Disclaimer: Aw, man. Do we really have to put up one of these every time?
Well, here we go. I don't own DragonballZ, and if someone sues, all they
will get is my gum from a Charms Grape lollipop. (Strawberry is better! ^_^
)
Learning to Love You
Chapter One: Soulless
Seven days.
It had been seven days since Son Goku's death. He had fought an intense battle with the evil Cell, and lost. The strongest man in the universe had failed. He had died and left his family behind. He had left his hurting wife, and his sullen son back on Earth, while he lived in the realm of the Other World. How could he? How couldn't he see their suffering?
How could he leave them behind and not see their heartache? How could he make such rash decisions? Didn't he see the look in their eyes? First, it was desire. Then, their eyes looked soulless.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chi-Chi stared up into the starry, night sky, thoughtful and quiet. The misty clouds sailed over the silver moon. Nighttime was always one of Chi- Chi's favorite things, and the scenery was usually comforting, but not tonight. Tonight her thoughts were on her late husband.
Chi-Chi looked at a wooden patio swing Goku had made. They used to sit there and stargaze, rocking in the swing, and enjoying each other's presence. Her eyes narrowed with sorrow.
Chi-Chi had sent Gohan to bed earlier, and stepped outside to think. Even when she left the house, she couldn't escape her troubles. She was lonely and wistful, wishing for Goku's return. She could hardly bring herself to come to the funeral. Everyone was telling her to be strong....
Right.
Chi-Chi wiped at her eyes. How can I remain strong when a piece of my heart, my soul, has been taken away? I know I have to remain strong for Gohan and wait for Goku's return, but....
Chi-Chi sighed. She couldn't stand being a widow again. And now there was another problem. Ailments were attacking her; the same things occurred frequently. The vomiting, the dizzy spells, the pain in her womb.....
Chi-Chi smiled bitterly and placed a hand over it. Assuming she was pregnant would be a bitter surprise, yet she couldn't ignore all the times she and Goku made love.
Sighing, Chi-Chi sat on the patio swing. She had to get a grip. Her husband was dead, and the funeral indicated so. His friends always hated to announce Chi-Chi was a widow, for countless times. They hated seeing the pain in her eyes.
"Why?" she whispered. She was told the chances of victory at the Cell Games, but why did the consequences have to be so severe? How was she was supposed to live without the love of her life? How could she be without Goku? She needed him. Gohan needed him.
It was going to be very hard to survive without Goku around. How could things function? How could even the simple, small things Goku did be forgotten? The shy smiles, the lost look on his face, the sound of his voice.....
Chi-Chi felt tears sting her eyes. No, she couldn't cry. She wiped at her eyes roughly, trying to stop them from flowing. Yet, more memories raced in her mind.
Her and Goku's first bath together, the surprise dinners, their wedding night, their first kiss, the birth of Gohan......
Every memory was so beautiful, and seemed so real, like they could be touched or reenacted. Though it was something that could never ever happen again, it seemed so radiant right now. Intense desire rushed through Chi- Chi, and all she could do was cry.
Every tear proved to destroy the tough, maternal image she had to put up for Gohan. No way could she let him see her like this. That would be unacceptable......
What would Gohan think? What would he do?
Chi-Chi couldn't bear the thought of it.
She tried to hush herself, but the uncontrollable sobs echoed louder. Her body trembled violently, and she longed for some source of comfort. Hot tears cascaded her cheeks and coated her lips. Finally, she hugged her knees and buried her head between them in an attempt to quiet herself.
But with the moans of misery were shaky whispers of Goku's name. That was all she could repeat, painfully, choking on her own tears. "Goku, Goku, Goku....."
Someone was watching from afar.
Gohan stood by his window, watching his mother cry outside. His heart ached for her with such intensity, that it upset him, knowing he could do nothing. All he felt was sorrow, guilt, and humility. "Dad," he whispered. "Can't you see we need you? That Mom needs you?"
Gohan hated seeing his mother cry herself to sleep every night, whether it is quietly in her bedroom, or muffled wailing outside. The tears still flowed.
Sometimes, Gohan felt such a twist in his heart that he cried. The night he told his mother that Goku was dead; he went from trying to comfort her, to crying with her. But, Gohan noticed how his mother seemed when she saw her son cry.
That was why Gohan had to swallow his sorrow and all his feelings. He couldn't cry in front of his mother. He had to be the man of the house now. He had to do everything to make life as less painful as possible for both him and Chi-Chi.
But, no matter what Gohan does, it will never bring Goku back, which is what they both truly wanted.
Gohan could feel his tears cloud his eyes now. He could only cry in private, where his mother couldn't see him. "Daddy..... Won't you at least talk from the Other World? I don't care if you don't talk to me. Make Mom happy."
He felt another emotional rush tear through him. He sunk to his knees and slammed the floor with his fist. "Why didn't you let me fight Cell first?" he hissed angrily. "I could've defeated him..... You could've come home to Mom." He sobbed quietly, taking in sharp breaths of air, as hot tears spilled down his cheeks.
His ki flared as he poured his eyes out, his form changing from normal to Sayian quickly. Energy sparks sprung from his body, and his eyes flashed green momentarily, as his hair shifted blonde back and forth.
"She needs you! I need you! Daddy!!"
Gohan looked up to the ceiling, and tried to quiet himself, as to not worry his mother. He felt the hot tears stream down the side of his face, down his neck and soaking the rim of his undershirt. His lips trembled as he spoke. "I'm so damn tired of living like this, Dad. I don't know what to do! I'm not you; I don't know how to take care of Mom!"
He looked down again and sniffed. "I don't know what to do.... I don't know...."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a silent, moody aura in the morning, as it always was. Chi-Chi was making breakfast in the kitchen, and Gohan was washing up, getting ready for the day.
Gohan walked into the kitchen at nine. He was surprised his mother was cooking breakfast at that hour. She must've fallen asleep late. It's no wonder. She was crying all last night, Gohan relentlessly thought. He walked up to his mother and glanced at her face. Normal.
Chi-Chi looked down at her son and forced a smile. "Good morning, sweetheart. Breakfast should be done soon."
It was silent for a moment as Gohan still stood there. His deep, thoughtful gaze was aimed down, and he interrupted his mother when she called his name.
"Mom..... I love you, Mom. And I will always be here for you, even in Dad's death."
Chi-Chi blinked, wondering what brought her son to say that. "I love you too, Gohan, and I know you'll be here for me. I appreciate it." She kissed his hair and Gohan attended to his studies until breakfast was ready.
That afternoon, Chi-Chi was doing laundry outside. She took in the dry clothes and set the wet ones up on the clothesline. When she saw one of Goku's shirts, she held it close to her and closed her eyes, remembering him. The warmth of the shirt reminded her of the times Goku would hold her close. Though the shirt didn't smell that much like Goku, he seemed close just for that moment.
"Mom!"
Chi-Chi put Goku's shirt in the pile of dry clothes and turned to see Gohan at the back door of the house. "Bulma, Vegeta and Kuririn are here to see you!"
Chi-Chi nodded, acknowledging the fact. She quickly finished the laundry and went inside.
"Good morning, Chi-Chi," Bulma softly said, holding a pot. "I came by to see how things were. I made some miso soup for you and Gohan, since I didn't think you'd be up to cooking."
Chi-Chi smiled and accepted the gift. "Thank you. Gohan will put it in the kitchen."
"Uh, here you go, Chi-Chi. I...I'm sorry about Goku," Kuririn said, extending a hand full of flowers.
Chi-Chi thanked Kuririn and began to silently place them in a vase full of water. She tried to maintain her 'nothing's wrong' attitude, but the others could see right through it.
Vegeta crossed his arms. "Kakarot is dead, but you must remain strong, woman. If you don't, it will destroy you and your brat."
Chi-Chi looked up at him firmly. "Gohan is not a brat, but thank you for your word of advice."
Vegeta snorted and turned away. "Going home," he muttered to Bulma. He began to leave, but Bulma protested, catching up to him.
"Vegeta, wait," she said, once they were outside. "Hold up, what's wrong with you?"
Vegeta crossed his arms again. "Kakarot's mate can pretend all she likes. She's breaking down inside, and I sense her fear."
Bulma paused, thoughtful. "You really think so? She seemed fine when we greeted her and stuff...."
Vegeta looked back at the Son house and sighed. "She puts up a front so no one can see her fears. The truth is, the woman is afraid of being lonely. So, go do what you came to do. Go comfort her. I'm going home."
Vegeta left, and Bulma watched him go, wondering if he was right.
"What're you doing now, Chi-Chi?"
Kuririn attempted to make small talk about the obvious. Chi-Chi was dusting the furniture and putting things aside. "Just....." Chi-Chi trailed off, coming upon the Son family's photo album. She dropped her duster and picked up the book.
"Mom?" Gohan inquired.
Chi-Chi didn't answer and she felt herself desperately wishing she hadn't come across the photo album. She would only be reminded of last night.....
She shook her head and sat down, the photo album in her lap. Kuririn, Gohan, and Bulma sat around her, wondering what was up.
Chi-Chi hung her head and spoke quietly. "I'm tired. But..... Please tell me stories about Goku when he was a little boy. I.... I never heard some of his adventures."
"Mom, if you-"
"Shh," Chi-Chi quieted her son. "I want to hear them. It makes me feel closer to your father. It would seem more apparent that he's in my heart."
Gohan looked up at her worriedly, though she was calm and expectant. But Mom. Won't it make you cry? You and I both know a part of us is gone. A story isn't going to put it back.
To be continued.....
Chapter Two: The Gift
Learning to Love You
Chapter One: Soulless
Seven days.
It had been seven days since Son Goku's death. He had fought an intense battle with the evil Cell, and lost. The strongest man in the universe had failed. He had died and left his family behind. He had left his hurting wife, and his sullen son back on Earth, while he lived in the realm of the Other World. How could he? How couldn't he see their suffering?
How could he leave them behind and not see their heartache? How could he make such rash decisions? Didn't he see the look in their eyes? First, it was desire. Then, their eyes looked soulless.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chi-Chi stared up into the starry, night sky, thoughtful and quiet. The misty clouds sailed over the silver moon. Nighttime was always one of Chi- Chi's favorite things, and the scenery was usually comforting, but not tonight. Tonight her thoughts were on her late husband.
Chi-Chi looked at a wooden patio swing Goku had made. They used to sit there and stargaze, rocking in the swing, and enjoying each other's presence. Her eyes narrowed with sorrow.
Chi-Chi had sent Gohan to bed earlier, and stepped outside to think. Even when she left the house, she couldn't escape her troubles. She was lonely and wistful, wishing for Goku's return. She could hardly bring herself to come to the funeral. Everyone was telling her to be strong....
Right.
Chi-Chi wiped at her eyes. How can I remain strong when a piece of my heart, my soul, has been taken away? I know I have to remain strong for Gohan and wait for Goku's return, but....
Chi-Chi sighed. She couldn't stand being a widow again. And now there was another problem. Ailments were attacking her; the same things occurred frequently. The vomiting, the dizzy spells, the pain in her womb.....
Chi-Chi smiled bitterly and placed a hand over it. Assuming she was pregnant would be a bitter surprise, yet she couldn't ignore all the times she and Goku made love.
Sighing, Chi-Chi sat on the patio swing. She had to get a grip. Her husband was dead, and the funeral indicated so. His friends always hated to announce Chi-Chi was a widow, for countless times. They hated seeing the pain in her eyes.
"Why?" she whispered. She was told the chances of victory at the Cell Games, but why did the consequences have to be so severe? How was she was supposed to live without the love of her life? How could she be without Goku? She needed him. Gohan needed him.
It was going to be very hard to survive without Goku around. How could things function? How could even the simple, small things Goku did be forgotten? The shy smiles, the lost look on his face, the sound of his voice.....
Chi-Chi felt tears sting her eyes. No, she couldn't cry. She wiped at her eyes roughly, trying to stop them from flowing. Yet, more memories raced in her mind.
Her and Goku's first bath together, the surprise dinners, their wedding night, their first kiss, the birth of Gohan......
Every memory was so beautiful, and seemed so real, like they could be touched or reenacted. Though it was something that could never ever happen again, it seemed so radiant right now. Intense desire rushed through Chi- Chi, and all she could do was cry.
Every tear proved to destroy the tough, maternal image she had to put up for Gohan. No way could she let him see her like this. That would be unacceptable......
What would Gohan think? What would he do?
Chi-Chi couldn't bear the thought of it.
She tried to hush herself, but the uncontrollable sobs echoed louder. Her body trembled violently, and she longed for some source of comfort. Hot tears cascaded her cheeks and coated her lips. Finally, she hugged her knees and buried her head between them in an attempt to quiet herself.
But with the moans of misery were shaky whispers of Goku's name. That was all she could repeat, painfully, choking on her own tears. "Goku, Goku, Goku....."
Someone was watching from afar.
Gohan stood by his window, watching his mother cry outside. His heart ached for her with such intensity, that it upset him, knowing he could do nothing. All he felt was sorrow, guilt, and humility. "Dad," he whispered. "Can't you see we need you? That Mom needs you?"
Gohan hated seeing his mother cry herself to sleep every night, whether it is quietly in her bedroom, or muffled wailing outside. The tears still flowed.
Sometimes, Gohan felt such a twist in his heart that he cried. The night he told his mother that Goku was dead; he went from trying to comfort her, to crying with her. But, Gohan noticed how his mother seemed when she saw her son cry.
That was why Gohan had to swallow his sorrow and all his feelings. He couldn't cry in front of his mother. He had to be the man of the house now. He had to do everything to make life as less painful as possible for both him and Chi-Chi.
But, no matter what Gohan does, it will never bring Goku back, which is what they both truly wanted.
Gohan could feel his tears cloud his eyes now. He could only cry in private, where his mother couldn't see him. "Daddy..... Won't you at least talk from the Other World? I don't care if you don't talk to me. Make Mom happy."
He felt another emotional rush tear through him. He sunk to his knees and slammed the floor with his fist. "Why didn't you let me fight Cell first?" he hissed angrily. "I could've defeated him..... You could've come home to Mom." He sobbed quietly, taking in sharp breaths of air, as hot tears spilled down his cheeks.
His ki flared as he poured his eyes out, his form changing from normal to Sayian quickly. Energy sparks sprung from his body, and his eyes flashed green momentarily, as his hair shifted blonde back and forth.
"She needs you! I need you! Daddy!!"
Gohan looked up to the ceiling, and tried to quiet himself, as to not worry his mother. He felt the hot tears stream down the side of his face, down his neck and soaking the rim of his undershirt. His lips trembled as he spoke. "I'm so damn tired of living like this, Dad. I don't know what to do! I'm not you; I don't know how to take care of Mom!"
He looked down again and sniffed. "I don't know what to do.... I don't know...."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a silent, moody aura in the morning, as it always was. Chi-Chi was making breakfast in the kitchen, and Gohan was washing up, getting ready for the day.
Gohan walked into the kitchen at nine. He was surprised his mother was cooking breakfast at that hour. She must've fallen asleep late. It's no wonder. She was crying all last night, Gohan relentlessly thought. He walked up to his mother and glanced at her face. Normal.
Chi-Chi looked down at her son and forced a smile. "Good morning, sweetheart. Breakfast should be done soon."
It was silent for a moment as Gohan still stood there. His deep, thoughtful gaze was aimed down, and he interrupted his mother when she called his name.
"Mom..... I love you, Mom. And I will always be here for you, even in Dad's death."
Chi-Chi blinked, wondering what brought her son to say that. "I love you too, Gohan, and I know you'll be here for me. I appreciate it." She kissed his hair and Gohan attended to his studies until breakfast was ready.
That afternoon, Chi-Chi was doing laundry outside. She took in the dry clothes and set the wet ones up on the clothesline. When she saw one of Goku's shirts, she held it close to her and closed her eyes, remembering him. The warmth of the shirt reminded her of the times Goku would hold her close. Though the shirt didn't smell that much like Goku, he seemed close just for that moment.
"Mom!"
Chi-Chi put Goku's shirt in the pile of dry clothes and turned to see Gohan at the back door of the house. "Bulma, Vegeta and Kuririn are here to see you!"
Chi-Chi nodded, acknowledging the fact. She quickly finished the laundry and went inside.
"Good morning, Chi-Chi," Bulma softly said, holding a pot. "I came by to see how things were. I made some miso soup for you and Gohan, since I didn't think you'd be up to cooking."
Chi-Chi smiled and accepted the gift. "Thank you. Gohan will put it in the kitchen."
"Uh, here you go, Chi-Chi. I...I'm sorry about Goku," Kuririn said, extending a hand full of flowers.
Chi-Chi thanked Kuririn and began to silently place them in a vase full of water. She tried to maintain her 'nothing's wrong' attitude, but the others could see right through it.
Vegeta crossed his arms. "Kakarot is dead, but you must remain strong, woman. If you don't, it will destroy you and your brat."
Chi-Chi looked up at him firmly. "Gohan is not a brat, but thank you for your word of advice."
Vegeta snorted and turned away. "Going home," he muttered to Bulma. He began to leave, but Bulma protested, catching up to him.
"Vegeta, wait," she said, once they were outside. "Hold up, what's wrong with you?"
Vegeta crossed his arms again. "Kakarot's mate can pretend all she likes. She's breaking down inside, and I sense her fear."
Bulma paused, thoughtful. "You really think so? She seemed fine when we greeted her and stuff...."
Vegeta looked back at the Son house and sighed. "She puts up a front so no one can see her fears. The truth is, the woman is afraid of being lonely. So, go do what you came to do. Go comfort her. I'm going home."
Vegeta left, and Bulma watched him go, wondering if he was right.
"What're you doing now, Chi-Chi?"
Kuririn attempted to make small talk about the obvious. Chi-Chi was dusting the furniture and putting things aside. "Just....." Chi-Chi trailed off, coming upon the Son family's photo album. She dropped her duster and picked up the book.
"Mom?" Gohan inquired.
Chi-Chi didn't answer and she felt herself desperately wishing she hadn't come across the photo album. She would only be reminded of last night.....
She shook her head and sat down, the photo album in her lap. Kuririn, Gohan, and Bulma sat around her, wondering what was up.
Chi-Chi hung her head and spoke quietly. "I'm tired. But..... Please tell me stories about Goku when he was a little boy. I.... I never heard some of his adventures."
"Mom, if you-"
"Shh," Chi-Chi quieted her son. "I want to hear them. It makes me feel closer to your father. It would seem more apparent that he's in my heart."
Gohan looked up at her worriedly, though she was calm and expectant. But Mom. Won't it make you cry? You and I both know a part of us is gone. A story isn't going to put it back.
To be continued.....
Chapter Two: The Gift