*sniff sniff* 'tis the last chapter!!! now, i don't want you to scroll down and see who it is before reading it! *points* don't! hahah. okay, so well since some of you know that i'm STILL writing other ffs, i might get the others done by the end of this week (ITOK!). now, for my christmas fic, i might put it up at the end of the week before i leave (me and my parents are gonna visit my family...) for one week OR put the first chap up when i get back. we'll see. ^^ so in other words, there'll be a new fic comin!

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Fear

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Ten Years Later, 1909

Who never knew that asking such a simple question would bring about such memories and thoughts that we've always kept hidden? I really didn't think that the boys were going to tell me all that much information that I needed to know. Not that I was complaining, 'cause I wasn't, it was refreshing to hear a story from the boys. They weren't exactly pleasant, I assure you, but it showed me that they weren't exactly the heroes that we thought them to be. They weren't made perfect by God. It didn't take me long to realize that they had their own faults too. They had their own problems and trials that they had to go through their own life. But what was I supposed to know?

I've lived in the refuge during the early years of my life, back when the newsies that I look upon right now were up against the biggest man in New York, the one who controlled the way they had lived. Pulitzer. Everybody knew him as the owner of The World. The bald bearded man squinting his eyes to see the headline of the newspaper that day, even though he had been already wearing his spectacles. I thought that it was odd… that that man could start up one of the biggest companies around New York. But I guess he was different then. It would've been uncanny if he were like Jack. Hah, scratch that. But what I meant was, that he had a dream.

I didn't really know why I went around asking questions, wanting to know more and more information everyday. I'd go around with paper and pencil in hand, acting like the most famous reporter that I know, Denton. I looked up to him, the way he stood up for people like us. He looked at us differently, not as a bunch of people taking up body space in New York and not a bunch of scabs or street rats begging in the streets. We were people. With their own minds, hearts, and dreams. I was grateful that he had helped our boys during the strike. It was him that helped them push along their vision. Scary as it sounds, it would've ended differently without Denton.

I have no idea what's going on with the other boys as I write this right now. I have no intention of telling them about the others' fears and past. I was glad that they trusted me enough to tell me their past and nightmares. Sure, I was overwhelmed by the amount of things that they told me, but it made me look at them at a new light.

I guess I started asking questions that day I saw Jack hanging from the roof of the refuge, talking to Crutchy, persuading him to come with them. Right then and there, questions and thoughts sparked in my mind. How'd he get up there? Why'd Crutchy refuse? It all snowballed to me. I couldn't help that my hands were suddenly writing and writing, scribbling here and there, on anything I could find.

Then there was that day, that day when Jack and his newsies won the strike. They had changed the way of living for the working children of New York. It was a celebration in the refuge, I remember that. We were practically jumping up and down for joy. We were going to be released from this prison that we've stayed in since forever. We were able to walk around the streets and do what we want. That is, until we get caught again. But that thought didn't occur in our minds during that time. We were just too… happy. Snyder was going to jail, the prices were put back down, and the newsies could breathe a little bit easier.

It was then I became a newsie, a little boy out in the streets, shouting at the top of his lungs, and waving a paper in hand. Yeah, that's what we did. Sell newspapers day in and day out. But what was there for us to do? We didn't have any other way to make money, and who would want to put up with the factories during that time? We were content being a newsie, even though hardships did come our way. Though, being a newsie taught you a lot of things, I assure you that. There were lessons not meant to be taught, lessons that you learned on your own, and lessons that you learn on the streets. That's what makes you tough. It's those things that help you grow up and live your own life. So you can look ahead and write your own story.

So, here I am, with the newsies' fears and my soul bare to you. Years and years passed by, newspapers were sold, bunks were filled and empty, and here we are, the newsies of New York that had started a strike, all grown up with lives of their own. No, we're not selling papers anymore. No, we're not begging for food and stealing anymore. We chased our dreams and success came walking through the door.

Though it didn't work out for most of us, I still have to say that this group of boys that I know will never leave my memory and heart. They're just too memorable and entertaining to forget.

Now, I know, after reading after all the newsies' fears, you're asking what mine would be. You knew it was coming eventually, didn't you? To tell you the truth, I'm in the dark about this. Completely. But one thing strikes through my memory. One that stayed with me that I will never forget.

I was thrown in jail… why? I was drunk that night, and my memory was blurry. I couldn't remember a thing, and I still don't want to. The things I did must have been bad enough for me to be put into my own separate booth, with four black walls and a door. Nothing else. I suddenly had no sense of time… no sense of… anything, really. I'd start tallying the days I was there, but I eventually lost track. I woke up and it was day, then it was night, or night, then day. I was confused as hell. I didn't have anybody to talk to; I didn't have any source to write. I couldn't do anything. Then sudden flashes of the outside world flooded towards me. Ambition and wanting filled my heart, knowing that I can still have hope.

I don't remember how I got out. The thing is, I fought for it. I'm not proud of what I did, but it's doing those things that teach you something. It was even a more surprise to me when the bulls didn't chase after me. And you know what occurred my mind during that time? They forgot. They forgot about that human being they threw in that little cellar for doing who knows what.

I didn't care, though. I was free. But it suddenly struck me. I was there for months. I didn't how I survived, but I did. And I was glad that I did. Even though that fact came to me, everything turned out different. A new leader was born, and Jack was out to find his own path. The newsies were out looking for their own jobs, living their own lives, and practically not being newsies anymore.

I couldn't blame them, being a newsie wasn't a life-long job, unless you wanted to starve out the streets for all your life. It was a good experience for kids, for starting out your life, but it wasn't the thing to do unless you were to manage a lodging house, like Kloppman. He was my second father, my only one, actually. But even though the others had moved on, he had stood by the others and me, showing us the way.

I guess for me, my fear would be being alone. Being in that little cellar scared me to death, not having anyone to talk to, or even to look at. I didn't know how I looked like and I didn't know what was going on outside. Its human nature, really. Communicating. People have a need to talk and interact. It's the way it is.

So there you have it, fear. Mine, Kloppman, and a select newsies that changed the course of the working conditions of the children of New York. It wasn't easy, I tell you, to figure out your fear. It just takes a quick smack in the head and a blink to see what is clearly in front of you. You just need to stare it down and figure out what you can live through and what you can't. I guess that fear makes you strong, in a weird sort of way.

I didn't think that looking through my old notebooks and thinking about the past would have such an effect like this. Scribblings by me, that's what they were, but just read between the lines and you see something more. Something that could probably stay with you for the rest of your life. Who would've thought that writing down all of this would cause me to dwell on things? But I guess that's a good thing, right? It makes you think.

Remember Blink? I'm never going to forget what he said. Without fears you're not whole. That you're not human, even. And you know what? It's true. Everybody fears something. How can you not? As for the people who won't admit that they have something to be scared about, just think about it, they're obviously have their own fears. They're just too scared to admit it.

-Ten Pin

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Shout-outs

Oneconfusednewsie: Hahah, gpa! never knew that! :P ooh, smores! i want some! lol. geez, you're so lucky... if only all my teachers would be like that. but i'd probably end up feeling bad 'cause i don't hafta do work and the others do. hahah, that's just me.

Sapphy: Hahah, coinky dink. ^^ does your class get spanish names? we do... heheh. we got to pick it out the beginning of the year. the guys' names are julio, mario, rico... i just think its so funnie. :P

FrenchyGoil: hahah, you just gotta love kloppman. ^^ spanish hw! lol. actually, spanish hw is not that bad.... our teacher hardly gives us any! *grin* thanks again! oh yeah, for the surprise... i don't know when i'm going to have it out since i'm going to be really busy... maybe january? ah, that's such a long time from now.

Runaway: i just couldn't finish this ff without kloppman, now can i? ^^ yeah, it makes sense, doesn't it? there was this one time we had to make a speech with a group (and this was in front of our class)... and it was a navajo chant. we ended up making it sound so funnie that i couldn't stop laughing. lol. :P

Justduck: nope nope, not any of those that you mentioned! i did? i think i was talking about the surprise... :P awww! *hugs justduck* there'll be other ffs! lol.

Emu: hahah, well i literally ran out of ideas when i got to david. :P shh... don't tell the others! lol. oh hey, did you get my email?