Chapter 2: Killing Me Softly
Summary: After meeting with James, Harry is sexually abused by Snape.
''Night Love.'
'Goodnight. I love you.'
'And I love you.' -------
I woke up alone in my cold bed. Tears streamed down my face. It was a dream. He didn't love me and he never came by.
I felt arms encircle me.
'Why are you crying?'
It was Dad.
'Dad?'
'Yes. Who else would it be?'
I choked back more tears. 'I-I thought-'
'You thought I left you, didn't you?'
'I-I'm sorry,' I said shakily.
He turned me over and kissed my lips but I didn't respond. He pulled back, looking at me with worried eyes.
'What's wrong, luv?'
I looked down. 'Nothing,' I muttered.
'I know,' he said, reading my mind. 'You're worried about Sirius.'
I nodded.
'I've already told him. He and Severus support us 100%. Even though our relationship is very illegal, they think that we're in love.'
'But we are in love!'
He smiled. 'Yes we are. I have bought plan tickets to New York.'
My eyes widened. 'What time is it?'
He laughed. 'It's noon.'
I jumped up. 'Noon! How could you not wake me up?'
He kissed me softly on the cheek. 'Because you looked so beautiful sleeping.'
'Dad!'
He winced.
'Would you mind it I called you 'James'?'
He smiled, showing off his beautiful teeth. 'I'd love that,' he whispered.
'Lunch!'
Sirius' voice rang out through his large flat.
'Coming!' Da-no, James shouted.
He dressed me and admired my body, making me blush.
'Harry, love, you've got nothing to blush about! You're just so beautiful!'
It would sicken other people if their father talked about them this way but James was not my father, he is my lover.
He wrapped his arms around me, guiding me to the dinning room.
Snape as sitting down across from Sirius and James picked a seat beside him. I had no choice but to sit by Snape.
Lunch was eerily quiet. I never took my eyes off my plate. In truth I was embarrassed of what Snape and Sirius thought about James and I.
I picked at my food and sipped my water.
'So, Paddy, Harry and I have to go home and pack.' James said to Sirius.
'Okay, but do you mind if I tag along?'
James cracked his knuckles, making Snape beside me cringe.
'And Sniv-er Severus came come along as well.'
Sirius and Snape glared at James and he blushed.
'Well, old habits die hard!'
***
When we got home, I ran into my room. I packed my clothes, my books and my trunk, my owl and my most valuable thing-my Firebolt. Sirius bought it for me when I was in fourth year for Christmas. After packing, I walked to Mum and James' room.
James was sitting on his bed, looking at wedding pictures of he and Mum. I felt unwanted.
'James?'
He jumped, obviously startled. 'Oh Harry, I didn't see you.'
I bowed my head. 'I'm sorry.'
I wanted to get out of here. James really missed mum. Does he really love me or does he want me because he is lonely?
He hugged me and I stiffened. 'I guess I'll go. You can look at your pictures alone,' I said mildly cold to him and turned my back and ran into my room, locking it.
I threw myself on my bed, sobbing. I was crying so loud that I never noticed the door open. After several minutes of feeling that someone was watching me, I turned over, expecting to find James.
It was Snape.
He looked worried and hugged me. I didn't have the same tingling sensation when James hugged me. This was more of a fatherly hug. He stroked my hair.
'Harry, I know I've been a jerk to you all these years, but I want you to know that I'll always be there if you ever need help. Would you like to talk about it?'
I sobbed into his warm robes. 'J-James.. He-he doesn't want me!'
He stroked my hair some more, as if he were holding his own child.
'It's okay. He's just a little upset about Lily. I'm sure that everything will be alright.'
I'm in his lap and something pokes me. I jump out of his lap in alarm. I stare at him, eyes wide.
'Harry, come here.'
It's as if I'm under a spell. I set back on his lap, his hardness digging into my buttocks.
'Ah, that's nice.' He leans over and kisses me on the lips. He then starts to kiss and lick my neck. God, it feels . . . different.
'Please stop,' I cry.
He bites my neck and rocks back and forward, then suddenly pulling me into a rough kiss. I suddenly feel hot liquid slowly damp the pants I'm wearing. He sits up and I go sprawling onto the floor. God, I feel so dirty, so used. I curl up in a foetal position, hoping he'll go away.
When I hear the door shut, I run into my bathroom. My family is pretty rich so each one of us has our own bathroom.
I ripped out my soiled clothes and incinerate them and jump into the shower.
***
Smiling smugly, Severus walked out of Harry's rooms. Casting a cleaning charm on him, he walked over to his lover who was talking to James.
'Sirius, can I have a word?' Sirius smiles and says something to James.
'What is it love?' Sirius asks Severus as he embraced him lovingly.
'Nothing, but I just wanted to see your beautiful face,' Severus replies.
'So have you found out why Harry is mad?' Sirius asks, kissing his love, unaware that his only godson was sexually abused, minutes before.
'He's just jealous that James still wants Lily.'
Sirius looked at him with worried eyes. 'I hope James and Harry get together; they need each other.'
'I see. What can we do?'
Sirius smiles. 'Lock them in a room.'
'Yes,' Severus laughs.
***
I want to die. Why did this happen to me? Why not the next kid? Now James will never want me. I'm dirtied, used, and disgusting.
I crawl into my head after putting on fresh boxers, sobbing.
In a few minutes, the door opens. Thinking it was Snape; I curled into a tight ball.
'Love, what's wrong?'
God, it was James. He can never know. He'll hate me.
'James, do you want me?' I ask, still in a ball.
I can hear his footsteps come closer and he wraps his arms around me and I flinch.
'Don't touch me!'
James backs away from me, terrified.
***
Summary: After meeting with James, Harry is sexually abused by Snape.
''Night Love.'
'Goodnight. I love you.'
'And I love you.' -------
I woke up alone in my cold bed. Tears streamed down my face. It was a dream. He didn't love me and he never came by.
I felt arms encircle me.
'Why are you crying?'
It was Dad.
'Dad?'
'Yes. Who else would it be?'
I choked back more tears. 'I-I thought-'
'You thought I left you, didn't you?'
'I-I'm sorry,' I said shakily.
He turned me over and kissed my lips but I didn't respond. He pulled back, looking at me with worried eyes.
'What's wrong, luv?'
I looked down. 'Nothing,' I muttered.
'I know,' he said, reading my mind. 'You're worried about Sirius.'
I nodded.
'I've already told him. He and Severus support us 100%. Even though our relationship is very illegal, they think that we're in love.'
'But we are in love!'
He smiled. 'Yes we are. I have bought plan tickets to New York.'
My eyes widened. 'What time is it?'
He laughed. 'It's noon.'
I jumped up. 'Noon! How could you not wake me up?'
He kissed me softly on the cheek. 'Because you looked so beautiful sleeping.'
'Dad!'
He winced.
'Would you mind it I called you 'James'?'
He smiled, showing off his beautiful teeth. 'I'd love that,' he whispered.
'Lunch!'
Sirius' voice rang out through his large flat.
'Coming!' Da-no, James shouted.
He dressed me and admired my body, making me blush.
'Harry, love, you've got nothing to blush about! You're just so beautiful!'
It would sicken other people if their father talked about them this way but James was not my father, he is my lover.
He wrapped his arms around me, guiding me to the dinning room.
Snape as sitting down across from Sirius and James picked a seat beside him. I had no choice but to sit by Snape.
Lunch was eerily quiet. I never took my eyes off my plate. In truth I was embarrassed of what Snape and Sirius thought about James and I.
I picked at my food and sipped my water.
'So, Paddy, Harry and I have to go home and pack.' James said to Sirius.
'Okay, but do you mind if I tag along?'
James cracked his knuckles, making Snape beside me cringe.
'And Sniv-er Severus came come along as well.'
Sirius and Snape glared at James and he blushed.
'Well, old habits die hard!'
***
When we got home, I ran into my room. I packed my clothes, my books and my trunk, my owl and my most valuable thing-my Firebolt. Sirius bought it for me when I was in fourth year for Christmas. After packing, I walked to Mum and James' room.
James was sitting on his bed, looking at wedding pictures of he and Mum. I felt unwanted.
'James?'
He jumped, obviously startled. 'Oh Harry, I didn't see you.'
I bowed my head. 'I'm sorry.'
I wanted to get out of here. James really missed mum. Does he really love me or does he want me because he is lonely?
He hugged me and I stiffened. 'I guess I'll go. You can look at your pictures alone,' I said mildly cold to him and turned my back and ran into my room, locking it.
I threw myself on my bed, sobbing. I was crying so loud that I never noticed the door open. After several minutes of feeling that someone was watching me, I turned over, expecting to find James.
It was Snape.
He looked worried and hugged me. I didn't have the same tingling sensation when James hugged me. This was more of a fatherly hug. He stroked my hair.
'Harry, I know I've been a jerk to you all these years, but I want you to know that I'll always be there if you ever need help. Would you like to talk about it?'
I sobbed into his warm robes. 'J-James.. He-he doesn't want me!'
He stroked my hair some more, as if he were holding his own child.
'It's okay. He's just a little upset about Lily. I'm sure that everything will be alright.'
I'm in his lap and something pokes me. I jump out of his lap in alarm. I stare at him, eyes wide.
'Harry, come here.'
It's as if I'm under a spell. I set back on his lap, his hardness digging into my buttocks.
'Ah, that's nice.' He leans over and kisses me on the lips. He then starts to kiss and lick my neck. God, it feels . . . different.
'Please stop,' I cry.
He bites my neck and rocks back and forward, then suddenly pulling me into a rough kiss. I suddenly feel hot liquid slowly damp the pants I'm wearing. He sits up and I go sprawling onto the floor. God, I feel so dirty, so used. I curl up in a foetal position, hoping he'll go away.
When I hear the door shut, I run into my bathroom. My family is pretty rich so each one of us has our own bathroom.
I ripped out my soiled clothes and incinerate them and jump into the shower.
***
Smiling smugly, Severus walked out of Harry's rooms. Casting a cleaning charm on him, he walked over to his lover who was talking to James.
'Sirius, can I have a word?' Sirius smiles and says something to James.
'What is it love?' Sirius asks Severus as he embraced him lovingly.
'Nothing, but I just wanted to see your beautiful face,' Severus replies.
'So have you found out why Harry is mad?' Sirius asks, kissing his love, unaware that his only godson was sexually abused, minutes before.
'He's just jealous that James still wants Lily.'
Sirius looked at him with worried eyes. 'I hope James and Harry get together; they need each other.'
'I see. What can we do?'
Sirius smiles. 'Lock them in a room.'
'Yes,' Severus laughs.
***
I want to die. Why did this happen to me? Why not the next kid? Now James will never want me. I'm dirtied, used, and disgusting.
I crawl into my head after putting on fresh boxers, sobbing.
In a few minutes, the door opens. Thinking it was Snape; I curled into a tight ball.
'Love, what's wrong?'
God, it was James. He can never know. He'll hate me.
'James, do you want me?' I ask, still in a ball.
I can hear his footsteps come closer and he wraps his arms around me and I flinch.
'Don't touch me!'
James backs away from me, terrified.
***