AN: This one is dedicated to my wonderfully awesome Chem teacher, Anne Gilmore. Anyone in CP (aka: stupid people) chemistry during 2001-2002 will remember this (unless you were one of the many stoned ppl in my chem lab.) includes a few blatant dogma references (for those near and dear to the Metatron's heart, you'll pick up on 'em)
[Potions Lab}
Snape: Now class, to remove the steam from your brew, take out your wand, say lumos. For all you twits out there, that will make the end of your wand light up) and thrust it into your cauldron. The steam should be removed almost instantly. Begin.
Ron: Lumos. wand ignites. Ron thrusts in his wand, snapping (heh, not SNAPEing) it against the side of the cauldron. The disappearing steam pops like a cannon. Ron, scared out of his wits, lets go of his wand. The expanding gases cause the wand to go flying through the air, with the lit end falling onto Professor Snape's robes.
Snape: roars with anger
Ron: laughing
Snape: opens mouth, closes mouth. Opens mouth, closes mouth. Cannot speak from anger
Ron: turns white as Snape's foundation
Snape: Eyes blazing WWWWWHHHYYYYYY!??!!?!?!!?
Ron: realizes Snape's robes have ignited. With an evil gleam in his eye, attempts to "help" by pushing Snape under the emergency fire faucet. Ron turns on faucet, drenching Snape
Snape: head nearly explodes. Has more colour in his face than anyone thought was humanly imaginable. WHY THE HELL DID YOU PUT ME UNDER THE FAUCET?!?!
Ron: grinning Uh, sir.. well you WERE on fire…
Snape: hair matted to head, wig slides down face, foundation and mascara dripping, robes CLINGING (Hermione: sigh) to himself quite alluringly But.. WHY WATER O_o!?
Ron: Because… uh, well… you were stepping on my wand, sir, which you seem to have managed to break.
Snape: So this is MYYYY fault, eh?
Ron: Of…of course not…, sir.
Snape: So who's fault is it, Weasley?
Ron: Uh…..looks around room It was Malfoy's fault.
Snape: WHAT??
Malfoy: WHAT??
Ron: Yeah, he tripped me, and I dropped my wand.
Malfoy: WHAT?? I wouldn't waste my time on a WEASLEY.
Snape: muttering to himself But I CAN'T punish him…. He's a Malfoy….
Malfoy: You and your bloody parents trying to ruin everything!
Snape: thinks to self: what would I normally do in this situation Um, FIFTY POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!
Ron: Why?!
Snape: Because you bloody well ruined my robes, that's why. .
Harry: stands up to say something
Snape: Potter, I know what you're going to say already, so just sit down and shut up.
Harry: sits down, scowling
Snape: mutters Will this NEVER end!
[later that evening]
Ron: Oh, bloody hell, they changed the staircases again.
Harry: Heh, this is always fun… except not.
[Wander aimlessly. Desperately trying to find Gryffindor Tower. End up in dungeons]
Ron: OMYGOD, we found it.
Harry: Found what?
Ron: What have we ALWAYS looked for?
Harry: Uh… your mom?
Ron: NO!!! Snape's lair.
Harry. O_O No way!
Ron: nods
Harry: Shall we? motions towards door Alohomora. door creaks open. Ron and Harry creep in
Snape is standing in the middle of an impeccably immaculate living room, wearing nothing but boxers, a tee-shirt, fuzzy socks, and bright pink fuzzy slippers (oh, and his sexiest cape), ironing his robes from earlier in the day. His hair is up in steam curlers. He is singing Bon Jovi's "Living on a Prayer" at the TOP of his lungs (and managing to hit every note, I might add). Turns head to see Harry and Ron standing in his doorway
Harry/Ron: WHAT THE HELL?!?!
Snape: deepest sigh imaginable This is a nightmare…
AN: yeah, I know it's short, but OH WELL. Don't yell at me, b/c I'll yell back. Just ask Faber Wolffe, hehe;). Btw, check out faber's stuff (fanfic name: 'Faber Wolffe'). She gives me some help on the humor ones, b/c we basically share a brain (not in a rocky horror/eddie kinda way, but still;) Alan, I'm still waiting for you to read and respond!