AN: This is meant to only be a one chapter. It came to me in a BLINDINGLY WHITE FLASH OF RABID SCHIZOPHRENIC PLOT BUNNY!!!!!!
Scene 1: Gryffindor Common Room, 12:46 AM. Seamus, Dean, Harry, Ron, and Neville are sitting around playing Truth or Dare.
Dean: "I can't believe we're playing Truth or Dare like a bunch of bleedin' girls"
Seamus: "Shut up, Dean, it was YOUR idea."
Dean: "Shut up, Semen..
Seamus attempts to flog Dean
Harry: "KNOCK IT OFF YOU TWO! sighWell, Seamus, it's your turn: Truth or Dare."
Seamus: "Uhhhhh…………. Dare."
Harry: "HA! Stupid you! I DARE you to…..mwahahaa…..RUN UP TO SNAPE IN THE MIDDLE OF THAT FLOBBERWORM LECTURE HE WAS TALKING ABOUT YESTERDAY AND YANK DOWN HIS PANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Seamus: "HELL NO!"
Harry: "You know what the rules are. If you back out of a dare, you have to walk completely naked through the Great Hall during the Halloween Feast.
Seamus: "Damn it, I don't know what's worse. Letting people see ME naked, or being that close to Snape's rod…"
Neville: "Knowing him, he'd prolly poke it at you."
Seamus: "SHUT UP YOU!! Shit, what am I going to do……………?"
Dean: "Embarrass the HELL out of Snape!"
Ron: "Knowing that poof, he'd continue teaching like that…"
Harry: "Come on, you KNOW you'd love to do it to Snape."
Seamus: "DO IT TO SNAPE??? WHAT THE HELL?? HE'S GOING TO HAVE HIS POKER STICKING OUT AND YOU SAY THAT I'D LOVE TO DO HIM!?!?!??????? HOLY SHIT, HARRY!"
Harry: "Heh, sorry…"
Ron: "Knowing Hermione, she'll love it… she always seems kinda loopy in that class… like when Lockhart was around…"
Dean: "OHHHH, aren't we jealous."
Ron: "SHUT YER FUCKING FACE."
Harry: "So, what are you going to do…?"
Seamus: "Well, getting one over on Snape would be fun…"
GROUP: "DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Seamus: "STOP SAYING THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
GROUP: "heh…"
Seamus: "ALRIGHT!"
group busts out in uproarious laughter, followed by ejaculations such as "Sweet," "Dude," and "Bloody 'ell!"
Scene 2: Potions Dungeon. Snape at the head of the room, motioning towards a diagram of a flobberworm. Lines point to different parts of its anatomy, none of which have been labeled.
Snape: "Alright you marching morons, get in your seats… GOOOD children. We will also be having class today with the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs due to extenuating circumstances…"
Harry: "Seamus, he seems to be in a GREAT mood."
Seamus: "Ah, SHIT."
Dean: "Backing out?"
Seamus: "Hell no. But if I die today, tell me mam it was a flobberworm that killed me."
Ron: "Let's just hope his flobberworm IS flobbery…."
Seamus: "GOD RON, YOU'RE DISGUSTING!"
Ron: "YYYUP."
Snape: "Will the Gryffindors congregated in the back of the dungeon take their seats before I give them all SEVEN REAMS OF PARCHMENT WORTH OF HOMEWORK!!!!!!!"
Group: mumbles "Sorry Professor Snake… hehehe"
Snape: evil eye O_o "WHAT DID YOU SAY??"
Group: "SORRY PROFESSOR SNAPE!!"
Snape: glare o' DOOOOM!!! "Anyways, like I said last class, though I'm sure no one remembers snort from Ron: "Heh, his flobby worm." Harry: "Jesus Christ, Ron!", today we will be studying the uses of the parts of a Flobberworm Ron: "Penis, testes" Hermione smacks Ron in household potions. The ventral sucker Ron: "Bet you'd like to ventral sucker him, Hermione." Hermione begins to cry of the Flobberworm is used in a Potion used to remove nasty stains Ron: "yeah, you know a/b those too Hermione." Harry shoves his wand up Ron's nose and mutters "Electrico" Ron yelps. Seamus: "He's so pissed he's not even noticing….." from porcelain. Can anyone who actually READ their text please come to the board and label the ventral sucker."
Hermione: "OOOHHOHHHOOOOOO, I CAN I CAN!!!"
Snape: "For the love of Hell, we KNOW you know the answer Granger. Shut your mouth."
Ron: whisper "I told you she could label his ventral SUCKER."
Snape: "Anyone Else??"
Malfoy: "sighs I can."
Malfoy strides to the front of the room and correctly labels the ventral sucker
Snape: "Correct, of course Mr. Malfoy. Please take your seat. Malfoy walks to his seat, smirking at Hermione Now then, the testes class twitters OH SHUTTUP. Good Lord, for a bunch of sixth years, you all ARE immature. The TES-TES are used to make potions more potent. They are especially useful if a blundering idiot, such as most of you, waters down his potion due to his carelessness. Will someone here please come up and label the testes."
Ron: whispers "Here's your chance, Mate."
Neville: whispers "It's PERFECT!!!"
Dean: whispers "Go up and do it now!"
Harry: grins evilly
Seamus: "I'll do it, Professor."
Ron: "Yeah you will ;)"
Seamus: "Shhh!"
Seamus slowly walks the Trail of Tears up to the chalkboard. Harry, Ron, Neville, and Dean are desperately trying NOT to fall out of their seats laughing. Hermione: "What??!?" Seamus fiddles with his wand that he has stuck up his sleeve.
Snape: "Come on, Finnegan, we don't have all day."
Seamus: "ABDO BRACCAE!!!"
Snape stands there with nothing on but a T-shirt and his cape…
Seamus: "THERE'S pokes snape in the balls with his wand the testes!!" Snape immediately becomes erect
Harry, Ron, Neville, Dean: "OHMYGOD, WHATTHEFUCK
Cho: faints
Luna: faints
Snape: evident anger
Seamus: runs from room
Snape: "Accio Pants." nothing happens
Girls: goggle
Ron: goggles
Harry: RON!!!
Ron: "I know, mate, but LOOK, he's HUGE!"
Harry: "I-AM-NOT-LOOKING!"
Hermione: runs up to Snape "Can I touch it?!?!"
Snape: looks mortified… then intrigued… "No…!"
Hermione: faints
Girls: faint
Everyone but Harry, Ron, Neville, Dean, and the passed out girl population runs from the room
Harry, Neville, Dean: try not to stare at Snape
Ron: tries, but fails and stares at Snape
Snape: "God I hate when this happens…"
AN: that's it, my demented story. I must tell you, we were studying the Nematodes in Zoology today, thus the 'flobberworms." And for everyone that hasn't seen "Dark Harbor," who WOULDN'T want to see a full frontal of Alan Rickman. ^_~