Goodbye to you
It happened again and again. And again. It was a never ending déjà vu. And today, too, it had happened. Just as she came back from her own world it was there again, before her eyes, the scenery of Inu Yasha and Kikyo lying in each others arms, radiating peace, proclaiming they needed nothing else than to be together. Forever. Kagome was used to the sight; she had watched it enough times already. But it still wouldn't leave her. She thought that after so many similar moments she must've gotten over it, but that wasn't the case. It stung. It hurt. And it was such an annoying pain. It was always there, somewhere well hidden and when she saw those two people, rejoined, it would come out and attack her from the inside like a snake, pumping poison into her heart and making her eyes cloudy.
Just when Inu Yasha turned she didn't wait until he spoke to her. His face wasn't surprised at all but looked like in deep thoughts. Thoughts about Kikyo. Kagome just went for it and ran. The trees passed her by, she could hear her heavy breathing, the creek of wood, when she stepped on bricks during her run. Tears were already forming. But she wouldn't allow them to flow. No way. Not because of him. Because of Inu Yasha. Never ever.
After she fled from the woods she met Inu Yasha and the Miko in, clinging to each other, she hadn't looked for where she went to. She just had wanted to get away, to get hold of the chaos inside her head. Now she didn't know where she was or where she headed to. The moon was glowing, although it was only the half, it was bright enough. She merely looked where she went. It didn't matter. Getting away as far as possible from the half-demon was all that was on her mind at that moment. And it didn't seem that he had the intention to follow her. Whatever. Kagome heard something that seemed to be a river or a lake. And after a few more minutes she stood before one, the water running fast between the riversides. The reflected moonlight looked like a dance of lights on the moving streams. ~Like the souls Kikyo collects, ~ Kagome thought. ~ They glow just like them.~ She sat down into the slightly wet grass, forcing fireflies to come out of their hiding places there and to swirl around the girl. She buried her head on her knees. The constant sound of the water beside her made her relax and for a moment she could forget what bothered her so much.
He clung to the past as if the present was nothing he could deal with. As if there wasn't a place for him in this world. He wanted so badly to remain where he once had lived. Long, long, such a long time ago.Why? Because, back then, there was Kikyo? And nothing else? Only her and him. No Kagome. No Intruder. Only two people and their feelings. The world was ok. And now that Kikyo had shown up again, he surrendered to it immediately. Without even a blink. Instead of letting it rest he chased after her. All the time. Even when he looked at Kagome, his first love was somewhere near, never ceasing from his mind. And his heart. She won't let him go. And he's ok with that. She wanted him in hell. He would've surrendered to it if Kagome hadn't interrupted. The wounds, caused because of him loosing her, still weren't healed. Far from that. He didn't know what he wanted. He couldn't leave the past behind and he couldn't fully concentrate on the present.
Kagome thought everything through again. But what right did she have to be upset? She was, after all, a stranger, an intruder who thought that she could gain his love. Just like that. If you had a past, you can't get over it so easily. She was a fool to take everything so light heartedly. How could feelings, that lasted for so long, just vanish and be replaced by new ones? Another thing occurred to her. Inu Yasha just felt something for her, or at least he thought he did, because she reminded him of his first beloved. Of Kikyo. Maybe it would be for the best to leave them as they were now. They had found one another again, after so much misunderstanding and grief that had been shared between them. Maybe she should just leave them and allow them to find happiness again. Maybe she should just surrender and concentrate on other things. This wasn't her time. This wasn't her life. This wasn't what she was used to. And certainly Inu Yasha wasn't a part of her, just as everything here seemed to be out of reach to her although at times she thought that she was getting more and more adapted. But, obviously, that wasn't the case. Had she been that blind? She wasn't a naïve person actually. But this time she had overlooked things.
The girl glanced at the moon. It had left its previous position and beamed on her now from a different angle, letting her see the things around her differently, too. Her head felt heavy and she was incredibly tired. She rubbed her forehead and than stood up. It wouldn't get her anywhere when she just sat around, doing nothing. She needed to make a decision. A final one. It would be the hardest thing ever but also the only one that could save her and grant others the peace they sought. She would leave. Forever. She would go, without looking back. Enough was enough. That merry-go-round of feelings was more than she could bear because she knew it was so unnecessary. She just got herself in such a stupid situation. She was a masochist. Coming back each time. Although something whispered to her that all of this was a senseless here and there. Torn between hurt, disappointment, jealousy and love for someone, who would never be able to give her everything he was and had to give, because it belonged to someone else already. She would be the third wheal. She would be the replacement. The substitute. Why should she bear with something like that? If she knew she was worth more, that she had the right to have a person's whole heart. Why should she be hunting down Inu Yasha for something, he had kept for Kikyo? No, she wouldn't play the willing fool. She had her own plans, her own ideas. She wouldn't be just a shadow. She would live for herself. Even if that thought hurt like hell and would hurt a long time, she knew she had to do it. ~The best for everyone ~ she said to herself. ~ The best for me. ~
When she returned to the well to leave this world behind her, Inu Yasha already waited there. His eyes sparkled in the faint moonlight and his hair was like silver, draped over his shoulders. He looked her over. She walked by, but before she knew, he had already grabbed her by the sleeve and tugged her back. She looked him in the eye with an unreadable expression. She was so tired of this. There weren't even tears she could offer him. Nothing. Not a single word. So he spoke. "Why did you run off like that?" She wasn't sure if he was being serious, so she smirked with a bit of surprise at him. "Are you really asking me that?" Inu Yasha stepped closer and held her in place. "Yes.Kagome, I want to talk to you." Kagome's smirk vanished and her face softened, as did her voice. "I don't think we have anything to talk about.and now, would you please let go off me, Inu Yasha?" He stared at her. "No! Kagome, why won't you listen to me? Please!" Kagome just shook her head slowly. "No, no, no." she mumbled. "No more." The half demon had a desperate look on his face and the way he held her was a pleading one. But she wasn't willing to give in to his demand. She wouldn't let him break what little dignity she had left. Taking a short breath, she spoke even more quietly than before : " Please, let me, just let me go, will you.Inu Yasha?" He still couldn't believe what she said and couldn't quite comprehend why she was so stubborn, why she wouldn't let him speak out what was on his mind. Why, why, why was she being like that? Kagome started to stir in his arms and finally broke free. He wasn't quick enough and was way too surprised to hold her back. She granted him a glance, one that made him sick and at the same time, waking the urge to hold her again, close to him. And then she just proceeded to walk to the well, laying a few steps in front of her. "Kagome" he half spoke, half whispered. Something shot trough her heart and she knew she couldn't look at him a second time or she would just give up her plan of leaving forever. Why was everything so complicated? She had always dreamed of another love. Maybe not a perfect one, but not one that was like this. That hurt like nothing else. To hell with it. And with him. It would be a hard time without him by her side but she was strong. She would get over it. She would forget. She would forget him. No doubt : one day it wouldn't hurt anymore.
The pitch-black of the well awaited her already when she draped one leg over the edge, her eyes stubbornly fixed on her fingers, holding unto the border. "Kagome!" His voice was full of uncertainty, full of emotions he couldn't even figure out himself. How could he actually understand her when he still didn't know what happened in his mind and heart? He was still immature, still so much of a child. It suddenly dawned on her and she realized that she herself was too far away from completely understanding her own inner turmoil. It was for the best to let time do what needed to be done. So they both understood things better. And for that she had to leave. Him and everything, that connected her to a world that was not her own, to a person, she usually wasn't. She let go of her hold on the well's edge and fell into oblivion, which swallowed her silently. "Kagomeeee!" Her name coming from his lips. She hoped to never hear it again.
Well, well my dears! I hope you liked it ^^ if yes, tell me please and if no, than tell me, too! If there are any mistakes I can only use the excuse that english's not my mother-language and that shit happens ( so bear with me, ok-y? onegai! yes, and the title's from a song I listened to without interruption while writing this. Cra-zy! I hope the story isn't too melodramatic 'cause I actually don't like things like that ^^;;; erm, yeah. So, ya, minna!
It happened again and again. And again. It was a never ending déjà vu. And today, too, it had happened. Just as she came back from her own world it was there again, before her eyes, the scenery of Inu Yasha and Kikyo lying in each others arms, radiating peace, proclaiming they needed nothing else than to be together. Forever. Kagome was used to the sight; she had watched it enough times already. But it still wouldn't leave her. She thought that after so many similar moments she must've gotten over it, but that wasn't the case. It stung. It hurt. And it was such an annoying pain. It was always there, somewhere well hidden and when she saw those two people, rejoined, it would come out and attack her from the inside like a snake, pumping poison into her heart and making her eyes cloudy.
Just when Inu Yasha turned she didn't wait until he spoke to her. His face wasn't surprised at all but looked like in deep thoughts. Thoughts about Kikyo. Kagome just went for it and ran. The trees passed her by, she could hear her heavy breathing, the creek of wood, when she stepped on bricks during her run. Tears were already forming. But she wouldn't allow them to flow. No way. Not because of him. Because of Inu Yasha. Never ever.
After she fled from the woods she met Inu Yasha and the Miko in, clinging to each other, she hadn't looked for where she went to. She just had wanted to get away, to get hold of the chaos inside her head. Now she didn't know where she was or where she headed to. The moon was glowing, although it was only the half, it was bright enough. She merely looked where she went. It didn't matter. Getting away as far as possible from the half-demon was all that was on her mind at that moment. And it didn't seem that he had the intention to follow her. Whatever. Kagome heard something that seemed to be a river or a lake. And after a few more minutes she stood before one, the water running fast between the riversides. The reflected moonlight looked like a dance of lights on the moving streams. ~Like the souls Kikyo collects, ~ Kagome thought. ~ They glow just like them.~ She sat down into the slightly wet grass, forcing fireflies to come out of their hiding places there and to swirl around the girl. She buried her head on her knees. The constant sound of the water beside her made her relax and for a moment she could forget what bothered her so much.
He clung to the past as if the present was nothing he could deal with. As if there wasn't a place for him in this world. He wanted so badly to remain where he once had lived. Long, long, such a long time ago.Why? Because, back then, there was Kikyo? And nothing else? Only her and him. No Kagome. No Intruder. Only two people and their feelings. The world was ok. And now that Kikyo had shown up again, he surrendered to it immediately. Without even a blink. Instead of letting it rest he chased after her. All the time. Even when he looked at Kagome, his first love was somewhere near, never ceasing from his mind. And his heart. She won't let him go. And he's ok with that. She wanted him in hell. He would've surrendered to it if Kagome hadn't interrupted. The wounds, caused because of him loosing her, still weren't healed. Far from that. He didn't know what he wanted. He couldn't leave the past behind and he couldn't fully concentrate on the present.
Kagome thought everything through again. But what right did she have to be upset? She was, after all, a stranger, an intruder who thought that she could gain his love. Just like that. If you had a past, you can't get over it so easily. She was a fool to take everything so light heartedly. How could feelings, that lasted for so long, just vanish and be replaced by new ones? Another thing occurred to her. Inu Yasha just felt something for her, or at least he thought he did, because she reminded him of his first beloved. Of Kikyo. Maybe it would be for the best to leave them as they were now. They had found one another again, after so much misunderstanding and grief that had been shared between them. Maybe she should just leave them and allow them to find happiness again. Maybe she should just surrender and concentrate on other things. This wasn't her time. This wasn't her life. This wasn't what she was used to. And certainly Inu Yasha wasn't a part of her, just as everything here seemed to be out of reach to her although at times she thought that she was getting more and more adapted. But, obviously, that wasn't the case. Had she been that blind? She wasn't a naïve person actually. But this time she had overlooked things.
The girl glanced at the moon. It had left its previous position and beamed on her now from a different angle, letting her see the things around her differently, too. Her head felt heavy and she was incredibly tired. She rubbed her forehead and than stood up. It wouldn't get her anywhere when she just sat around, doing nothing. She needed to make a decision. A final one. It would be the hardest thing ever but also the only one that could save her and grant others the peace they sought. She would leave. Forever. She would go, without looking back. Enough was enough. That merry-go-round of feelings was more than she could bear because she knew it was so unnecessary. She just got herself in such a stupid situation. She was a masochist. Coming back each time. Although something whispered to her that all of this was a senseless here and there. Torn between hurt, disappointment, jealousy and love for someone, who would never be able to give her everything he was and had to give, because it belonged to someone else already. She would be the third wheal. She would be the replacement. The substitute. Why should she bear with something like that? If she knew she was worth more, that she had the right to have a person's whole heart. Why should she be hunting down Inu Yasha for something, he had kept for Kikyo? No, she wouldn't play the willing fool. She had her own plans, her own ideas. She wouldn't be just a shadow. She would live for herself. Even if that thought hurt like hell and would hurt a long time, she knew she had to do it. ~The best for everyone ~ she said to herself. ~ The best for me. ~
When she returned to the well to leave this world behind her, Inu Yasha already waited there. His eyes sparkled in the faint moonlight and his hair was like silver, draped over his shoulders. He looked her over. She walked by, but before she knew, he had already grabbed her by the sleeve and tugged her back. She looked him in the eye with an unreadable expression. She was so tired of this. There weren't even tears she could offer him. Nothing. Not a single word. So he spoke. "Why did you run off like that?" She wasn't sure if he was being serious, so she smirked with a bit of surprise at him. "Are you really asking me that?" Inu Yasha stepped closer and held her in place. "Yes.Kagome, I want to talk to you." Kagome's smirk vanished and her face softened, as did her voice. "I don't think we have anything to talk about.and now, would you please let go off me, Inu Yasha?" He stared at her. "No! Kagome, why won't you listen to me? Please!" Kagome just shook her head slowly. "No, no, no." she mumbled. "No more." The half demon had a desperate look on his face and the way he held her was a pleading one. But she wasn't willing to give in to his demand. She wouldn't let him break what little dignity she had left. Taking a short breath, she spoke even more quietly than before : " Please, let me, just let me go, will you.Inu Yasha?" He still couldn't believe what she said and couldn't quite comprehend why she was so stubborn, why she wouldn't let him speak out what was on his mind. Why, why, why was she being like that? Kagome started to stir in his arms and finally broke free. He wasn't quick enough and was way too surprised to hold her back. She granted him a glance, one that made him sick and at the same time, waking the urge to hold her again, close to him. And then she just proceeded to walk to the well, laying a few steps in front of her. "Kagome" he half spoke, half whispered. Something shot trough her heart and she knew she couldn't look at him a second time or she would just give up her plan of leaving forever. Why was everything so complicated? She had always dreamed of another love. Maybe not a perfect one, but not one that was like this. That hurt like nothing else. To hell with it. And with him. It would be a hard time without him by her side but she was strong. She would get over it. She would forget. She would forget him. No doubt : one day it wouldn't hurt anymore.
The pitch-black of the well awaited her already when she draped one leg over the edge, her eyes stubbornly fixed on her fingers, holding unto the border. "Kagome!" His voice was full of uncertainty, full of emotions he couldn't even figure out himself. How could he actually understand her when he still didn't know what happened in his mind and heart? He was still immature, still so much of a child. It suddenly dawned on her and she realized that she herself was too far away from completely understanding her own inner turmoil. It was for the best to let time do what needed to be done. So they both understood things better. And for that she had to leave. Him and everything, that connected her to a world that was not her own, to a person, she usually wasn't. She let go of her hold on the well's edge and fell into oblivion, which swallowed her silently. "Kagomeeee!" Her name coming from his lips. She hoped to never hear it again.
Well, well my dears! I hope you liked it ^^ if yes, tell me please and if no, than tell me, too! If there are any mistakes I can only use the excuse that english's not my mother-language and that shit happens ( so bear with me, ok-y? onegai! yes, and the title's from a song I listened to without interruption while writing this. Cra-zy! I hope the story isn't too melodramatic 'cause I actually don't like things like that ^^;;; erm, yeah. So, ya, minna!