Misplaced Writings
An FFT Fanfic
I seriously don't want to place any long, drawn-out disclaimers, so I'll say my piece here. Final Fantasy Tactics, the copyrighted character names, and almost everything in here basically is the sole property of Square (Squaresoft in America). I will have a few of my own characters throughout the stories, but for the most part, you will know which ones are mine. Okay, my piece is done. Please read & review!
With the last few poems I have written, I have decided that I will separate the poems, with my old ones in this chapter, and any new ones (up to ten or so) in another chapter (so FF.net will finally update my "update date" position on the story). Thanks again for all of the wonderful reviews! Please read, review, and enjoy! (R/R/E)
Chapter 1: Characters' Poems
Contents:
A/N: Contents listed by publish date, with first note describing general characters involved, and then the person's journal from which it comes. (i.e. (Name) (Who's involved or whose POV) (Author, or from whose journal))
1) Forsaken Love (Custom Char poem) (Custom Char)
2) Blood in the Darkness: An Epitaph (Custom Char poem) (Ramza)
3) Moonlit Thoughts (Ramza/Agrias) (Unknown)
4) Visions (Ramza) (Ramza)
5) Miluda's Sorrow (Miluda) (Ramza)
6) Maiden of Ice (Agrias [maybe Meliadoul, if you'd like]) (Ramza)
7) Warmth (Agrias) (Agrias)
8) Loneliness (Ovelia) (Ovelia)
9) Insecurities (Agrias) (Agrias)
10) Beyond Life (Ovelia/Delita) (Ovelia)
11) I'll be Waiting (Agrias/Ramza) (Agrias)
Forsaken Love
(A poem from Charene's diary, written 2 days before her death)
For years, we shared happiness--no, love.
A feeling which used to bring me light.
Warmth that lasted long after you left.
Memories that re-ran themselves in my mind,
Letting me believe we would be together,
Forever.
I don't know where the love went,
Whether it dissipated into the stars,
Fading in the night sky,
But over the years, you changed…
You seemed disinterested--
No, I take that back. You seemed…
Well…distracted.
As if your love now had a new target.
And to make things worse, the one you loved,
Besides me, was my childhood friend.
She was always cheerful, bright, and bubbly.
Possessing much of the quality,
The charisma that I knew I lacked.
And the hardest thing for me to accept…
Was that it wasn't intentional.
But as time made me realize,
No matter how coincidental it might have been,
The pain struck me harder than a mace.
Cleaved at my heart, worse than the sharpest axe,
Piercing the very soul of my being,
All while watching my friends love around me.
I will admit: I am selfish.
I wanted you for myself, for it to be just us.
And I think Ajora sensed that,
And punished me for my sinful desires.
Now, wrapped in my cold cloak,
You both sit not even ten feet from me,
Yet I feel a pariah, an outcast.
I know that they will fall in love,
But this knowledge does not dull the pain.
As I watched you so many times before,
You kiss in the moonlight.
And with that kiss, something dies in me.
A love, a friendship and camaraderie…
Fading forever from my heart.
Yet, I cannot peel my eyes away…
Feeling the pain, the bitter bite of lost love,
I let it devour my heart, and my soul.
Perhaps this is what destiny dictated for me.
I don't know…and as I watch more and more,
I don't feel a need to care.
Nothing will comfort the ache, the dull pain,
Which still lingers within me.
I live with my feelings bottled up.
Perhaps I can serve my friends in a last, final way.
At least, then, my death wouldn't be wasteful,
Or cruel, or foolhardy.
It sounds so selfish…but what else can I do?
I'm suffering…I hurt.
The memories which still run loops in my mind
Only serve to remind me of a fate I once desired.
The warmth, now dry, and severe, sears me.
Hardening my heart to all other feelings.
Yet nothing digs deeper than our last moments,
Together, on the rooftops of Gariland.
You said that there was something drawing your heart.
And I believe you…more than you'll ever know.
The only thing I can liken the pain to is a knife.
Dull, rusted, and ethereal, it is invisible.
Yet its digging stabs and cuts never cease.
Tearing into my flesh, into my being.
I'm dying from within.
I'd love to see you happy…and that,
Regardless of the girl in your arms,
Was the one thing I desired for you.
But, as they say, a price is paid for every wish granted.
And I paid all right…in a substance worse than blood.
My emotion-hardened heart desires but one thing now:
Death. Bloody, sickening, brutal, and painful.
So, Ajora, if you can hear me…grant me one last wish.
Let me die for those I love, and let Brett and Amy,
My friends, my closest of buddies,
Live together in happiness.
Blood in the Darkness: An Epitaph
(A poem from Ramza's journal)
Regardless of how many years pass,
Even now, in the darkness of Sweegy Woods…
Still, I can remember a day, not so long ago,
There was a night battle, in which we lost a friend.
In the black of night,
Nine goblins rushed us.
Partha dashed out to the side and tried to gain some bearing.
Even Brett, who slept like a log, bolted awake, and drew his sword.
Amy managed to grab a few shuriken and took one down during the ambush.
Chris kicked Keane awake, and stood ready, to defend his position.
Everyone was awake, and safe…all but one.
Curled up in her blankets, Charene cried softly.
Her heart had been broken by someone she loved.
Angry, sad, and most of all, imbrued with despair,
Riled with self-loathing and hate, she fought bravely.
Even outnumbered five to one, she held on.
Never missing a step, never slacking her guard.
Ever the vigilant, brave knight we all knew.
While in the midst of battle,
In her rage and fury,
Neglected to see a goblin coming at her back.
Ducking a frontal blow, she recovered,
Straight into the goblin's tackle.
In desperate straits, she told us to run.
Like a true knight, she valued our safety over her own.
Killed defending her friends, and dying an honorable death.
Moonlit Thoughts
(A poem written in both Ramza's and Agrias' journals, author unknown)
Once long ago, I used to deny it.
That I could have ever loved you.
"Of course, who could love that lousy excuse of a human being?"
But as we have traveled together,
I realize that there is much more to the heart than fighting,
Or appearances and facades.
For all the masks and cloaks fall away under the darkness of twilight.
Tonight, I wander upon the plains of Mandalia.
The moonlight is wonderful, and it gives a shiny white coat to everything.
I picture you in that light.
My angel…my savior…my soul mate…
And as I think such thoughts, I wonder…
Do you think of me that way too?
I don't know what to feel, or what to say.
I only know that I long to be with you.
I hold you in my arms, in my dreams every night.
And when I wake up, the reality hits me harder than a hammer.
Something inside of me burns…I must know the truth.
So how do you feel? Write me again sometime…
Please, tell me, if not in words, in gestures.
In some other language, in pictures even.
I MUST know.
Please…is it real?
Visions
(A poem from Ramza's journal)
Visions of pain…
Indescribable pain…
Scenes of what was once happiness…
It just won't leave my mind.
Of course, these things shouldn't even concern me.
Night or day, God will allow us to prevail.
So why do they bug me this way?
Visions of death…
In illuminated hallways…
Splashes of blood that once belonged to friends.
I don't know how, but I know whose each is.
Ovelia's there, Lavian's in that corner…
No amount of consoling can comfort my soul,
Seeing this scene, as if it were true.
Visions of suffering…
I never want to see again.
Suffering like Delita must have felt…
In the snows of Fort Zeakden…
Only now, the pain resides here.
No one else knows what I see.
Still, the images rip my mind apart.
Visions of my friends…
In their final moments…
Seeing their dying forms twitch and shiver.
I kneel beside Agrias now, holding her hand.
Only her hand, once warm, is now cold as ice.
No, this cannot be. I control my visions.
Something is messing with my mind.
Visions of the truth.
In the hallways of Igros.
Seeing my brother, Dycedarg, for the bastard he is.
In my mind, I know he will be the one.
Old family, or new friends.
No choice will be harder.
Still, I know what I must do.
Visions of betrayal.
Ill-founded hatred and distrust.
Something has set our allies upon us.
I hate my brother…
Only he could have done this.
No family could be this cruel toward its own kin.
So tomorrow, we will march.
Visions of victory…
In the light of morning…
Steel blades drawn, we set forth.
In the hallways of Igros,
Old memories surface, of love, of family.
No, these memories are my past.
So forgive me, father, but I must go on.
Visions which have dissipated.
In my mind, I no longer watch my friends die.
Something has led us from the pain.
I smile, and look toward the sunset.
On the hill, I watch Agrias practice her sword techniques.
Not dead, or hurt, or even scratched.
She's alive, and the day will bring much.
My visions have brought me much suffering.
Even today, I feel the pain from the scars they left.
Every other minute, I look back, just to make sure…
Their prophecy has not come to pass.
Rising again the next morning,
Everyone seems to have gotten up before me.
All seems well, though.
Lavian, Alicia, Ovelia, and Agrias…all are well.
Illusive thoughts bother me no more.
The memory can finally rest…
Yes, let it rest, and let our realities shape our lives.
At least for now.
Miluda's Sorrow
(From Ramza's journal)
Back then, when I looked into her eyes,
I saw nothing but anger and hate…
A painful feeling full of loneliness and death.
And yet, now, as she dies,
As if it were a twist in Fate,
She silently speaks to me with her last breath.
Those few words, I will never forget…
Words full of sadness and regret…
"…please tell Wiegraf that I'm sorry…"
"…that I…failed him."
The Maiden of Ice
(From Ramza's journal)
Every time I look at that young knight…
I feel something stir in me.
Is it pain? Deep thought? Anger? I don't know.
It's impossible for me to read her face.
Her face, fixed into a blank stare,
Is much like what people call a "card face."
No emotion, no reaction…
Just a chilling, calculating front…it scares me.
She always seems so distant…so cold.
She even fights with swords of ice.
Although she probably hates me for it,
I sometimes call her the "Ice Queen."
But, all that aside, she is my friend.
And she is also very beautiful.
My quiet, solemn comrade, cool as ever.
And I love her.
Warmth
(A poem from Agrias' journal)
Warmth is a funny feeling.
It smells like fresh mountain air in the morning
It sounds like the calm breezes blowing over Mandalia Plains.
It looks like an angel's radiant glow.
It feels comforting, like a nice, hot bath.
It tastes like a fresh, steaming gourmet dinner
Warmth makes me happy.
Warmth reminds me of friends.
It smells like Lavian's soft perfume.
It sounds like Mustadio's deep tenor.
It looks like Delita's handsome face.
It feels like a big hug from Alicia.
It tastes like Ramza's morning coffee.
Warmth keeps me company.
I'll never feel sad as long as I can feel warmth.
Loneliness
(A poem from Ovelia's diary)
I'm lonely…
For years, it's been this way.
Everyone avoids me…
Everything I say seems to go forgotten…
Like an old maid who doesn't belong.
Lavian, Alicia, and even Agrias…
Occasionally, they'll talk to me…
Not for very long, though.
Every time, it feels like they have something to do.
Like "patrol the perimeter…" or stuff like that.
I know that it's not always true…
Not that I'd want to force them to talk to me, though.
Everyone has their reasons…but it still hurts.
So, if anyone ever gets to read this lost piece of my mind…
Someone, please…I need someone to love.
Insecurities…
(A poem from Agrias' journal)
This strange feeling…what is it?
I feel it whenever I'm around Ramza…
It makes my hands tingle…my feet cold…
It makes my face red…and my body shiver.
I don't understand…why do I feel this way?
It's not like I like him or anything…
It's weird…I just can't put my finger on it.
I mean, he's a nice guy and all…
But I don't really like him THAT way…
I wish I knew what this feeling is called…
Because it scares me…
Its identity lurking in the shadows…
Telling me to be more honest with myself…
But the truth of my feelings is the scariest…
For if what I fear is right…
That would mean I'm in "love" with him…
And that's just not possible…right? Or is it…?
Beyond Life
(A poem from Ovelia's diaries)
What lies beyond the end of life?
From what I've seen, experienced…
…there is no God…
For He would have never let this happen…
So what happens to us then, when we face death?
Do we just die? Or do we really have souls…
Souls which continue on long after the body perishes…
I wish I knew…for I wish for death to come…
To take my tortured mind and put it to rest.
To whatever lies beyond, embrace my dying form…
When I go to kill Delita tomorrow…take me too.
Let us both find peace and rest in the depths of Hell.
I'll be Waiting
(A poem from Agrias' journals)
So what happens at the end of our journey?
Will we split up, and go our separate ways?
…will I ever see you again?
I spent more than a few nights thinking,
Trying to find those ever-evasive answers…
Though we have all traveled the hard path,
Not all of us will make it to the end…
But, I found something last night…
A special little answer to all of my problems…
I love you…
…and although I'd never admit it…
I'd follow you anywhere, and do anything for you.
And even if I don't make it tomorrow,
If I die, and my soul leaves this body…
Or even if you don't feel the same way about me…
Even if you have another special one in your heart…
I'll be waiting…Ramza.
So, how did you like it? Please review! Whatever comments, good, bad, funny, sour, or such…they will all help me write better stuff for you! ^_^ Thanks again for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!