Disclaimers: Characters from Rurouni Kenshin belong to Watsuki Nobuhiro.
Lyrics used in this fic is from "She" by Suede, from their "Coming Up" album.
Archive: My pad in Poetry in Blue, ffnet, and Pinoyfics ML. Archive with permission.
Notes: I was in the middle of doing the next bits of Mending, when I was hit with this inspiration. This is a sort of parody on the zany life of muses and their writers, and the things we put them through. =P There's no intention of bashing anyone. All the pen-names are made up, and if anyone sees their pen-name in here, just drop a line.
"Life is a comedy to those that think
and a tragedy to those that feel."
Peace and quiet. Two luxuries he can't have all the time, not even in his own room. If it wasn't Misao who tries to 'liven up his rather dull and monotonous existence', it was Okina who would spice things up for him. He didn't need any help running his life the last time he checked. As far as he's concerned, Shinomori Aoshi was his own person. And in control.
Back to the elusive peace and quiet. He had been mentally counting the minutes, and it has been close to half an hour since nobody came to his door. He couldn't believe it. It was... quiet. Aoshi could hear the rustling of the leaves outside, the soft whisper of the afternoon breeze. Someone brought in his tea earlier, which he sipped from time to time as he leisurely read a book. Misao was in Tokyo, most likely to get herself in trouble together with Battousai and his friends. And Okina... well, was brushing up on his espionage techniques on the pretty new neighbors mext door. The other Oniwabanshu wisely left Aoshi to his own devices. Life was good.
Aoshi sighed as he set the cup down. It was too good to last.
"Just show your faces in here," he called out curtly.
"Ooh! I just hate it when you do that!"
The shoji panel was swept aside, revealing a tall and regal feminine form. She at least had the decency to dress the era instead of the wispy, billowy clothes that was just plain distracting. Presently, she was wearing a light green kimono, but left her chestnut hair unbound, curls cascading about her shoulders. Clear violet eyes peeked from under thick batting lashes, which were batting in his direction.
She wasn't alone. Another curly head popped out from behind her, smiling cheekily. Her hair was a lighter shade, barely kept up in a bun as the loose locks bobbed with every movement. She had the same laughing violet eyes. She stepped out from behind, clad in a peach kimono with wild shades of red, yellow and pink flowers.
"Can't you be surprised like normal people?" the second girl, younger-looking of the two, asked.
"Onmitsu taken by surprise usually end up dead," Aoshi stated flatly. He fixed his gaze on the taller woman. "State your business here, Erato."
The ignored girl stepped in front of him. "'Well, hel-lo Thalia. How's it been?'" she chimed in. She tutted at him. "You should really do something about your social skills, Aoshi."
He merely stared at her before shifting his eyes back to Erato. "Well?"
"Oh, you know why we're here," she began as she sat from across the low table.
"We're here to give you your assignment," Thalia put in, joining her sister, and obviously not put out by him. Damn. He was slipping.
"Why should it take the two of you?"
"To better explain your assignment," Thalia replied. "And we wanted to see your lovely self." She smiled that infernal smile again.
Aoshi would have liked to sneer at the remark, but stopped himself. "Get on with it."
He got a slight reproving look from Erato. "Oh, don't be that way, dear boy," she chided gently. "You should look forward to seeing us."
Aoshi winced inwardly. It was an affliction with these Muses. He would have taken pleasure hacking their tongues off once they start their endearments. But his two kodachi goes missing when they visited.
"Anyway," Erato went on. "Here are your assignments." She handed him a small scroll. "Kewlrurounigirl-chan is relatively new to your clique. So I suggest you be patient with her."
"But she's very excited to write her first fanfic!" Thalia enthused.
"And she chose you to write about!" Erato couldn't hide the glee in her tone.
Thalia was clapping her hands. "Isn't it exciting?"
Aoshi eyed one sister then the other. He didn't know why they'd think their warped concept of fun is is kind of "fun".
"That still doesn't explain why it took the two of you to bring my assignment." One of you is a nuisance already.
"If you must know," Erato announced breezily, "Kewlrurounigirl-chan doesn't have a clue of the theme for her story."
"So we're both here to help her!" Thalia put in.
Erato stressed the point with a nod. "And since she's young, idealistic, romantic..."
"Fanciful, likes a touch of humor..."
Not to mention heedless, Aoshi would have liked to add.
"We're here to exercise our powers and help her along! A romantic comedy piece for her first outing," concluded the Muse of Love Poetry.
"Yes!" Thalia seconded.
"Then, why don't you two go?" Aoshi inquired.
Thalia blew out a melodramatic sigh as she propped her chin on her palms. "In this bright age of technology and what-nots, these mortals don't even know we exist!"
"You're forgetting the scholars, dear," Erato reminded her sister.
"That's beside the point!" Thalia countered. "And they're sister Calliope's groupies, anyway."
Erato covered her giggling mouth. "We're channeling our powers through you since you're the source of the inspiration now."
"I'm sure that explains everything," Aoshi said wryly.
Thalia waved a hand at him. Oh, don't be such a grouch, Aoshi."
"Just show her the ropes, Aoshi," Erato instructed. "Don't forget to show her a few tips."
"Such as, 'You have the right to remain silent'?"
The sisters stared wide-eyed at him, then suddenly burst out laughing.
"Oh, dear boy, you're good!" Erato cried in between the tinkling laughter.
"Who would have thought the man without a demeanor can have a funny side?"
"It's the demeanor, remember?" Aoshi declared, unamused. "Or lack thereof."
Erato subsided into chuckles. "Just help this first girl out. The others, some you already know. Any other information you need are there."
Aoshi unrolled the paper and scanned the contents. The intelligence sector of these Muses were very efficient. They would have been a great addition to the Oniwabanshu ranks. He did hint at it to Erato once, but she said the uniforms "weren't a good color on her."
"So," the Muse of Comedy asked. "Any questions?"
Several. Beginning with why am I being punished? "No," he replied instead.
"Good," Erato said primly, starting to rise. "You may begin as soon as possible." She backed a few steps, then disappeared in a shower of gold. Thalia followed after her, but not before blowing a kiss in his direction and faded into the air.
Aoshi released a small growl. So much for control.
Assignment I: The Amazing Misao Sue
Where am I this time?
He always hated the transporting part. He couldn't tell how it worked, but he knew it involved the little piece of paper in his hand. First, he would feel a strange aura from it, followed by small sparks in the air that surrounded it. And, in one instance, from quietly sitting in his room in the Aoiya, then he appears right smack in the middle of spirits knows what. He didn't mind going places he'd never even imagined. But, most of the time, he'd rather know where he landed next.
Like right now. But, then again, muses can't be choosers. Just like they can't choose their writers. There are no exceptions.
When he 'reappeared', Aoshi instantly recognized where he was. It was already a familiar scene he finds himself in at most times: in the middle of a classroom lecture. It only meant one thing. Someone wasn't paying attention.
Kewlrurounigurl-chan was too easy to spot, and it took him no time at all to spot his quarry: vacant eyes staring endlessly at a spot on her classmate's shoe three seats away, tapping randomly on her desk with a pencil while an open notebook lay before her. If Aoshi was a gambling man, he would have bet—and won—it wasn't today's lecture that had her distracted.
Aoshi tugged at his collar, looking down at himself with a contained sigh. He hated the clothes they put on him. Now, it's the same outfit the young boys in the room were wearing: white, buttoned polo shirt and dark pants. There are times he could tolerate it. But as to why they'd have to replace his undergarments with those modern ones...
He approached her desk, peering at the writing in the notebook. Now, where has he seen that before? He's an icy, new student in high school where all the girls swoon at the sight of him, except the brainy, captain of the kempo team, Makimachi Misao. They'd bicker, she'd hate his guts, he wouldn't care. Until something really bad happens to him and he gets rescued, by some extraordinary luck, by Misao herself. Finally, he realizes her true gentle nature, and begins to—
"How long do you plan to write this?" Aoshi asked aloud. He learned, over a period of time, that these writers are the only ones that hear him.
"Dunno," she replied under her breath. "Ten, maybe twenty chapters." She wrote a few more lines.
Twenty? It was going to last that long? "With the current... plot... that you have, won't your story stretch a bit too thin?" Aoshi asked, placing his words carefully.
The carefully coiffed little head shook stubbornly, but discreetly. "Nuh-uh, not with the scenes with you and Misao," she answered in the same undertone. She bit her lower lip in excitement. "I can't wait to write them all!"
"All?" Aoshi repeated flatly. He glanced at the newly written paragraph. It was how he and Misao get formally introduced as sparring partners for the kempo tryouts. And, by some sheer twist of fate, Misao will land him flat on his ass.
Aoshi blinked. Misao? The little girl who barely reached his knee when he first took care of her, now almost reaching his navel, floor him in kempo? He decided to speak out, leaving out the height part. "Don't you think that with our skills, I could beat her?" Aoshi inquired.
"Aw, come on, Aoshi! This is AU! Anything can happen here!" she quipped.
"I see," Aoshi clarified, crossing his arms. "Where anything can happen beyond the bounds of plausibility?"
Kewlrurounigurl-chan frowned slightly. "Beyond what?"
"Plausibility. Something worthy of belief. Where anybody can think it's possible in real life." Aoshi wanted to launch to an extensive explanation, but held off. Explaining meant using bigger words. Which meant more explanations. He was having a hard time as it is. And he was supposed to be patient.
Yes. Patience. Try another tact.
"Kempo is a style that mostly hard fighting techniques. With her height and build, do you honestly think she can take me down?"
Kewlrurounigurl-chan stared at him quizzically while keeping her head down.
"But, but, Misao ought to beat you in this AU!" she hissed.
"Not if she's six-foot-five and weighs two hundred pounds," he put in.
"But she's head of the kempo team!"
"She's half my height." Aoshi sighed. It just had to come out...
"Misao's—she's been training since she was five. So there," she added victoriously.
"If she's been weight-training since five, then go ahead," Aoshi answered with a careless shrug. "If I'm going to be 'flattened' in the way you wrote it, you have to back it up, like what method was used, what tact she tried."
The girl's face held a grimace, as she turned back to her notes and began writing. Aoshi waited. He watched the ongoing class for a few moments before turning back to Kewlrurounigurl-chan again. She already filled a page on her notebook. He stood behind her to read the contents. He frowned. Now, Misao was applying icepack on him, while gloating over her victory over the snobbish newcomer.
"You didn't change the sparring scene," he prompted.
She set down her pen slowly. "Well, I know next to squat about kempo," she grumbled from the side of her mouth, "so why bother? Let the readers use their imaginations, anyways." She returned to her work.
Aoshi closed his eyes briefly and took a long breath. "Sometimes, a little detail would help push the reader's imaginations along," he explained evenly.
Kewlrurounigurl-chan didn't seem to have heard him, still scribbling along on her notebook, her lips moving soundlessly, grinning from time to time as if tickled by something. Am I being ignored?
He coughed discreetly. "Aren't you supposed to be listening to your teacher, anyway?" he suddenly asked.
She snorted. "Anything's better than listening to how some dead guy made our lives miserable by memorizing formulas."
The onmitsu was about to object when the teacher called her attention.
"Maybe you can share those insights to us instead of that empty chair there?" he asked, a hand on his hip.
As laughter erupted, Aoshi watched in quiet amusement as the color rose from her neck to the tips of her ears. It was one of the few perverted pleasures he can get being a writer's muse: getting the writers in trouble. He lingered a few more seconds as she stood up and sputtered some explanation before he disappeared. He'll come back once she's ready.
Assignment II: The Neverending Triple Dot-Dot-DotAoshi took in the new surroundings. He could tell it was a girl's bedroom. He'd been in several for some time to know. Light-hued curtains, pictures of some young men hanging on the walls, the vanity table littered with eye-catching baubles that seemed to be in every corner he looked. Even the air filled with what they call music. He was already getting a headache from the sound, and he hasn't even started. He instantly wondered how they could even think in this din.
He took a glance at the scroll. MetalSakura1451 has been writing about other series as well, and usually writes stories of Kenshin and Kaoru. She had Aoshi summoned to help her write an interaction scene with him and Himura. Which meant...
"Konnichiwa, Aoshi," the red-haired swordsman in question greeted amiably. He was sitting on the floor by the bed, where a girl in her late teens was lying on her stomach, socked feet swinging in the air. She looked up at Battousai's words, her ponytal bobbing as she did so. Her mouth was chewing noisily. Her head was nodding in time with the heavy percussions.
... She-ee-eee walking like a killer
She-ee-eee another night, another pillow...
"You must be that moody ninja guy," MetalSakura1451 spoke off-handedly as she stared up at Aoshi.
"The name is Shinomori Aoshi," he prompted, parking himself by the dresser table.
She shrugged. "'kay." She looked down on her pat to write.
"What's the scene about?" Aoshi decided to ask Battousai.
"She doesn't have a solid idea yet," Himura Kenshin replied. "But she thought seeing you here would help her write the scene, de gozaryu."
"And the story?"
... No stimulation
She's the arse of the natioOOoon...
"An alternate setting during the Meiji. You're my main rival for Kaoru-dono's affection."
"Your what?" These were the times he damned his exceptional hearing.
The smaller man grinned, his cheeks stained pink. If Aoshi didn't know any better, he wouldn't think the Battousai was comfortable with it. But his mind was fixated on something else. Rival?
"Is the scene done, MetalSakura1451-dono?" Himura asked mildly.
She handed the notepad over. Aoshi regarded the other swordsman as he looked over MetalSakura1451's work. His face was kept neutral as he passed the paper to the taller man. It was a scene where he and Himura confronted each other. He mentally tried tuning out the music as he began reading. The writing style was not so bad, until it reached the dialogue:
'So, you are my closest contender for Kaoru-dono,' Kenshin spoke, dropping the cordiality of his rurouni nature. His eyes narrowed. The ninja had a relaxed but tense posture.
Aoshi frowned. Maybe she implied he was taking a defensive stance. He read on:
The man they call Aoshi Shinomori kept his gloved hands in his trenchcoat pockets, staring at him in a not-so-friendly way.
'...'
His eyebrows shot skywards. How... original.
'Why?' Kenshin demanded in menacing undertone.
'...' Aoshi crossed his arms in defiance, his way of saying "It's none of your business." (--Aoshi sniffed. Like hell it isn't.)
'And did you come here to prove your love by eliminating me?' the samurai asked.
In answer, Aoshi drew his twin kodachi and stood in the ready.
'Aa.' He launched in a sudden attack
He handed the paper to MetalSakura1451. So much for interaction. "It's—entertaining, but..."
"What?" MetalSakura1451 asked excitedly as she propped up on her elbows. "Entertaining but what?"
Aoshi didn't know where to start. He wasn't sure what to tell the girl since he was only a secondary character in the story. From previous experience, writers hardly ever listen to secondary muses, specially opinionated ones. Saito's face suddenly came to mind.
... She is baahd
She is bored
She is bony
She is...
He shut his eyes briefly. Gods, it must be the sound getting into his nerves...
"Try rewriting the dialogue," he answered. "It sounds a little stilted. Think of it like a normal conversation."
MetalSakura1451 gaped at him in wonder, eyes rounded. When she came back to reality, the first thing she remembered to do was to chew on her so-called bubblegum. Then she said, "Whoa. Like you actually talk a lot?"
He cast a disbelieving glance at Himura, who gave him another resigned shrug. He wasn't being helpful. Himura was getting close to getting himself throttled. The wailing hellcat doesn't seem to want to stop. Will someone turn off that awful noise??
"What makes you think I don't?" Aoshi asked.
Her eyes rolled upwards. "Whatever." She shifted to face Himura, her gaze taking on a strange sparkle. "What do you think, Ken honey?"
Aoshi pursed his lips, amused at seeing the other man's eyes rounding like ricebowls and at the 'Oro!' that squeaked from his lips.
Yes, what do you think, Ken honey? Oh, the other male muses would have wanted to see this.
"Well," Himura managed to regain his tongue, "sessha thinks it's a sensible idea, de gozaryu."
MetalSakura1451 sprang up on her bed and sat cross-legged. "Cool!" She balanced the paper on her knees and took on a thoughtful expression, twirling her pen.
Himura stood up and joined Aoshi's side. "Let's give Sakura-dono some time to finish that," he told him.
"Fine," Aoshi put in listlessly. Silence.
"Shouldn't Kamiya Kaoru be here to help in the story?" Aoshi asked quietly after a while. "She's also a primary character, after all."
"Oro?"
"I've noticed that I don't see Misao around, even when the stories written are centered around the two of us. It seems the same with you."
Himura nodded. "Sessha observed that as well," he replied. "I'm just speculating, but sessha thinks they know how the women would interact in the scenes. More so with the—" he coughed—"men in their lives."
Aoshi blinked. "I... see," he responded. "What it is, really, is they're acting in their places."
The other warrior shrugged. "Some of the time, perhaps," he admitted. "Being a female gives them perspective of what they would do."
The former okashira nodded slightly. They watched in silence at MetalSakura1451's concentrated form, her young face seriously set.
"Tell me this, Battousai. Does it make sense?"
The tousled red head turned to slowly face Aoshi, the face turned up with a plastered smile.
Aoshi's lips curled up sardonically. So I thought.
He pushed off from the table. "I think my job here is done," he announced a bit loudly to catch MetalSakura1451's attention.
Her writing hand raised in response."Yeah. Sure. See ya."
"But," Himura pleaded, "she hasn't even finished the scene. How can you leave immediately?"
He glared at the smaller man. "Really, Battousai. What other significant ideas can I give her?" Aoshi asked pointedly.
"Ah, well..."
"It's settled." He stood up again. "You can fill in my lines just fine. Just..." he gave a slow shrug, "say 'Aa'."
Himura turned a withering stare at him. "Aoshi," he warned.
He headed for the door without as much as a backward glance. "Later, Battousai."
Shee-ee-eeee ooo WOO hooo
Tsuzuku
Terms:
-chan - term of endearment, usually for girls and little children.
de gozaryu - an obsolete term, used to emphasize a point, de
gozaryu.
dono - attached to a person's name to show respect.
kempo - a form of martial art.
kimono - Japanese type of clothes, usually worn by women.
konnichiwa - Hello/Good afternoon; greeting in the daytime.
ninja - (oh, come on now...)
okashira - 'honorable head' (title used to call the leader of the
Oniwabanshu)
onmitsu - spy
rurouni - masterless samurai
samurai - (... and. you. call. yerself. an. RK. fan. =P)
oro - a form of exclamation... and, no, Kenshin doesn't
have excluive rights to this word.
sessha - uh, "My insignificant self"? Usually Kenshin uses
this in his mission to be over-polite. ^_^
shoji - sliding paper door panel found in old Japanese homes.
A/N:
Wonder which Greek Muse will show up next. Anyway, here's their lineup: Calliope (Epic poetry), Clio (History), Euterpe (Lyric poetry/song), Melpomene (Tragedy), Erato (Love Poetry), Thalia (Comedy), Terpsichore (Choral Dancing), Polyhymnia (Sacred Poetry/Song), and Urania (Astronomy).
And who else from the RK world will pop up? We'll see.