsukino, calm down!" He smiled at me.
"Thank you so much. Thank you! Thank you!. When can I see him?"
"We have not moved him to a regular hospital room, but once we have, you may see him then."
"When will that be, do you know?"
"In about a day or two." I was taken back a bit. I didn't want to wait that long to see him. Seeing the look on my face the doctor continued. "We want to make sure Mr. Chiba is completely stabilized before moving him out of the ICU. This is common after major surgeries"
"Thank you so much doctor!! I am indebted to you!" I ran to tell the others the good news, and they all gave me a hug.
"Usagi, don't you think you should eat. Its not only just you." Rei said.
"Sure.. I guess. You guys aren't going to get weird on me now, are you?" They laughed at me and dragged me to the hospital cafeteria for something to eat.
**
"Wow, a baby Usagi.." Makoto said in wonder. "That's a really big step."
"Yeah this has been quite a day. A graduation, a dis-engagement..is that a word?" Minako thought aloud. "Well whatever, and an announcement of pregnancy. Oh man Usagi! Do your parents know?"
"What the hell do you think Mina? I just learned today myself.", I glared at her for her carefree nature.
"Don't let your PMS get you in a bunch!", Minako said defensively. Once again I glared at her.
"I wish I had PMS."
The conversation died as we continued eating our food. I looked up momentarily to see Seiya walking towards us with a tray of his own.
"He's handling this way to well for me. I wish he would yell or throw something at me, or at least throw me down a flight of steps."
"Usagi that would kill your baby!", Ami exclaimed.
"Yeah Usagi, be careful of the things you say.", Rei cautioned me.
"What did she say?", asked Seiya jumping into the conversation.
"She was just talking about falling down a flight of stairs.", Mina said. Once again she earned a glare from me.
"Yes Usagi, you really have to start taking care of yourself now. You are going to be someone's mother.", Rei said.
"Rei, I don't feel ready for this." I said a little down cast while digging a hole in the ill prepared rice that I picked out.
"There's always abortion..", Seiya said nonchalantly.
"NO WAY!", exclaimed Mina. "She has no reason to do such a thing."
"Does she not?" Seiya question Mina. "She just graduated today and she has to get her career on track. A baby just doesn't fit that well into that type of scheduling. Besides, who's to say Mamoru wants the baby anyway."
I gasped. I had never thought about that. Well I had, but Mamoru told me he loved me.. but does that mean happily ever after with a kid? We're both still relatively young and have so much we could do together.
"Fuck you Seiya!" I heard Rei yell, breaking me out of my thoughts. "I knew you were a little to calm about this. When you thought it was your baby you felt as if it was happily ever after! Forget her career and everything she's worked toward. But since it's not yours, you want to fill her head with this kind of shit."
"No fuck you Rei, I'm being realistic. Usagi was going to be my wife until she messed around with Mamoru. It takes two to raise a child properly! It takes money as well! She's fresh out of college, with no real job, and pregnant! I guess I could ask her back with me and to raise his bastard child, but her heart will never be mine!"
They were both standing now, ready to pounce on the other. "Stop it..." I said gently. "Just stop it." I stood up from the cafeteria table and turned to walk away.
"Usagi, where are you going?", asked Ami.
"To think."
"I'm coming with you, you shouldn't be by yourself." Ami said while gathering her things.
"No, I can manage by myself. I'll call you later." I threw her a half- hearted smile and exited the building.
**
I went straight home and crawled into bed. I wished Mamoru was beside me. Holding me like he had once. However, I had dug myself into a hole, tainted every fiber of my being. And what of my child? Would it- he/she be tainted as well? What if Mamoru didn't want the baby. I could easily get rid of it. Only Mamoru, Seiya, and my friends knew of my condition.
I wanted so badly to be with Mamoru that moment. I needed some type of confirmation from him on what he wanted. However, I could not get that from him. He was lying in a dark cold hospital room. Recovering from the accident my stupidity had caused.
"I'm so stupid!" I said. He couldn't really want this baby. Not with someone like me. I'm not good enough for him, nor for a child. My stomach heaved in protest. I ran to the bathroom and emptied out the nasty lunch I ate at the cafeteria. I then went back to bed and fell into an uneasy sleep.
**
Morning came with me hugging the toilet like it was my best friend. I couldn't take this any longer. I simply couldn't. My dreams last the night before had me shaken up. I dreamed I was rejected my Mamoru, my family, and my friends. I dreamed the baby would be deformed and needed constant care and attention. I dreamed I grew old and gray before my time. Seiya was right I had another option.
After finishing up with the toilet, I dialed Rei's number.
"Hello Rei?" I asked somewhat meekly.
"Usagi?", she asked.
"Yeah, it's me. Listen can you come over?"
"I'll be right there."
Fifteen minutes later she arrived and when she saw the look on my face, she paled slightly.
"Usagi, no, you can't do this to yourself or an innocent life." She began.
"Rei-"
"You can't listen to Seiya!"
"Rei-"
"Usagi, what about Mamoru's choice in this?! You're being WAY too irrational" She yelled out at me.
"REI! Let me speak. Listen, I know how you feel about this. But this is my life. I want you to be by my side when I do this." I said looking into her eyes.
"Usagi, I don't think I can do this. I can't aid you in taking a life. What will you tell Mamoru."
"That when he pushed me, something happened and the baby miscarried."
"You'd put that belief on Mamoru?" She stared at me startled by my response.
"I can make up something better later if it comes to mind. But when shit hits the fan.." I trailed off, becoming uneasy as her stare harden.
"Who are you? You've changed so much over the past few months. Your deceptive ways have eaten at you and what's left is this in front of me."
"Shut up Rei! I've come to you for support. I know I could have asked any of the other girls, but I thought you to be the best to call. Mamoru probably won't be moved to a regular room until tomorrow. I can get an abortion tomorrow and stop by the hospital afterwards to deliver the 'bad news'!" I looked at her hard in the eyes. "I'm not only doing this for me! I'm doing this for Mamoru as well."
"Mamoru should have a say!" She yelled.
"This is my life! This is my choice! Are you going to support me or not?! Not even more than a two months ago I remember us hating each other! How do I go from hate to 'I love you, I'm having your baby?!'" I yelled back. She pulled me into a hug.
"Usa, I love you. I'll be beside you forever, but never expect me to not speak my mind." I felt her start to cry, and I joined in with her. Tomorrow I would have an abortion, and pretend that the pregnancy was never meant to be.
**
I sat in the clinic with Rei next to me wearing loose fit clothing and sunglasses. I didn't know why I felt that I needed to hide from the world. Outside were the damn protesters with pictures of burning babies and signs that said murderer. They did not understand my situation. No one could know how I felt.
The variety of people in the room amazed me. There were young, old, beautiful, and ugly. They had all made the same decision I had. One young woman who looked to be 22 started to cry on her boyfriend's shoulder. I felt a surge of jealously. As I picked up a magazine and waited for my turn.
It had been about 45 minutes of waiting time. Rei was staring at the same magazine. But I knew she wasn't reading. She didn't want to be here with me. Before hand she tried once before to get me to re-think my choice, but I told her all things are final. As I was about to pick up my third magazine I heard my named called.
"Usagi Tsukino" the nurses voice rang out. I felt like I was being called and lead down the halls of death row. I looked over at Rei. She looked at me as if to ask 'Are you sure?'. I patted her hand.
"When I come back out Rei, things will be better I won't be with child, and I can start over again."
"Usagi, your selfish. You never were like this. You should wait for Mamoru. You should be able to talk to him today. How about waiting until tomorrow, you know?" She looked at me with a glint of hope in her eye.
I smiled at her. "I'm doing what I have to do." I disappeared with the nurse into the back area.
She sat me down for a miniature counseling session. She told me about the procedure, the medications I had to take, the importance of following the after procedure guidelines. I zoned out after a while. Everything was so surreal.
"Usagi?" She ask bringing me back out of my thoughts.
"Yes?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Two more things before we start. Firstly , are you being forced to do this against your will?" She asked me seriously.
"No, not at all. I seem to be the only person aside from one other who wants this done."
She began to write out some notes about me, and explain that I needed to come back in three weeks for a check up. Once again I zoned out. I jumped when I saw her hand wave in front of my face.
"Y-Yes?" I stuttered nervously.
"Are you all right?" She asked concerned.
"Yes very." I said, but it was a lie. I wasn't all right. What was I thinking, what was I doing? Was I really going to take out what I've done in my life on an innocent child? Was I really going to let what Seiya said get to me?
"OK, well in order to get started, I need you to sign on the line next to the 'x'." She said holding out the pen for me to take to sign the paper.
I stared at the pen. This was it. Was I making the right choice? It didn't matter really now did it? I'd come so far in this decision. I lifted my hand, took the pen, and looked at where I was to sign.
"You agree you are allowing the on site physician to perform an abortion. You also agree you are of sound mind, and are not forced into this."
X_______________________________________
**
Rei looked up at me about an hour later from the same magazine that she had been 'reading'. I was disoriented. I gazed at her face and broke out in tears. She ran to me.
"Usagi, it's going be OK! I'm here with you." She said seeing the hurt and pain my eyes.
"Take me to Mamoru, please." I sobbed into her shoulder. She guided me out of the building and to her car.
"Usagi, are you in pain? Did they not give you medicine?" She asked me when she entered the car.
"Rei, I couldn't do it. Take me to Mamoru. I have to know what he thinks." I began to cry again. I was losing myself. I was at an all time low.
One more chapter and an epilogue after this. Thank you for your patience. Things have been very crazy for me lately. Review please! ~ Lady Imp