Chapter Twenty-Four: Final Mission
The next morning, while Evangeline and Remus were eating a silent breakfast at the cottage, another owl came pecking at the window with yet another message. Once more Remus retrieved it and handed it over to Evangeline, this time he managed to obtain it without pain or injury. Apparently he moved swiftly enough to satisfy the messenger. She took it from his hand and stared down at Albus Dumbledore's handwriting with a sigh of resignation.
"Albus has more to say to us, Remus. The fun just never stops, it seems. What do you suppose it is this time?"
Remus shrugged. "Maybe he wants us to go get your father's research, Angel. That is what we talked about yesterday."
She dropped her head into her hand and sighed. "Was that really only yesterday? This nightmare feels like it's gone on forever. I do hope that's what this is all about. I want to sever all my connections with Hogwarts as soon as possible. This will definitely be the final mission I undertake for Albus Dumbledore, I assure you."
She tore open the letter and read it, then she flipped it across the table to Remus so he could read it, too. Their instincts were correct. Dumbledore wanted them in his office at three o'clock. They were to attempt to retrieve Ernias Winthrop's research this afternoon.
Remus lifted his head and looked at Evangeline. "Well, it'll be good to get it out of the way, I suppose. If he wants the research destroyed, will you be willing to do it?"
"I'd hate to, but I know that my father didn't intend for the research to ever be used again. I'm also sure that he'd never want to aid Voldemort in any way, especially as his monsters were responsible for my mother's death. If we don't destroy the research, then we'd need to be sure that it was hidden in a place that he couldn't ever get to. I'm not sure if such a place exists. So, I guess, we really should destroy it."
Remus nodded. "Perhaps you could hide it in the painted realm somewhere. No one but you could get to it then."
"For now, but if Voldemort ever finds a way to duplicate my father's efforts, others could be created like my mother, who could move in and out of the painted realm. It would be a nightmare. Oh, Remus, if that monster gains access to the painted realm, then millions of paintings would be destroyed. They're my friends. I couldn't stand that. Most of the wizarding world might not care, but to me, it would be nothing short of mass murder!"
She stared at him in horror, and he stared back, not knowing what to say. She was right. The response to Voldemort's encroachment into the painted realm would be to simply destroy all the paintings they could…animated or not. If they didn't, it would be like opening up millions of unguarded doorways into all parts of the wizarding world, and that would never be allowed to happen. To his shame, he knew that he'd agree to it, too.
Suddenly feeling sick to her stomach, Evangeline pushed back her chair. "I need some air, Remus. I'm going to go take a walk. I'll be back in plenty of time to go to Hogwarts."
He stood up. "Would you like some company?"
She shook her head. "No. I need some time alone to think about everything. I'll see you later."
With that she hurried out of the kitchen, caught up her cloak from where she'd discarded it last night, and then flew out the front door of the cottage. Lupin sank back down into his chair and dropped his chin into his hand. One worry after another seemed to be falling like heavy rocks onto Evangeline's thin shoulders. Why couldn't he help her with any of them? Well, hopefully what they'd do this afternoon would help. It would remove one worry at least. Then she'd only have Snape to think about. The heaviest rock of all.
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Evangeline spread her cloak over her shoulders and clutched it close around her against the chill of the sea breeze. Her feet took her automatically off along the cliff path ever upward away from the cottage. Would that she could leave her burdens behind as easily as she left her home. When she reached the summit, she stared with longing out over the sea absently noting the variegation of colors in the water as the sun appeared and disappeared behind the quickly scudding clouds. Her head throbbed with pain and her thoughts tossed as restlessly as the water beyond her feet.
Voldemort. That monster was the reason for all her pain. He'd caused the death of her mother…the death of her child…the loss of her freedom…the loss of her husband, not to mention all the pain he must've suffered this past year. Now he threatened to destroy the unique and precious gift that was the painted realm. It couldn't be allowed to happen! She couldn't call back the horrors of the past and change them, she didn't have the power, no matter how much she might wish it, but the future was still in flux…mold it she could…at least that part of it she could touch.
Just the thought of having to destroy the life's work of her father was heartbreaking. He'd worked so hard and achieved so much that he'd never shared with the world. Even though he hadn't gotten any public credit for these particular accomplishments, they were amazing and brilliant, and didn't deserve to be destroyed in silence and fear. Who knows what other wonders they might lead to if others could build on the work? Yet what other choice was there? Her father had loved her mother every bit as much as she now loved Severus. It was the one thing that anyone who ever met them would acknowledge after only a few moments of acquaintance. Their devotion to each other had been the one constant in her life when she was growing up. At times it'd almost been overwhelming to her, as much as she knew that they both loved her…she'd occasionally felt like an intruder in their lives because so often they seemed to have eyes for no one but each other.
She'd longed for that type of love to enter her life some day…to be loved with that amount of passion. She'd thought she'd found it with Severus…but apparently, she'd been wrong. She whirled around and paced back from the edge of the cliff to plop down on a large rock and shove her fist into her chin.
The lives of her painted friends, and she knew they had lives no matter what others might think, were too important to be sacrificed at the whim of a madman. As hard as it was to accept, her father's work would have to be destroyed. She knew that no matter how much it might sadden him, he'd agree with her decision. He'd even help if he could. The painted realm meant a lot to him, after all, because it gave him his beloved wife. Voldemort had caused the death of her mother, her father would never want to do anything that would aid that monster in any way.
With a deep breath she straightened up and stared once more out to sea. This decision, no matter how painful, felt right to her. She'd destroy everything they found in her father's laboratory. It was the right choice…the only choice. The only one everyone could live with.
Now that one decision had been made, she turned her thoughts towards the next one…the harder one…Severus. When she'd seen him yesterday, he'd remained so cold and distant. At one point she'd thought she glimpsed compassion in his eyes…but it was probably merely pity. He'd felt momentarily sorry for her distress, but it hadn't lasted more than an instant, had it? Was there really any point in continuing to beat her head uselessly against the brick wall of his feelings, as she'd beaten her fists so uselessly against his chamber door? He didn't want her anymore. He'd made that perfectly clear. He didn't want to listen to her…to talk to her…to even so much as be in the same room with her. Whether he still had any feelings for her or not…it wasn't going to matter. He wasn't going to forgive her. Apparently his love hadn't been strong enough to overcome her betrayal. She should simply find a way to accept that and move on.
At that sobering thought, she went cold all over. How could she possibly do that? Whenever she was near him all she wanted to do was to fling herself into his arms and drag his lips down to hers. She ached at the mere sight of him. How could she ever go on without him now that she knew he was still alive?
Her throat tightened painfully. Did she have a choice? It didn't seem so. She couldn't force him to love her…to want her, no matter how badly she wished to. Her only option seemed to be to stay as far away from him as possible. Continuing to see him would be more painful than she could stand. The destruction of her father's work should sever the final tie that she had with Hogwarts. Once that was accomplished she'd be able move on…quite literally if she wished. She could close up her cottage and go as far away as she could…maybe overseas. Anywhere…as long as it was far away from Severus. That would make him happy no doubt. Wasn't that really the only important thing here? His happiness.
It would make other things easier, too. She needed to separate herself from Remus. Her presence in his life had caused him nothing but pain. This continuing to live under the same roof was simply prolonging the agony for him. She'd appreciated his support…needed it desperately, but it was unforgivably selfish of her to continue to take it. He deserved so much better. It was simply wrong of her not to let him go and get back to his own life without her mucking things up.
She nodded her head. Yes. Once she'd done what she had to do today…she'd go away. It was the right thing to do. Yet somehow…this decision didn't feel as right as the last one had, though it was every bit as painful to make. Still, it was the only answer she could come up with. No, that wasn't true. It was the only one she wanted to let herself come up with, but it wasn't the only answer…was it?
Tears welled up within her as she continued to watch the endless waves. A ragged sigh forced its way from her lungs, and she closed her blurry eyes in misery. Who was she kidding here? She couldn't just run away and make a life for herself somewhere else. Somehow she'd managed to drag herself to her feet and go on before when she'd thought Severus was dead, but she knew that she didn't have the strength within her to do it again. How could she possibly face the absolute emptiness of a future without him in it? All she'd be able to think about was the fact that she'd hurt him so badly that he no longer wanted her love. That he could barely stand the sight of her.
How could she possibly stand the emptiness of spending the rest of her life alone? Years and years with his face in her mind as her only companion…what would be the point of that anyway? He'd just haunt her dreams again every night like he did before until it drove her insane. Why put herself through that again? A cold detached feeling slowly descended on her, and she got up from her seat on the rock and moved as if in a daze back to the edge of the cliff. Once there instead of contemplating the horizon, she focused her gaze on the churning foam moving constantly around the rocks at the base of the cliff.
As much as her tortured mind recoiled at the thought…there was another course of action…one she'd never dared let herself contemplate before because it seemed too much like giving up, something she'd never been comfortable doing. Yet, really, was giving up so horrible? Sometimes it was simply the wisest choice you could make. If you finally admitted to yourself that you've lost…and nothing will ever be the same again.
Staring down from this height made her dizzy as her focus vacillated from near to far and her mind emptied of everything except one achingly desirable thought. If she stopped beating her head against the wall maybe she could finally put an end to her pain. Once she'd done what she could to safeguard the painted realm…there wouldn't really be any reason to go on suffering anymore. She could give herself some peace at last…a few moments of pain, and then she'd never have to suffer again. Severus would probably be happy to be rid of her, and Remus…hopefully he'd come to understand. He knew how much she'd suffered this past year…he'd surely know how much she needed some respite from the pain. With her gone…hopefully he'd finally be able to move on with his life and find someone who truly deserved his love. Neither of them really even needed to know about it. She could simply disappear. There was a huge world out there where one small insignificant person could lose themselves in oblivion and never be missed.
She frowned sadly down at the glistening water. Was this the right decision? It still didn't feel right. Deep in her heart she was afraid that the only thing that would ever truly feel right was to be with Severus again. To hold his hand, to put her arms around him, to be his wife, but that just didn't seem likely anymore. So what could she do? Perhaps she should simply leave it up to Severus. She'd see him today she was sure…one more time. If she could get through to him, get him to at least listen to her once more, then she'd hang in there and keep trying, but if after making every effort to get through to him she was still hitting nothing but blank walls then she'd give up. If he rejected her again, then once she'd done her last duty by her father and the painted realm, she'd say a final good bye to those she loved and let herself put an end to all this pain. With a shaky sigh she raised her eyes once more to the horizon and felt the calmness of the inevitable descend on her heart. With a wistful smile on her face, she turned her steps away from the cliff and headed back down the mountain towards her cottage. Just one more try…if it didn't work out…then she'd go. One way or the other…today would be the end of all this agony…one way or the other she'd trade in pain for peace.
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Severus Snape paced back and forth in Albus Dumbledore's office as they waited for Lupin and Evangeline to appear. His ebony robes swished and hissed with every move, betraying the extreme agitation of his thoughts. Waiting to take action always set him on edge, and waiting to see Evangeline with her werewolf lover was even more agonizing. His mood was tense to say the least.
"Severus, my boy, you're going to wear out the carpet. Please have a seat. Evangeline and Remus will be along in due time. We're still a little early."
Snape threw himself into a chair and began to drum his long fingers on its arm as he glared at his former employer. "I simply want to get started. This should've been done long ago. Evangeline is in danger every minute that that research remains out there for the Dark Lord and his people to get their hands on. At least she's not out there all alone and unprotected, but you never should have let her leave Hogwarts, Albus!"
Dumbledore sighed. "There really wasn't any way that I could've stopped her, Severus. She wasn't even speaking to me when she left here much less heeding my words. It's obvious how much Evangeline's safety means to you. You still love her very much, don't you?"
Snape slid his eyes away from the Headmaster, caught off guard by the personal question. "Yes." He stated in a quiet voice.
"Then why are you pushing her into the arms of Remus Lupin? You can't still be angry with her, can you?"
Snape jumped to his feet and paced over to the window, where he stalled for a few minutes by fidgeting with the heavy draperies as he stared unseeingly out over the cold white landscape. When he finally answered his friend's question, he spoke in a harsh yet somber tone and remained turned away so he didn't have to meet his eyes. "No. Not really. I was furious…at first. After all those months of deprivation and torture, to finally remember who I was and who she was and how much she meant to me, then to find my way back to her, only to find her in the arms of another man. And not just any man, but Remus Lupin, a man I'd despised for years! A man who was almost responsible for my death. I saw red. I simply wasn't capable of being rational at that point, I was too angry, too devastated. All I knew was that they'd hurt me, and I wanted to hurt them back."
Snape paused and swallowed back his remembered anger before continuing in a soft low voice. "But once I'd had a chance to really think about it, I realized that Evangeline had a right to live her life. She thought I was dead. She wasn't betraying me. If I'd truly been dead, I would've wanted her to go on with her life and be happy. It wasn't her fault after all, that I wasn't really dead. There was no way she could've known the truth."
Dumbledore leaned back in his chair and considered Snape thoughtfully. "If you truly believe that then why are you still refusing to let Evangeline back into your life? It's obvious to everyone that she still loves you very much. She doesn't want to end your marriage; she wants to continue to be your wife. Your actions are causing her so much pain…and yourself as well."
"Only in the short term," he murmured. "As I came to really think about my relationship with Evangeline, I realized how much pain she's already suffered because of me. I'm not good for her, Albus. I've done a horrible job of keeping her from harm. She was brutally attacked on two separate occasions by Malfoy because I didn't keep her safe. She suffered through my imprisonment, losing our child, and thinking me dead. I've hurt her so much without ever meaning to. My god, she almost died when she lost the baby…my baby. How do you think that makes me feel? Just the thought that she could've been lying in her grave for the last year because of me is appalling! She'll be far better off with Lupin. He'll take much better care of her than I have. He can make her happy in many ways that I…can't." As he expressed his pain verbally he clenched his fists and leaned against the casement of the window still refusing to turn and face Dumbledore directly.
Dumbledore shook his head sadly. "But she doesn't love Remus Lupin. She loves you. It glows from her eyes whenever she looks at you. No one can make her as happy as you can; surely you understand that. She'll never truly be happy with anyone else."
Snape laughed bitterly. "She's not likely to be happy with me any more. I spent the last year of my life being tortured on a daily basis. Do you really think that someone can survive something like that without consequences?"
Dumbledore's throat tightened. "What consequences are you talking about, Severus?" He asked quietly.
Snape looked down at the floor. He hadn't meant to bring that up. It had simply slipped out in a bitter moment…oh well, in for a Knut, in for a Galleon. Perhaps if Albus understood the situation more clearly he'd stop badgering him, and he could get a little peace. "I… bear a great many physical scars. No one could look at me now with anything but horror and loathing, I assure you. Evangeline deserves a husband who's whole and fit and able to be there for her in every way. As much as I might want to, I can't be that husband anymore…she deserves better."
"You should let Poppy examine you, Severus. She may be able to help you." Dumbledore stated quietly.
Snape shook his head and risked a glance at his friend. "I can't believe that anyone could do anything about what's left of me. Not after all this time has passed. I…can't imagine letting Poppy or anyone else see the …" He swallowed hard. "I can't…especially not Evangeline. I don't know how I could've ever thought I could take her back into my arms again. I just wasn't thinking clearly when I first recovered my memories. I was lost in the past and not giving adequate thought to the future. I was letting my feelings rule my actions. Something I, of all people, should know better than to do. It's just as well that she was with Lupin when I first saw her again. That brought me to my senses and prevented me from making a big mistake. She's better off without me in her life, Albus. Much better off. I simply have to keep rejecting her even if it causes her pain now. In the long run she'll be happier. Once the marriage is over, and we don't have to see each other anymore, things will improve for her. She'll have no trouble getting over me…Lupin will see to that. He'll make her happy and keep her safe. That's all I want."
His heart felt like a lump of lead in his chest at the thought of never seeing Evangeline again…of handing her over to that damn werewolf forever, but he was determined to see this course of action through to the end. She had to be made to see that he was no longer a viable choice for a partner. Somehow he was going to make her turn away from him, no matter how hard on her he had to be. If anyone deserved a happy and safe future, it was her, and that was only attainable in the arms of someone else. Someone who could fulfill all of her needs. Once she no longer cared about him, she'd be better off. He closed his eyes at the bleak vision of the future that stretched out blankly before him without her in it.
Before Dumbledore could respond to Snape's statements, there was a sharp knock on the door. Slightly frustrated at the timing of the new arrivals, he nevertheless turned and called for the other members of this meeting to enter the office.
Remus opened the door and made way for Evangeline to enter the room then he followed on her heels and closed the door behind them. Snape's eyes drank in the sight of his wife hungrily, but when Evangeline's eyes immediately flew to intercept his gaze, he looked away from her quickly and back to Dumbledore.
Dumbledore motioned everyone to the same seats that they'd occupied yesterday. "Thank you for coming, Evangeline…Remus."
They both nodded as they took their seats, and Evangeline added. "I just want to get this over with, Albus. Who's going with Remus and me?"
"I am." Snape stated flatly.
With a twinge of pain, Evangeline turned to look at her husband. "Are you sure you want to go, Severus? It won't be easy to do this with someone who refuses to speak to me unless forced to."
He frowned darkly. "I'm perfectly capable of speaking to you, Evangeline. I am the most likely of all of us to be able to evaluate your father's research if we find it. I am well versed in his other work. Not to mention that as a Potions Master, this falls into my area of expertise, not yours or Lupin's, and I can best determine if what we find is or is not what we are seeking. I am going along, whether you like it or not."
She sighed in annoyance to find herself immediately at odds with him once more and turned back to Dumbledore. "Fine. I can take them to my home from here through the painted realm. We will have to leave it inside the house, though. The entrance to the lab is through a dedicated passage that only exists inside one particular painting. My mother created it, I have no idea how, but it doesn't connect to the netherworld as every other painting I've ever seen does. Once we enter the dedicated painting we can go directly to the lab and destroy whatever we find there."
Dumbledore frowned at her harsh words. "Wouldn't you rather retrieve your father's work than destroy it, Evangeline?"
She nodded her head, her expression hard and set. "Yes, I would. My father's work deserves better, but I don't dare take the chance. I've been thinking about that ever since I received your letter this morning. My father's research will compromise the safety of the painted realm and the wizarding world if any of it falls into the wrong hands. The only way to be sure is to destroy it. As much as I hate to destroy what he spent his life creating, it's the only answer, and I think my father would agree."
Dumbledore nodded sadly. "Very well. Before you go, I have something for you to take with you." He opened his desk drawer and took out three balls, each about the size of a golden snitch. Each ball was a flat gold in color and was completely surrounded by an iridescent bubble. They reminded Evangeline strongly of the Christmas ornaments that Remus had taught her how to make back when life was still relatively simple.
Dumbledore handed each one of them one of the balls. "These are special Portkeys. They'll work at any time, and you can keep them to hand for easy access…no need for a box. If you squeeze the bubble firmly, it will pop and allow your hand to come into contact with the gold ball. That will transport you immediately back to the edge of the Forbidden Forest near the castle."
Evangeline smiled in admiration. "Clever. I'll bet these were designed by a Slytherin."
Snape smiled smugly. "As a matter of fact…they were."
She nodded and glanced up at him. "Your idea, I take it, Severus?"
He nodded back at her with a slight smile still on his face. It warmed her heart to see it even though he wasn't really intending it for her. Afraid if she stared at him for too long he'd change the smile to a frown and get angry with her again she wrenched her gaze away from him and looked back to Dumbledore. "I'm afraid they won't work within the confines of the house. No Portkeys, no apparition. The wards around the house are very strong."
"Nevertheless, I'd feel better if you took them along. I wish to leave as little to chance as possible." The Headmaster stated firmly.
Evangeline shrugged and pocketed her Portkey, "As you wish."
They all stood with no further delay. Evangeline approached one of the paintings on the office wall. "We might as well go through here and get this finished. Are you both ready?"
She glanced at Snape and Lupin who both nodded back while studiously avoiding each other's eyes. "Okay, I'll take you in one at a time, then we'll go through the netherworld together. Remus take my hand please, you can go first if you don't mind."
He stepped up next to her and took her hand in his and gave it a squeeze. "I'm ready whenever you are, Angel."
She smiled warmly at him and then turned and touched the painting with her free hand. Immediately they were gone. A few moments later, she reappeared holding out her hand to Snape.
Her eyes glistened slightly. "Are you ready, Severus?" She asked softly.
Without a word, he reached out and took her hand in his trying not to react to the warmth that spread through him at her touch. She swallowed hard as she looked at him. It took all of her strength not to pull him to her and place a kiss on his lips, but she knew he'd pull back from her in disgust if she tried. So instead she turned back to the painting and extended her hand. Before she could touch it Dumbledore's voice echoed low in her ear.
"Good luck to all of you."
With a perfunctory nod, Evangeline laid her hand on the painted surface and she and Snape were immediately sucked inside to join Remus Lupin and set off on their journey through the painted realm.
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Author's Notes:
Jezebel: If I don't make any major changes, there are 9 more chapters left including this one.
Werecat99: Action begins next chapter.
Manic: Severus currently has no plans to reconcile with Evangeline. He's gotten himself firmly convinced that Lupin can make her happier and keep her safer than he can. Sirius will never really like Severus and vice versa. Evangeline hasn't forgiven Albus, but Minerva has a different perspective.
Rickfan37: Severus doesn't doubt that Evangeline loves him…not anymore, but he feels she needs to get over it for her own good. He does a little talking in this chapter…just not to Evangeline.
Whale of the World: I'm glad you liked Minerva's advice. It can indeed be difficult to get through to someone who's so upset.
Fizzysoda: It's nice to hear from you again. No, there's no broom closet in Severus and Evangeline's future. :) I have something else in mind.
Prophet Dreams: I could put the URLs up on the profile page, I suppose. I'm not sure that there are that many people interested in seeing all my Snape doodles, though. :)
Elbereth94: I thought you'd like Ron's comment. :) It is hard to remember that such a short time has passed for the characters when much more time has passed for us. Remus probably could've sensed Severus in the connecting corridor, but his whole attention was totally focused on Evangeline. Even werewolves can miss stuff if they're preoccupied. No, Remus wouldn't pretend Snape wasn't there if he knew he was.
Jasara: Severus thinks his timing is just as well.
Cloudshape: This story seems to have made quite a few people cry. I guess that means that I've made you care, which is good, but it makes me feel as if I'm abusing all of you. :) I'm not surprised that most people haven't heard of "Uhura's Song". It is a pretty old book. I have all of the books you mentioned in my collection. "Ishmael" is another one of my very favorites! My copy is incredibly dog-earred. I thought it was so clever. It makes perfect sense, but I never would have thought of it. :) For the past 25+ years, I've bought virtually every ST novel out there. I just swept them off the shelves and into my mind. My interest is finally fading, though. I no longer buy them all. I do like Spock (your favorite?), but my favorite was always Dr. McCoy. He got all the good lines. Did you read "The Vulcan Academy Murders" and "Yesterday's Son"? My first ST novel was "Spock Must Die" by Blish…60 cent paperback. Talk about OOC and confusing! Sigh I really am getting old. If you want to talk about this some more just send me an e-mail. I'd love to chat more, but I'm sure we're boring people silly here. :)
P. Veronica Tyler: Remus isn't stopping Severus from talking to Evangeline. Severus is stopping himself.
Lina Lupin: Thanks. I'm glad you liked the chapter and the portrait. :)
Gracelynn: No, you really can't hate any of them. They're all worthy of compassion. You're right. Remus will have to make a choice soon.
Antya: Thank you. I'm very fond of "Shadow of the Moon", too. I have my hands full of plots at the moment, but perhaps you should give writing your idea a try. You might surprise yourself , and no one will do a better job with your ideas than you will. :)