AN: poor snape. If he was tortured any more in fandom, he'd prolly Avada Kedrava us all….
AN2: Sequel to When Flobberworms Attack!!
AN3: if y'all are looking for this one to be as pervy as the last one, you'll be disappointed. It IS funny though, I assure you.
[Potions Dungeon]
Harry: OMYGOD, did he just do that?!?!
Ron: What?
Harry: Whoa… I can't believe it
Ron: WHAT?
Harry: Heh, hope Hermione didn't see that……she'd die."
Ron: WHAT!?!
Harry: Snape…
Ron: What about him!?
Harry: No….
Ron: I'M GOING TO KILL YOU IF YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS UP WITH YOU!!
Harry: I swear to God he just scratched UNDER his hair w/ his wand.
Ron: Wait, how can you scratch UNDER your hair?
Harry: "well duh' stare
Ron: O_O NO!
Harry: Yes.
Ron: NO WAY!!!!!!!
Harry: Way.
Ron: Wait…
Harry: Exactly.
Ron: But…
Harry: Let me guess: Where?
Ron: Right. I mean, wherever he got it, I hope he didn't pay more than a knut for it, because it's WRETCHED.
Harry: Yup.
Ron: I used to feel sorry for 'im, but now I think he's just STUPID. I mean, who CHOOSES to have hair like that?!
Snape: What was that, Weasley No. 5?
Ron: stifles giggle Oh nothing, Professor.
[Dinner, Great Hall]
Harry: We have to do something.
Ron: Let's ask McGonnagal. She hates him as much as we do.
Harry: HAHA, we could always ask Trelawney. She's been sweet on him for years. I'm sure she's cornered him in a few dark dungeons…
Ron: Bloody 'ell, Harry, , I don't even want to THINK about that.
Harry: But she probably would know.
Ron: Why don't we just say "Accio Wig" in class sometime and see what happens.
Harry: That could work… Let's head back to the Common Room.
[Hallway]
[Harry and Ron hear voices, and hid behind a statue]
Flitwick: Severus, you need to be more careful.
Snape: I know, but you know I hate it when people mess with my hair.
Flitwick: Heh, or lack thereof
Snape: FIDELIS!
Flitwick: Sorry. Hey, you did promise you'd tell me how it happened.
Snape: Do I have to…
Flitwick: YES!
Snape: Geez, Munchkin, you don't have to get all excited.
Flitwick: Shush! Do you want people to find out I'm one of the last Munchkins?!
Snape: Sorry. I always wondered, were you in the Wizard of Oz? I've often looked for you (it IS my favourite movie) in it, but haven't been able to find you.
Flitwick: That's because they cut my scene…
Snape: Why??
Flitwick: Let's just say it entailed a Munchkin hanging in the middle of the Dark Forest. Did you know that those scenes were filmed in the Forbidden Forest?
Snape: That's slightly frightening, Fidelis..
Flitwick: Shut up, you're just jealous. But back to YOUR story.
Snape: sighs To give it to you in a nutshell, I pissed off James and Sirius in potions one day, so they shoved my head in the cauldron. Something called a "swirly." Because of the contents of the cauldron, all my hair fell out and has NEVER grown back in…
Flitwick: Heh, that's kind of funny…
Snape: I suggest you stop laughing. Peeves does not mind giving Professor's 'swirlies' in Myrtle's stall.
Flitwick: OH DEAR GOD NO!!
Snape: I thought you might say that. Anyways, I need you to re-charm my wig.
Flitwick: Of course, Severus: Letesco!
Snape: yanks on wig. It doesn't move Thanks.
Snape and Flitwick walk away from Harry and Ron
Harry/Ron: OMYFUCKINGGOD!
Ron: We SO have to do that in class!!!
Harry: Yeah, but if I do, you'll lose Hermione forever to the Cult of Snape.
Ron: SHUTTUP
Harry: Heh, I know you're a wizard, but did you ever see "Miss Congeniality."
Ron: Gah, that's Ginny's favorite movie…
Harry: Hehe. sings"You think she's gooorrrgeous. You want to kiissss her
Ron: SHADDUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Harry: Hug her and loooooove her"
Ron: I'm gonna kill you!!!
Harry: Yeah, but if you do that, I won't get to use the Accio spell, and you know I'm better than you!
Ron: Bloody showoff.
[Next day, Potions]
Harry: You do it.
Ron: No you.
Harry: No you!
Ron: You!
Harry: You!
Ron: YOUR better at it, remember!
Harry: Damn you..Sigh Hey Hermi-o-ninny, might want see this…
Hermione: DON'T call me that… only Viktor can call me that…
Ron: fake-wretches into cauldron Oh wait, did I do that?? My bad. Sorry.
Harry: musters up what little courage he has left Accio Wig!
Snape's wig FORCIBLY rips off like a tight bandaid. Snape squeaks in pain!
class bursts into joyful laughter
Harry: holds wig in hand I guess you won't be needing this!
Ron: HA! For a guy that's quite hairy in ahem other places, your head is quite shiny.
Snape: patented Snape Glare o'DoOOoOOM
Harry: You would know, wouldn't you. "but LOOK, he's HUGE!"
Ron: Heh, yeah I would. So would Hermione. "Can I touch it?!?!"
Hermione: Hey, I was just a/b to ask him that…
Ron: GOOD GOD, you have the WORST taste in men.
Hermione: Well, I USED to like you, so what does that say a/b YOU??
Ron: gasps
Snape: STILL trying to speak
Ron: still gasping
Hermione: HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT!
Harry: I think I'll keep the wig. It'll go great w/ my boggart Snape suit…
Snape: strides out of room… face is as purple as his irritated scalp
AN: God, what is WRONG w/ me?!