Chapter Twenty-Three:  Truths and Consequences

When Lupin stepped out from behind the gargoyle and looked around for Evangeline, he saw her partway down the corridor that led to the closest staircase, bent over leaning against the cold stonewall.

When he caught up to her, he could see that she was crying.  Her trembling hands were pressed tightly to her mouth to silence her sobs and her tears were coating her fingers and dripping down to make a wet spot on the skirt of her gown.  Her whole body was shaking violently as she strove to muffle the agony that coursed through her.  Wanting so much to ease her pain, he slipped his warm arms around her, and she melted into his embrace like water filling a glass.  "Oh, Remus," she whispered brokenly.  "I shouldn't have said that.  I shouldn't have tried to make Severus think that the pain of this past year was all his fault.  I know that he'd never have willingly gotten himself into that situation.  It wasn't his fault…it wasn't.  It was just bad luck.  Why did I say it?  Gods, why?"  She began to sob even harder.

Remus stroked her hair and tried to comfort her while squeezing her shoulders reassuringly.  "Shhh…Angel, please don't cry.  It's okay. You were simply lashing out in frustration and pain.   It's a normal reaction to what you've been through.  Don't beat yourself up over it.  You have a right to be upset.   Much of what we've all said over the past two days has been said in anger and pain.  No one's thinking clearly at the moment. I'm sure a lot of what's been said hasn't been meant as it's ended up sounding.  We're all guilty of it.  You, me…and Severus too, I'm sure.  Time will make things better.  We're all much too tense at the moment.  Give yourself a break…and give yourself some time.  It'll be all right.  You'll see."

With effort she calmed her ragged breathing and dashed the tears from her eyes then looked hopefully up at him.  Grasping at the comforting straws underlying his words.  "I suppose you're right."

With a reassuring smile, he squeezed her shoulders once more. "Of course, I'm right.  Now, dry those tears and lets go find Minerva, okay?"

She nodded automatically and sniffled loudly like a small child who's been promised a treat if she minds and stops her crying.  Then she mopped at her cheeks with her fingers, and he left one arm draped securely around her shoulders while the two of them headed slowly off down the hall then down the stairs together and out of the line of sight of Snape who'd stood by the gargoyle and watched their embrace from a distance. 

How was he ever to be able to stand watching the two of them together?  It was like having coarsely ground glass rubbed into a wound every time he saw them touch each other.  If she returned to Hogwarts to be with Lupin, he'd have to leave.  There was no way he could handle the agony it would give him every single day.  Knowing that she was better off with Lupin and living with it were two entirely different things.  He sighed deeply and turned and walked off in the opposite direction, desperately needing to put as much distance between himself and the two of them, as possible. 

                          *************************************************************************************************

Remus and Evangeline found Minerva McGonagall sitting at her desk in her classroom working on some papers.  Just the familiar sight of her friend caused Evangeline to feel comforted.  Suddenly she realized how much she'd missed talking to Minerva, and how much she'd needed to discuss this painful and frustrating situation with her.  Remus gave Evangeline a quick kiss on the cheek and told her to enjoy her visit, but that he needed to go and find Sirius and speak to him.  He told her to come find him when she was ready to leave, and she promised that she would.

Evangeline turned to look at Minerva, who'd seen them standing in the corridor and was halfway to the doorway by the time Remus left.

Minerva immediately held out her arms.  "Evangeline, dear.  I'm so glad you came to see me.  I've been hoping you would ever since Severus returned."

Evangeline threw herself headlong into the embrace of the older woman.  "Oh, Minerva, it's so good to see you."

They simply stood there and held each other for a moment, Minerva offering comfort and Evangeline drinking it in and seeking a moment to compose herself.  When they broke apart, they smiled at each other and turned and headed for the desk where Minerva had been working.

"How are you, Evangeline?  Truly?"  Minerva asked with concern.

Evangeline sighed.  "I honestly don't know how to answer that question.  I'm happy and miserable all at the same time.  Severus is alive, Minerva!  He's alive…it's the answer to all of my prayers, but at the same time, he no longer wants me.  And that makes me absolutely miserable."  She bowed her head and took a shaky breath.  "How can I ever get used to seeing him, but no longer being with him?  I love him so much.  I always will…can he really have stopped loving me?"

Minerva squeezed Evangeline's shoulders as she guided her into a chair by her desk and sat down in another beside her.  "No, Evangeline.  I simply cannot believe that Severus doesn't love you anymore.  But you know how he is.  Finding that you'd turned to someone else in his absence has hurt his pride and his feelings.  If you give him enough time, and you assure him that you still love him, he'll come around eventually."

Evangeline looked down at her hands as they lay quietly in her lap.  "I hope you're right, but Severus can be unbelievably stubborn at times.  He's not just hurt…he's angry, and he's not a very forgiving person at the best of times.  With Severus, sometimes giving him time to stew about something only allows him to harden his opinions and get so emotionally attached to a particular position that to change his mind is almost impossible.   I'm afraid if this goes on too long, he'll convince himself that I never loved him very much at all and that I always preferred to be with Remus, but was with him only out of pity or some such foolishness.  If he'd only let me talk to him…explain…but he won't listen to me.  I don't know what to do."

Her haunted eyes recalled the pale cold image of her husband as he'd sat before her, apparently unmoved by her outburst of anger and pain.  "I just saw him at this meeting we had with Albus.  He was so stiff and cold.  He looked so angry and hurt, and I wanted to throw myself at him and tell him how much I loved him and how much I needed him, and instead…I…I yelled at him, Minerva!  He told me I was foolish to leave the safety of Hogwarts, and suddenly there I was screaming at him that he was the foolish one and blaming him for all the pain we'd gone through.  Oh, gods, Minerva, I even blamed him for the death of our baby!  How could I do that?"

She began to rock back and forth rubbing her hands up and down on her arms as she relived the pain and confusion of the recent past with bewilderment etched on her tired features.  "I don't know what came over me.  It wasn't his fault that those creatures captured him…tortured him.  It wasn't his fault that our baby died.  None of this is his fault…if anyone is to blame it's me!  I believed everyone when they told me he was dead.  I never doubted his loss.  I wasn't strong enough to save our child…to keep her safe.  She depended on me, and I abandoned her to wallow in my grief.  I wasn't faithful to him.  I betrayed his love and trust.  Yet here I was hurting him again.  Screaming at him like a mad woman.  All I seem to be able to do is cause him pain."

Minerva shook her head firmly and spoke in an authoritative tone, "No, Evangeline.  I don't want to hear you talking like this. This isn't your fault anymore than it's Severus' fault.  There was no way you could have possibly known that he was still alive…none of us did.  Whatever that thing was in that horrid box, it was crafted by powerful dark magic, probably using a dark form of transfiguration.  It fooled me…it fooled Albus, and we have much more knowledge of this type of magic than you do.  There's absolutely no way you could have known the truth.  You simply can't blame yourself for that.  I won't allow it.  Nor can you blame yourself for the loss of your child.  You did all you could.  There was nothing anyone could do to save her life.  Poppy tried as hard as she could; if anyone was capable of saving your baby it would've been her, but it just wasn't meant to be.  You have to let it go dear, please, don't take this unwarranted guilt onto your shoulders."

Evangeline stared at the earnest face of her friend, wanting to believe her, but remaining unconvinced.  Everywhere she turned her thoughts there were more mistakes, more actions that she never should have taken, more pain that she'd caused.  With a stricken countenance and a shaky sigh she continued her litany of guilt as if Minerva had never even spoken.  "Oh, gods, I wish I could believe that, Minerva, but no matter what I do it turns out to be the wrong thing!  And then there's Remus.  He's been so unbelievably kind and supportive, through all this horrid mess, but I know it's hurt him terribly.  Letting him into my life was such a mistake!  I was afraid it would be, but I didn't listen to my heart.  I was too busy trying to satisfy my physical needs.  How pitiful is that?"

With a sudden burst of restlessness, she got up and began to pace the room wringing her hands in her agitation.  "I don't love Remus.  I never have and now, I know, I never will.  He swore he understood how I felt, that he didn't need me to love him, the fact that I cared about him was enough for him, but I know he hoped that over time my feelings would turn into love.  Now he's had his hopes raised high and then dashed to bits on the rocks of reality.  I've hurt him so badly, Minerva.  I can't ever make up for that.  Even now, when he knows there's no hope for us, he continues to be so kind and understanding and supportive, and I don't deserve his love and support.  It's wrong of me to continue to take it, but whenever I look into his eyes, I don't have the heart to send him away.  I don't want to hurt him anymore.  I don't know what to do…where to turn…how to feel.  Gods, I've made such a mess out of everything!"

Minerva frowned in concern at her young friend as she roamed the classroom in her misery.  "Don't take responsibility for Remus' feelings onto your shoulders.  This situation wasn't your doing.  He pursued you knowing full well that you didn't love him and probably never would…at least not the way he hoped.  He went into this relationship with his eyes wide open.  He took a chance, and he lost.  It happens that way sometimes.  He supports you now because he cares about you, and because he'll always help those he cares about.  If it gets to be more than he can handle, he'll back away, you'll see.  Remus is stronger than you think.  He'll find a way to survive…probably a lot better than you and Severus will, if you don't find some way to deal honestly with your feelings for each other.  Remus will come to accept reality, but Severus will die by inches every day because he feels more comfortable living in pain than taking a chance that could hurt even more.  Both you and Severus are carrying around guilt and pain that neither of you deserves.  You need to find a way to talk to him, Evangeline.   It's really the only answer.  The only thing that will truly help either of you."

                           ************************************************************************************************

Remus opened the big front door of the castle and went out into the snowy world outside.  As he wandered down the drive, through the front courtyard, and out across the snow covered lawn he watched the two boys, young men really, frolicking with the large black dog in the snow.  They seemed to be having such a good time, that he didn't have the heart to interrupt and cast a gloomy pall over everything.  So he stood there on the edge of things and tried to keep his mind from dwelling too forcefully on the god-awful mess he'd found himself mired in.

Eventually his presence was noticed and the young men headed over to greet him, laughing merrily and tossing snow at each other as they came.  The dog transformed into a man, who followed them a bit more slowly, and whose face was a bit more subdued as well.

"Hi, Professor Lupin!  Would you like to join us?  With you here we'd have even teams for a snowball fight."  Harry grinned up at his professor, his eyes sparkling with mischief and his cheeks red from the cold.

Taking a deep breath first, Lupin smiled his best smile at Harry and his partner in most things, Ron Weasley, and said.  "Not right now, Harry.  I'm afraid I'm not really up for a snowball fight at the moment.  Perhaps, another time.  I just wanted to speak to Sirius for a few minutes."

Harry and Ron looked at each other.  Professor Lupin did look a bit upset, so they decided not to beg, as they might otherwise have done.

Sirius joined them and put a hand on Harry's shoulder.  "I really should speak to Remus for a bit right now.  We can pick this up a little later, can't we?"

Harry nodded as he looked at his godfather and noted the serious tone of his voice.  "Sure, Sirius.  We'll go see what Hagrid's up to at the moment.  He said he was hoping we'd stop in for a visit."

Sirius nodded and smiled at the young man as he squeezed his shoulder affectionately.  "That sounds like a good idea, Harry.  I'll see you guys, later."

With that Black and Lupin turned around and headed back up toward the castle.  Harry and Ron watched them go thoughtfully.

"What do you suppose has got Professor Lupin so down?"  Asked Ron curiously, turning to his friend to seek his opinion.

Harry sighed.  "Professor Snape's back, of course."

Ron eyed him curiously.  "Why should Professor Lupin care one way or the other?  I mean, I know they aren't friends or anything, but Lupin's not the type to wish bad stuff on anyone.  I can't imagine he's sorry that the greasy old git is still alive."

"He may not wish he was dead, but I'm sure he's not happy he's alive."

"Why not?"

Harry turned to Ron seriously.  "You can't say anything because Sirius told me this in confidence, okay?"

Ron nodded eagerly, intensely curious now.

"Apparently Professor Lupin's in love with Angel.  He went to stay with her over Christmas.  That's why he hasn't been around."

Ron's jaw dropped.  "Oh my god…and Snape's her husband.  No wonder Professor Lupin's upset."

"Yeah, no wonder."

"Think Snape knows?  'Cause if he knows that Professor Lupin's been fooling around with his wife, he's going to kill him."

Harry nodded gloomily.  "Yeah…or the other way around."

Ron's eyes opened wide.  "Wow!  Yeah!  This could be the shortest return from the dead ever."

                            ***********************************************************************************************

Sirius and Remus headed off through the snow, when they were out of earshot of Harry and Ron, Sirius turned to his friend and said.  "Well, what's going on?  I've been dying to talk to you ever since I saw Snape show up yesterday, but I've been a little afraid to try to contact you.  Did he really walk in on you and Evangeline while you were making love?"

Remus sighed and shoved his hands deep into his pockets.  "Just about.  We'd just gotten out of bed and come downstairs looking for food when he showed up at the door.  It was pretty obvious what we'd been doing.  Neither one of us was dressed.  God, it was awful, Sirius.  He was so angry, and now he won't even talk to her, and she's so hurt and upset.  It's a nightmare."

Sirius sighed, too.  "Yeah.  It sounds like it.  It might work out in your favor in the long run, though.  If Snape's going to be a big enough idiot to reject Evangeline, then she'll still be available.  If you continue to stand by her, eventually she'll end up in your arms again."

The brown haired wizard shook his head and glanced wistfully at his friend.  "I really wish it was that simple, Sirius, but that's not going to happen.  Evangeline loves Severus.  You were right about her.  One year…five years…forever, it won't matter.  As long as he's alive, she won't be with anyone else whether he takes her back or not.  She doesn't love me.  Given more time, with him gone, she might've been able to love me…at least a little, but now?  No way.  She won't pretend, and she won't want to hurt me any more, so whatever we had is over.  Trying to hang on to her will only end up causing us both more pain."

Sirius nodded sadly.  "I'm really sorry, Remus.  What are you going to do now?"

The bedraggled werewolf hunched his shoulders painfully.  "Support her for as long as she needs me, I guess.  At the moment, she needs someone to just be with her.  This has really knocked her for a loop.  She doesn't know what to do.  Until she can really talk to Severus and find out where they stand, she's in limbo, and I don't want her to be there alone." 

He kicked at the snow as they walked along.  "In the long term, I guess I'm going to have to pick myself up and just go on, like I did before.  It's going to be a lot harder now, though.  Now that I truly know what I'm missing."

The two wizards left the snowy lawn behind and started up the roadway into the inner courtyard containing the impressive front door into the school.  As they continued to walk shoulder to shoulder, Sirius smiled sympathetically.  "Things were good while you were together?"

Remus threw back his head and smiled longingly.  "God, yes!  Things were amazing.  Being with Evangeline was the best experience of my life.  Everything we did together was wonderful.  I felt like I had a huge smile on my face all the time.  I kept pinching myself because I couldn't believe it was real…that I could be that lucky.  I guess I should've listened to that little inner voice that warned me it was too good to be true.  She's the most wonderful person I've ever known.  If Severus throws her away, he truly is the biggest fool I've ever met.  If I was in his place, I wouldn't care how many men she'd been with…if I was the one she wanted, then that would be that, and I'd count myself lucky."

With a sudden surge of frustration, Remus leaned over and picked up a small rock from the cobbled surface of the inner courtyard and flung it as hard as he could toward the imposing façade of the castle.  It impacted solidly with the ancient stones leaving a small gray nick to mark his burst of temper.

Remus sighed heavily and looked away from his friend and out over the frozen landscape as he attempted to sooth his feelings of the unfairness of it all.  How could Snape just spit on something that Remus would give his whole life to have?  How could he not see the value of what was right in front of him, what he'd once cared so much about?  It simply made no sense.

Sirius regarded him soberly.  "You know it's all right to be angry over all this."

Remus heaved yet another deep sigh and lifted his eyes to restlessly scan the overcast skies above his head.  "Just who am I supposed to be angry at, Sirius?  Tell me that?  Who do I blame?  I could blame myself for being such a fool and falling in love with a woman who doesn't love me back, I suppose.  For not being willing to take no for an answer…for forging ahead and practically forcing myself on her.  Maybe I could blame myself for not being able to see into the future and somehow know that Snape was still alive and would reappear in our lives at just the worst possible moment?"

Suddenly he smacked himself in the middle of the forehead and stared with a look of studied incredulity at his bemused friend.  "Why didn't I consult the renowned Sybil Trelawny on that one, huh?  Or I suppose I could just twist it around and say it's all her fault for not coming out and warning people that she'd looked into the bottom of her teacup one morning and divined that Severus hadn't made the trip into the great beyond, after all.  That's the kind of garbage she gets paid to spout isn't it?  Well, she's obviously not earning her pay at the moment!  Off with her head then…"

The werewolf began to pace the courtyard fitfully as he warmed to his theme.  "Maybe I should blame Evangeline for not falling in love with me.  God knows I gave her every opportunity whether she wanted it or not.  Yeah that's it, right?  Foolish woman.  It's all her fault because she persisted in still loving her husband more than me.  Everything'd be just fine if she'd just turn up her nose at him and love me the way I want her to.  Or even better, I could just blame it all on Snape!  That's the one you'd pick, huh, Sirius.  You know you would.  Admit it."

Black just stood there and stared sympathetically at his friend in silence as he worked through his frustration with the bitter mess he found himself in.  For once having the fortitude and intelligence to keep his mouth shut and simply let Remus rant on and get all his feelings out into the open.  Pleased also to see that Remus seemed to still have a grip on his sense of the ridiculous.

Remus threw his hands up into the air and continued his pacing.  "Hell, yes…it's all Snape's fault.  That lousy Slytherin bastard! How dare the man have the audacity to not be dead!  He should be dead…we all believed it…acted accordingly.  How dare he show up now after all this time and screw up all our lives?  What gives him the right?  If he had an ounce of human feeling he'd go throw himself off the Astronomy tower right now just to make amends!  Greasy git!" 

With a sigh he stopped his pacing and focused his gaze on the cobbles beneath his feet.  A change in demeanor enveloped him as he studied the ground thoughtfully then slowly he continued in a more sober and measured tone. "Severus is acting like an idiot at the moment, and there's nothing I'd like better than to shake some sense into him.  I hate all the pain he's causing Evangeline by his refusal to talk to her, but I have to believe that given a bit more time, he'll come around.  Whether he'll admit it or not he obviously still cares about her welfare or he wouldn't be so concerned about us getting our hands on her father's research before Voldemort does.   And let's be fair.  It can't have been easy for him to have found Evangeline in my arms when he finally found his way back to her after all that time in captivity.  Who knows what he's gone through over the past year?  Whatever it was…it couldn't have been pleasant.  So we're right back where we started, aren't we?  I can't really blame any of us for this mess…so who's left?  Any easy scapegoats I'm overlooking here?  I'll take anything I can get at the moment, I assure you."  He turned a wry smile up to his friend and jammed his hands back into his pockets.

Sirius sighed and patted him awkwardly on the shoulder.  "No.  You're right.  There really isn't anyone to blame for this mess, but that doesn't mean that you don't have a right to be angry over the way life has treated you yet again."

Remus snorted shortly.  "Right…life strikes again.  Let's lay the blame on Fate.   Fate I can blame…Fate I can curse…but anyone else…no.  I wish I could."  He glanced sideways.  "You know you've shown remarkable restraint.  You'd have every right to say I told you so…'cause you did.  I should've listened to you then."

Black shook his head with a sad little smile on his face.  "Naw…I've never been right about stuff like that before, what were the odds I'd be right this time?  You were right to ignore me.  I'm just sorry that all this has happened to you, Remus.  You deserve a lot better, you know."

Remus smiled, grateful for his friend's support.  "Thanks.  Personally I think the one who deserves better is Evangeline.  She's been through hell once…she shouldn't have to go through it again."

                             **********************************************************************************************

A worried Minerva McGonagall knocked on Albus Dumbledore's office door and waited anxiously for admittance.   The voice that called out to her sounded incredibly weary and didn't make her heart any easier as she opened the door and entered the office.  She glanced across the empty cluttered room to see the Headmaster standing beside Fawkes and rhythmically stroking the impressive bird's plumage with a gentle hand as his eyes turned to appraise his newest visitor.

His tired face creased in an encouraging smile as he recognized his favorite faculty member standing in the doorway.  The two of them had known each other for many more years than either of them wanted to admit, and that passage of time had forged a warm comforting bond that each of them automatically turned to in times of worry and pain.  It only took a moment's glimpse of each other's eyes for them to both realize that now was one of those times when their need for comfort in each other was necessary. 

With a nod of his head, Dumbledore bid McGonagall to enter his office. "Hello, Minerva.  Did you have a nice visit with Evangeline?"

Minerva closed the door quietly behind her and crossed the room to stand by the large polished desk before she answered his question with a sigh.  "I'm sure that you can surmise the answer to that question yourself without my input, Albus."

He nodded sadly and moved away from the Phoenix with a final comforting pat to resume his place behind the desk.  He slumped down and folded his gnarled hands before his face while he considered his colleague as she sat down in the chair that had been recently vacated by Evangeline.  Then he spoke in a weary voice. "They are all in such pain at the moment, and there doesn't seem to be anything we can do about it.  Except try to encourage them to talk honestly with each other.  Something that Severus at least seems determined to avoid for reasons that escape me."

"It's completely obvious to me that Severus still loves Evangeline very deeply, but for the life of me I can not figure out why he is so adamant about pushing her into the arms of Remus Lupin.  He won't listen to anything I say to him…he cuts me off angrily if I so much as mention her name to him.  Yet he was banging on my office door this morning before it was even light outside all upset at the thought that Voldemort might get his hands on Ernias Winthrop's research and thus might endanger her life and safety.  He insisted that we discover the whereabouts of that research immediately and would brook no delay in our doing so.  He hovered over me most impatiently while I wrote a letter to Evangeline and Remus and set up this meeting.  His agitation didn't dissipate until I received Remus' affirmative answer an hour later.  Even then he seemed to be only partially mollified obviously chaffing at the delay.  His only concern is Evangeline's safety.  Clearly she's all he's thinking about at the moment.  Yet once she and Remus arrived here, Severus became taciturn and unresponsive.  He refused to even look at her throughout most of our meeting.  When he did speak to her he was cold and almost accusing in his manner.  It's very frustrating to watch."

Minerva nodded in understanding.  "I know.  Evangeline can't figure out what's going on with Severus either, and it's tearing her up inside.  Not that she's a whole lot better in some ways.  She's full of guilt that she doesn't deserve to feel and anger that she doesn't understand.  I tried to encourage her to talk to Severus…even sent her off to do just that, but I'm not sure that it's going to do any good.  Severus Snape is and has always been the most stubborn man I've ever known.  If he doesn't want to change his mind…he won't.  There's simply no reasoning with him when he gets like this.  Even as a child he could hold a grudge for a hurt or a slight better and longer than anyone else.  It's unfortunately a talent that he's nurtured to ever greater heights.  He'd be better served to have spent that time learning some forgiveness and compassion…especially for himself."

Dumbledore sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose with his hand before leaning back and staring up at the vaulted ceiling two floors above his head.  "I can't help thinking that I could've prevented all this…twice over."

"Now, Albus, I thought we'd agreed that you weren't going to blame yourself for Severus getting taken by Voldemort's people.  You had to try to obtain that book once you'd learned about it, and Severus was the logical person to send.  He went voluntarily after all.  There's nothing that you could've done differently, and no sense in brooding about it now."

"I could've instructed Severus to be more careful…perhaps I should have accompanied him to Malfoy's or sent someone else along as back up.  We were too careless, Minerva…much too careless."

"If you'd gone with Severus you've have likely ended up imprisoned along side him, and frankly I doubt if you'd have come out of the experience alive.  I'm sure that Severus took every precaution in the first place.  He is not a careless man.  He never has been.  It's all over and done with.  There is absolutely no sense in blaming yourself now.  That solves nothing and is unworthy of you, Albus."

The Headmaster smiled faintly at the chiding tone in his friend's voice.  "I suppose you're right, Minerva, but that wasn't the only time that I could possibly have done something that would make our current problems easier."

Minerva's eyebrows rose to her hairline in surprise and she peered at the guilty face of her friend as he stared back reluctantly.  "Oh?  What else could you have done?"

"Earlier this fall I came into some information that led me to believe that Severus might still be alive.  Because I was afraid of the reliability of the information and didn't want to play unnecessarily on Evangeline's emotions, I said nothing about it to anyone.  Perhaps that was a mistake.  She'd begun to get past her grief at Severus' death, but she hadn't yet moved on to get involved with anyone else.  Maybe if I'd told her what I knew, she would've resisted Remus' advances then when Severus returned they wouldn't have become embroiled in this emotional quagmire.  It would've saved them all a lot of pain."

A chill swept through Minerva as she thought about this.  "Oh, Albus…you actually suspected that Severus was still alive?"

He nodded grimly.  "I wasn't able to get independent confirmation of the information though and the source has often proved not to be very truthful in the past.  Still it raised my hopes and led me to plan a raid on the prison that did in fact contain Severus as it turned out."

"You never told me any of this Albus.  What happened?  Did the raid ever take place?"

"Yes.  It did.  In fact, it resulted in Severus' freedom, but we didn't know that at the time.  He wasn't sure what was happening or who to trust at that point and so when the opportunity to escape unnoticed appeared, he took it.  Those I'd sent found no trace of him there because he'd already escaped in the confusion.  They didn't search specifically for Severus though because once more I kept my information to myself and didn't tell my people why they were really there.  I thought I was sparing everyone from more pain and disappointment if I turned out to be wrong, but what if all I did was cause them to miss an opportunity?  Perhaps if I'd told Black and Lupin who they should really be looking for they would have searched a bit harder and actually found Severus then…before Lupin got intimately involved with Evangeline."

Minerva considered her somber friend thoughtfully.  "Perhaps…but once more you couldn't have known what would happen.  Just think how cruel it would've been to have raised Evangeline's hopes just when she was finally coming out of her depression only to have dashed them again when you didn't find Severus.  No, Albus, you did the right thing.  That would likely have destroyed her completely.  As hard as it may be for all of them to face their current problems, you don't know that anything you might have done in the past would have changed things for the better.  For better or worse what happened happened.  We're all simply going to have to find a way to deal with it.  Especially Evangeline and Severus."

                              **********************************************************************************************

Evangeline walked slowly down the cold shadowy hallway in the dungeons heading for the quarters she used to share with Severus.  She shivered in the dim quiet and hoped that this time, he'd listen to her…that this time, he'd understand.  They had to talk, face to face, just the two of them.  They couldn't go on like this.  She couldn't go on like this.

When she stood in front of the familiar door, she extended her hand and caressed the wood lightly.  With her heart pulsing nervously in her chest, she raised her fist and knocked firmly.  Then she held her breath and waited and waited…and finally she knocked again.  Was he in there?  Desperately she pressed her ear to the wooden surface and strained to hear any possible sound but all was silent.

"Severus?"  She called anxiously.  "Severus?  If you're in there, please open the door so we can talk.  Please, Severus.  Let me talk to you.  Please!  I'm so sorry I hurt you.  Please, let me speak to you…apologize to you.  Please!"  She leaned against the door and continued to plead and knock although she was getting no response from inside.

From the dark shadows of a hallway behind her, a conflicted Snape watched her pound on his door and clenched his fists, cording the muscles in his arms and digging his nails into his palms until they bled.  Listening to her plead for him was agonizing.  There was nothing he wanted more than to go to her, to take her into his arms once more, to wipe the pain from her voice, but he just couldn't make himself move.  His fear kept him frozen in misery.

Emotionally and physically exhausted, Evangeline suddenly gave up.  If he was in there, it was obvious that he wasn't going to answer her no matter how she begged.  The agony of her situation overwhelmed her again, and she slid slowly down the door to her knees and rested her cheek against the smooth wood as her tears began to flow once more, tapping into what seemed to be a vast endless reservoir.   In one final burst of futility she banged both fists once more against the unyielding surface of the door.  "Damn it, Severus…why are you doing this?"  She sobbed pitifully to the closed door as her body began to shake with her sorrow and pain.  "I love you so much…I need you so much…I'm so sorry for hurting you…don't leave me again…please…please, talk to me."

Snape couldn't stand to watch her suffer any longer, but as he took a step forward to go to her, he heard another set of footsteps rushing down the corridor towards his door, so he withdrew further back into the shadows once more to watch and ache.

Remus Lupin came forward and crouched down beside Evangeline and put his arms around her shuddering form. 

Seeking understanding she leaned in against his shoulder and sobbed harder.  "Why won't he talk to me, Remus?  Why?"

The werewolf helped her to her feet and stood there holding her gently and rubbing her back in a soothing manner.  He found himself silently damning Snape to any deity he could think of for being such a stiff necked idiot as he tried to comfort the heartbroken woman in his arms.

"He's probably not even in there, Angel.  He'll talk to you eventually.  He'll have to.  Now, come on.  Let me take you home.  It's been another hard day for you.  You need something to eat.  You haven't had anything since breakfast and it's mid afternoon now.  Then I'm going to put you to bed and see that you stay there if I have to sit by your side and keep watch.  You hardly closed your eyes last night.  You need some rest.  Let's go."

She nodded sadly, still sniffling back tears.  He slid his arm around her shoulder and guided her back up the hallway and out of the gloom of the dungeon.

Once they'd left his sight and their footsteps no longer echoed painfully in his ears, Snape left the sheltering shadows, crossed the now empty corridor, and opened the door to his quarters.  He entered the silent room, closing the door quietly behind him and leaned his head against its hard surface for a moment.  Then taking a deep shuddering breath, he walked unsteadily over to his desk, and poured himself a large glass of whisky with a shaking hand.

                             **********************************************************************************************

Author's Notes:  For those of you who might be interested, I've done a drawing of Evangeline's Portrait of Severus from Chapter 5.  I can't put it up here on fanfiction.  Even if I had the more expensive services, a full frontal nude isn't really appropriate in this setting. :)  However, I have uploaded it to my art folder in the Photos section of three different Yahoo groups.  It's in shadowycat's Photos folder on the yahoo groups: Veresnas_Veneries_Too , SnapesSubtleSeduction , and gotsnapesdarkcoil.  Fanfiction wouldn't let me put up the correct URLs.  I hope you can find it if you want to.   If you take a look at it, let me know what you think.   Thanks. :)

Dark Jezebel:  Because happiness…like everything else, takes time.

Rickfan37:  Thanks for the kind words.  Remus is in a hard spot at the moment.  He needs to back off, but he's reluctant and afraid to leave her alone.  He's a smart man, though.  He'll figure it out.

Whale of the World:  What did you think of Minerva's advice?

Zagzagael:  Thank you very much. :)

ProphetDreams:  You're welcome.  Thank you.  Remus recognizes that he's in a harder place than before he had Evangeline in his arms.  He's just going to have to find a way to deal with it.

Lina Lupin:  No, accusations don't solve anything, but getting out some of her buried hurt and anger was good for Evangeline.

Mysterious-backpacker:  Please don't dislike poor Remus.  He's in a lot of pain at the moment.  He's a nice guy and could use the support.

Jasara:  Yes, she did. :)

Arachne's Child:  If you thought that meeting was awkward, just wait until poor Evangeline finds herself sandwiched between the two men while going to her father's lab.

CrisisKris:  Evangeline notices Severus' anger and pain, but she doesn't fully understand the reasons for it because he hasn't explained.  She doesn't know about his amnesia or the extent of his physical injuries…no one does.  They both need to be honest and talk to each other.  There is indeed some stubbornness on both sides…but not stupidity.  I'm glad that the story has made you care. :)

Snapefan51:  Severus won't raise any objections to Remus' presence no matter how he feels about it.  He's decided that he doesn't merit an intimate spot in her life anymore, and that she'd be better off with Remus than with him.

Werecat99:  Yes, poor Remus is having trouble keeping his hands off even though he knows he needs to.  Actually Snape is glad that Lupin is with Evangeline because he worries about her safety if she's alone.  He knows that no matter how he feels about him personally, Remus will protect and take care of her.

Gracelynn:  Evangeline knows that she should cut Remus loose, but she's afraid of hurting him even more.  She's focused on getting through to Severus, but it really hasn't occurred to her that Remus' presence could be a problem.  She's not thinking clearly at the moment.  As much as he hates seeing Remus with Evangeline, Snape has convinced himself that she's better off with the werewolf.  He's also convinced that it's not safe for her to be alone outside Hogwarts, so Remus' presence is reassuring to him.  Eventually Severus will have no choice but to tell Evangeline exactly what has happened to him.  You'll see.