Chapter 37
She stood by the bed, looking, looking at him and not quite believing it. Her hand reached out, slowly extending towards his face.
"Carter?" she said softly, questioning. Her hand touched his face. His eyes opened.
"Hi, Abby," he said, his voice somewhat rough. Otherwise, he sounded normal. Like he had spent a peaceful night resting while she wandered the city looking for him. "The nurse was trying to call you."
Abby stood by his bed, biting her lip. Was this real? After all her worries and fears, was he really okay, laying in a bed right next to her? She took his hand, squeezing it tightly, as if she was afraid that he would evaporate if she didn't hold on.
"Are you okay?" he asked her, looking into her eyes with concern.
Abby shut her eyes tightly. "We thought you were dead, Carter," she said, bending over him, wrapping her arms around him. Her relief was almost tangible. "Oh God, I can't believe you're okay." She sniffled, rubbed his shoulders, patted his arms. She was acting like a fool, she knew, but for once she didn't care. Things were finally right again. After more than a week of frantic worry, of wondering if everyone was going to make it out of this alive, everyone was okay now. Including her.
Abby remembered what she had promised herself on the train. She took Carter's hand in hers and, for the first time in a long time, a genuine smile came to her lips. "When I was on the train, all I could think about was, what if I never got to see you again? The last thing I told you was how you didn't really love Jill, that you were a bad father." She looked into his eyes. "You're a great dad, and you've done so much for us, for me and the kids. I'm so sorry about everything I said, about you caring about your money more than Jill-"
"Abby, it doesn't matter. None of that matters. Both of us were on edge because of the kids being missing. We both said things we didn't mean. It's okay, really."
Abby bit her lip. "I did a lot of things I didn't mean too. Over the last few days, all I've done is think about you." She was aware of how her words sounded, but for once, she didn't care. All she cared about was the fact that Carter was alright.
"I've thought about how much you mean to the kids, how much you mean to me. I've made a lot of mistakes. I never should have kept the kids from you all this time. I'm through making excuses for it. I'm...I'm sorry, Carter."
Carter was floored. One minute, he was sleeping off his drug-induced drowsiness; the next, he was listening to Abby apologize for all the things she had tried to explain away before.
He sat up in bed. "It's okay, Abby," he said sincerely. Though he wouldn't have thought he had the strength to do it, he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Abby. "It's okay now. We can just make a clean slate of it. Things are going to be okay," he promised her.
"I got your letter," she told him, her voice muffled as her face was pressed into his shoulder.
Carter could feel his face heating up. "Yeah, about that letter. When I wrote it, everyone was screaming, I thought I was gonna die, and-"
"I love you too," Abby blurted out before he got a chance to take his words back.
Carter was stunned. Had Abby really just said what he thought he had? In more than a year of dating, she had never spoken those words to him. "Wha-what did you say?" he stammered, looking at her.
"I'm tired of dancing around the truth. I thought you were dead, and it made me realize how I really feel about you," Abby said, her voice trembling with emotion. For so many days she had thought Carter was dead; now that she knew he was alive, she wasn't wasting any more time.
Carter gripped Abby's hands in his. "You don't know how long I've been waiting for you to say that," he said, pulling her to him, feeling her heart fluttering against his chest. Was this what it took to get him the woman he loved? But even if it was, she was worth it.
"Things are so messed up between us," Abby whispered, her head resting on his shoulder.
"But we can work them out," he reminded her. "We've got plenty of time."
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"Are the kids here?"
Abby's eyes widened. "Oh, I forgot all about them!" she exclaimed. "I have to call Susan!"
"Susan? She came with you?"
Abby nodded. "I didn't know what I was gonna find out here. I just didn't want to have to do it alone."
Carter smiled. "Well, you won't anymore," he said, squeezing her hand.
She smiled back. It was so go to know that everything was finally okay. "I'm gonna call Susan and tell her to bring the kids, okay? I'll be right back." She went into the hall to use her cell phone.
Once she was out in the hall, Abby leaned against the wall and closed her eyes. She couldn't believe that Carter was really okay. This was what she had been waiting for for months: to know that everyone was safe. A few days ago it had seemed impossible; but now, it was real.
It was amazing how much the plane crash had changed her perspective. It had made her realize what was really important, and see what really mattered. And what really mattered was her family; Jill, Riley and Carter.
Carter settled his head back against the pillow and closed his eyes. So much had happened in the past thirty minutes. An hour ago, he was trying not to fall asleep, wondering where Abby was. The doctor had said he would try to contact her, but so far, he said no one was answering at the number Carter had given him.
Now, he was thinking about the bold declaration that Abby had made. In his entire life, Abby had never shocked him as much as she had today. When she told him she loved him, and that she was sorry for the mistakes she had made, he was shocked speechless. That was so unlike Abby, expressing her feelings without being forced to.
Well, maybe she had changed. Obviously she had changed. It was amazing what thinking someone was dead would do for you.
Maybe it was time for he and Abby to get to know each other again. After all, they had two children together; they were going to be spending a lot of time around each other for the next several years.
Abby. The woman he used to love. The woman he still loved. He remembered when she had first come in the ER, rolled in by Chen and Macy on a gurney. He had been so shocked; he had prayed that she was there because she was ready to give him another chance. But then he learned the real reason; that she was there because she had no other choice, because she didn't want their children to starve.
He had been mad at first, knowing that she had kept him children away from him for almost four years, but his anger had given way to a new interest. He had two children that he knew nothing about; he had a lot of catching up to do.
Then there was Abby. He had never stopped loving her, but he had finally come to a sort of acceptance of the fact that they were not going to be together. But now that had all changed.
Did the two of them really have a chance with each other? He knew he loved her, and apparently she loved him, but was that enough? Would they be able to overcome the things that had separated them for four years?
"She's on her way," Abby said, reentering the room.
"Good. I can't wait to see the kids. How are they?"
"They're great, glad to be back together again. They don't even know that anything was wrong. I didn't want to worry them."
Carter looked at Abby for a moment. Her face was strained with the worry of the past week, but all he saw was how beautiful she looked. "Abby, I wanted to talk to you about what you said," he began. "You said you loved me too." Abby wasn't the only one that could be upfront!
"I did.."
"Are things going to work between us? Because I don't know about you, but I want them to. I want us to...be back together again. And not just because of the kids." He took her hand in his. "It's because of you. I want to be with you."
Abby nodded slowly. "I want to be with you too, Carter," she admitted.
"You know, if we're going to be living in the same house and everything, you really don't have to call me by my last name anymore," he told her, smiling.
Now Abby was smiling as well. "Okay, John," she corrected.
"Much better."
"So, now that we're all familiar and everything, what do we do now?" she asked him.
Carter shrugged. "I guess we go home," he said. "Together."