We've come a long way since the beginning! I'm glad so many people are actually liking this fanfic! I wasn't expecting this many reviews, thanks you guys!
Thanks to Lady Thundera for helping me out on the dragons thing. Also, LOL. It's not exactly payback because you've endured and the next chapter is here.
WARNING: CONSISTENT ANGST AHEAD!!
Hope you like it!
Learning to Love You
Chapter Seven: Mending the Broken Hearts
"….Chi-Chi?"
Bulma Briefs looked concerned for her friend, who still hadn't responded to the calling. She placed a hand on Chi-Chi's shoulder. "Hey…"
Chi-Chi finally looked up, and she shook her head. "Sorry, Bulma," she said quietly. "…I'm not all there."
Bulma smiled slightly. "Yeah, you weren't. You okay? What's up? How are things with you and Goku?"
Chi-Chi had gone to see Bulma, who was at Master Roshi's house with the usual gang. She felt she needed to talk to someone, have a little girl talk with a close female friend. But now, terrible memories even prevented that.
"My sons hate me," she whispered.
Bulma looked confused, and she grimaced. "Gohan and Goten? What are you talking about? What happened?"
Chi-Chi remorsefully explained what had happened so far. She told Bulma about how horrified Goten looked, and how he told her he hated her. She told her about the way Gohan was upset with her for going back on the promise. At the end of the story, Bulma had a clueless look written on her face.
"…Can I say 'Huh'?? What is this mess, Chi-Chi? Are you sick in the head?"
Chi-Chi shook her head. "No, it's all true…"
Kuririn approached Chi-Chi and looked her in the eyes. "You know none of this can't be true. Goten loves you, and so does Gohan. I don't know why you sent Goku away. You don't have to pretend you don't know him."
Chi-Chi looked up, sad and angry. "That's it, Kuririn! I DON'T know him!!"
From afar, Yamcha scratched his head. "Do the Sons have amnesia?"
Kuririn shook his head in disbelief. He pointed to Yamcha. "Come with me." Then he looked at Chi-Chi. "You stay here with Bulma and the others. Yamcha and I are gonna get to the bottom of this."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An explosion.
Son Goku panted, as he aimed another Kamehameha wave at another hillside. Sweat poured heavily from his body. He had been beating himself up and taking out his sorrow and frustration out on the hillsides. What Chi-Chi said to him wouldn't leave him. He wanted to stay and convince her he was her lover.
He wanted to make love to her and hold her close.
But he had never seen Chi-Chi so angry with him. He had never been yelled at like that… He had never seen her so desperate to get rid of him.
He couldn't fight back. The desire to have her prevented it, and so did the sincerity in her piercing words. He was no one to her… She hated him…
Goku had fled, and cried. He CRIED for her. He cried until his eyes and lungs burned. He cried until he could cry no more. It was all he could do. He couldn't be angry with her… He was way too consumed with her.
Just as he was about to angrily release another Kamehameha wave, he felt life forces approach him. Goku let his attack free, and he turned to see Kuririn and Yamcha come to his side. Goku quickly wiped his tears, but it was too late. They had noticed.
"Goku," Kuririn gently said, stunned at the new scene. He had never seen Goku cry. If the strongest man in the universe was crying, something must've hurt him. REAL bad.
"Goku, get up, buddy. What's wrong?"
Yamcha helped Goku up off the ground, and supported him. "Why are you draining yourself out? What's the matter with you?" Goku hung his head, feeling so weak that he couldn't stand up. "Chi-Chi…"
Kuririn nodded. "Your wife, yeah. You're gonna have to say more than that."
Goku felt his tears come back. He had never felt such deep pain in his heart. It was like someone was twisting a knife deeper into his heart… It hurt just to say Chi-Chi's name.
"Chi-Chi… She hates me. My sons hate me. I don't belong there anymore…"
Yamcha grimaced. "Anymore? You're Chi-Chi's husband, and the father of Goten and Gohan! Of course you belong there!"
Goku slowly shook his head. "It's different. They don't know me. It's like I'm a stranger to them."
Kuririn frowned and took a senzu bean out of his pocket. "Well, eat this first," he said, handing it to Goku. "Then tell me exactly what you mean…"
Goku obeyed. "I remember… Three years ago, Gohan talked to me telepathically. Actually, he made a wish to Shenlong to talk to me, since I didn't do it on my own. I admit, I wasn't very considerate to my family while I was dead. But Gohan made a second wish…"
"What was it?" Kuririn asked softly.
Goku blinked sadly. "He made Shenlong close the portal, so I wouldn't know. But the last thing he said was that he had to leave me behind. The day you all revived me, I was rushing to get home. That's why I ignored you guys. When I got home, I was bouncing to know what Gohan meant.
"But Chi-Chi answered the door. When I kissed her, she resisted and slapped me. Goten didn't know me, and Gohan was angry with me. Right then, I knew what he meant. He wanted to leave me out of his life. Behind. But not only his life, but Chi-Chi and Goten's too. That's why they didn't know me."
Yamcha sighed. "Now all this crap is making sense… We've gotta reverse all this. We're gonna have to look for the Dragonballs and wish to Shenlong. I know it's been at least a couple years since Gohan's made the wish."
Kuririn sighed. "I don't know…"
Yamcha dropped Goku and picked up Kuririn by the front of his gi. "What do you mean you don't know?! Don't you want Goku to be happy?!"
Kuririn slapped Yamcha's hand and gained access to ground level. "What I meant was that I'm not sure if we can actually do this. Who knows how long it would take us to find all the Dragonballs? Plus, if we do make the wish, we'd be messing with people's thoughts, emotions, and lives. That's heavy stuff."
Yamcha crossed his arms. "If Shenlong could play with them in the first place, he can do it again."
Kuririn looked away. "That's not all. What if it takes a greater power to reverse this? What if we have to go to Namek and summon Porunga?"
Yamcha sighed. "Geez…."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Don't sigh at me, Chi-Chi."
Bulma crossed her arms, and Chi-Chi looked up at her. "I told you, Bulma," she said softly. "I don't know who Goku is. I'm just glad he's gone. Things would've only gotten worse…"
Bulma frowned. "Then why do you sound so regretful?"
When Chi-Chi didn't answer, Bulma bent to where Chi-Chi could see her. "It's because you like him."
Chi-Chi's head shot up in surprise. "What? No…"
Bulma wasn't about to give up. "Hasn't he kissed you? C'mon, there has to be something about him."
Chi-Chi raked a hand through her black locks, agitated. "Twice, but it was like it was unwanted, like he forced it to happen. But it's so frustrating, because I could feel myself desiring passion rather than full resistance. I mean, he's still sort of like a stranger to me, but I'm getting to know him, but…"
"You're afraid."
Chi-Chi hung her head again. "Exactly. This is so messed up. I just want to remember the old times before Gohan and I suffered so much. I hardly remember it though. All I remember is someone who was so much like Goku, but I knew it couldn't be him…"
She sighed. "Why am I even getting concerned about Goku? I sent him away, and it's better this way. The only problem is how Gohan and Goten are."
Bulma placed a hand on Chi-Chi's shoulder. "Gohan and Goten don't hate you. I know-"
"You don't understand!" Chi-Chi blurted. "Goten was destroyed when he found out Goku was gone! And I caused his suffering! Gohan is still angry with me for going back on our promise. But I just couldn't keep it! Goku was… Goku was taking over my mind!"
Bulma smiled. "Don't you think that happened because you have some kind of bond with Goku?"
Chi-Chi, surprised and angered, was silent. She was not about to ask what Bulma meant…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tears pooled around a pair of small feet. They soaked the rim of the black shoes and streamed away. Goten sniffed as he held back more tears. Why was this so confusing and painful?
I don't understand, Goten thought miserably. Why did Mommy send Goku away? He's very special to me, and I know Mommy doesn't admit it, but Goku is special to her too…
Goten had seen the looks Goku gave Chi-Chi sometimes, and secretly, while he stayed for six months. Goten didn't understand what it meant very well, or why Goku would look at her that way at all, but he did know what was in Goku's eyes.
Sorrow.
Loneliness.
Desire.
Because he loved her…
Oh Mommy, why can't you learn to love him? I did. What do you have against Goku? He looks like me… Is that it? You don't like Goku and me because we're alike? Oh…
Goten hadn't even turned back when he ran away yesterday evening. He didn't want to. He knew Chi-Chi's expression, and he heard Gohan call him, urging him to come back. But the pain of Goku's departure stuck unwillingly to his heart.
The man he had thought of as a father was gone… Forever.
Goten had flown a few miles from his home and all he could do was cry bitterly, releasing the anger and resentment he felt toward his mother. He loved her, yet she made him so angry.
What wrong had Goku done to be told to leave?
But now…
Fear quickened Goten's pulse at his next thought. Goten was only a boy, seven years old. He still needed his mother. But would she want him back after all he's done? He ignored her pain, her words…
He told her he HATED her. What force could possibly take that back and heal her wound?
And now Goten had a wound as well. The hatred his mother MUST have for him…
He had spoken and acted without thinking…
Silently, once more, the tears streamed down Goten's face.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Remorse was swelling up in the heart of Son Gohan. He was as lost as everyone else, and he caused them to become astray, as well as himself. But it didn't hit him hard until now…and after the constant painful scene running through his head.
~*Flashback*~
"Mom…Goten will be back. Tell me what happened."
Chi-Chi gave Gohan her fearful gaze, and it was obvious she wanted to get Goten. She ignored his question and began to step forward, but Gohan placed a firm hand on her shoulder.
"Gohan…"
Her eldest son looked confidently into her eyes. "Goten WILL be back. He just needs to let off some steam. He can take care of himself; he is a Saiyan. Mom please… What happened?"
Chi-Chi's muscles eased as she dropped her shoulders, and she was wondering if Gohan was right. "Then why were you about to go get Goten yourself?"
"It was my natural reaction," Gohan answered, and then turned Chi-Chi around to face him.
"Mom… I need to know what's going on."
Chi-Chi hung her head, her eyes leaving Gohan's face. There was no point in hiding anymore… "Gohan, I did listen to you that day. I let Goku stay for a while, but…"
She trailed off, trying to put her thoughts together. "But?" Gohan asked.
"I..I felt some of my personal space was violated." Gohan's eyes widened. "What? He was going to-"
"No, no!" Chi-Chi interrupted, shaking her head for emphasis. Then she quieted down again. "Let's just say things between Goku and I weren't going too well."
"So you're saying you liked him and then something happened?" Gohan asked softly.
"N-No," Chi-Chi answered, then cursed at her stuttering. Wow, that should have made her denial clear!
"Gohan," she started over. "Goku had no business living with us in the first place. I knew giving into your request wasn't wise but I did it anyway because I knew Goku was lost and needed our help. But things only got worse. I know I didn't trust him, even after all he had done for you and Goten."
Gohan shook his head slowly in confusion. "Why not? I thought we agreed that he could stay."
"Gohan, he's not a dog!" Chi-Chi said, serious. "He's a MAN, capable of doing only Kami knows what! I don't know how you and Goten got attached to Goku, but you don't know the dangers of having a stranger in the house! If you knew any-"
"Stop right there, Mom," Gohan cut her off, becoming aggravated. "If YOU knew anything, you would know that Goku belongs with us! He's done nothing wrong! Goten loves him and I think he's cool. Can't you see how right this is? With Goku around, we can be happy."
"No…" Chi-Chi whispered. "He can never replace-"
"Replace who, Mom?" Gohan interrupted again, now just as serious as her. "My father? Do you know who my father is? No one knows! Why can't you give Goku a chance? Now tell me the real reason why you sent Goku away."
Chi-Chi let out a cry of frustration as she covered her face with her hands. Dear Kami, why couldn't he understand? Why couldn't her son, the scholar, understand why she didn't want Goku around?
She sighed and moved her hands from her face to run through her hair, and then she refused to make eye contact with Gohan. She had never heard him so angry…
"I can't just allow my heart to give in like that," Chi-Chi explained, her voice just above a whisper. "I don't see how you and Goten do, but it's not me. There are things about Goku and I you don't even know, Gohan. That's why…"
"But what is it?" Gohan said. "You won't tell me what's so bad that you had to relegate him!"
"Must I explain my reminiscence in detail?" Chi-Chi asked, nearly shouting those shaky words. She held back her tears, trying with all her strength. "You don't know… You don't need to know. I know it may seem I went back on what I said, but in the end…"
~*Flashback Ends*~
"In the end I did it because I cared," Gohan whispered, repeating what his mother had said. Tears weren't on his face now, but in the inside he was crying for sure.
What have I done? He thought. I wished no one who cared about him like we did would know him, and I thought this would make it better… But it's just gotten worse.
Gohan looked down at his folded hands in his lap. Those same hands that brought comfort to his mother during the painful seven years also hurt her right now. Those hands massaged her during her pregnancy, and touched the Dragonballs used to seal fate.
And now those hands wanted to comfort her again, but…
But why in the world would she want to see me now?
Gohan knew this was messed up, but the answer on how to fix it was unclear, nearly impossible to obtain… He brought his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, hanging his head.
What have I done…?
"Gohan!"
He looked up and to where the voice was calling from. Gohan turned his head to his right and saw his little brother standing a few feet away, the saddest look on his face that Gohan had ever seen.
I've even hurt Goten…
"Yes, Goten?"
Goten paced over to Gohan and sat next to him, both under the shade of a large tree. "Gohan, I'm sorry I scared you by running away. I don't know what happened to my body, but I just got so angry at Mommy… I just want to tell you I'm ok."
He sniffed and brought his sleeve up to wipe his nose, but Gohan wiped it for him with a handkerchief he pulled out of his pocket.
"I'll try not to cry," Goten promised. "I wanna go home now. Can we go home? I want to train and meditate. That gets my mind off my troubles. Plus not only that, but… I don't wanna be all by myself anymore."
Gohan nodded. "I don't think we should worry Mom by being out for so long, even if she is mad…"
Goten's expression changed to a deeper one of sadness, hearing that his mother was angry, not only at him, but Gohan as well. He just wanted things to go back to normal…
"Can I have a piggyback ride back home, Gohan?" he asked quietly. "You're big and strong like Goku…"
"Okay…"
Gohan let Goten onto his back and they began the flight home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Stop it…"
"No."
"Please…"
Bulma crossed her arms. "No, Chi-Chi. I'm not going to let you walk away all depressed. Let's clear this up. Start over from the beginning. Why did you send Goku away?"
Chi-Chi hung her head. "I told you already…"
A few feet away, Vegeta scoffed and crossed his arms. He looked around, tired of hearing the depressing conversation between Chi-Chi and Bulma. What is the matter with that woman? Vegeta thought about Chi-Chi. She keeps saying she doesn't know Kakarot, but it's not a joke… And she isn't the type to leave Kakarot. What is really going on?
Vegeta tapped his chin, thoughtful now. He was trying to think back to when Goku died. He had teleported himself and Cell to King Kai's planet, and then that was it… That was the last of Goku until he was wished back.
Of course, Vegeta didn't know what happened after that. All he knew was that Goku went home and now his wife claims he's a stranger. But what about their brats? Don't they have anything to-
Vegeta's thoughts were interrupted when he felt his pants leg being tugged. He looked down at his confused son. "Not now, Trunks. I'm trying to think." Trunks blinked. "But what are Mom and Goten's Mom talking about?"
Vegeta sighed. "Your mother is trying to talk to Kakarot's mate, who is very confused about how she feels about Kakarot."
"You mean Goten's dad? Oh, I know what happened," Trunks innocently chirped. Vegeta immediately clutched Trunks and held him in the air. "What?! You do, boy?"
Trunks shook in his father's arms and nodded. "Uh-huh," he croaked.
Vegeta put Trunks down and led him away from Chi-Chi and Bulma. Vegeta knelt to Trunks' level and looked him in the eyes. "What happened to Kakarot's family, boy?" Trunks looked away, frowning.
"Well, remember when you explained to me about the Dragonballs and the dragon, Shenlong?"
Vegeta nodded, but then scowled. "That was a long time ago. This situation is happening right now."
"Wait a sec. I'm also remembering when I was five I felt great energy one day. I had never felt anything so strong. I was physically pushed away when I was playing with my toys. I tried to sense where that power came from. I think I felt the dragon's energy, Dad, but also I felt Gohan's energy."
Vegeta raised his eyebrows. Surprise was clearly written on his face. "Gohan, Kakarot's eldest brat? How did you feel that and no one else?"
"Well, you wouldn't try to sense Gohan's energy and the other Z warriors were too busy to be concerned. If Kakarot is dead for good, why worry? But I felt it… I don't know why, Dad, but I did. I really think if you're a Saiyan and you sense another Saiyan's feelings, you can tell.
"I sensed Gohan's anger, his pain and his sorrow. I think he made a wish, Dad. After I felt that power, something was different. I could tell something was wrong, and how my friendship with Goten changed. When Goten learned that he had a Dad, I asked him about him after the wish to see if he was the same Kakarot you were always talking about."
Trunks looked up, quizzical. "But Goten didn't seem to remember. He said before that he saw pictures of his father in the photo album and heard stories, but I got to see him after the wish and it was as if he was brainwashed. He had no clue and asked me what a Dad was."
"Gohan…" Vegeta slurred. His mind was putting the pieces together now. That angsty brat ruined everything! It's a good thing Trunks was able to remember from way back then… He turned out to have more than his mother's hair. Her brains and head as well…
Trunks looked up when he felt Vegeta pat him on the head. "You were always the child who turned out right," he murmured. He looked in the sky. "I have a plan."
Then he took off, flying out of sight.
Trunks stood there and blinked.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Gohan!"
Kuririn and Yamcha found the teenage Saiyan resting at a tree in the backyard, watching Goten train roughly in solitude. They rushed over to Gohan and when he greeted them, Kuririn wanted to get to the bottom of this.
"Okay, Gohan. I need you to explain to me what's going on. Do you, Chi-Chi, or Goten know Goku? Tell me everything that's happened so far. Chi-Chi and Goten are so confused, and you're my and Yamcha's last chance to solve this."
Gohan looked away, as something reoccurred to him. This was no joke. He hadn't known Goku, but before, in solitude, the wish was working in reverse. He had been the first to know Goku as his father. No way could that have happened without a good reason…
"Yes," he answered Kuririn's question quietly.
He could see the surprise on Kuririn and Yamcha's face, and he closed his eyes.
"You have no idea how Mom and I suffered over the death of someone really important to us. I became desperate, angry, and lost, especially when Goten was born. I didn't know how to raise a kid brother. Eventually, I became so desperate that I made a wish to Shenlong.
In my anger, I wished that the person who had hurt Mom so much would just be out of our lives. That we knew nothing about him, that he would be a stranger to us, and be completely unknown to Mom and me. I knew Goten wouldn't have known.
But now, in this critical time, I realize I made a terrible wish as an angry kid. I realized taking this person out of our lives only hurt us more."
Kuririn wasn't sure what to say after hearing a moving story, but Yamcha quietly asked, "Who was that person?"
Gohan opened his eyes and focused them on the grass. "My father, Goku."
A few feet away stood a shocked Goten, mouth gaping with surprise. He flew over to his older brother, and placed his little hands over his. Gohan looked down into Goten's shocked, teal eyes that changed black when he changed out of his Super Saiyan form. "Onii-san…" he whispered.
"…Is what you said true? It can't be. Mommy said-"
"Mommy lied…sorta," Gohan interrupted. He stood up. "But now it's time to right the wrongs. I have to go find the Dragonballs and see if I can reverse the wishes."
Goten gazed up at Gohan, confused. "What wishes?"
Gohan knelt to his level. "A long time ago, way before you were born, I made a wish to Shenlong that caused some bad things. I realized that wasn't the right way to go about it. But I wanted to take some revenge on someone and make me and Mom happy."
Goten nodded, understanding. "Can I come? We need Bulma's Dragon Radar to do it!"
"You think she'll cough it up a second time?" Yamcha asked. "The last time I borrowed something from her, she demanded payment. And I'm talking the green stuff."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Goku grunted in frustration, as he couldn't focus his ki. He had wanted desperately to sense Chi-Chi and make her understand who he was, yet he wanted to get away. But he didn't have enough energy to Instant Transmission to another planet like Namek or Yardrat.
Goku sighed, collapsing.
"I just want to go home to you, Chi-Chi," he whispered, gazing at the clouds. "Why can't you understand that I love you? And I love our sons too…"
He rolled over on the grass and saw a flower swaying in the wind. He sighed, remembering Chi-Chi loved flowers, especially when it came from him. Of course, that was when she loved him.
If she wanted to forget him with the wish (and it worked), then she must detest him… Goku thought a second chance was bestowed upon him when he lived with Chi-Chi, Gohan, and Goten for six months. But he hadn't grown so close to them, as he planned…
Especially with Chi-Chi….
Goku closed his eyes, trying to block out the sound of his painful heartbeat. More than anything, he wanted to be with her. He realized something in his sorrow and time of pain. He had learned to appreciate her more. He used to take her very presence for granted.
As long as she cooked, cleaned, and washed laundry, she was okay…
But when he realized he couldn't have her, he realized how wrong he was.
He used to take everything she did for granted. Sure, a little 'thanks' was given every now and then, but Chi-Chi did so much and asked nothing but Goku's presence, and she didn't mean just in the bedroom.
Damn!
He had taken her lesson in love for granted! He had no idea about love, marriage, or dating when he and Chi-Chi married. But she taught him the strongest kind of bond and power, in which Goku wanted to immediately learn.
But he soon learned falling in love would not happen quickly. It was not a new technique he could master soon.
Even when he thought he had fallen in love with her, he was proven wrong by the many times Chi-Chi was upset with him. Why? Because he took her for granted…
"I see now, Chi-Chi," Goku whispered hoarsely, choking on his tears. "I…I would leave me too, if I thought I was unappreciated, not loved… But now it's too late to promise you I'll be a better husband. I've been punished for good."
To be continued…
Chapter Eight: Hope Restored?
A/N:
(1) Was this chapter evil? Did you ever feel so sorry for Goku or Chi-Chi? (I know some of you out there are thinking, 'Ha! Gohan is finally getting what he deserves!')
I hope I didn't make any Gohan haters out of this fanfic. ^^;
It's just that there's this mix of angst and confusion or whatever that I like and Gohan seemed to fit this perfectly…