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up some of the confusion with what he actually saw! So questions,
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away!
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Miranda silently made her way through the hallways, when the door to the rooms opened, she slipped through and quickly made her way down the hallways. She was almost caught by a young orderly, but she flashed him a smile and he was on him way.
She stood in front of the door to Gordo's room. She took a deep breath. She glanced down the hallways then slid through the door.
It was dark inside the room, she could see the outline of his body, laying on the bed. She moved closer and realized his eyes were closed. Not wanting to wake him up, she grabbed a chair then silently set it beside his bed.
The steady monitor of his heart beat filled the room. It was a calming and relaxing sound, to know that his heart was doing that. She leaned back in the seat, butting her hair over the back and watched the shadows cross the ceiling.
"Hey," his soft whispery voice called, snapping her out of a day dream a short time later.
Her head snapped up and she leaned forward and smiled. "Hi."
"What are you doing here?"
"What, do you want me to leave?" she asked, struggling to keep her voice at a joking level, so she wouldn't burst into tears.
"No, I'm glad to see you, or the outline of you."
"Oh, Gordo," she whispered, leaning over and hugging him.
"Come on Miranda, you can't do this," he smiled meekly. "You the strong one, remember? You gotta be strong."
She wiped at the tears on her face. "It's so hard." Then she realized what an idiot she sounded like. She wasn't the one lying in a hospital bed, she wasn't the one who's body was failing, she wasn't the one who wasn't sure how long she had to live. She picked up his hand and sat back in her chair. "I'll be all right." She sniffed back her tears, and pressed a smile to her lips. "I practiced on the way over here." She hummed the first verse of "Silent Night."
Gordo watched her hand. "We can talk about it."
Miranda glanced down at her hands, then back up at him. "Why didn't you tell us earlier? Gordo, you know we're always here for you."
He sighed and sat up, gently swinging his legs over the side.
"No, don't, lie back down," she said quickly.
Gordo looked at her pointed. "That's why."
"Huh?"
He let out a deep breath. "I'm not going to break if I move. I don't want everyone to think that I'm extra fragile now. I still want you and Lizzie to invite me sledding, and I still want to go ice skating."
"But Gordo, you're sick," she replied dumbly.
"Miranda, I've been sick for a long time, but I'm not going to stay in bed. I'm not going to give up without a fight. Don't make me die before it's time."
"Gordo!" She exclaimed shrilly. She couldn't believe he'd said that. "I wouldn't-I'd never-"
"Not intentionally," he interrupted. "I know you want wants best for me, but lying in a bed waiting to die isn't the way to do it."
Miranda's eyes welled up with tears. Twice he'd said the word she refused to connect with him.
He looked at her, then squeezed her hand. "I'm scared, I mean, I'm really really scared. Dying wasn't one of the things I wanted to do before I finished high school."
"Gordo stop," she commanded. His eyes revealed he knew what she was talking about.
"I went to the doctors that morning, that day I dropped the mug at Lizzie's. He's always been very straight forward with me. It's been at my request. I don't want someone telling me I'm going to live to be ninety if they're not sure I'll make it through the night. When I was there, he showed me the figures, how much the leukemia has taken over. It didn't make sense, the numbers, I mean, the chemo, and other things I've been through were supposed to help. But there were the numbers. I saw them that morning. I'm surprised I didn't wreck on the way there. That's why I took so long, that's why I freaked out."
Miranda was at a loss for words. He was so straight forward about it. She dropped her eyes and let out a long breath.
"But hey, it's Christmas time, let's not talk about me and my problems. What do you want for Christmas?"
Miranda looked up at him. She wanted him to be better, she wanted everything to be normal again. "I don't know, a new car?"
Gordo laughed, then suddenly turned serious again. "Miranda, look, I'll tell Lizzie if she comes to see me again, but I don't want anyone at school to know. I'm just me. It will be too fake if Kate stops making fun of me, if everyone suddenly wants to become my best friend. Or even worse, if everything gets it into their head that I'm contagious and no one will come near me. I just want to be as normal as I can."
"Do the teachers know?"
He nodded. "That's why I've gotten away with missing so many days, and why they've been so relaxed about letting me make up the work at my own pace."
Miranda nodded. "I won't tell anyone."
He was quiet again, then sighed. "Have you talked to Lizzie? Since I told you?"
"No, I drove her home and she didn't say anything in the car."
He nodded slowly. "I wish nothing had happened between us."
"What?" Miranda asked.
"You know she kissed me right?"
"Yeah."
"Well, it was good, actually, it was great. But if something happens- "
"Gordo, nothing is going to happen."
His face fell, and Miranda felt her heart twist into a knot. "Don't pretend it's not. It will only make it harder when it does."
"Gordo, there are cures out there, there's ways to fight it. You don't want us to make you rest, but you can't give up either."
"I'm not giving up. I'm just-I want to make the best of the time I have. And I don't want to fool myself into thinking that everything can wait. Tomorrow isn't a promise, tomorrow isn't a guarantee, you have to live for today."
Tears fell from her eyes as she picked up his hand and squeezed it. "All right, Mr. Hallmark Greeting Card."
He smiled and leaned his head back.
Miranda rested her head against their intertwined hands. She knew every moment was special, and she wanted to make sure that she spent more time laughing with him, than thinking about a more somber, bleak future.
"I'm going back to school the day after tomorrow," he announced when she'd thought he'd fallen asleep.
Miranda smiled and nodded. How far away a rehearsal where Larry Tudegeman had plowed over a Christmas tree seemed.
"I have to talk to Lizzie, there's something I have to tell her," he yawned.
"Is it something else about your health?" she asked, sitting sharply up.
"No," he replied, his voice heavy with the desire to sleep. "It's something about that kiss."
He wouldn't elaborate more, and Miranda laid her head down on the edge of the bed and fell asleep.
Miranda silently made her way through the hallways, when the door to the rooms opened, she slipped through and quickly made her way down the hallways. She was almost caught by a young orderly, but she flashed him a smile and he was on him way.
She stood in front of the door to Gordo's room. She took a deep breath. She glanced down the hallways then slid through the door.
It was dark inside the room, she could see the outline of his body, laying on the bed. She moved closer and realized his eyes were closed. Not wanting to wake him up, she grabbed a chair then silently set it beside his bed.
The steady monitor of his heart beat filled the room. It was a calming and relaxing sound, to know that his heart was doing that. She leaned back in the seat, butting her hair over the back and watched the shadows cross the ceiling.
"Hey," his soft whispery voice called, snapping her out of a day dream a short time later.
Her head snapped up and she leaned forward and smiled. "Hi."
"What are you doing here?"
"What, do you want me to leave?" she asked, struggling to keep her voice at a joking level, so she wouldn't burst into tears.
"No, I'm glad to see you, or the outline of you."
"Oh, Gordo," she whispered, leaning over and hugging him.
"Come on Miranda, you can't do this," he smiled meekly. "You the strong one, remember? You gotta be strong."
She wiped at the tears on her face. "It's so hard." Then she realized what an idiot she sounded like. She wasn't the one lying in a hospital bed, she wasn't the one who's body was failing, she wasn't the one who wasn't sure how long she had to live. She picked up his hand and sat back in her chair. "I'll be all right." She sniffed back her tears, and pressed a smile to her lips. "I practiced on the way over here." She hummed the first verse of "Silent Night."
Gordo watched her hand. "We can talk about it."
Miranda glanced down at her hands, then back up at him. "Why didn't you tell us earlier? Gordo, you know we're always here for you."
He sighed and sat up, gently swinging his legs over the side.
"No, don't, lie back down," she said quickly.
Gordo looked at her pointed. "That's why."
"Huh?"
He let out a deep breath. "I'm not going to break if I move. I don't want everyone to think that I'm extra fragile now. I still want you and Lizzie to invite me sledding, and I still want to go ice skating."
"But Gordo, you're sick," she replied dumbly.
"Miranda, I've been sick for a long time, but I'm not going to stay in bed. I'm not going to give up without a fight. Don't make me die before it's time."
"Gordo!" She exclaimed shrilly. She couldn't believe he'd said that. "I wouldn't-I'd never-"
"Not intentionally," he interrupted. "I know you want wants best for me, but lying in a bed waiting to die isn't the way to do it."
Miranda's eyes welled up with tears. Twice he'd said the word she refused to connect with him.
He looked at her, then squeezed her hand. "I'm scared, I mean, I'm really really scared. Dying wasn't one of the things I wanted to do before I finished high school."
"Gordo stop," she commanded. His eyes revealed he knew what she was talking about.
"I went to the doctors that morning, that day I dropped the mug at Lizzie's. He's always been very straight forward with me. It's been at my request. I don't want someone telling me I'm going to live to be ninety if they're not sure I'll make it through the night. When I was there, he showed me the figures, how much the leukemia has taken over. It didn't make sense, the numbers, I mean, the chemo, and other things I've been through were supposed to help. But there were the numbers. I saw them that morning. I'm surprised I didn't wreck on the way there. That's why I took so long, that's why I freaked out."
Miranda was at a loss for words. He was so straight forward about it. She dropped her eyes and let out a long breath.
"But hey, it's Christmas time, let's not talk about me and my problems. What do you want for Christmas?"
Miranda looked up at him. She wanted him to be better, she wanted everything to be normal again. "I don't know, a new car?"
Gordo laughed, then suddenly turned serious again. "Miranda, look, I'll tell Lizzie if she comes to see me again, but I don't want anyone at school to know. I'm just me. It will be too fake if Kate stops making fun of me, if everyone suddenly wants to become my best friend. Or even worse, if everything gets it into their head that I'm contagious and no one will come near me. I just want to be as normal as I can."
"Do the teachers know?"
He nodded. "That's why I've gotten away with missing so many days, and why they've been so relaxed about letting me make up the work at my own pace."
Miranda nodded. "I won't tell anyone."
He was quiet again, then sighed. "Have you talked to Lizzie? Since I told you?"
"No, I drove her home and she didn't say anything in the car."
He nodded slowly. "I wish nothing had happened between us."
"What?" Miranda asked.
"You know she kissed me right?"
"Yeah."
"Well, it was good, actually, it was great. But if something happens- "
"Gordo, nothing is going to happen."
His face fell, and Miranda felt her heart twist into a knot. "Don't pretend it's not. It will only make it harder when it does."
"Gordo, there are cures out there, there's ways to fight it. You don't want us to make you rest, but you can't give up either."
"I'm not giving up. I'm just-I want to make the best of the time I have. And I don't want to fool myself into thinking that everything can wait. Tomorrow isn't a promise, tomorrow isn't a guarantee, you have to live for today."
Tears fell from her eyes as she picked up his hand and squeezed it. "All right, Mr. Hallmark Greeting Card."
He smiled and leaned his head back.
Miranda rested her head against their intertwined hands. She knew every moment was special, and she wanted to make sure that she spent more time laughing with him, than thinking about a more somber, bleak future.
"I'm going back to school the day after tomorrow," he announced when she'd thought he'd fallen asleep.
Miranda smiled and nodded. How far away a rehearsal where Larry Tudegeman had plowed over a Christmas tree seemed.
"I have to talk to Lizzie, there's something I have to tell her," he yawned.
"Is it something else about your health?" she asked, sitting sharply up.
"No," he replied, his voice heavy with the desire to sleep. "It's something about that kiss."
He wouldn't elaborate more, and Miranda laid her head down on the edge of the bed and fell asleep.