Chapter Twenty-Two: The Book of Long Life

In the early morning light Remus Lupin was jarred out of a restless sleep by a sharp tapping sound.  Momentarily confused, he sat up bleary-eyed and tried to get his sleep-fuzzed brain to cooperate in locating the source of the sound.  Intelligent thought seemed to be taking its own sweet time appearing, though.  Belatedly, after the sound repeated itself impatiently at least three times, he realized it was being made by a rather large barn owl with a message in its claws that was pecking determinedly at the sitting room window.

Still mired in physical and emotional exhaustion he dragged himself up off the couch and staggered over to the window trying unsuccessfully to work the kinks out of his back as he went.  He was much too old to enjoy sleeping on couches.  When he reached the window, he took a moment to flip the latch then he shoved up the glass and retrieved the message, receiving a sharp peck on the knuckles for being so slow about it.  Messenger owls could be a rather surly and bad tempered lot.  The heavy cream envelope now speckled with his blood was addressed to Evangeline in what looked like Albus Dumbledore's narrow looping handwriting.   Remus frowned doubtfully down at the missive. Should he open it and inform her of the contents, perhaps shield her if it was more bad news; or should he try to get her to open it herself and stand by to catch her if it contained yet another emotional blow?

After weighing all the pros and cons as best he could, he reluctantly shook his head.  No, it was addressed to her alone.  He was going to have to let her open it.  Hoping intensely that it wasn't more bad news; he raised his eyes up towards her refuge with a sigh and headed up the stairs to the bedroom.

When he reached the upper floor and stood outside her room, he paused and laid his ear to the door, but there wasn't any sound within that he could hear no matter how hard he listened.  He knocked softly, his knuckles barely grazing the wood, and called her name in a gentle voice as he did so.  There was no response.  So he carefully eased open the door and poked his head inside.

Evangeline lay sprawled on the top of the bed in the nightgown and robe that she'd worn all day yesterday.  To his concerned eye she appeared to be sleeping.  He hated to wake her; goodness knows how much rest she'd actually gotten.  For all he knew she'd only just fallen asleep a short while ago, and she desperately needed whatever respite she could get.

Quietly, he entered the room and crossed over to the bed, a bed he'd felt so very fortunate to have been able to share with her over the last few days, sat down, and simply stared at her.  She looked so beautiful lying there even with the marks of sorrow on her face.  More than anything, he wanted to reach out and run his fingers through her hair, to kiss her awake, to hold her in his arms and make love to her again.  A sharp pang of regret zinged through him as he realized that he was unlikely to ever have the chance to do any of that again.  With Severus' return from the dead, his hopes for a future with Evangeline were nothing but empty dreams.  Even if Snape continued to act the fool, Evangeline would always want the Slytherin…not him.  Never him.

With a sad sigh he put out a hand and caressed her hair gently.  "Angel?"  He called in a soft voice.  "Sweetheart.  Wake up, please.  I have something for you."

Her eyes snapped open, and she raised her head and looked up at him with confusion in her expression, murmuring.  "Remus?  Is it morning, all ready?"

He nodded.  "Yes, it is.  A letter just came for you.  Do you want to read it?"

Still a bit awkward with sleepiness, she fumbled to sit up and her gaze fastened fearfully on the envelope that he held in his hand.  Her voice was slightly gravelly with apprehension as she raised her eyes warily to his and asked, "Who's it from, Remus?  Is it from Severus?"

"I don't think so.  The handwriting looks more like Albus' writing to me."  He held it out to her.

With trembling fingers, she took the letter from his hand and sitting up straighter she opened it carefully.  Her eyes quickly scanned the contents and a frown crinkled her forehead.  "It is from Albus. He wants us to come to Hogwarts to talk to him.  He says it's very important, but he doesn't explain why."

She looked up at him anxiously with a touch of fear in her voice.  "He doesn't mention Severus at all, but what else could it be about?  I haven't had any contact with Albus in months.  Oh, Remus, if it's about dissolving my marriage, I don't think I can face that, yet.  I'm not sure that I'll ever be able to face that."  Distress marred her features.

Remus took the note from her shaking grasp and read it over thoughtfully.  He shook his head.  "If it had anything to do with your marriage, I'm sure Albus would've mentioned it, Angel.  He'd want you to be prepared.  I'm sure it's something else."

Grasping at this reassurance she sighed.  "Oh, I hope you're right."

"Do you want to go?"  He watched her closely.

A faint smile crossed her face at the absurdity of the question.  "No…I have no desire to go back to Hogwarts…or to see Albus ever again, but whatever he wants might have something to do with Severus, so I suppose I should go.  He wants you there, too.  Will you go with me?"   Anxious eyes searched his face.

He smiled reassuringly and nodded at her.  "Of course, Evangeline.  I'll be with you every step of the way, if you want me to be."

She swallowed hard; unshed tears sparkling in her eyes.  "Thank you.  I don't deserve someone as kind as you are in my life.  I really do appreciate the support you've given me through all this mess.  I know this has been hard on you, too.  I'm so very sorry that…"

Hoping to stop her before they got mired in a conversation that he didn't feel like having at the moment, he reached out and placed a finger to her lips to forestall what she'd started to say.  It was over between them, and he knew it.  Talking about it would just make it more painful.  "Sh…Please don't worry about me, Angel.  You don't need to apologize for anything.  None of this mess is your fault.   I'll do anything to make things easier on you; you can always count on me.  I hope you know that."

She nodded gratefully.  "I do, Remus.  Thank you."

Comfortingly he smiled and slid off the bed before he gave in to the huge temptation to embrace her.  He knew that if he took her back into his arms again, he'd never want to let her go…might not be able to let her go.  "You get dressed, and I'll start making some breakfast.  We've got some time before Albus expects us, so we might as well get ourselves ready to face the world."

With that he turned and left the bedroom as Evangeline got up off the bed and began to get dressed.

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When Evangeline and Remus entered Albus Dumbledore's office together, they found the old wizard seated comfortably behind his desk.  On the other side of the desk and off to one side sat a rather stiff Severus Snape who watched their entrance with an expressionless face and glittering eyes.

As her glance fell on her husband's face, her heart soared free, and Evangeline tried to catch his eye with hers, but he pointedly looked away from her, raising his chin a notch, and focusing his attention on the Headmaster.  Swallowing a pang of bitter disappointment at this snub, Evangeline took a shaky breath, walked forward boldly, and stood before Dumbledore with Lupin close at her back, ever on guard.  Trembling with the effort it took to keep her eyes from once more seeking out the dark form of her beloved, she addressed the wizard behind the desk.

"You wanted to see me, Albus," she stated flatly staring at the powerful wizard with cold eyes.

Saddened by the enmity that he still sensed strongly from the unhappy witch as she stood stiffly before him, Dumbledore stood and gestured both Evangeline and Remus to seats.  "Yes, my dear.  There's something important that Severus and I need to discuss with you." He sat back down and watched her steadily.

Shivering slightly in fearful anticipation, she nodded and she and Remus took the indicated chairs next to Snape, with Evangeline in the middle and a wizard on either side of her.  Her heart was beating rapidly in her chest.  She was still so afraid that somehow this meeting had something to do with Severus' apparently strong desire to quickly rid himself of her and their marriage.  But Dumbledore's words surprised her.

"When Severus went missing all those months ago now, it was because I sent him to the Malfoy mansion to retrieve a book that Lucius Malfoy had somehow obtained for Lord Voldemort."

Snape interrupted at this point.  "You didn't send me, Albus.  I volunteered to go and retrieve the book.  I felt it was too important to have it fall into Voldemort's hands."

Evangeline turned to look at him in surprise, but he was still studiously avoiding her eyes.  So she turned her gaze back to Dumbledore as the most readily available source of answers.

"What was this book that was so very important that it was worth the destruction of our lives and the death of our child?"  She asked coldly, a hard edge of pain flickered in her voice and Snape winced at the sound and turned away from her, his hands clenched tightly in his lap.  She was right; after all, no book was worth what they'd gone through.  Their child's death was his fault…all of her suffering was his fault.  Being this close to her and not being able to touch her was agony itself, but it was for the best.  Maybe if he told himself that often enough, he'd come to believe it to be true, but what else could he do?  She'd suffered too much already.

Dumbledore glanced at Snape as his former Potions Master sat there so rigid and still, refusing to meet anyone's eyes, and then sighed heavily as he turned once more to face a rather stricken and stony-faced Evangeline. "The Liber Vitae Diuturnae.  The Book of Long Life.  An innocuous title indeed, for such a possibly troublesome tome."

Evangeline's eyebrows rose in surprise as she recognized the title.  "The Liber Vitae Diuturnae?  That book was one that my father considered extremely valuable to his research.  There was only one copy known to still exist.  I think it used to be in some obscure library in Romania or some such place.  It disappeared years ago as far as I know.  I'm pretty sure it was already missing the last time my father wanted to consult it.  What in the world would Voldemort want with it, and how could it possibly be a danger that was worth all this grief?"

Dumbledore looked rather grim.  "Voldemort is on a quest for immortality.  This book contains a lot of powerful magic lore on this subject.  Your father based a lot of his work on the concepts and information found in this book.  Although he hasn't been specific because of what he believes are your wishes, Evangeline, Severus has told me that your father had a lot more research that he never published, research that would possibly be of great interest to Voldemort.  He seemed to feel that Voldemort might be following the path of your father's more private research."

With widened eyes Evangeline glanced at Severus again, this time she was successful in catching his eye, but his expression as he stared back at her was shuttered and unrevealing as stone.   Still…to be able to look into his eyes even for a moment, the fact that he didn't immediately turn away, sent a shiver of hope running through her.  Just being this close to him made her tremble with her need for him…for his touch…for his love.  Had she really lost it forever?  "I suppose that's true."  She whispered slowly as she stared at her enigmatic husband for a few more moments before reluctantly forcing her eyes away from his and back to Dumbledore.  "There are definite aspects of my father's work that could be helpful in the quest for immortality."

Dumbledore nodded at her agreement.  "Your family home has been searched rather thoroughly by both the Death Eaters and people answering to me, all in search of your father's research.  I asked you to come here today to tell me more about the nature of your father's more private research, if you're willing to do so, and also to tell us where it can be found.  I have a feeling that we need to safeguard it or possibly destroy it before Voldemort gets his hands on it."

Evangeline's throat tightened and her face went rather pale.  She hugged herself tightly as if suddenly feeling very cold. "My father's private research is actually connected to one of my deepest secrets, Albus.  It concerns my mother, and how I came to inherit the ability to move through the painted realm."

Dumbledore nodded grimly, his suppositions confirmed.  "I was afraid that that was the case, Evangeline.  That makes it even more important that this research not fall into the wrong hands."

Stiltedly she nodded and glanced warily at Remus sitting so patiently beside her.  Apparently he was going to find out about her heritage after all.  What would he think? 

As he noticed her looking at him, warmth coursed through the werewolf, and he smiled at her to try to give her the courage to talk about something that was obviously very personal.  She smiled back hesitantly.  Snape's sharp eye didn't miss this little exchange.  Taking it as one more painful example of her distance from him and her closeness to the Gryffindor.

Taking a deep breath, she began to speak in a low whispery voice, gradually increasing in volume as she committed to telling her life's secret.  "Very well.  I'll tell you.  I hope you won't be too shocked by the information.  As you know, my father was a brilliant potions researcher.  He'd concentrated on life enhancing and extending potions in his work.  He met my mother in a rather unusual way."  She paused feeling a little helpless.  There was simply no way to ease into this.  How could they possibly understand and not view her as some sort of inhuman freak?  After all…it's what she was.

As her hesitation lengthened and her pain shown from her eyes, Remus reached over and took her hand in his, giving it a little squeeze for reassurance.  "Just tell us, Angel.  Whatever it is…we'll understand."

Snape felt like they'd slipped a knife into his heart all over again with this comfortable exchange between his wife and her lover.  His heart raged within him.  He should be the one touching her in reassurance.  He should be the one to offer her comfort.  He should be the one…but he couldn't be.  He no longer held that privileged place in her life…didn't deserve that place.  Painfully he turned away from them to try to regain the iron control he felt beginning to slip from his face.

Evangeline smiled faintly at Remus, grateful for his warm support, and squeezed his hand in return before releasing it and turning back to Dumbledore.  "My mother was an animated image in a painting when my father "met" her.  He spent years working on something that would free her from the canvas and allow her to move openly among real living human beings.  He was eventually successful, but he kept the details of his success a secret.  He never wanted the world to know what she was and to possibly turn away from her or treat her cruelly or as a curiosity.  She had to take various potions that he concocted for her in order to be able to maintain her connection here in this world.  Although, I was conceived as humans are and born, I inherited this connection to the painted realm from my mother.  I'm not completely human…I'm really only an imitation person."

Both Dumbledore and Lupin stared at her in shock for a moment as she knew they would.  It's not everyday that someone tells you her mother was a painting, after all.  She turned her suddenly tear-filled eyes away from them and found her gaze caught by Snape who was watching her with eyes filled with compassion for her pain.  As she stared deeply into his dark eyes, she started to lift her hand from her lap and reach out to him, but suddenly their momentary connection was broken when Dumbledore spoke, and he turned away from her again.  The brief moment of understanding…gone.

With a shiver of disappointment she briefly closed her eyes in painful frustration then determinedly she forced her attention back to the Headmaster.

"Evangeline, my dear.  You're as real as the rest of us.  Don't think any less of yourself because of your heritage.  Instead you should think of your abilities as a wonderful gift from your parents.  One only they could have ever given to anyone."

Remus smiled at her.  "Albus is right, Angel."

She nodded, grateful for their understanding.  "An unfortunate gift, as it turns out, Albus.  Too useful to the unscrupulous."

Dumbledore sighed sadly.  "Unfortunately that appears to be true.  Would the details of your mother's "birth" if you will, be found in your father's private papers?"

She nodded.  "I imagine so.  I've never examined them.  I was still rather young when my father died in an accident.  I had no reason to go through his things.  I presume that my mother would have at some point, but we never talked about it.  She'd have had to make the potions herself after he died, and as far as I know she did.  She and I were together for almost three years after he died, before the Death Eaters murdered her."

Snape spoke for the first time since they'd begun this conversation.  "Evangeline, where is your father's research kept?"

So happy to hear him speak to her, she turned to him.  "My father had a private laboratory within the confines of the house.  It could only be entered through the painted realm…at least that's the only entrance that I know about."

The dark wizard frowned thoughtfully.  "That would explain why no one could find it, but it doesn't really make sense for that to be the only entrance, unless your father was somehow able to move through the painted realm himself, without the guidance of either you or your mother."

She shook her head.  "No, he couldn't go by himself any more than you could."

Snape nodded. "So it's likely that there is another entrance, it's simply extremely well hidden.  So far it's remained hidden from everyone, but that may not continue."  He turned to Dumbledore.

"We need to go to his lab as soon as possible and either destroy or remove his research before Voldemort tries again to obtain either the research or Evangeline herself.  Her life could be in more danger now that she's not living within the protection of Hogwarts."

Bristling slightly at the implied rebuke, she turned intense eyes on her husband. "I've managed to live quite safely in obscurity for this entire past year, Severus.  I have no reason to believe that I'm in any immediate danger from Voldemort or anyone else."  She interjected strongly.

Snape raised an eyebrow as he directed a reproachful look her way, his voice cold and chiding.  "Perhaps, but that could change at any time.  You shouldn't have left the safety of Hogwarts, Evangeline.  It was a foolish thing to do."

His words struck her with the force of a bludger, and buried feelings surged unbidden to the surface as she turned on him angrily.  "Foolish!  You dare to call me foolish!  You're a fine one to talk about leaving the safety of Hogwarts.  If you hadn't done that yourself, then none of the grief that we've both suffered over the last year would have happened!  You wouldn't have suffered so much at Voldemort's hands, and our daughter would still be alive!  I did what I needed to do for my own sanity.  Under the same circumstances, I'd do it again.  You're the one who no longer wishes to be part of my life, Severus.  So kindly do not attempt to dictate what I can do, and where I can go.  I fully intend to live apart from this pile of magical rocks, whether you approve or not!"   Outrage coursed through her veins like fire, swift and strong and oh, so sudden.

Snape simply stared back her with a rigid countenance and glistening eyes, absorbing her anger without outward comment.

Unceremoniously, she turned back to Dumbledore and stated harshly.  "I'm willing to cooperate with you on retrieving my father's research.  I can take two people with me into my father's laboratory anytime you wish, Albus." 

She stood up abruptly.  Suddenly Snape's nearness was becoming too much for her.  The emotions he brought raging to the surface by his mere presence confused and frightened her.  Her sudden burst of anger scared her with its vehemence.  Why was she angry at him? Why was she sitting here screaming at him like a harpy when all she truly wanted to do was get down on her knees and beg him to love her again?  She needed to escape now or she was going to throw herself at him and make an even more unfortunate scene, not completely sure whether she wanted to embrace or attack him at the moment.

Visibly shaking with the effort to control her emotions, she added, "I'm going to go now and visit with Minerva for awhile before I head back to Cornwall.  Let me know what you want me to do, and I'll do it…at least about the research.  I agree that it's probably too dangerous to be left around for Voldemort to obtain and make use of."

With a final painful glance at Snape, she whirled around and fled the office as fast as she could, fumbling slightly with the doorknob as it resisted her trembling hands. 

Remus Lupin stood up and turned to Dumbledore.  "I want to be sure that she's okay, Albus.  I think she's had about all the pain she can take at the moment.  If you're looking for people to accompany Evangeline on this little mission, I'm in.  Just let me know the details.  I'll talk to you later."  He turned to Snape and nodded coolly, his contempt for the dark wizard clearly visible in his usually warm amber eyes.  "Severus."  Then he too, turned and left the office heading after Evangeline.

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Authors Notes:

Dark Jezebel:  Yes, they do deserve some happiness…absolutely.

Werecat99:  You're right.  I smiled when I read that part of your review.  Malfoy would be laughing himself sick to see Severus reduced to the impotence that Malfoy's been living with for quite awhile now.  He'd see it as poetic justice.  No doubt about it.

Rickfan37:  Thank you so much.  I'm not sure that I'm worthy of such praise.  I do believe that Snape is a very passionate man, but he's become far too comfortable with masks…to the point of dependence perhaps.  Being open with others about his feelings is almost impossible; he's having a hard enough time admitting them to himself.

Elbereth94:  His fleeting suicidal thoughts scared the hell out of Remus, too.  Of the three of them, I actually think Remus would be the least likely to ever commit suicide.

Snapefan51:  Why do you think that Poppy isn't the one to treat Severus?  I've always thought her highly competent myself.

Whale of the World:  Sorry to make you run through your stock of Kleenex. :)  Snape does need a jolt to see what's really important.  His stubbornness has kept him alive, but it's not serving him well at the moment.

Prophet Dreams:  Tears do speak louder than words.  Pain is unfortunately universal.  I hope the ending of the story will satisfy and not disappoint.

Ishie:  Evangeline's anger reared its head in this chapter much to her confusion.  Snape has been severely injured over a long time.  No treatment will banish the marks in an instant.  As with anything else, healing, both emotional and physical, takes time.  I'm glad you're enjoying the story.

Lina Lupin:  So, your boyfriend is willing to share you with a sweet and "too noble for his own good" werewolf, huh?  Very understanding of him.  No one is seeing very clearly at the moment.  Actually a little common danger might wake everyone up.

Lady Tamarisk:  Then where would be the story?  Life will get to it eventually.

Bookwitch:  It continually amazes me that people are taking this story so much to heart.  Removing scars is very tricky and isn't usually all that successful in Muggle medicine, at least on such a large scale.  Hopefully magical healing is more advanced.  The real trick will be to get Severus to seek help.

Zagzagael:  Thank you for your kind words.  It was a long night for everyone…emotions ran hot and fast and deep.

Jasara: Thank you.  Remus isn't one to lie to himself, I think.

Arachne's Child:  Don't tell anyone, but I use house elves to churn out the chapters.  Saves time…you should try it. :)  Yes, poor Severus thinks he's being logical and rational.  He's ignoring his feelings and Evangeline's too in an effort to do what's "best" for her.  He's not doing either of them any favors with his stab at being noble.  Remus is a nice guy, but he's no saint.  I'm glad you think I'm making him seem human…that's a nice compliment indeed.  Thank you.

Manic:  Thank you.  Evangeline really appreciates Remus' support at the moment…needs it, to go on.  She knows that it's not fair of her to hang on to it, but he makes it so easy for her and she's just moving along the path of least resistance at the moment.  Not the most admirable thing to do perhaps, but it is very human.  She doesn't want to hurt him even more by rejecting him further even though in the long run it would be a kindness.  Remember also that neither Evangeline nor Remus know about Severus' physical mutilation.  No one does.  Yes, his pain multiplied 10 fold when he finally realized as fact that he could no longer make love to Evangeline as Remus can.  Albus regrets a lot of things.

Ballisticgirl:  I'm sorry that you feel I'm repeating myself.  I'm not sure that I agree.  Last chapter was the first time that we heard Evangeline's thoughts since Severus returned.  This was also the first time that Remus has really let go and gotten out his anger and frustration over the situation…not to mention decided how he had to proceed.  Although Severus has expressed some of his thoughts before, he's still trying to understand all of his conflicted feelings.  This is the first time he's truly faced up to his physical mutilation and all its implications for his life…including his impotence.

Sinti:  Why thank you.  You're right.  Considering the thousands of stories on fanfiction, that's no easy task.  How fortunate for me that you've read every one of them and are thus so uniquely qualified to judge.  Why are you bothering to read this story anyway?