I am a werewolf. People do not like me. Girls cringe in fear when they hear my call. Well I say damn them all. I don't care. I don't mind not having friends. I'm fine with being a loner so people don't find out what I am. It's all fine and dandy.

::is pelted by cheese puffs::

Gods Remus is so melodramatic sometimes. You would think he didn't have a friend in the world. I'm a great friend. I am the ultimate friend. I'm loyal and sexy and fun and exciting and sexy and interesting and sexy and smart and did I mention sexy? Why should he complain so much? Oh, and the others are cool too.

::loud growl followed by sounds of struggle::

Damn Sirius. He's such egotistical freak. Everyone knows I'm a much better friend than he is. And I'm sexier too. After all, I've got the hottest girl in school, and he doesn't. She's so perfect. Sirius could never beat that. He's still virginal. So ha!

::loud sickening thunk followed by pained scream::

James is a bastard. He's still a virgin unless you count Palmula Handerson as losing it.

::bitch slap::

Go the fuck away Sirius. I don't jack off, Lily does it for me.

::solid thack sound followed up by pained groaning and loud thud::

Fuck off James. I do not. And I'm not your girlfriend.

::struggle::

Yeah, take that James.

::confused glance::

I'm so confused. Who's Palmula Handerson? What's going on? My poor brain.

::second loud bitch slap::

Shut up Peter, you're not in this. Why don't go betray someone else.

::more confused glances::

...what?

::sheepish grin::

Sorry, that's later on.

::silence creak chirp creak::

Man, these people are fucked up.

::more silence::

So was Lily last night

::clawing and screaming::

I was not you bastard. Stop having fucking wet dreams about me. I'm going to curse your damn balls off.

::whimper and frightened ball hiding ensues::

Um, Lily what are you doing in here?

::evil glare::

Who the fuck are you? This is the second time you've interrupted. And we're NOT FUCKED UP DAMN YOU!

::pained silence and clutching of ears::

Lily, you're very loud.

::door opens::

Boys boxers and socks. Kinky.

::screams::

DUMBLEDORE YOU SICK BASTARD!!

::old man licking boxers followed by bright green light::

OH MY GOSH, YOU KILLED THE HEADMASTER!

::wicked grin followed by scampering sounds::

I must tell master. Dumbledore is dead.

::curse:: Wow Lily, you're excellent with your wand. Wanna try mine?

::suggestive eyebrows::

Lily, you're not allowed to kill James.

::clawing::

Fuck you Remus.

::room full of dead guys::

::exit Lily::

::groan::

My head.

::Sirius rises::

::James rises::

::Remus looks around and falls back down::

I'm going back to bed. That was the most fucked up Internet sleepover I've ever had.

::appearance of Sirius::

..freak

A/N::
::hides voodoo dolls innocently:: Wasn't that a lovely story? They did it all by their selves. I didn't have to help them at all. It was that evil J.K. Rowllings woman who made them seem like that with her no slash thing. ::is busy kicking voodoo dolls under table:: They're so much smarter then she makes them. ::Remus groans in pain.:: Really they are, and they did this all by themselves. I promise. ::yelps in pain as dolls attack::

::Sirius stuggles from under table:: Evil EVIL EVILLLLLLLLLLLL

::James staggers from closet shaking uncontrollably:: Must kill writer. Must kill writer.

::Lily flounces from closet:: It wasn't that bad James honey. ::clings::

::Remus crawls from under table with sated grin:: Oh LO-OVE, come back here. I'm not done with you yet.

::writer hides in secret writer's spot holding dolls with gleeful grin:: They're so gonna kill me after this is over. ::Locks in titanium boxes:: Maybe a nice peaceful sleep-in will cure that. ::evil perverted boxes::

::Lily appears in writer's place:: ::whispers:: Can I have the James doll? ::pauses:: and the Sirius doll. ::another pause:: the Remus one too.

NEXT DAY

::groans:: Wow, I didn't know you had it in you. You kept going all night. I'm aching all over.

::grin::

Beat that Palmula Handerson.

::Peter appears::

Who is she?

::bang.dead::

Chess is more strenuous then ever I thought.

::silence::

What the fuck are you talking about Remus?

::wide eyed innocent look::

Isn't that what you two were talking about? I played chess with Lily all night

::hides chess pieces carved in likeness of James and Sirius::