Chapter Twenty-Eight: A Mirage of Moonbeams
Remus Lupin opened the door to Evangeline's cottage and entered the quiet and lonely sitting room. He paused with his hand on the knob and looked sadly around the room, committing it to memory, as he knew in reality that this would be the last time he'd ever set foot here. For one brief moment in time he'd been absolutely happy here in this place. All his deepest dreams had come true in exactly the way he most fervently wished. If only the ending had been as "happily ever after" as he'd dreamed, but you can't have everything in life. The memories of his time with Evangeline were like shining gems that glistened and shown with unimaginable luster amidst all the drab stones that made up the more numerous moments of his life. In his heart he felt that he'd never be that happy again…he'd had his chance. Now it was over.
Quietly he closed the door behind him and crossed the room to the staircase. With hesitant steps he mounted the stairs and stopped at the top. His eyes turned to Evangeline's door but he resolutely turned away from it and headed into the spare room where his bag and clothes still resided. He never did get around to moving his things into Evangeline's bedroom as he'd intended. Maybe some weird sort of premonition on his part had kept him from it. It was probably just as well. There'd been a part of himself that had resisted becoming too comfortable here. Fearing that it was all too good to be true. Why couldn't feelings like that ever prove to be wrong?
The werewolf walked into the small room and over to the dresser and began to empty his things from the drawers and stuff them back into the bag that he'd left carelessly on the floor. Once he was done, and it didn't take long, he picked up the bag and turned to leave the room. Before he could make his escape, though, his eyes fell on the painting that Evangeline had given to him for Christmas, as it stood quietly propped up against the wall waiting for him to notice its presence.
His bag slipped from his suddenly nerveless fingers, and he sat down heavily on the end of the bed as he stared at the painting shining with promises that hadn't quite been fulfilled. Abruptly he found himself back on the cliff top on that brilliantly beautiful day with Evangeline smiling happily up at him as she embraced him warmly. In his mind's eye things unfolded rather differently than they had in reality.
The gulls called and the fresh breeze caressed him with its salty fragrance while the woman he loved more than anything in the world smiled up at him. Eagerly he bent and claimed her lips with his own as his hands captured her lovely face and held it gently. As their kiss deepened, he let his hands slide easily into her soft hair and drift smoothly down her back pressing her firmly against his body. Luxuriating in the sensation of the soft curves of her torso as it melted smoothly against the hard angularity of his own. In his aching mind he heard her breathlessly whisper the words he'd always longed to hear her say as he dropped tender kisses down along her slender throat, and his hands began to unfasten her light gown. "Oh, Remus, I love you. Only you. I'm so glad you're here in my life. Make love to me, please. I've missed you so much."
Desperately longing to do just that, he pulled her down onto the ground beneath him as the warm sun beat down on his suddenly naked back. Her hair glinted red and gold in the bright sunshine, and her eyes sparkled lovingly into his own like the green waves of the ocean beyond the cliff top on which they rested. Overcome with emotion he gently caressed her full breasts and bent to kiss and suckle them reverently. God, he loved her breasts, to his eyes they were absolutely perfect. Her most glorious feature among so many that would always symbolize perfection for him. No other woman could ever come close.
Aching with need he pressed his rock hard cock up against her and she opened her legs willingly for him to enter her body. His desire overwhelmed him, and he thrust forward into her welcoming warmth and jarringly found himself on his knees on the floor of the small spare bedroom face to face with his wonderful painting. Taking great gulps of air as he forced his abused mind to return to the blank pain of reality from the illusory bliss of the cliff top, the forlorn wizard dropped his head to his chest and sat dejectedly down on the floor slumping back against the end of the bed. Tears filled his eyes and for the first time in too long to measure he didn't force them back, but instead let them flow gently down his cheeks, blurring his vision and easing the tight ache in his chest.
God, what a pitiful fool he'd become! Here he was sitting on the bedroom floor in an empty cottage crying his eyes out over a painting. Except that it really wasn't the painting, was it? That was only the trigger. He was really making a fool of himself over a woman who didn't love him…who never loved him! A woman who only let him touch her out of pity and loneliness! There was really no one to blame but himself for this whole pitiful mess. It was his own stupid fault for pursuing someone who didn't love him…who never loved him…and told him so up front! What kind of an idiot throws himself at someone who doesn't want him?
Lupin snorted shortly and threw his head back blinking to clear his eyes of useless tears. An idiot like him apparently. Well the dream was certainly over now. No more pretending that he'll live happily ever after with Evangeline in a cute little cottage by the sea. No. It would take even a bigger fool than he was to cling to that fantasy after witnessing Severus and Evangeline expressing their love for each other on the snowy ground of the Forbidden Forest. So many emotions had swirled through him as he'd stood by and watched them consume each other with the intensity of their love. Pain and sorrow had certainly been prominent, but by far the biggest emotion had been envy. Not just envy of Severus because Evangeline loved him so much either. Primarily it had been envy of the two of them. Envy of anyone who had love like that in their lives. Would it ever happen for him? Would anyone ever love him like that?
Irony snickered in his ear and he snorted again and began to climb to his feet. Not if he continued to sit here and feel sorry for himself! Self-pity was the least lovable emotion there was. With a deep sigh he reached down and once more took up his bag and gazed at the painting that had triggered all this depressing sogginess. He shook his head silently. As much as he loved it, he couldn't take it with him. Every time he looked at it his heart would begin to bleed all over again. Hopefully Evangeline would understand if he left it behind, but even if she didn't, there really wasn't any other choice.
Resolutely he left the room and once more hesitated at the top of the stairs. A large part of him yearned to take one more look into that bedroom where he'd been so happy with her, but he sternly told himself to let it go. He'd done enough blubbering over something he couldn't change for one day. So instead he turned away and walked carefully down the stairs.
Once down in the sitting room, he did let himself wander into the kitchen for a moment. As he glanced around the open space, he spotted one of his favorite mugs sitting on the counter. With a thoughtful frown he crossed the room and took it up in his hand. He'd spread himself all over the cottage in the few days that he'd lived here. Unconsciously marking his territory perhaps. Of course the territory he truly wanted to mark as his own was always just beyond his grasp…had already been claimed by another who'd finally asserted his dominance over it once more. As he stared with consideration down at the mug in his hand, he realized that it would probably be a good idea to check around and be sure that he wasn't leaving anything behind that he didn't want to leave…didn't have to leave.
The lonely wizard left the kitchen and crossed the sitting room again to leave his mug on top of his bag by the front door. His eyes drifted up the stairs once more, but reluctantly he decided that if he'd left anything in Evangeline's bedroom, it was simply going to have to stay there. Instead he walked to the back of the room and entered her studio. He'd rarely come in here this visit. Evangeline hadn't had the time to do much painting while he was here so there'd been no reason for him to go in. Still there was a shirt he'd thought he'd brought with him that hadn't been up in his room. Who knows where it might have ended up?
Clothing had gotten strewn around rather widely while he'd been here as it was always being removed…usually…no…always at his instigation. That should have told him something. Although she'd never objected and had always seemed to enjoy their trysts, Evangeline had never approached him…had never been the one to begin their love making. Bitterly he imagined that that wasn't true for Severus. He seemed to recall that she'd always had trouble keeping her hands off the Potions Master…even in public. No. Don't go there…not now.
With the way they were going at each other in the Forbidden Forest just a short while ago, they were probably buried deeply within each other right this moment. They probably moved from the discomfort of the cold snowy forest to the warmth and familiarity of Snape's quarters to get reacquainted in all senses of the word. No one will see them for days. Not that that was a bad thing from his perspective. However if the past is anything to judge by, Snape will once more be swaggering around Hogwarts with an insufferably satisfied smirk on his ugly face, and he was just going to have to swallow it whole, and that wasn't going to be pleasant at all. There was no getting away from the unfortunate truth, though, she belonged to him…she wanted him…she loved him. The end…and they all lived happily ever after. Right. Suddenly he felt like the Big Bad Wolf and Snape was holding the axe.
With a weary sigh, he took a few steps into the large airy studio and began to look around when suddenly a familiar baritone voice spoke to him in an annoyed tone.
"Are you back again? What does it take to be rid of you?"
The startled wizard straightened up sharply and closed his eyes. So this was where she'd put it. Well, it was probably too much to ask that she'd actually destroyed the thing feeling the way she does about paintings, especially animated ones. With a sigh he turned around to face the full sized portrait of Severus Snape for what he fervently hoped would be the very last time.
"Yes, I'm back, but not for long. I'm just collecting my things." Lupin stated with a frown.
The painted Snape cocked a mocking brow and sneered. "Really? Has Evangeline come to her senses then and chucked you out for good? I told her that you were a waste of her time. She can do much better than you."
Lupin crossed his arms. If he wouldn't take that from the real Snape, he certainly wasn't going to take it from this pitiful painted excuse for a Potions Master. "Oh really…and I suppose that would be you?"
Snape smirked knowingly, "I know how to make her happy."
"Do you? Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but you aren't going to get the chance to make her "happy" anymore. She's through with you just like she's through with me."
The portrait frowned darkly. "What do you mean?"
"Did you somehow miss the significance of that little scene that we enacted at full volume in the sitting room just a few days ago? Evangeline's loving husband has returned from the dead. Surprise! She has the real thing back in her arms now. She no longer needs lovesick werewolves and painted doubles to pass the time. Nope. Now she has Severus Bloody Snape himself to brighten up her life. Isn't that just wonderful news?"
To Lupin's surprise the portrait smirked at him. "Not for you, I suppose."
"It is for you?"
"As you've pointed out ad nauseam, I'm only a painted image. However, I am the image of the one Evangeline loves. If he's finally returned to take his rightful place in her life once more then yes, it's wonderful news. I want her to be happy, something that she'd never have been with you."
Lupin gaped in shock at the painting and shook his head. "So all Snapes stick together, huh? Who'd have thought it? I just don't understand what Evangeline sees in the living breathing sneering Snape. I mean I had to help them to get together in the first place! She used to mope around and confide in me, and I actually helped her to get him to pay attention to her. I played matchmaker for the two of them…can you stand the irony of that one!"
A short bitter laugh escaped his soul, "Even then I couldn't figure it out, though. That idiot had to be persuaded to be with her! Why would anyone with an ounce of sense in his head have to be persuaded to love her? I've never met anyone who was more deserving of love than Evangeline. The man's a fool if he doesn't appreciate the treasure that fate has tossed into his lap." The wizard shook his head in disbelief.
He approached the painting with his arms crossed and demanded in an incredulous tone, "What the hell is so great about him anyway? He's rude, arrogant, sarcastic, stubborn, and those are his better points! He's homely as sin. He's got a nose that only a toucan would love. His hair is stringy and his teeth are crooked. It's not as if he couldn't straighten them if he cared, but he doesn't care! He's never cared what he looked like. Never tried to improve his looks. Why would she fall so in love with a man like that that she'd almost die when she lost him? Huh? Oh great Snape echo that you are? Can you tell me that?"
Snape smirked again and examined his nails smugly. "You should know the answer to that one. You did see me without all these enveloping robes after all."
Lupin's face flushed at the memory of facing the naked portrait in all its glory. He shook his shaggy head in response though as he thrust the image aside. "Oh no. You can't tell me that Evangeline only loves Severus because he's well endowed and the sex is great! I'm not buying that one. Sorry. She loved him to the point of pining away for his attention well before the two of them ever made love. So what's the fascination? What's he got that I don't?"
The portrait looked at the ruffled wizard pityingly. "Her love," he stated simply.
Lupin dropped his head and sighed, "Yes…but why? Why does she love him?"
"You'd have to ask Evangeline herself, but I doubt if she could truly explain it. Can anyone tell you exactly why they love one person over another who seems just as suitable? She used to talk to me about him at night when she couldn't sleep because he'd invaded her dreams and turned them into frustrating nightmares. Although the Potions Master is no doubt a very private person, somehow she slipped in under his guard and actually got to know the man. Apparently far better than you know him. She found him to be very intelligent, infinitely amusing, brave, strong, and almost too honorable for his own good. She loved his voice and his eyes…and his soul. He reminded her of her father and of herself, and she simply fell in love with him without even realizing it."
Without even realizing it. Lupin paused and thought about that. That's the way it had happened for him, too. He'd fallen in love with Evangeline so gradually that he hadn't realized it either, until her life was threatened. Love isn't something that can be rationalized or quantified…it's simply felt deep inside, and why we love one person or another isn't always apparent, even to ourselves.
Evangeline loved Severus…period. It simply was. Time to truly accept that and move on. There was really no other choice, and understanding why wasn't as important as simply accepting that this was the way things were…the way they'd always be. Suddenly he felt a deep need to get out of here. He'd spent far too much of his lifetime mooning over something that he simply couldn't have. For his own sanity, he had to put an end to such unproductive behavior, and he had to do it now.
With a final glare for the smugly cool portrait, Lupin straightened up sharply and strode quickly out of the studio and back into the sitting room. From there he crossed over to the front door and picked up his bag and mug. With a ghost of sadness still haunting his eyes he took one final look around the room. If his missing shirt was somewhere within the cottage then it would simply have to stay there. If Evangeline found it she could turn it into a painting rag and perhaps remember him fondly when she used it to wipe the paint from her brushes as she'd used him to ease the pain in her life…not that he hadn't begged to be used. With a sad little smile, he turned away from this sanctuary of the heart and opened the door to the cold harshness of reality, then with a sense of finality he moved resolutely into the future quietly closing the door on love.
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Author's Notes: I have had a complaint that scrolling through the commentary at the end of the chapter is a pain and detracts from the story in some way. I apologize if having the commentary bothers some people, but if people are kind enough to give me their thoughts and opinions, then I intend to respond to them, and this is the easiest way to do that. I appreciate hearing from people, and think it's only polite to reply to them. Let me assure you that it has no effect on the length of the chapters themselves. The chapters would be exactly the same whether I added commentary or not.
I must also beg your indulgence. While I have every intention of finishing this story, I may not be able to continue to put out one chapter every week until the end. The last few chapters need quite a lot of rewriting and life is starting to get a lot busier this time of year. I'll do the best I can to get the story finished in a timely manner. Thank you all for reading.
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Manic: Thank you. As for people's problems, love cushions the blow, but it doesn't usually solve the problem or stop the pain. Happy or not…Remus will survive.
LisaViola: Thank you, but don't be too sure that this is a true tragedy…we aren't finished yet. :)
Dark Jezebel: Well, thanks…not so evil…okay then. :)
P. Veronica Tyler: I hope your exams went well. Do not let your friend make you question your English. It's always been easy to understand you, and you've never been offensive in any way, I assure you. Thank you for your praise. Yes, protectiveness is a word, and it definitely fits Remus. I'm glad you're enjoying the story.
Rickfan37: Yes, you were right. You often are in your surmises. We'll see next chapter if Poppy can pull a rabbit out of her hat or not. The alchemist has nothing to add, though. He's still a trifle miffed at having spent months in a box. :)
Echo: Thank you. It would be sad for both of them.
Arachne's Child: Well, I suppose being a fiend is a nice change from simply being evil. LOL Oh, yes, I haven't closed any doors yet…except on Remus' dreams. That one is very much closed. Time to move on.
Prophet Dreams: Thank you.
Jasara: Thanks. Don't worry Remus is a survivor.
Gracelynn: Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed the artwork, too. :)
Whale of the World: Thanks. We are hopeful for the future.
Zagzagael: I'm pleased that you find my solution acceptable. :) They will work through this, and their love is strong…but they both are still hoping for sexual fulfillment.
Egypt Kaiba: Thank you. I'm glad you like the story.
Lady Tamarisk: Evangeline will eventually forgive Dumbledore now that she has Severus back. Lupin will find a way to get over Evangeline. He has to for his own sanity.
BookWitch: Yes, it was a risk, but she didn't have a whole lot of choice. Thank you. I'm glad you liked the pictures.